Swiftie4Life (They/Them)(25y/o)

And then I debated whether or not to put it on Tumblr…but I decided it was important.  Because in my own way, I can (unfortunately) point out exactly what is wrong with men when they don’t realize how hard it is to be a woman.  How we do not have equal opportunities and freedoms in everyday life.  How most men, even good caring men, have no clue what we go through on a daily basis just trying to live our lives.

So here goes.

I often ride the Metro when I commute from North Hollywood to Long Beach in order to save money.  I bring a book, pointedly wear a ring on my ring finger to imply I’m married (I’m not) and keep to myself.  

Without fail, I am aggressively approached by men on at least half of these commutes.  The most common approach is to walk up to where I am sitting with body language that practically screams LEAVE ME ALONE and sit down next to me or as close to me as possible, when the train is not crowded and there are many empty rows.  Sometimes an overly friendly arm is draped over the railing behind me, or they attempt to lean in close to talk to me as if we are old friends.  Without fail, the man or boy in question will lean to close and ask me

What are you reading?

Is that a good book?

What’s that book about?

This serves the double purpose of getting my attention and trapping me in a conversation.  If I stop reading the book I enjoy to talk to you, random stranger, you hit on me or just stay way too close to me.  If I tell you to leave me alone, you get mad at me.  Because I somehow, as a woman, owe you conversation.

Tonight when I boarded the train in Long Beach at 10:30pm, it started up right away.  I was not on the train more than three minutes before three boys who looked eighteen sat in the row behind me and leaned over the seats into my personal space, close enough to breathe on me.  The one with his arm draped over onto the back of my seat asked me—surprise— “what are you reading?”  I went through my usual routine.  I told them loudly and firmly that I wanted to be left alone to read my book.  They got angry.  I was told “Why are you going to be like that?  I just wanted to talk!”  His friends start laughing at me and they don’t move, telling me come on! and why are you gonna be like that? until I tell them to leave me the fuck alone, stand up, and move to the front of the car near the three other people on the train, a couple and a business man in a suit.  They spend the next two stops shouting at me from the back of the car, alternating between trying to sound flirtatious and making fun of me, shouting “I bet she’s reading Stephanie Meyer!  I bet she’s reading Twilight or some shit!  You reading Twilight or some shit?”

They exit the train at the next stop, and I’m relieved.  The train is going out of service at the next station, so we all exit to board a new train to Los Angeles.  As we board, the business man steps aside to let me go through the door first and asks me if those guys were bothering me.  I say yes, that it happens all the time, and he tells he’ll beat them up for me if they come back.  He is a nice person who talks to me like I’m a human being instead of a walking pair of tits, and I make a mental note:  This is how a real man talks to a woman on a train.

The business man and the couple exit our new Blue Line train an exit or so later, and I think my night is ending on a good note.  A seemingly normal man enters the train with his bicycle.  At this point I am three rows from the front of the car, another man was sitting near the back of the car, and the rest of the car is empty.  Bicycle Man walks halfway down the row, and settles into the seat directly opposite me.  Perfect, I think.  Twice in one night.

It’s not the first time I’ve been bothered multiple times.  As such, I’m still amped from the teenagers on the first train.  So when this man leans across the aisle into my personal space and asks me, yes, what are you reading, I assertively but calmly tell him to please leave me alone, I am reading.  The man stands up, moving to the front and muttering angrily over his shoulder that it isn’t his fault I’m pretty.

Yes.  Exactly that.  I am the bad person in this situation because somehow this is all my fault.  I started this by being attractive.  I am making a mental note to bitch about this to my friends later.  I go so far as to write it down so I know I’m remembering it properly.  

It is at this exact moment I realize Bicycle Man is not taking it well.  The seemingly annoying but normal man a moment before is now talking to himself, becoming agitated.  In my years of being bothered by total strangers, I have learned how to hold a book and seem to be reading while taking in everything around me.  He is glaring at me, and says out loud in an angry baby talk voice “PLEASELEAVEMEALONEI’MREADING.  PLEASE LEAVE ME ALOOOONE.”

Then he’s up out of his seat and things go from bad to worse.  He begins pacing back and forth in front of his bike, alternating between screaming something about his mother being dead and calling me a slut, a hoe, a bitch.  I am frozen in place.  There is one other person in the car, and I’m not sure if trying to change seats will draw more attention to me or less. I trust my instincts and show no fear, doing my best to appear to be calmly reading my book, never once looking up to acknowledge the abuse he’s hurling at me.  There are four stops left until we reach the main downtown station where there are lights and security officers.  Those four stops are virtually abandoned, and I have no guarantee that leaving to wait for another train won’t motivate him to leave the train as well, leaving us potentially alone at a metro station platform just outside of Compton.  I’m frozen in place, trying to plan what I’m going to do if he decides to take all this rage directly to me.  I’m ready to kick him, scream, make enough noise that he panics and flees.  

