am i becoming someone new or returning to myself?
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@moonchild2013
am i becoming someone new or returning to myself?

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The whole Vouge article, โIs Having a Boyfriend embarrassing?โ Is the stupidest ongoing debate. Who the fuck cares? Have a bfโฆdonโtโฆI think people feel the need make this big statement about it, make it a trend to validate the isolating feelings of being single. To an extent I understand the argument in the sense that women donโt want their identity to be in relation to a man. I agree. You should be feel comfortable and confident as individual. Thereโs so much freedom and power in that. But this whole thing is so high school. Face your feelings, be upset that youโre single, be happy about it. Thereโs nothing embarrassing about being in love. Whatโs embarrassing is the lack of it.
they should make a version of socializing that doesnโt make you feel like youโre still the weird 12 year old kid that doesnโt know why sheโs not normal like the other kids

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romance is a type of friendship and im sick of people pretending like they're two seperate categories. your romantic partner is Supposed to also be your friend like at the very least why are we pitting romance AGAINST friendship when they r intertwined???? romantic partners are also friends and u can have romance with ur friends stop acting like these bitches are seperate forces
actually pretty refreshing to see a superhero movie that's not afraid to take sides. none of that "we're all great people we're just misunderstood" bullshit AND clark explicitly saying "hey just because their nation isn't perfect to you or an ally to our country doesn't mean it deserves to be invaded and also, it's people don't deserve to die" was actually pretty fucking cool. the main villain wasn't some poor guy who was wronged as a child but a greedy evil billionaire that was taking advantage of a system that was already so ready to kill. personally, my favourite part was when hawgirl straight up just dropped netanyahu mid flight and immediately went back to serving cunt
one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.
Moon Eyes
Your eyes are so, so blue; playing on grey edges. Dark craters like flying asteroids sprinkle your watercolored irises. Specks of light grey, nearly white, twist and thread their way around the asteroids, dodging each one with precision.
The moon has a man living on its surface. Your eyes have the reflection of all your secrets; just out of reach.
I'll never set foot on the moon, it's too far off, completely out of reach. I look at it every night admiring its beauty, longing to be close to it; part of its orbit.
My eyes are a far off planet, dirt and moss. I have no beautiful moon, no ocean tides. There are no deep secrets hidden on my surface, no moon to gaze up and see. My soil grows flowers of longing, bushes of dreams, moss creeping with wishes, trees pining.
The gold specks on my irises would compliment your blue. But your craters are too deep. The asteroid belt protecting you is far too secure.
I've tasted your waters; just one drop. It was the most delicious thing my tongue has ever been given. And yet, there are entire caverns full of it that I will never have the luxury of swimming in.
Your eyes are the moon. Mine are of earth. But we're light years and light years apart.
You hide yourself well. I've never wanted to.
Your secrets are sucked into the black hole in your eye's center. The moon destroyed and gone missing.
My secrets splay out; golden, bronze, precious. But for all to see. Lush forests skirt the edges, trying to shield them from reaching out too far.
But I've never been a friend of restraint and waiting. I want my moon. I long for someone to orbit me, to bring my tides to life.
Your Moon Eyes are beautiful. But they are not mine. Your secrets are just that: yours. I will try to forget. But my heart loves so deeply. And I am afraid that every time I gaze into the night sky you will be there. Your craters and asteroids taunting me.
I will relish the view I have of you every night through my window.
I'll think of you often. Dream of you always. And I'll watch you drift away.
a few great films that are free on the internet archive
in decent quality too!
here is the archive collection of these films so you can favorite on there/save if desired.
links below
black girl (1966) dir. ousmane sembene
the battle of algiers (1966) dir. gillo pontecorvo
paris, texas (1984) dir. wim wenders
desert hearts (1985) dir. donna deitch
harold and maude (1973) dir. hal ashby
los olvidados (1952) dir. luis bunuel
walkabout (1971) dir. nicolas roeg
rope (1948) dir alfred hitchcock
freaks (1932) dir. tod browning
frankenstein (1931) dir. james whale
sunset boulevard (1950) dir billy wilder
fantastic planet (1973) dir. renรฉ laloux
jeanne dielman (1975) dir. chantal akerman
the color of pomegranates (1969) dir. sergei parajanov
all about eve (1950) dir. joseph l. mankiewicz
gilda (1946) dir. charles vidor
the night of the hunter (1950) dir. charles laughton
the invisible man (1931) dir. james whale
COLLECTION of georges mรฉliรจs shorts
rebecca (1940) dir. alfred hitchcock
brief encounter (1946) dir. david lean
to be or not to be (1942) dir. ernst lubitsch
a place in the sun (1951) dir george stevens
eyes without a face (1960) dir. georges franju
double indeminity (1944) dir. billy wilder
wild strawberries (1957) dir. ingmar bergman
shame (1968) dir. ingmar bergman
through a glass darkly (1961) dir. ingmar bergman
persona (1961) dir. ingmar bergman
winter light (1963) dir. ingmar bergman
the ascent (1977) dir. larisa shepitko
the devil, probably (1977) dir. robert bresson
cleo from 5 to 7 (1962) dir. agnes varda
alien (1979) dir. ridley scott + its sequels
after hours (1985) dir. martin scorsese
halloween (1978) dir. john carpenter
the watermelon woman (1996) dir. cheryl dune
EDIT: part two here + the letterboxd list
edit: part three here

