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the way being employed keeps you from video games and other various activities is so sick. genuinely demonic

“oh just do it when you come home” i am dead. “oh just do it on your days off” i am bearing with getting reanimated. after being dead throughout the week.

im so good at misinterpreting lyrics so they fit blorbo from my shows

a boyfriend is a gguy you eat burgers and sandwiches with

i love when they draw a carrot on top of the carrot cake just to remind you this aint no ordinary fuckin cake youre dealing with

Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"

son it's dinnertime! take a break from your call of duties and come eat some call of flower with your family

just had implied sex offscreen

people have got to learn the difference between I didnt like it and It was bad

hey sorry your boyfriend fell into the public library book donation bin. yeah he’s being used to fund vital community programs and support services. yeah beanbag chairs too. if you pay your overdue fines we’ll give him back though

everything in life is bad. takes a shower. washes off the gunk. oh. oh it was the gunk again.

losing touch with reality for a minute googling the full name of my elementary school gym teacher + "height" like he was some sort of celebrity we all have public knowledge of

I sent your golden retriever boyfriend to a dog shelter BTW he was really annoying while you were gone.Sorry