bishounen with a sad destiny

bokuto chatters away about his plans for practice in his new role as captain. he's nervous about gaining the respect of the first says, says konoha keeps teasing him about his lack of authority.

bokuto clenches his fist and proclaims, "I will be the best captain these 1st years ever see!"

akaashi can't help but giggle. she's obsessed with bokuto's enthusiasm and confidence. something she could never possess.

how could she when she can't even be positive of who she is?

akaashi takes a bite of the protein bar to hide her sudden sadness.

a quiet lapses between them as bokuto eats his own snack. a rare moment of silence that has akaashi's mind racing.

"how do you know you're a boy?"

the question leaves her mouth before she realizes it, before the thought even forms in her mind. she's left frozen, face hot.

bokuto hums. "you know, I never thought about it until recently."

and he's answering?

he continues, "my sister came out as nonbinary- oh! urg, I mean, sibling. they said they don't mind but I want to get it right." bokuto frowns and tugs at his hair. and then perks back up as he remembers akaashi's question. "oh! but I asked her- fuck! them!- about it and what made them question it. and it made me wonder, what makes me a man?"

akaashi wills herself to meet bokuto's eyes.

bokuto smiles. "it made me think. beyond this label slapped on me and my penis." akaashi can't help but wince. but bokuto continues, undeterred, "I like being a boy. I've always been described as boyish and it feels right. I like my body, I like being masculine and strong. I grew up with sisters, I was surrounded by like, feminine energy, I guess? but I've always felt, not put off by it, but different. and I appreciate women and girly things because of it. but I've had makeup and a dress on before- my sisters were evil older sisters, don't ask- and it was fun. but I was still a boy."

akaashi looks away, blinded by bokuto's bright smile.

"i hope that helps," bokuto says.

it's a lot to take in. akaashi's never been sure of herself like that. her mom always pushes her to wear dresses and to put on mascara. "a boy will never like a girl who doesn't dress up."

her mom tells her to eat less, telling her she eats like a sumo wrestler and not the lady she is. akaashi almost cries each morning when she puts on the uniform skirt for school. frowns in the mirror at her high ponytail for volleyball and the shorts that show off too much.

and god, her chest. the bane of her existence. she's tried everything she can think of just to make it smaller. and when it pushes open the buttons of her shirts, she wants to rip the shirt off and throw it to the ground.

"akaashi? you there?"

akaashi looks at the time. "I'll be late to practice. I have to go." she jumps up and sprints away, leaving bokuto in the dust.

it's a lot to take in. but when he gets home from practice, he grabs the kitchen scissors and chops off his hair in the bathroom mirror.

for the first time, akaashi texts first to bokuto.

simple, two sentences.