Notebook of a Fangirl with Strange Tastes

Tav's motivation increased as she found in Bal an unexpected partner, her days were spent looking forward to seeing him again and sharing his embrace in the intimacy of her bedroom. She never progressed as efficiently as now, even the shadows could not stop her. It was a bit strange because her situation had not changed, but to be able to forget it for a couple of hours was doing wonders on her mind. 

This evening Bal was waiting for Tav in the Last Light Inn. It was the first time she was not here before him since he would use his corpses to spy on her and know when she was back. They had informed him she was on her way, but the day had already ended for a couple of hours without her making an appearance. Because of this, he had to play his merchant act with others, which irritated him strongly. Those lovers of nature were so stupid it was nerve-wracking!  There was no point in him wasting his precious time here if he could not play with his little toy. She was the only thing of interest around here, and he could not wait for the day he would break her meticulously apart. It was now just a matter of days, weeks at most, so it made it even more infuriating not to be able to test and bend her more. 

He finally left the place, annoyed to have wasted his precious time. 

“You should have seen her when I smashed her with my halberd!” A giant tiefling boasted in a loud and proud voice just in front of him and the tavern.

“Sorry but I was a bit busy healing your ass without dying myself”, grumbled a half-elf.

“You both did a great job”, a big, muscular wood elf patted their heads. 

“I will never look at coins the same way now”, jocked another tiefling.

“Haha true”, laughed the first one before stopping in front of Bal. “Ooh, good evening little man.” 

She then turned towards Tav with a very implicit smirk as the paladin ignored her by walking past her to reach the merchant. 

“Good evening Bal”, she saluted him too.

He frowned, Karlach’s little spike could not mean less to him, but Tav’s aspect was unexpectedly fueling his annoyance: her armour had holes all over, some particularly alarming on her chest, but even if her skin was as clean as the day she was born, her red was paler than usual.

“We ran out of potion, and mana”, she shrugged as she noticed his glare, “at least we got more than enough gold to buy far better armour.”

“It seemed I took you for more clever than you truly are”, he snorted unhappily, “your boldness in front of danger only spells stupidity.”

A heavy silence fell on the five people reunited in front of the inn. 

“We’ll go first”, Halsin suddenly declared after exchanging glances with Karlach and Shadowheart. “We’ll see you tomorrow”.

And without waiting for an answer, they rushed to the camp, leaving Tav and Bal finally alone. The merchant still felt angry, it was as if all his efforts of the previous months had been for nothing as the woman he had thought being a threat could in fact be easily beaten thanks to her immaturity in front of danger. He opened his mouth to voice his mind but was interrupted by Tav suddenly slamming her hand on the door behind him. She had cornered him against him, using her body to block him.

“What do you think you are doing?” He scoffed to hide the sudden jolt that had struck him.

How could that toy pull such a reaction out of him when he should just have discarded it without hesitation?

“Bal…”, she leaned to his left ear, leaving her voice to sink deeper in his head, “the only thing that is keeping me together right now is to know that I can find you here when I come back. So if you really think those words just leave…”, her voice was soft like honey but her intonation left some daggers to be felt.

Then, Tav left her head resting on his shoulder, her nose tickling his neck. Her last words were craving new marks on his skin, invisible ones. She needed him ? That was marvellous, exactly what he needed, no, what he wanted. His toy was at his mercy… He grabbed her hair to pull her head back before kissing her. As if it was the signal she was waiting for, Tav’s hunger awakened. He fought for control over her mouth, imposing his tongue through her lips, preventing her from parting apart with his hand. He kept going at it until he heard her moan slightly. His awareness was jolted awake, no matter how much he wanted to hear her sing right now, there was no way he would share it with anyone else. So he finally let go of her, she looked at him with a smile, her lips shining with his saliva. She took his hand, as she used to and led him to her bedroom.

There, they got rid of his clothes first, before dealing with her armour. It was so damaged that they had to cut or force open some parts. Piece by piece, Bal witnessed all the bruises the healing had not dealt with, leaving Tav’s body like a strange canvas. 

“Such unnecessary heroism”, the merchant commented with a grimace.

“I needed to come back here quickly,” she playfully justified.

She squeezed her body against his, before kissing him with enthusiasm. Bal decided to press on all her dark spots with a hand while the other one was forcing her to keep kissing him. Tav winced out of surprise, the pain dissolving in the man's mouth.  Her reaction pleased him greatly as he went harder to make her desperately cling to his shoulders. Her legs could barely hold her as tears were building in the corner of her eyes.

“Hold on tightly my little toy”, he advised her while releasing her head before pushing her against a wall. 

With a surface on her back and Bal's head between her hands, Tav was able to stay standing on her two legs. The pain that had almost overtaken came back again, except this time her torturer used his second hand to play with her vagina. Her moan instantly went louder as his fingers played at the same time with her bruises and her clit. 

“Bal… it hurts”, Tav winced against his lips.

“You can only blame yourself for what you're enduring, Doll”, he wickedly claimed with a smile.

It was intoxicating to see Tav reduced to a plaything between his fingers, far more satisfying than anything he had ever experienced. As he scientist he had never been an adept of torture or free pain, everything he had ever done had a reason, an objective. But here, now, he only wanted to hear what kind of lecherous sounds she could make, to see her beg for him… For now, her cheeks were bright red, her mouth gasping for air and her eyes shining with tears, it was a marvellous sight. He could feel her legs shaking around his arm, her hands desperately holding onto him…

“You do not look in that much pain”, he sneered. “You're such a naughty Toy…”

Every time she looked close to her pick, her body tensing, her breath locked in her throat, he would squeeze her injury, earning a deep cry mixed with pain and pleasure. 

“Please Bal let me cum”, Tav ended up begging after another unfulfilled close-up of her climax. 

She was so desperate to get what she wanted! All pride or self-esteem were long forgotten as she felt that she was going to cum at any moment without any lovely stimulation. 

“What an exquisite plea, I could get used to hearing you beg me like this Doll”, Bal whispered in a low, hot voice as his own arousal was starting to take a toll on him, “go one then, beg, pray, implore me for your release…”

“Bal… Please, make me cum”, Tav supplicated, “please, please, I beg you…”

The man pushed his body against hers, his head in her neck to hear better her supplication, his left hand digging into the bruise on her right hips, his right hand playing skillfully with her clit. Her words instantly stopped to be coherent as she was trying to keep begging but now there was a mix of gratitude in it. Suddenly she clenched her hands, her body impaling itself on his hands, and a long, deep moan escaped from her mouth. 

