Ask me about naked mole rats

actually annoyed by long distance friends again. i want to go for a walk i want to get drinks i want to sit in the grass and write i want to go to the fucking store together

getting my little goblin minions to punch and stab me in the middle of the grocery store to try and whittle me down to half health so i can assume my final boss form and reach the top shelf

we kill the bat man

I really hated this girl in my class and we kept exchanging notes with various threats of violence on them but then on a Zoom call I saw that she kept a bunch of them pinned on her wall with little hearts around them and I got the biggest crush on her after that.

Not again. Reread OPs name

no shut up let me believe please i need this

everybody say i love you black trans women

rebel who's had her fingers stuck in the mouth of the mech pilot she's captured for hours, because the hound is conditioned to bite down on the cyanide capsule in its tooth but not on a handler. so now it's just mumbling softly around the impromptu gag, while they both wait for someone to come sedate it.

twitter is almost 19 years old and i will still read the quote-tweet before the quoted tweet.

i just got shot with a puppy rifle but it didnt hurt me because im not a puppy

me i just got shot by an elephant gun but im not even an elephant so im ok

i just got shot with a 9mm handgun but i'm ok because i am taller than 9mm

hi! I'm a 9mm tall puppyphant and i'm excited to be here!

Holds you gently in my hands.

FUCK THAT'S THE WRONG IMAGE

Put him down, he's got a meeting