"Of Thunder, Rain and the Tempest …"

The Gilded Festival at Historic Cold Spring Village! 

New Announcements! Now featuring Thomas Willeford of the Reality Show Steampunk’d, Nicole Oliva Soprano, Painless Parker, The Positronic Cats and even LARP content in “The Living Multiverse Project”, a collaboration between Steam-Funk Studios and Damocles Thread Development.

UNPACKING THE HOUSE OF CARDS - EPISODE I: CULTURAL APPROPRIATION: THE PHANTOM OF MENACE

An Open Letter to Social Justice Warriors Infesting Tumblr-Verse Unless it's Religious Connotations ... Just Stop, Jagoffs. Seriously. If you're fighting the ACTUAL good fight on other matters by all means keep going ... but FFS gang ... do you REALIZE how much of a caricature of actual political relevance you've become? This won't be quick, but I'll hotlink this in the future rather than re-examining these points. Because tilting at you like so many windmills is TIRESOME and apparently the stupidity is going viral.

1. YOU'RE CULTURAL LEPIDOPTERISTS. It's not a butterfly you can pin under glass. It's a living, breathing entity, that evolves, grows and changes. Case in point, Hindu deities are Final Fantasy summons, having been adopted by Buddhism (while it was still in India) and carried north through China and Japan. And thus the Japanese designers have EVERY right to use them as a background feature of their artistic creation (no matter how irksome I find it) because they are drawing upon THEIR OWN cultural experiences to create art. Now does this make every punk walking up to me asking "So is Shiva a boy or a girl? Because in FF7 ..." any less tiresome? No, no it does not. And yes I'll gleefully contemplate upper-decking or upper-cutting the next person that wants to talk to me about Kali like she's a lawn ornament or that it's REMOTELY acceptable to plaster her across a building. But listening to your megaphone on your pulpit is EQUALLY tiresome. Cultures Grow, change and migrate and if you don't factor that in to your perspective ... well that's asinine. By which I mean you look like an Ass. Yes you. Butt-face. Shut up.

2. CULTURE IS NOT A FINITE RESOURCE. They're not the Dragon Balls that Goku has to hunt down. They're not everyone's missing-left-sock. One's music, style-of-dress and cuisine are not hubcaps off of a vehicle that can be 'stolen'. At least, not if you're not a neurotic, insecure self-absorbed train-wreck. This isn't Super Mario-Land 2 and white people as an assembled whole are not Wario, hunting down the 6 Golden "Culture Coins" and stealing them from us. (Now don't get me wrong, white people have stolen ALOT of our shit over the years ... ALOT of it ... but that wasn't our CULTURE. Those were items and artifacts FROM our culture. Which is annoying whenever someone wants to bring up looting on the news ... Suck Less. Earn money. Buy or Create more artifacts for the future). However, 'Culture' is expansive. Every conversation, demonstration, and presentation you have of your culture, to even the act of turning up your music or sharing your food, is an act of transition. And much like a pathogen, it spreads from person to person, especially in a post internet world. These interconnected experiences which define us ARE culture ... and to argue like they're not is SO 20th century that you might as well be a newly discovered Dinosaur. Or bottle of clear cola pepsi. "They still MAKE you? Where in the name of Odin's Eye did YOU come from?? Can I auction you off on antique's roadshow?"

And yes, I have some Norse friends who could say I appropriated their culture with that joke. They would also get the joke and probably tell you to lighten the F#@$% up.

3. YOUR RUNNING MOUTH ON THIS, IN AND OF ITSELF, IS INDICATIVE OF PRIVILEGE. If you have time and energy to argue these things on the internet, you have time and energy to be doing the PRODUCTIVE work of activism. Don't give me that crap about "awareness". That's been the grass roots campaign on every college campus and by word of mouth since before the advent of Mosaic ... or as you know it, Netscape Navigator. It's of almost NO modern relevance to the ACTUAL 'Struggle'. If you already are doing the productive work of activism like lobbying congress, running for office (or supporting progressives that do), teaching classes, etc ... then congratulations. Take a break. Because it's a cliche that you're probably used to talking about it ... but I assure you amongst your friends there's a vast majority that are really, REALLY quite tired of hearing it. It also does not equal the price of tea in China, which means "it's rather minor and irrelevant" in light of ...

4. THE STRUGGLE IS ACTUALLY REAL. THIS is NOT the struggle. Now I'll hands off on 1st Nation and other Native American Cultures and head-dresses and such.... because DAMN those folks got the S#!% end of the stick. But for the rest of you... Seriously. We have people dying in the streets. I have friends who are DEAD or who live in the fear of assault, rape and murder. Because of Oppression and Racial/Cultural/Religious & Gender Identity Disparity. Whining about who's wearing or eating what or nodding to what music is CRIMINALLY stupid and in-and-of-itself, indicative of privilege. The OVERWHELMING majority of you that I've dealt with are Caucasian Ladies of Privilege and from Well-to-Do, well educated backgrounds, I might add. Please, Mary Poppins... Save me the speech about "The Struggle". You took a sociology course ONCE and now speak in tongues like it's 'The High Speech' of the Noldor and those not versed are as the latin-speaking romans would have it, barbarians. "Oh I'm sorry my lords and ladies ... forgive us wee folk." I've been busy burying friends. If you don't have to worry about the 4 walls and roof around you, your next three square meals you're going to eat, regular INTERNET access and whether you might die (like LITERALLY die) tomorrow. Please. Do 'the cause' a favor and have a nice, hot, steaming cup of STFU.