They stayed like this for a moment, Bal basking in the delicious fragile state of Tav. She felt so feeble under his hands, he never wanted to let it go. But suddenly, a strong push shoved him on the bed. 

“You get back quickly on your feet hero”, he scoffed when admiring the paladin standing in front of the bed with eyes shining with excitement. 

He lay his back against the headboard, his cock standing proudly up, even throbbing out of anticipation.

“Do not underestimate me”, she shrugged, “I hope you're ready because you're not leaving here before I say it…”

Before he could answer anything to her, she climbed on him, impaling herself on his manhood before starting a hungry pace. Except this time he was ready, he grabbed her hair in one hand, her hip with the other and started to fuck her properly with large movement. 

“That's so good”, Tav babbled her hands scratching his belly to help her ride his crazy pace.

Bal grunted, as much as he wanted to pummelled bravely, the sensation was overwhelming him. He had underestimated his own arousal since just seeing his cock slide out and in her pretty cunt was enough to squeeze his inners. 

“You're such a treat”, he praised her, “look how you take so lovingly my dick, you love it right? You love how I fuck you!” Each sentence was punctuated by a rough stab. “Say it Doll!”

Tav was already sinking in a white world where only tampered sounds and lights tricking pleasure could reach her. As she was crushed by the sensations left at the hands of Bal, she answered without thinking, only desperate for him to keep going. 

“I like it Bal”, she blathered, her eyes half-closed, her pussy squeezing his shaft, “I like it, Bal…”

Stimulated by her confession, he let go of her hair to play once again with her clit. Her reaction was immediate, she gasped and grabbed his arm to the point of pain. Rather to displease him, it helped him in keeping his climax at bay long enough to make her cum on his fingers.

“I like it so much Bal”, she whispered as she rode her pleasure before slowly laying on his chest, “I like you.”

She then started to kiss him after biting his lips. This position allowed the man more freedom, so he did not hesitate. This time he grabbed her hips harshly to pound senselessly in her cunt. All thoughts had left his mind, as he focused only on his release. 

I like you.

He grunted loudly as the successive waves hit him. His hands stayed locked on Tav's hips, but she did not seem to mind since she simply let her head rest on his chest. 

I like you.

The sentence kept haunting his mind but the only thing Bal let himself think about what just happened was that his plan had finally succeeded. 

☠️

Tav put back her sword in its sheath. Around her, Halsin, Karlach and Shadowheart were doing the same, looting some coins on the way before looking at the skeletons waiting for them in front of the door. 

“Should we make a bet about who's behind?” Karlach offered. 

“I don't think it will be necessary”, Shadowheart replied with a smirk as the door was opened by the skeletons.

The group of four stumbled on the strangest sight. The temple of Shar had been odd but this was unexpected. The shelves were full of strange bocals, grotesque undead creatures, the altar covered with corpse remains, and overlooking all this a man with a bloody-scared grey face half-covered by a hood. 

“Finally we can meet without any artifices, hero of the light”, he boasted with a dramatic gesture of his hands. “I am Balthazar, chief advisor of General Thorm, and entrusted with a mission of utmost importance.”

His smile transpired of self-satisfaction, dripping confidence, shining with expectations. He dissected the raising of her eyebrows, the movement of her eyes checking his face, the tremor of her lips as she was about to speak. What will she say? Would it be anger, surprise, disgust? Everything he had done those last few months had been in preparation for this moment! He would use her disarray to take advantage, to reduce her as nothing more than a pawn in his skilful hand. His arms spread as to welcome her first words : 

“It’s good to see you again Bal”, she smiled.

“There’s no need for your bravado, hero”, he insisted in front of her lack of reaction. “Enlighten me, what does one feel when faced with a horrific truth?” 

His hands clenched in fists as he closed his arms. She could try as much as she wanted to mock him, but the reactions of her companions were giving it away. The disgust on Shadowheart’s face was the most obvious but Karlach and Halsin could not hide their surprise either.

“What do I feel?” Tav wondered out loud before passing a hand in her hair. “Shame I guess? For keeping the truth from you, to be honest, I never told you because it was not putting me in a flattering position…”

The paladin walked closer as Balthazar was scoffing from complacency from seeing her reduced to pouting nonsense. He stared at her as she stopped across the altar to close an eye and point the other with one finger.

“This little thing can see through all invisible, modified appearances. In other words: you can't hide me shit.”

Balthazar's smile froze unpleasantly in front of the underlying of her explanation.

“So about a bet?” Karlach broke the heavy silence that had been installed in the room. 

“I don't understand how we even ended up in that mess”, Shadowheart sighed disenchanted. 

“I'm certain they will sort this out”, Halsin assured kindly.

Tav turned her back to stare at her companions as she was trying to put holes through their skulls. Sometimes she was not sure if they were skilled warriors or just annoyed and annoying children with an unhealthy inclination for bet. 

“Maybe we should continue this discussion without the ki…”, she paused to look at the necromancer's minions. “Urrr… bystanders…”

The horrified and undignified gasps of her friends made her raise her eyebrows with amusement. The reaction on Balthazar's end was less light-hearted.

“I’m a necromancer, why would I give up on my advantage?” He sneered while crossing his fingers in front of him. 

"I’ll give up my sword if it can make it even”, she graciously offered before handing down her weapon to the biggest undead at her left. 

Halsin and Shadoweart tensed, clearly unhappy to see their friend unharmed in front of an obvious threat. But Karlach simply laughed it out while dragging the others outside the room with her. In front of this development, Balthazar's unhappiness did not disappear, but he finally and reluctantly waved to his undead who cleared out too. 

He stared at Tav, running his fingers on the altar as to find something to canalise his agitation. How could the situation have landed so far from his expectations? How could he have not noticed her skill? Or rather why had she played along if she already knew the truth? He liked to challenge his intellect, but here it was as if the mystery was not from the reasoning side.

“Alone at least”, Tav sighed.

Her shoulders dropped a bit, a thing he had noticed her to do when no longer people were looking up to her around. 

“You got what you wanted, now indulge me by revealing to me your true agenda”, he asked her unpleasantly.

He had never felt so tense for a long time. Usually, it would be easy: either he was dealing with slaves he could do whatever he wanted with, or he would simply annihilate anyone mad enough to try challenging him. Except here he could not tell in which category he was.

“I want to get rid of the thing in my head, but you already knew that”, she recalled while slowly walking around the altar. “Just as I told you, I already knew who you were. No, not exactly. I always knew what you looked like. I figured out who you really were not so long ago.” She stopped in front of him before gently taking off his shroud. “After the first time we spent our first night together…”

“I thought you were a paladin? Is it not against your vow to involve yourself with the enemy?” He scoffed with bitter irony.

