mnkhs

I’m sitting with a variety of big weird feelings. Tumblr was a huge part of my life for a very long time, though many formative events. Some of my dearest friends and best communities started here, with people I met randomly who led me to other people. This place had/has its hellsite aspects, but honestly, I’ve never felt as comfortable or at ease on the other social media platforms I’ve tried. But I am also a pretty different person now, who wants to use social media in a different way, and who is less interested in the kind of gut-spilling, all-baring, constant-stream-of-consciousness thing I used to do. And realizing how different I am from how I was in my prime Tumblr years, and thinking about why and how I got that way, is just... a heavy thing. Something about aging, and something about trauma(s), and something about how many faces and personalities a person tries out especially when they’re young and learning themselves, and something about “authenticity” and how much that’s even possible, and something about a need to carve out the life I want for myself instead of being buffeted around by externalities. 

I am older and tireder and sadder, truer to myself but struggling with how that doesn’t necessarily make things easier, probably wiser but turns out that doesn’t necessarily mean happier. 

D is three and a half. He’s wonderful and brilliant and creative and hilarious and an absolute delight even as he is also the predictable level of challenging and exhausting. 

Charlie sadly passed away due to kidney disease, but Sadie is still thriving, living her best life as an only cat. 

We moved when the pandemic made our small city apartment no longer feasible, and then we moved again, and now we own a house in the suburbs with a great yard, and I am learning to be a gardening/landscaping sort of person so I can help it fulfill its potential as a native-species oasis and wildlife haven.