UNPACKING THE HOUSE OF CARDS: EPISODE 2 - CLANS OF THE CLONES

RACE RELATIONS, “THE STRUGGLE” & OTHER SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS

Okay, REALLY done with the “Cultural Appropriation” for the time being. For the next contestants ... Let's talk about actual RACISM and the modern political landscape. Let's include those who equate their own -isms to the plight of the non-caucasian in America today. I'm going to avoid such nonsensical jargon as "tone policing", "lateral oppression" and "micro aggression" as I believe they give most of us mere mortals indigestion. (I am going to be taking aim at certain segments of several different groups which i consider myself an ally of. TRY and not be offended by this, and hear what I am saying before the flames begin, folks).

1. THERE ARE DEGREES OF SKIN-COLOR PREJUDICE (that require a measured and circumspect view). As many as there are different skin colors. YES there is such a thing as White discrimination. We don't talk about it so much because the OVERWHELMING majority of the time (95%) the shoe is on the OTHER foot and without stating something pretentious about "power dynamics" we can simply say the deck is stacked favorably in one direction. That does not make the other right or fair or 'justice' in any way when you are the victims of it, white folks. However, understand that THAT experience that so frustrated you? It's just a day in the life for the rest of us. Similarly, while I have NO RIGHT to claim I have "the black experience" of the African American community, I too and many other indians are treated as second-class citizens or worse. Without dropping my oppression-trading cards, this included assault, regular (like clockwork) physical altercations, religious discrimination and more. However, I CAN say I've experienced SOME of it, especially post 9/11, and that I understand it. The point is, these are complex issues and the "F@#% you whitey" and sneering sideways with "You don't understand my experience" within ranks of those that suffer from racism IS bullshit. It is that kind of juvenile banter that truly F#%@s with the signal to noise ratio, like we've all just become Jan from The Brady Bunch or any other hormonal teen, stomping around declaring "You don't understand me! Marsha Marsha MARSHA!" For those of you snickering at the Millennial SJWs doing this, there's plenty of you who're older and should k now better who're at it as well. It's aggravating when the generation who are barely legal to be let in the bar do it. When you're the mid-thirty-something who's wearing that SAME skimpy outfit at the club with only young 20-somethings? It's just SAD.

2. WHITE FEMINISTS. On equating our experiences / narratives. Please, just stop. This is just EMBARRASSING at this point. While Gender equality issues DEFINITELY affect me (coming as I do from a family of strong independent women, several of whom were breadwinners for their household) I will NOT claim that I know the fears and pressures you live with daily. To say that I would or do would make me a CARTOON character on par with Donald Trump. Please recognize that when you try and equate -your- version of assault (in no way diminutive) with -our- version of assault, that's an apples-to-oranges comparison. Both are definitely still fruit. But I have literally had to wonder "Is this the hill I want to Die on today?" when confronting corrupt, racist police officers in my hometown. I have friends who are DEAD with pending investigations due to ... we'll politely say 'Enforcement Negligence'. So while there are struggles on both sides of the fence that divides us, A does NOT equal B. Super Mario and Sonic The Hedgehog are both Video Game Franchises and Platform Mascots for their respective companies (Nintendo & Sega). But a Plumber is NOT a f$%&ing Hedgehog. Please stop attempting to use the logic and processes from YOUR struggle (which may be sound and totally justifiable) to OUR struggle. Rather than breeding understanding and fostering cooperative progress, it merely underscores PROFOUND ignorance. Like someone claiming to have beaten a video game they know nothing about. I swear it's like I'm in a time warp to 1997, watching Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion. Your ignorance is NAILS on CHALKBOARD levels of stupefying.