“I'm an oathbreaker”, she shrugged despite the shadow in her eyes. “I care about only one thing: to stay with those who are important to me. The rest can burn for what I care…”

Balthazar felt her hand on his cheek, unable to even walk away, he let her reveal his face and even touch it. His breath shortened, as he wondered what trick she was using to keep him under her spell like this. 

“I am currently planning to end the world you know ?” He pointed out.

“Then I'm going to stop you”, Tav smiled. “What would be the point to end the world, you would no longer be able to challenge yourself.” 

“How presumptuous of you to think you would stop me!”

“I like you Bal”, Tav revealed without letting go of his face.

Strangely, he felt relieved. So it was not something spurred out in the heat of the moment. He stared as she leaned forward until their lips touched. The feeling was softer than ever before, it made him melt inside. Then Tav's blood mixed with his saliva. 

“That hurt”, Tav scoffed before taking a couple of steps back while wiping the red on her mouth. 

“I will never turn my back on General Thorm, I am his trusted advisor”, Balthazar proclaimed vigorously. “Your world will never accept me, as it did before. Your honey words are nothing but a pitiful temptation!”

He supported Tav's strange two-coloured eyes, ignoring the pounding in his chest as the precious liquid odour was making his head sing for more. Squeezing the dagger in his hand helped him strengthen his determination. There was no turning back no…

“I respect your will”, Tav finally smiled but this time there was something else in her face as she was forcing herself. “But can you tell me why you stabbed me where it did no damage except for the little blood? I'm sure an expert like you can easily find the perfect spot to kill someone or wound him to death, except you did not.” 

For a second there was only both of their loud breathing in the room.

“I’m going to die any day now, but I will not give away my life either. However, if I am to live, I will do it on my own accord. Come with me, I'll show you what's possible, we'll find a place where we can be ourselves.”

She walked back to him, ignoring the dagger still in his hand. Then she gently took his head between her hands. 

“Tell me you don't want it, tell me you don't like me and we should fight to death right now”, she offered him. 

Balthazar chuckled in front of her stupidity, as he was going to simply trust her and… All his bravado stayed stuck in his throat as he simply let her come closer to the point where their lips were almost kissing.

“I won't force you this time if you want to, come get it…”

He grunted, not amused by her audacity but still crossed the last millimetres to be able to finally feel her lips again. The taste of blood was still lingering except this time he did not have time to think about what to do as Tav promptly took the upper hand. She put her right hand behind his hand to deepen their kiss, while skillfully pushing him against the altar and her other hand went to grab his hand with the dagger as they intertwined their fingers against the handle. The necromancer grabbed a leather strip of her armour to prevent him from falling as they were forgetting any restraint. 

“Shall I take it as a surrender on your part?” Tav asked, her lips shining as she looked down at him.

“You shall do nothing of the sort, however, keep going on and I will see what can be done…”

“You silvered tongue”, she hummed before happily resuming her action.

☠️

“So a free shot for everyone?” Karlach offered her bottle to her companions and the skeletons as they had started a bonfire in front of the door.

The days spent in the shadowland were exhausting as if the shadows were absorbing not only all light but also all her energy. Tav was always going further, deeper, in an attempt to find the cause of it all and progress in her own personal quest. However, she never complained, especially in front of her companions who were everything to her. She perfectly knew that without them by her side, she would never have reached so far. So now she had to be their hope and strength.

Maybe that was why she was so relieved every time she noticed Bal’s grim smile in the Last Light Inn, after coming back from horrendous days spent in the obscure wilderness. He had no expectations from her, and with him, she could forget for a couple of hours that she had to be the strongest.

“Good evening”, he welcomed you, “I was starting to wonder if your naivety had finally killed you.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but you’ll have to wait a bit more for the good news”, you chuckled.

 For someone upset, his smile was not smug enough. 

“I’ll grin and bear it then”, he shrugged, “so did you find something interesting out there?”

Tav noticed that he always tried to probe her about her doings, however, he never pressed when she often dodged the matter.

“Please, I just spent a week without a real chair or drinking a real drink. I don’t want to speak about that”, she winced.

“So heroïc of you”, he jested.

“I know, I know. Let’s talk about you rather, did you find the book I asked you?”

“You’re really a nuisance you know? But yes, I have it”, he revealed with a self-satisfied look while handing over her purchase.

Tav leapt over the table to grab it before turning the pages hungrily. It was a book about experiences in the shadowland, but because of the controversy, it had been lost over the years. She spent the next hours drinking and sharing her opinion with Bal about it. And before they noticed it, everybody else had gone to sleep in their chamber or right under their tables. 

“I should take my leave”, the merchant finally ended the nice conversation a while after. 

“Right.”

Tav got up at the same time as him, she instantly felt that the alcohol and the tiredness had gotten the best of her but she simply pushed the matter aside for now. She wanted to enjoy his company as long as she could.

They slowly walked back across the bridge, at the limit where no one else could overhear their words. There, Tav could let out her darkest thoughts, her twisted opinions about the whole situation. And Bal always seemed more than delighted to hear them, even to encourage them. 

“Goodbye then, hero of the light”, Bal bid her farewell with an obvious proud smile for the mocking surname he had found for her.

“Wait, there’s something that’s been bothering me for a while”, she muttered, frowning hard while staring at him.

Instantly, the man tensed, his smile froze. Thankfully she did not notice his wariness due to the many drinks she had. He started to calculate what his options were if she had discovered his true identity, but she simply kept staring at him, to the point he started to wonder if she had not forgotten to finish her sentence. It was so long that his wariness changed to annoyance, however, when he was finally ready to simply walk away, she reached at his hood to make it fall back and uncover his face. Taken by surprise he did not even realize what she was doing, allowing a bit of his emotion to be shown on his face.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought”, Tav nodded smugly while letting her hand gently brush his cheeks, “you’re quite easy on the eyes. No need to keep that on, I assure you. Good night Bal.”

Her hands lingered a bit too long on his cheeks, her eyes were staring at him as if she could really see him and even more unthinkable as she wanted to kiss him. Finally, she reluctantly let go of his face to turn back and cross the bridge again without a word.  

Meanwhile, Bal stood there, realizing he had stopped breathing through the whole thing, frozen for a minute. His mind could simply not process what just happened. His incredibly clever mind had been taken by surprise for the first time in a very long time. The walk back to the Moontower was spent in deep thoughts without a real goal, as they simply went back and forth without reaching any conclusion.