At this point he’s punching the walls and doors of the train, screaming at me.  He stares me full in the face and screams

SUCK MY DICK, BITCH

YOU BITCH

YOU STUPID BITCH

YOU GODDAMN HO

IF I HAD A GUN I’D SHOOT YOU

I WOULD FUCKING KILL YOU BITCH

This went on for two stops.  No one came to see what was happening.  The man in the last row was as frozen as I was.  I’m not angry he didn’t come to my defense.  He was smaller, older, and frailer-looking than I was.  Again, I was worried if I got up, I would be turning my back on him to walk down the aisle.  In the state he was in, I had no guarantee it wouldn’t get physical, and I had more physical strength with my back to the window and feet in kicking position where I was.  If he had chosen to assault me, I would only be making it easier for him by standing up and putting myself directly in his path.  On and on, over and over, he screamed at me, screamed at his dead mother, screamed at me again.

The moment we reached the downtown station, I was out the door and down the stairs.  I still had to catch a connecting train to North Hollywood, and made sure there was no sign of Bicycle Man before I entered the car.  That’s when I finally starting shaking, and almost threw up.  By the time I exited the Red Line and reached my car I could barely breathe and my heart was pounding out of my chest.  Even now, in my own home, my hands are still shaking and for some reason the stress has made my back muscles feel cold and numb.  From all the tension, I can only assume.  I can’t eat anything, I still feel like I’m going to vomit, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t cried so much, so hard I still have the headache.

So when people (men) want to talk about “legitimate” forms of assault, tell girls they should be nice to strangers and give men the benefit of a doubt, tell them to consider it a compliment, tell them to ignore the bad behavior of men, I want them to be forced to feel, for even one minute, what it feels like to have so much verbal hatred and physical intimidation thrown at them for nothing more than being female and not wanting to share.  

I just wanted to read my book.

This is why I stand up for women’s rights.

As someone who is a fan of Baymax, Big Hero 6, a comic author and most relevantly, a mother, I just have to get a few things off of my chest about the new Baymax series which I find other parents not only reacted way too harshly, but I find it was deeply misjudged and misunderstood.

The harshest claim the Baymax series, and even Big Hero 6, gets is that it is not appropriate for children, but that claim alone is flawed because the Big Hero 6 series (movie, books, shorts, cartoons, etc.) was never aimed at small children and always dealt with topics that were serious or went over a small child’s head. While the character Baymax is child friendly with his teddy bear like appearance and sweet demeanor, the series he comes from is obviously aimed for pre-teens and teenagers since the main characters are in that age group and deal with situations people of that age group can identify with. Some of these issues are not even medical, biological or even sexual. They are just social such as having to deal with loss, regret and changes you weren’t ready for. From the beginning of the story, the main character Hiro is an orphan who is initially on the wrong path until his older brother Tadashi sets him straight and even soon after that, his brother dies in a tragic accident. And all of this as well as the other serious topics are presented with class and sensitivity. There is no gore or harsh imagery aside from the funeral itself which was sad, but clean.

I must also point out that in Big Hero 6 progressivism has always been present whether it is in the form of science or social awareness. Just look at how progressively it portrays men and women or the rich and poor. It takes a huge stab (no pun intended) by making Wasabi a swordfighter who is also meek, nervous, insecure, kind of a fraidy cat and yet is still not any less of a fighter for it. Then there is Fred who is very wealthy yet has a job which he is proud of, he gets joy out of simple things, he is unconditionally kind to everyone, does things by himself, he isn’t narcissistic and isn’t concerned with the social class of his peers. Also, it is also very clear that it is a very feminist series because the women and girls of Big Hero 6 and Baymax are diverse and strong. It should come as no surprise to us that it would introduce us to some LGBT+ characters too, present the period as being a normal and natural thing, and have gender neutral bathrooms which might I add only contained stalls which gave anyone and everyone privacy when they had to go. Everything was presented with class and nothing innocence shattering was shown or done.