3. LGBT / TRANS FOLKS RAGING ABOUT THE CAITLYN JENNER COSTUME. ... Yes. I KNOW. It's tacky as all get out. One of the things you're probably going to have to recognize in life is that there are going to be upsettingly tacky things (or not, who'm I to say anything on this ... not my circus, not my monkeys). Case in point - Hinduism has the Hare Krishna movement. It's NOT hinduism. It was largely a ponzi scheme popularized by white converts of a particularly arrogant pandit with delusions of divinity and immortalization, in 1966. Now, IS that Religious Appropriation? I'm not one to say. It IS however EXCEEDINGLY TACKY and offensive. However, as I am not going to be able to reset the clock when it comes to 1966 and so on and smack that self-righteous swami and his idiotic brood in the face. Similarly, YOU are not going to stop the Halloween Costume Industry on capitalizing on LITERALLY everything. Comics, Video Games, Politicians, and yes, Celebrities. To use and old saying, it may be time to climb down off of that Cross, use the wood to build a bridge, and GET OVER IT. And believe me, this is from a voice who's observed CENTURIES of White Folks ripping off my culture's swag. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. ISKCON/Hare Krishna. Yoga, the American Pass-time. BUT, as with Cards Against Humanity, y'all can opt to be the "Special Snowflake" on what is a comedic 360 degree chain gun ... which ONLY DAMAGES you being taken seriously in the modern political narrative. Or you can step forward and go "Yeah, that was some tacky shit. Now let's talk about marriage equality in the rest of the United States". Or right to Adopt. Or you know, any of the other INFINITELY more relevant and important dialogues facing your cause. How intelligent and mature a discussion we get to have about this, and just precisely WHAT signal-to-noise ratio we have, is on you. The Ball is in your court, currently. But don't appropriate the term "APPROPRIATION". My critiques on the very term "Cultural Appropriation" aside, this just becomes an EXPONENTIAL level of stupidity. The word is Tacky. Use it. It's a good description for something so low-brow and base. Don't be a "basic bitch" in your activism. *head bob here*

4. FELLOW MINORITIES (Especially those of you who've gotten crabby/bitchy about education). - Yes. I know. It can be EXHAUSTING when the uninitiated (often but not always, White People) expect you to be "The" Cultural Ambassador for your place of origin/people/diaspora/way-of-life. However ... Counter Raging at them is NOT the answer. IF you decide you DON'T want to be saddled with educating ... then make like Alonso from the movie Training Day. Flip the page of your paper, give em the stink-eye, and if they continue to intrude on whatever the hell you were doing, ask them to tell you a story, since they won't let you read yours over a cup of coffee (i.e. go about your business and gently but firmly point out that you're not there to be their Library's Reference Section). NOW. IF you DID sign up to be an educator, do so with grace. That's not to say you have to PERPETUALLY have a grin plastered over your face ("Smile-hooks IN, class!") but that does mean, if you're going to step forward and represent as an icon: YOUR BEHAVIOR HAS RAMIFICATIONS. Own it. If you find yourself getting testy, just calmly ask the entitled (well-meaning or not) inquisitive minds if they've bothered to google this topic at all, because frankly you're not their smartphone.

5. MULTICULTURAL/MULTIETHNIC FRIENDS - Lastly ... Let's talk about my people of mixed-race and multi-cultural background. For starters, much like ladies of any discriminated ethnicity or LGBT within these subgroups, my friends, lemme just say, I know. It sucks. You got double-jeopardy going on, and there's stuff I can relate to and there's stuff I just won't be able to on the visceral level because that's not my experience. And I KNOW, Gods I know, just how upsetting and rage-filled an existence this must make. Lord knows the ignorance of others is perpetually baffling and infuriating to me. PLEASE try and be patient with some of the more DERP within these camps (example: White-passing Minorities who claim to know what it's like for those of us who can't, folks that suffered 'old-world' prejudices in Europe that attempt to equate it to the experience of the black, the brown, the Asian, etc). And for those of you who CAN pass and then have to deal with some extremely derpy activists who would deny you your own heritage because they're high on their own supply (of rhetoric) ... I feel you.

Wow, those folks above look animated, don’t they? Check out their garb and weaponry … as well as the passion and raw emotion on their faces. While they look impressive, they certainly don’t have the monopoly on character acting, persona development and crafting within the ‘scene… So with this in mind, we’re announcing our collaboration with SaltCity SteamFest for a new blog feature: “Midweek Immersion – Gear Up!”

At their site (and mirrored here at Steam-Funk), we will be posting weekly updates. We recognize that not everyone is prepared to just ‘jump in’ with both feet into acting, costuming, or crafting, so we want to offer you a helping hand to get started.

Having difficulty getting into character? Struggling with the art of crafting a persona, or curious about the nuances of prop-making/modding? Looking for sources of inspiration? We hear you! And in order to assist you in getting motivated, we will be interviewing some of the biggest names in Steampunk. They will share their know-how regarding: LARP, Persona-Acting, Crafting and the general esprit de corps behind the scenes. This series will feature Convention Chairmen, Authors, Costume, Prop & Weapon Designers and of course, Thespians and LARPers with keen insight into the inner workings of Character Acting.

With each of these seasoned professionals, we’ll discuss where personalities end and personas begin, we’ll explore the elements of the creative process, and we’ll ask for specific insights concerning their works and side projects. We’ll delve into their influences and the techniques they use to properly channel and flesh out their characters and worlds into a living, breathing entities. 

So stay tuned. And in the meantime… Prepare to lace up your corsets, button your waistcoats, fasten your flight jackets, strap on your goggles, and grab your modded arsenal for some proper mayhem.

Get hyped. Get Pumped. Get ready to GEAR UP! Stay tuned weekly to the Salt City Steamfest website at http://www.saltcitysteamfest.com/