Once he was back in his quarter, he went through his things to find a mirror. Once he did, he stared for a while at his reflection while squeezing at the necklace around his neck. The plain, smooth, white skin on his face and torso, the unvarnished brown eyes…

“I guess I did too good of a job.” For the first time in his life, he was not too elated about it. 

☠️

The next time Tav was waiting for Bal, she was fighting with the shameful memories of what she had done in the previous occurrence. Those last weeks had been difficult, she always felt oppressed by the clock of time, never knowing when her chance would run out and suddenly transform her into a mind flayer. So she always lived everything as if there was no tomorrow, except she forgot for a second that it was not the same for everyone. She had almost forced herself upon him, and it made her feel like a perfect asshole. She had not taken his feelings into account for one moment, and now she was dejected at the idea he would certainly never come back here. It was already incredible that he would gather the bravery to come through the shadowland, even if it was just for money…  And things were really hard enough without her drawing away the few things making it bearable…

“What a pitiful appearance, hero of the light”, a mocking voice draws her out of her thoughts.    

She turned her head with such velocity that Bal could hear her neck cry. He scoffed at the sight of her obvious relief to see him here. She was really easy to play. Maybe he had not predicted that his plan would work that well, however, it only meant that it would be easier for him to trick her. 

“Strangely, I'm no longer used to drinking by myself”, she jested while he was sitting down.

Tav noticed that he was no longer keeping his hood up, letting his face be seen by everyone. And despite him behaving casually, she could see that he was not used to it. The thought of him making such an effort because of what she had said the last time made her internally smile, and breathe easier. 

“Lucky you then, I have nothing better to do this evening, so I should as well save you from your misery”, he announced with such a dramatic movement of his cap that Tav was forced into biting her lips not to laugh. 

“Maybe you should take upon the surname of hero for yourself then”, she replied.

The glare of utter disgust he sent her was too much, and this time she bursted into laughter. Thankfully, Bal was not too sulky, at least not after Tav started to question him about a place she had been visiting in the shadowland. They talked as they used to until there was no longer anyone else around. 

This time, when Bal started to stand up to leave, Tav had not drunk too much. She knew what she wanted, and time was not on her side. After that peaceful evening, she realised that if she wanted more, she had to try it now, since either way, she would not have much time to regret it. 

“What are you doing?” The merchant asked her in a low, judgemental voice.

He looked almost unmoved by how Tav had cornered him against the table, slightly towering over him. Seeing him like this made her want to play with him, to tease him, to… She was losing it terribly, but it was oh enjoyable! 

“Do I really need to spell it for you?” She asked while leisurely caressing his right cheek. 

“Yes.”

The answer had not been as loud as usual, nor elaborate. He scorned how he had just sounded. But it was true, he needed to know. He had already made his decision. This development was for the best, it was the perfect opportunity for him. Like this, he could make that threat play directly in his hand. And when he would have obtained exactly what he wanted, he would simply use her body to join his undead army. 

“Just say the word if you want me to stop…” 

The whisper against his ear strangely sent shivers through his spin, and the next second Tav’s lips crashed against his. She rudely took possession of his mouth, engulfing him in a tempest of white-hot sensation. He could hardly breathe, he was left powerless, gasping to take some air in, wining when his lips were alone, grasping her tunic so as not to fall backwards on the table… It was bone-shakingly intense.

When Tav finally stopped molesting his mouth, Bal realised that the whole duration, he had not thought about anything else than how good it had felt. And despite this realisation, when she offered him her hand, he still took it to follow her upstairs. Unexpectedly eager for more. Her hand around his was rough, nothing like what he faintly remembered from before the shadows, from the time he would sometimes visit the pleasure house. However, its warmth was spreading through his cold arm, making him unable to take his mind off it.

As soon as they entered, Tav pushed him against the door to close her bedroom, and once again he was engulfed in her heat and hunger for mere seconds which succeeded in making the time stop for them. He could hardly match her pace, as she was always a step ahead: biting, sucking, kissing in mind-breaking chaos. When he thought he was finally getting used to it, she suddenly tugged him towards the bed before undressing him with a talent tainted by her empressment since she looked like she could not stop kissing him, she was going blindly for it. So he tried to help her but her lips and teeth were stopping him in every attempt he made. 

Quite unexpectedly, they finally ended up both naked, then Bal was forced to sit down on the bed, and the next second Tav was climbing on him with enthusiasm. He could not hold in a deep grunt of surprise and pleasure when he felt her pussy sliding his cock already hardened by her previous assaults. She squeezed him strongly in her arms, gasping for air against his ears in a sound he found most endearing. Meanwhile, his eyes were offered the strangest view he could have expected from the life he had led for so many years: a well-proportioned warrior, naked on his lap, her cheeks in his hand, her lips against his neck, it was intoxicating. 

The little respite was over before Bal was able to get used to what was happening. He just had started to contemplate the idea of pummeling her to submission when she began to move faster and faster. Her claws digging into his back as she moved her hips harder and harder while moaning in his ears. He could not hold in his own groans, his frustration of not being able to keep up quickly erased by the pleasure he was feeling. Each stroke on his coke was better than the previous one, sending him dangerously on the edge. Breathing was hard, moving even more, he grasped hard her cheeks trying to impale her as hard as she was riding him, craving for her touch, for the sound of her pussy clasping loudly on his lap, for more! Tav suddenly grabbed his head, pressing it against her chest, between her breasts, her moan louder than ever. The lecherous noises were making him sweat, while all his focus was on trying not to cum despite how his body was already trembling under the crushing wave gathering between his legs.

“Bal”, he did not hear her correctly the first time, “Bal!”

The desperate cry of the woman so close to riding her peak suddenly sent him over his own. He pushed roughly and unwillingly one last time at the sound of his name sung in such a delicious way before the wave finally took him away. After they cleaned themselves, Tav pulled him in an intimate hug under the blankets. There were no words, only her warmth spreading to him. Long after her breath was slow as she slept, he was still thinking about what had happened. He had to do better to win her over. Only then he would be able to succeed.

A strange shadow left the Moonrise tower without a soul to notice it. It merged easily in the darkness outside as if it were a part of the curse, except for the little light dangling in front of it. Soon enough, it stopped in front of a big inn where the shadows seemed to be unable to enter. 

"Who's there?" Only a diffuse glimmer could be seen through the darkness. 

Jean was standing guard in front of the bridge leading to the Last Light Inn when he noticed this strange phenomenon growing closer to the Harpers QG. 

“Don’t come closer!” He shouted, his hand rushing to his sword.

“My, my, such a rash reaction toward a perfect stranger”, a honeyed voice reprimanded. 