Not even when during the period episode, it showed men being aware of what a period is and what a girl needs for it. A man is not a pervert for being aware of how basic female biology works not even if he is transgender. And in the defense of that background character who just happened to be a transgender male, all he did was be a nice guy. It is like being aware of how breathing works. Even my husband who has no sisters and is biologically male knows what the period is and how it works. Also, suppose a kid was watching that episode of Baymax, it is alright because most of it would go over their head and nothing private is shown. Even the sight of the hygiene products isn’t so bad because we never even see them directly. We just see labels and boxes. As mentioned before, this series’ main audience consists of teenagers and pre-teens so it is natural for it to address topics like this.

And I also have to come to the defense of Mbita who is gay and openly asked his crush out on a date; there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about a consenting adult asking another consenting adult out. In the eyes of a child who doesn’t get how dating and crushes work, the kid will think Mbita and his crush are just really good friends and they would think the exact same thing if his crush was a woman. That is unless the kid has gay relatives or a gay parent, and even then, it is ok. I did not see an agenda being pushed around or rubbed harshly in the face of the viewer. I just saw a character in a situation that is relatable to anyone who has had a crush they were too nervous to talk to which tons of straight people go through too. If anything, I thought it was sweet. The only part of Mbita’s episode that a small child understands is that he suddenly became allergic to fish at this made him upset because he loves cooking fish and he was apprehensive about cooking something else. That and he clearly fears needles.

If you think the Big Hero 6 franchise is not for small children, that is fine because it admits that it isn’t, but you can’t fault it for that and you definitely should not persecute it for that. Do not make claims that it is trying to harm children or push agendas. It is not doing anything that it has not done before and none of it is evil.

Fellow parents, please stop being so angry at a series that didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know about all of you, but I actually think that everything the Baymax series brought to the table so far was nice, well written, heartwarming and relatable to everyone.

I think you owe Baymax and its writers an apology because you said some things that weren’t very nice or true.

1. First celebrity crush

2. Do you work out/sport?

3. How popular were you in school?

4. Embarrassing moment

5. Favorite actor and actress

6. Little thing that makes you extremely happy

7. Song that made you cry because you related to it

8. How often do you find yourself thinking about your life?

9. Best toy you ever got as a kid

10. Do you express your emotions well?

11. Are you happy with your height?

12. Are you a bottom or a top?

13. Who makes you the happiest?

14. Your nickname(s)

15. Who do you feel completely comfortable with to be yourself?

16. Does the way you laugh depends on who you’re with?

17. Secrets you told strangers, because you knew you’d never see them again.

18. Do you like or dislike surprises?

19. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?

20. Pet peeves?

21. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island?

22. Breakfast, lunch or dinner?

23. You’re stranded on a deserted island and there’s a box, what’s in it?

24. What’s the best gift you got?

25. Who do you buy random gifts for?

26. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

27. Have you had a secret admirer?

28. Are you a clean or messy person?

29. Shower or bath?

1) there is no algorithm for your dashboard. can't stress this enough. your dashboard is in chronological order of posts and reblogs from people you follow. "based on your likes!" is a joke and they removed that feature in a week

2) because of the lack of algorithm, likes do nothing. if you want more people to see a post, you have to reblog it so it goes on your follower's dashes

3) the vast majority of posts on a person's blog tend to be reblogs. think 90% or so. some of those will have that person commenting on it, and more will have tags

4) comments stay on reblog chains, while tags only show up on your reblog of that post. it's kind of like a whisper voice. in either case, both op and the person you reblogged from see that in their notifications

5) tags don't go in the body of the post. writing "staying in #lasvegas" won't make it appear in the las vegas tag, it'll just look weird

6) it's totally normal to reblog and post multiple things in one day. it's normal to reblog the same post twice in a row. it's normal to have 100 posts+reblogs in a day. post limit (the total number of original posts and reblogs) for a single day is 250. you heard me. 250. go hog fucking wild

7) it defaults to having a visible likes tab on your blog (but only on your blog, not the dashboard) but most people toggle it off

reblog the stuff you enjoy cos that's the best way to support creators and keep people posting on here.

followers literally do not matter here. no one can see your follower count except you. be the strange little goblin you've always dreamt of being.

the anon ask button is for introverts and shy people, not meanies.

be gay do crimes (optional, but encouraged)

extremely time consuming. Remember someone actually took time out of their life to create that, time they could’ve used to, idk, sleep, for example

entertainment you’re consuming for free. I can’t stress this enough: you’re enjoying someone else’s craft for free. You paid exactly zero money to look at/read/watch it.

S H A R E D  with you, not made for you. This is the most important point: someone created that, put it online and you found it. No one forced you to consume that fanwork, you C H O S E  to do it.