definitely not a pile of cats in a trenchcoat

How much damage does this do if I hit someone with it

they beat Jesus with that

I love fat cats that get picked up and look kind of alarmed about it as if their magnificent girth could have prevented this sort of injustice

me: [walks into a psychic’s shop and slams down my tarot cards] it’s time to duel

She smelled like hand sanitizer, pure and reminiscent of a hospital.  Her lips were like marble, cold and smooth.  Her eyes were like a stop light, you wanted them to be green but they were red and occasionally yellow.

okay?

This isn’t about you.  Mind your business

this looks like a shot from the What We Do In the Shadows-style version of Revenge of the Sith

I never really understood mean girls’ “too gay to function” until I was too gay to function

As soon as Tumblr steals twitter’s “hey your friend liked this!” feature we are royally fucked. The consequences will be dire, far reaching, catastrophic

Every computer needs a “cleaning keyboard” mode where the keys would be inactive while you wipe them down

why not just clean it while the computer is shut down?

while the computer is what now