“You don’t get to tell me how to react”, Jean shouted back while unsheathing his weapon. 

“Your stupidity could lead you to doom without you even knowing it”, the honey was hardly hiding the growing annoyance.

“As if someone as suspicious as you could be our last hope! How did you get this lamp? Why do you hide your face? What’s your name? There’s too much unknown to let me risk the safety of my companions!”

“Why are we blocked here?” A loud and bossy voice shouted from behind the stranger.

Jean was startled by the sudden apparition of the group of four coming from the dark lands; dressed with heavy armour and blood everywhere, their serious faces and brave demeanour could spell only one company! 

“Karlach, stop that, you’re going to make the poor boy die from a heart attack”, jocked a tiefling with red skin and nice horns to another one with the same complexion but far more muscles and centimetres. 

As the group easily let her pass through, it was obvious that she was the leader. The stranger did not let her out of his glare as he was studying her. 

“So what’s the hassle?” She asked Jean before casting her two-colour eyes on him. “Who’s this guy?”

She did not seem to be wary of him, as she was confident in her strength, but he could feel that her friendly talk could easily switch to a more violent answer depending on how well he could sell his speech. 

“I’m a merchant”, he introduced himself, “the name is Bal.”

“A merchant, here? I’m more used to seeing dead ones than breathing ones”, she pointed doubtfully. 

“I’m no ordinary merchant”, he boasted with a rictus, “and a genius like me knows that people are ready to give more when cornered .”

“He's got a point there”, a slender young woman with dark hair nodded. 

“Hm, I know Shadowheart. I hope your merchandise is really interesting then.”

“Your small intelligence could not even comprehend half of it”, he stroked back.

“Haha! Well, I’ll take you at your word and will see what you have as soon as I have gotten rid of that blood”, she laughed. “Jean, let him through. If he tries anything funny, I will kill him myself.”

“Jaheira will not be happy with this.”

“I’ll talk to her later”, the tiefling shrugged while walking past them with her companions. “We need all the help we can get. She knows it as well as me.”

Bal did not stop to look at her with a satisfied grin on his face. 

☠️

“Damn that felt good”, the tiefling sang happily after drinking a whole tankard of alcohol in one go. 

“Impressive”, Karlach praised you in front of your two other companions with amused smiles. 

Everyone had taken a nice shower, and cleaned the blood away from their clothes and armour; they felt as relaxed as possible in this ominous land. 

The people around were chatting almost lightly, even if the danger was never far. But at least for a couple of hours, they would be able to drink and eat as if they could not die in the next second.

“You're special, someone is still there”, Halsin pointed with his drink and a playful smirk. 

The leader scoffed at hearing his choice of words, but he was true. The strange merchant was indeed sitting in a corner of the Inn's main room. His hood covered half his face, while his cloak hardly concealed his large frame. It was odd, if he was a merchant he should have been loudly selling his goods. Still, he had caught her interest, and after grabbing a refill and another tankard, she joined him at his table.

“So how's business going?” She taunted him. 

“Since I can still smell blood on you, I will say better than your shower”, he countered with a sneer. 

Still, he accepted the drink she was handing him, and they both drank. 

“I did not catch your name.”

“It's Tav.”

“So want to see what I have in store Tav?” He offered, using her name at the same time she answered.

She blinked, storing the strange occurrence in her memory before smiling at him with enthusiasm. Her enthusiasm quickly turned into deep concentration as she discovered trinkets full of powerful magic, rare books with knowledge beyond hers, and even some pieces of equipment that could easily change a fight in her favour. She discussed with him all that caught her eye, sharing drinks without moderation to the point where the both of them were talking without any restriction. 

“Next time I’ll bring you a book about the druids, you’ll see how they are just a group of powerless hippies”, Bal ended their battle of arguments as the moon had risen a long time over the horizon. 

“Yes do that, maybe I’ll reconsider my opinion then”, Tav playfully scoffed. 

The man nodded while managing to still look smug, and satisfied before taking his leave for good. Meanwhile, Tav stared at him as he disappeared from her view. He was a really strange man, despite having met a lot of different and odd people since the beginning of her journey, that one was rushing to the top without much effort. However, it was far from discouraging her, as she had already understood that victory was often coming from an unexpected direction, so she was ready to try anything.

🌸

He stumbled into the dark room, only a couple of candles were lightening the surroundings of the bed since the windows were only letting through the weak glowing of the moon and the stars. His mind was blurred with the alcohol, his thoughts not able to totally form before dissolving again in his exhausted and poisoned head. A movement on the couch made him flinch, except it was only a completely naked woman. Her long dark hair was falling around her tits like a never-ending stream to her hips, she opened her arms, welcoming him with a warm smile. He sank between her lukewarm arms, forgetting everything under her skilful hands until his mind finally allowed him to stop thinking for good.

The next morning Donan woke up more rested than he ever has been for years. He blinked a couple of times because of the intense light coming from the window right in front of him. Except his window was always hidden by a curtain. The strange disposition hit him hard as his memories flew back. 

“Yorin!” He called out despite knowing very well that his son could not hear him from there before jumping out of bed.

In a matter of seconds, he had dressed back and left the room without a look back for the woman still laying on the bed.

“Well… That’s rather out of the ordinary…” you commented with a half-smile, half-pout on your face.

“How can you stay so calm?” A red-haired woman exclaimed horrified after you had told her about the strange encounter from last night. 

“The man clearly had pressing matters”, you guessed while wondering who that Yorin could have been, “and I heard he left a large purse of coins to the owner.”

“Urgh”, your fellow cringed at your comment, “money you will certainly never see…”

You gathered a disillusioned smile to try to soothe your friend. You knew she was only getting angry on your behalf, because they were working in a brutal world, in a very complicated world. Furthermore, your habit of just accepting things as they were without trying to get more was often getting on her nerves. Especially when their owner was implicated. 

“That’s okay, and to be honest it was not so bad”, you shrugged while drinking some tea.

The owner must have been pleased by the money since the beverage was far better than another you had brink in your life. You savoured it until your friend scoffed, which made you wince.

“The guy just selfishly claimed you before falling asleep on you, depriving you of any sleep before leaving without even the smallest courtesy. I’ve had my fair share of rudeness but this would easily make it in my top three!”

“Alright Sinead, alright”, you patted her head affectionately across the little table in your bedroom, “next time I’ll meet him I’ll tell him that he’s a rude customer and that I deserve to be treated with respect.”