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I think for the past ten years or so, people have reduced patriarchy to "hatred of women" as if it's simply about personal prejudice. In that case it actually makes sense why so many women think the solution is educating people better. If the issue was just that women aren't liked then campaigns about "loving women" or "teach your sons to respect women" would work.
But patriarchy is not a misunderstanding it's a power structure. And all power structures are held up by those with the power benefiting, not those with power not "knowing better". Ending Patriarchy essentially means you are asking billions of people to give up their power, and the obvious response from people with power is "make me"
I don't expect Bezos to redistribute his wealth because I explained labour rights, so patriarchy isn't any different. You'll never give oppressors moral awakenings. The entire point of power structures is people benefiting from harm while being emotionally insulated from it.
Taking on the burden of making men understand just seems like emotional labour scaled up.
i hope you all get partners who want to understand every little detail about you and never get bored btw
I hope you get someone whoโs hungry to understand you. Not just the polished, curated Instagram self but the feral, stupid, neurotic creature you really are at 2:14 AM, shaking over nothing. Iโm tired of people who only want to fix things. Who treat your grief like a malfunction. I donโt want to be optimized. I want to be heldโ โlike Clarissa Dalloway holds the memory of a kiss with Sally, as if it were a whole life. Just one flash of it. Woolf wrote: โShe felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged.โ Yeah. Thatโs what it is. Thatโs what being seen feels like. Time folding in on itself. I want someone to learn me like a language. Not just the vocabulary, but the dialects. The emotional grammar.
I donโt want love that flinches. I want the kind that leans in closer when Iโm ugly, contradictory, loud in the wrong places.
Someone who doesnโt get bored of the way I overthink or how my past ghosts knock around the room some nights.
Iโm not here to be fixed. Carl Rogers said when weโre accepted as we are, we change โ and thatโs the magic. Not control. Not correction. Understanding. The dangerous kind. The kind that memorizes my damage like a favorite book, that be by my side while I repair them, That reads me again and again. Iโm sick of love that treats people like appsโBaumanโs liquid modernity. Swipe, sample, discard. Fuck that. Give me love that stays when itโs swamp-deep. That doesnโt ask โwhy are you like this?โ in a bored manner, but says โtell me more.โ
cursing my name, whising I stayed
the worst thing you can do as a woman is settle. no romance, no compliments, no quality time, no flowers, no gifts, no surprises, no vacays, no dates, no respectโฆ just there and available. absolutely not! never let anyone convince you that you don't deserve better, because there is better.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The great thing about huge declarations is that the most times you're ever going to have to deliver on them is ONCE. And even that is vanishingly unlikely. The dishes happen every day. My feet hurt now. The kids need a lift to piano lessons every week. The grenade is hypothetical.
i need everyone to know that community is what will save us all in every single way imaginable. you forming a bond with your neighbour or coworker might help them move house or feel less alone or have the courage to leave an unhealthy living environment. you helping a stranger might provide them with hope. in turn, being able to lean on your community in times of need will save you. your broader bonds with your community are the revolution we need. our society seeks to divide and separate us in so many ways but we are all so much more united in our struggles and joys than you are made to believe. we need to hold onto each other very tightly.