may I pls request a Ted SFW alphabet 🌷 (https://www.tumblr.com/spaceycat/794303105063862273/sfw-alphabet-template if ur unfamiliar!)
Of course! Thanks for providing a template! Sorry this took so long, I didn't forget about you! I had a hard time with some of these, but I did my best, I hope you like it.
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) : Ted is absolutely capable of being affectionate, it's how he wooed so many women! It's a bit of a facade though. I don't think he'd be the most affectionate person outside of activities I am not keen on writing about! Maybe some handholding, a little bit of cuddling if AM gives you guys the chance.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?): How'd it start? One day, AM set off all the nukes, and then there were only six humans left. Not too many to pick from. The end. Kidding, kidding. He probably found you less intolerable than the others, for whatever reason. You probably managed to develop good rapor with him before he became so paranoid that he would assign a hidden motive to every little action. How would he be, though? Difficult. Verrrrry difficult. Just because you managed to become his friend in the early days, doesn't mean you're untouched by his delusions. So have fun with that.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?): He's neutral on it. I think if you initiated it, he might think you're going to try something, though. Again, paranoid loser thinks even his partner is out to get him.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?): In a world without AM? Sure. I actually think he'd be able to cook quite well, and I'd think the same for cleaning.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?): Pre-everything Ted would be a ghoster, sorry. One day he'd be gone and you'd never hear from him again. That's not as much an option in the belly of AM. He'd probably hold out on saying anything, but he would withdraw. Eventually, some kind of conflict will come up, and it'll just be him yelling at you and that's that.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?): Getting married? With AM around??? HAHAHAHA. Okay, okay, but before everything, uh. It's gonna be a few years, bud. Commitment is hard. :( That said, he WILL be the one to propose, and the ring (regardless of your gender) WILL be expensive.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?): Ted is capable of gentleness, in both aspects. Especially before. After, it may be more rare, but it does happen. And it hits all that much harder.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?): Again, he's neutral on those. If you want one, you'd have to initiate it. I don't think it'd be particularly tight or anything, just a loose little gesture.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?): THIS heavily depends on your gender, and when in Ted's life you met. If you're a woman pre-AM, oh, right away. But not in the way you're thinking. See, pre-AM, you probably started out as a target that he accidentally caught feelings for. The first GENUINE "I love you" would be much later, after he's come to terms with the fact that he genuinely likes you. Post AM, late. Pretty damn late. I wouldn't expect an "I love you" until you're dying in his arms after he stabbed you with an ice stalagmite. Yeesh. If you're a dude or just not a woman in general, oh, it's gonna take forever either way. Realizing he is not straight will be very hard for him. You could already be doing couply things, he may have already closed himself off to potential partners, but he will deny being Not Straight™ until it is no longer possible.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?): Oh, he gets very jealous. I think relationships would be something he'd have experienced paranoia around even before AM, and AM only makes it worse. You look at Gorrister or Ellen too long, and be will just whisk you away from them and glare at them.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?): Ted has mastered the art of a faux-passionate kiss. His genuinely passionate ones are different. They are gentler. They are tentative, even. He definitely prefers to kiss you on the lips. Where does be prefer to be kissed? I see a dick joke here, but to be serious, he really just wants it on the lips either way.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?): Don't make me laugh. They annoy him, he doesn't like them.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?): A pre-AM morning would be spent lying in bed far longer than necessary. Maybe watching TV. With AM, though, uh, nothing specific.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?): It's Ted, how do you think? Anyway, besides yucky shit, much like the mornings, TV. Being in bed together. His arm around your shoulder. Unless AM is around, in which case night has him too on edge for anything meaningful.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?): When? If he could get away with it, never. Vulnerability is scary. And what's he gonna say, "oh, yeah, I made all my money scamming rich women!!!" No, he'd much rather talk about the things that make him seem cool and refined. Like how he would read classic literature as a boy! But things will come out. Slowly. Those little slips will be your glimpse into who Ted actually is.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?): He's definitely more easily angered than he was before AM. He could be more patient before, because it benefitted him, but with AM, his paranoia does nothing good for his mood.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?): He remembers everything. He is quite perceptive. Although before this perceptiveness was mostly put to use for his scammery, it is put to better use with the person he genuinely loves.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?): A "favorite moment" in AM's grasp is unthinkable. So let's assume you had a history before all that. Honestly, probably something pretty mundane. Remember how I mentioned laying in bed watching TV? Something like that. Especially when AM comes along. He would long for those boring nights. Those little things that both of you probably thought nothing of at the time.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?): He is pretty protective, actually. He is simultaneously paranoid ABOUT you and FOR you. Unfortunately, this means "protecting you" even when there is no actual threat (besides AM). He's a hero, your white knight! Also, his "protection" will also often stem from that jealousy we discussed earlier. But Ted himself does NOT like to be protected— in theory. He's a big strong man! He has a secret longing for it though.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?): Before AM, he could be extravagant with anniversaries and dates and stuff. He doesn't even try with AM. He's probably forgotten about important dates, and there's not really any time for dates or gifts to give. With everyday tasks, he probably puts in about as much effort as anyone else was. He just wants to get things done.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?): Where do I start, where do I start? Scamming? Slut shaming? Thinking his fellow victims hate him for being "tHe yOunGeST" and that they're always out to get him, mayhaps? Just generally being an incel???
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?): Before AM, quite. He's hot and he knows it, and to keep that and use it requires effort. He definitely used mutliple different hair products, skincare products... I can see him even working out a bit! With AM, there's simply no time or reason to care.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?): He's going to feel incomplete with or without you. You might add a little something, but don't think you're that important to his self-image.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.): I think before AM, he'd have enjoyed doing things like wine tastings. That image of refinement, his "preppiness" was very important to him. He might have even brought you along sometimes for a date.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?): I don't think he'd like someone who doesn't care about appearances. I also don't think he'd like someone who's too "poor." Prissy classist fuck.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?): Prior to AM, he was a sound sleeper. Didn't move too much, slept through the night great. With AM, he's much more restless. He wakes up a lot.