“You can just say that is a total jerk”, she pouted but her mood seemed to be improving until she suddenly stared at her badly, “but you do not even know his name! It’s the first time the owner won’t even say that to us. It’s really odd…”

“Try not to think too much about it, let us just enjoy what last night earned us”, you encouraged her with a gentle push in the back.

Sinead finally seemed to let go of the matter, at least for now. While drinking your tea at peace, you smiled at how much you liked to see her acting out like this. It was lively, and proof of her good fortune. Since, unlike you, she had lived here for most of her life and never tasted the worst of their profession. Feeling a bit ashamed to have such thoughts you handed her over the plate of biscuits that she started to eat with enthusiasm. 

🐺

Donan rushed into his house at an incredible speed, thanks to his worry. In a split second, he was in his son's bedroom, ready to grab him and comfort him. However, his momentum broke at the very instant he witnessed him sleeping like a baby in the middle of the bed. The man’s breath was suddenly too loud for his own ears, so he forced himself to calm down. When he was satisfied, he silently approached the bed. His little boy looked more relaxed than ever those last few years. How is it possible? 

He gently put back a strand of black hair going in an improbable direction, before staring a bit more at his kid’s face. He was the most beautiful boy in his eyes, from his skin slightly lighter than his to his little frowns and earnest smiles. If only he could make his worry disappear, ease his pain and free him from his nightmares… But he was not even able to deal with his own grief so how could he deal with those of a height-years boy whose mind was not even ready to comprehend his own emotions? 

With a heartbreaking sight, he resolved to stand up again and go take a shower. On the way to it, he met Wilfred, his butler.

“Glad to see you back, mister”, he politely greets him. “We took turns to watch over the young master, thankfully he had one of his few peaceful nights.”

“I am grateful for your hard work, I will be sure to praise the others too. You can already give them their day”, Donan thanked them.

“We are only doing it out of goodwill, but I’m sure they will be appreciative.”

It was only once he was alone in the shower that Donan finally allowed himself to think about what happened throughout the night. How could he have been so reckless and irresponsible to leave his son alone -except for the servants- while he knew very well about the terrible nightmares that plagued him and awakened him at any hours of the night, yelling and crying for his dead mother? He tried to retrace the events of the last evening to understand what could have led him to take such a one-way ticket to a guilt trip.  

He quickly remembered trouble falling asleep, something he was more than used to, however, he also remembered a lot of alcohol. He had never shied away from a couple of drinks, but never to the point of no longer being able to think rationally, even more since he was alone to raise Yorin. Doran left the bathroom without having much success in his mental quest. He decided to leave that problem aside for the moment in the hope of profiting from his boy’s sleep to get some work done. 

Just after sitting down, he noticed an opened letter on his desk. He had obviously already read it, nobody else in his house would dare to go through his mail. Still, he had no recognition of his content. A quick glimpse informed him of the Church of Light’s seal. His face whitened drastically. There were only a few sentences, however, it was enough to put him through intense distress. He forced his hands on the table to prevent them from trembling while he tried to control his breathing. How could Prava ask him to let his boy go to Kyovashad? Far from home, far from him? After everything he had done, after everything he had lost… Even if it was the second time he read it, the uneasiness was still strong. He felt as if he was selfish in trying to keep Yorin close to him, he felt guilty for not being good enough to raise him, and he felt terribly crushed to have to face it alone… 

While trying to ignore the unpleasant paper on his desk, he saw an impressive number of emptied bottles in his cabinet. At least, now he knew how he could have done something like this. But still… As if his mental state was not bad enough, a hint of shame showered him as he could not remember his performance. The only thing he was sure of, was that he had left his purse so thankfully he had paid for the service…

🌸

Your owner's good mood was still going on, even a couple of days later, so you were currently enjoying one of your favourite things: scrolling in the market. He even went to the extent of giving you some coins! Even when Sinead had left out an indigenous sound, rather than punishing her, he had allowed her to come with you. You did not dare to voice your surprise, especially when you had the sensation of not having done an incredible job that night. 

The sounds were relaxing, the people were talking leisurely, the scents were appetizing, and the sight was quite cheerful. Usually, you were not allowed to go out and risk diminishing your value either by being harmed or by losing the aura of the unknown around you. But thankfully, nobody seemed to recognize you and to be honest you were always quick to forget their faces. 

You spend a bit of coin on a couple of pastries for you and Sinead will keep walking through the stalls. It was such a wonderful morning.

“Yorin!”

The next morning you woke up more at peace than you had been for what looked like years. For a moment you were back at the Firebreak Manor, awakening from Donan’s movements at your sides, trying to hide that he was already up; the distant sounds of the servants roaming softly… You left your mind lie to you with a melancholic smile. 

“Did I wake you?” Donan inquired when he noticed your eyes opened. 

“Not really… I’m feeling so rested, it’s almost strange”, you scoffed.

You turned your head to admire his face, still, a bit softened by his sleep. He was still holding you close, making it harder for you to move, not that you would complain. 

It was the most intimate you had been for weeks now, and you could not help your mind to wander. Your eyes were staring at his large, appealing lips. However, you restrained yourself from acting on your impulses. As you were trying to turn your head away, your mouth was met with his. That time you could not break away, your whole body relaxed, enjoying the simple but so rare pleasure. Except it did not stop there. Donan made you roll on your back, making you feel small under his large body. Your fingers avidly fiddled on his shirt as your lips shivered on an unvoiced question. You wanted to be sure he was okay, but you were also afraid to waste the moment you were sharing. 

The Horadrim was admiring your body with a flickering beat in his chest. How lucky was he to have you close to him after all his mistakes? He had spent so much time questioning everything, refusing even the tiniest bit of joy in front of all his faults, despite it all, he was now realising how little time he had left with you. And he was determined to enjoy it to the fullest.

“Do not fret”, he whispered against your lips to ease their agitation. “Let’s revel in every opportunity we are given…”

His warm, raspy voice was enough to make your legs squeeze, however, he did not let you have the time to adapt to it. He started by undressing you while kissing every bit of your body, putting it on a delicious fire, while you were trying to do pretty much the same. You were just overwhelmed with all his skin, taking large handles of him, putting your mark everywhere, claiming him as yours. His hoarse scoff echoed your leisured sighs.  

Once you were totally naked, Donan skillfully bent between your legs and before you could react, you sensed his tongue caressing your clit. The jolt almost made you scream, to his total satisfaction. Seeing how you were jerking and moaning, he dedicated all his attention to your vulva, even sliding two fingers inside to send you over the edge. At this point, you could no longer tell the up from the down, as you were only gasping for air between two tortured whines. Your climax was closer and closer, but Donan seemed to take great pleasure in making it last longer. Out of despair, you grabbed his shaved head, while starting to move your hips to force him to give you what you wanted.

"Donan! P-Please… Aah!"

Mesmerised by your obscene sounds, the Horadrim finally focused on your clit for good, even probing it from inside. In a matter of seconds, you were coming on his hand, breathing loudly with your face bright red. It was one thing to reach it while making love but this was leaving you in a far more deplorable state. Which Donan appreciated even more. He slowly licked his lips and fingers while you shamelessly looked at him through your fingers. He found your newfound bashfulness quite loving.

As he was standing on his knees, you noticed his half-hard cock, you swiftly sat down to take it in your mouth. His surprised and delighted grunt rewarded you. 

"Incredible…" He praised you as you skillfully made his member slide into the back of your mouth while your hands reached for every little spot that would earn you another groan. 

It had been so long since he had felt so good that Donan was already close to spilling in your beautiful mouth, not that the idea was not pleasant but he wanted to enjoy the moment a little longer. He grabbed your hair, fucking your mouth a couple of times with tortured moans before pulling you away.

"I want to fuck you properly", he grunted, breathing loudly.

"Please I want it too", you pleaded with your legs spread for him. 

He messily kissed you, sharing your juices, still keeping your hair in one hand. Then he forced you to turn your back and put your head on the ground. Like this, he had a great view of your ass and wet pussy just below. His cock twitched needily, a second later he was pushing mercilessly into it. Your previous orgasm made it easier, but you were no longer used to taking his large member. You whined out of pain and pleasure.

"You feel so good", Donan gasped as he basked inside your warmth. 

Next, he pressed on your head, the other hand sinking in your hips, allowing him to fuck you with a hard, dedicated pace.

"Your mine", he claimed between each trust, blabbing half-coherent assertions that made you mindlessly moan. 

The pain radiating from your hips was lightening the pleasure from your pussy, his perverted words were clenching your walls as you were reduced to a whimpering mess.

Donan used your hair to tilt your face, revealing your drilling mouth, your wide eyes full of lust, and your messy hair stuck by the sweat. He relished in that sight, craving for more. Then be bent over you, hardly reaching your lips to kiss them. 

"Say you like it", he ordered between them.

His hand had left your hair to reach your clit, making his threat clear as day. 

"I-I… D-Donan…" you stuttered, unable to speak clearly.

"Say-it", he ordered again, slamming his hips against yours. 

"I like being fucked by you Donan!" You screamed before the words changed in sound when his fingers reached your weakness making you squeal on the spot.

Once he was sure you had rid of your orgasm, he clenched his hands on your hips before humping you ravishingly, grunting and wheezing loudly.  He forced your body on him, using you as a satisfied weeping doll begging for more. Sweat was dripping from his dark skin, his large fingers were tearing blood, and his shining green eyes were devouring you alive. Despite his shaking body, he would not leave you out of his sight. He trusted strongly, once, twice, before filling you in a long, vicious movement. 

Donan and you transformed into a mess of sweat, juices, arms and legs, breathing loudly and hard, but the smiles were lighter. 

You pulled hard on the reins without even thinking about it. Brother half-pranced with an indignant cry, but you were already on the ground to rush to the cage. 

“What the fuck happened here?” You raged while grabbing the bars as if you could only break them with your hands.

“The cathedral of light…” 

The woman you had taken for a corpse on the ground weakly rose, her eyes were definitely dead as her mind had been broken by the body of his child lying without moving on the cage’s ground. 

“What of those assholes?” You growled.

Your patience was no longer to be found. You had given too much. You had been robbed too much. You were tired of being continuously stamped upon. 

“They said… a demon corrupted him…” she said with difficulty. 

A joyless laugh shook you as you covered your face with one hand. You had seen countless demons take possession of humans, man and children alike, except they would never, oh-never, let a body intact as this one. If it were to be put in a cell it would transform and kill everyone, including his host, rather than letting themselves be trapped. All those thoughts crossed your minds, leaving you with a terrible aftertaste. You stood there, your arms lying useless on each side of your body. Did humanity really deserve to be saved? Was there still even humanity to save? 

Suddenly, your fists violently clashed against the cage’s bars with a deafening sound. The pain sent you a bitter jolt in your body, and thankfully, it was enough to make you think clearly again. You did not know how, but that was not your thoughts. Not really. Yes, you were disgusted by some humans' behaviour; yes, you were burned out by all the pain you had to endure. But it was not your place to answer those kinds of questions. You took a deep breath, trying to cool down. You did not need any grand reason to try and kill Lilith, you had one goal: survive with the one you wanted to protect. 

At that moment, the poor woman, probably the mother of the dead child, fell on her back again. Neyrelle dismounted too and went to her to give her water, but she refused it, resolutely closing her mouth. You felt her last words as another stone to carry on your already heavy package, but this one you were more than ready to take it on. There would be a price to pay for those atrocities, and if nobody else dared to cross the Cathedral of Light, you would happily oblige.  

“We should press on”, Donan pointed out in a quiet voice, informing you that he had put his foot on the ground too.

Your hands came in fits upon hearing him. Painful tears threaten to rush through your ears. You did not hate him for saying that. You hated those monsters of the Cathedral for making him say them. 

“If we’re too late, other sons will die”, he added even quieter.

“I know…”

You turned back to put your forehead against his, in a soft, delicate way to signify to him how you were feeling. When you jumped back on the saddle, you promised yourself to come back to give that poor victim a proper burial. After that, you no longer stopped, even if the number of unfortunate prisoners did not diminish.  At your sides, Neyrelle and Donan were as silent as you were. It was painfully hard to ignore the people lamenting, and even harder to ignore that the culprits were not even the demons.

Mercilessly, the horses quickly reached Caldeum’s walls. That time, true demons welcomed the group. Strangely, it did not feel comforting at all. As you were carving a path of blood through the spawns of hell to reach Lorath, your heart felt only heavier. The only thing pushing you forward was the intense desire to put a final point to all that mess. To be able to go back to a peaceful life, wherever as long as it would be with Donan. To reach that ideal, you were ready to do anything and face anybody. 

“Donan you’ve come back to us, and not alone. Blessed be the light. The Father will deliver us together.” Prava nervously claimed when your group met with hers in the middle of the carnage. 

Unfortunately for her, your mood had not improved in the slightest, quite the contrary. While you half-listened to her preaching, unrest won your body all over. Your feet tapped nervously on the ground while you fiddled with your daggers, your eyes checking for your group’s surroundings since you had no trust in her holy knights to protect them. When you heard Donan clashing against her, you stared at him with something akin to pride, talking back to the one person representing his past would take anyone a lot of courage. 

You were currently standing at Donan’s left and Lorath at his right. Prava had even dared to walk closer to him as if she was willingly provoking him. An uncanny move on the right made you realise that the oldest Horadrim had felt the situation worsening and was trying to squeeze between the two of them. 

“How can you doubt us after everything we’ve done for you and Yorin?” She begrudged him without mercy.

Her words made you suddenly tick. Now you were listening with deadly attention. 

“At least he doesn’t have to see you like this.”

You could not restrain a gag reflex, your mind unable to deal with what he just heard. 

Meanwhile, the sound that came out of Donan’s throat was no longer human. In a mere second, he tried to jump at the woman’s face but Lorath skillfully restrained him. The holy knights reacted too, pointing their spears directly at the two men. 

“Sin reaps consequence. I have faith the Father acted righteously.” Prava exulted while signing to her men to stand down, which they did.

With all your will, you endured the nausea sickening you to help Lorath in putting distance between Donan and the mad believers. Your heart was still in your throat but your main concern was to assure your man’s safety. 

“We want to stop Lilith, same as you”, he tried to convince her.

Donan took a couple of steps back, shaking his head as if it could ease the intense pain in his chest, and chase the violent thoughts in his mind. By doing so he reached a railing that he grabbed like a safeguard, he could not stop his anger from building up in his body so he looked out for you, seeking your help. Except you were no longer there. He instantly turned back, fearing that you had been hurt or worse.

“That’s not exactly true…” 

The whisper was only loud enough for him to hear.

The next second your fists hit the most satisfying target for months. Prava should have been set flying except you grabbed her by her collar to put a dagger under her throat. She squealed in pain then in fear while her little knights' toys began to threaten you with their spears.

“What are you doing laying your hand on the Father’s emissary? Heretic!” She screeched like a proper banshee.

“Shut up or the next one I’ll not restrain myself”, you growled while staring at the men in full armour. “Do not make a move or I’ll kill her.”

“What the fuck are you trying to do?” Lorath barked at you.

“Learning her to respect my pack. If you’re not going to do it, then it’s up to me.” You shrugged. “Listen closely to me Prava”, you started to explain in her ear but clear and loud enough so everybody could hear you. “Each one of my friends is worth a million times your patricide of an angel. If anyone stands a chance to save the whole lot of you, it's not him, it’s them. Because they have everything you lack: a heart, and compassion. You’ll never see paradise because we humans are nothing for angels. You can lie to yourself all you want, but the truth is that you're just a pathetic human being leading a hundred more to the mass grave.”

You spilled everything you had on your heart, each word feeling like a bittersweet pain blooming in your chest. 

“About Donan,” you added lower so just the two of you could hear, “you should thank him on your knee for what he has done. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong in your mind to talk to him like this. But be sure that there will be no next time, I’ll make sure of that.”

You sighed heavily while everyone else was too baffled to even move. At that instant, holding Prava against you, you sensed a strange tugging coming from her pocket. Without hesitation, you looked through it and took back the soulstone.

“I will take that, since if I recall exactly - correct me if I’m wrong - Ignarus is not the one who’s done it. Now, I’ll let you go, but be smart enough. If you try anything, you’ll die before you reach your little angel.”

“Mark my words, you will regret this”, Prava hissed at you while taking quick, angry steps away from you.

“I hope I’ll never see you again”, you waved. 

“Damn it you could have killed us all”, Lorath criticised you once the whole people had left.

“The word you're looking for is thank you”, you joked, earning a scoff from Neyrelle. “You’re welcome”, you added before walking to Donan. “Here.”

You put the soulstone in its rightful place before hugging him without a concern in the world. The large man answered it as if was trying to crush you. Then he gently patted your hair, ignoring the two others who did not know where to look. Donan did not try to put words on what you just did. Because there was nothing to say. The kiss you exchanged sadly tasted like the last. 

*

The marine wind was gently playing with your hair as you stared at the horizon. Your face was free from any expression, despite the cold of the ending winter. It was as if nothing could reach you where your mind had gone wandering. A seagull was even bold enough to come and shout in front of your face. The sound made you jump on your feet, waving your daggers to the flying animal. It took you a whole five seconds to realise what just happened. With a growl you sheath again your weapons before leaving the place with a grimace. 

While you walked down the hill, the air kept carrying a strong smell of salt that appeased you once again. You liked it here. The salt made every scar on your body ache, but rather than bothering you, it was like a gratifying reminder of what you had done to earn your life now. 

After walking for a while, you reached a little, shabby settlement. There a couple of wooden houses stood flimsily like sheep quivering in the cold. Despite its pitiful appearance, joyful sounds were coming from there, people calling out to others to send goods, people laughing and drinking, people singing to give heart while working hard… The odours of foods and drinks even covered mixed with the sea’s, creating a pleasant result. The habitants recognised you easily, waving at you from afar or sharing some casual greetings.

“Thank you for the last hunt, thank you my idiot of a wife did not get herself killed”, a man said with a sincere smile.

He was sitting in a chair in front of his house, his legs unable to move since an old battle, while his wife was busily hanging the laundry with a baby sleeping on her back. When she heard him she quickly came closer with a pout on her face. 

“She’s a good fighter, I almost did nothing”, you assured.

“You see!” She rejoiced at your words. 

They were always like this but it amused you. To be honest, the young woman lacked any kind of fighting training, but at least she did not slow you down, so you did not entirely lie. After all, killing a couple of hungry wolves was not even enough to make you sweat. 

“See you around”, you interrupted them in their bickering. 

“Thank you”, they both waved at you.

It felt strangely comforting to see them like this, even leading to a smile in your mouth. You were flagged down a couple more times until one of the fishermen gave you the information you wanted.

“You’re looking for him aren’t you?” he grinned. “You’ll find him at his usual spot.”

He used his net to point you towards the end of the main trail to a wide field of crops just outside of the village. It took you less than two minutes to get there, but still, you enjoyed the little pleasure of being able to walk like this without pressure.

You found him at the outskirts of the little settlement. Donan was sitting on a bench, turning his back on you. You stopped there, not being seen but hearing everything. There were a couple of children playing in the grass, they often came to chat with him then ran away and came back again and again. You easily noticed the bag of pastry he held out to them, he was always spoiling them. 

“It’s late Mister Donan”, the oldest said while looking at the sun, “we need to go back to the orphanage.”

“Alright, be careful on the way back, Yorin. Here take this, give them to the ones who could not come today”, he extended the precious bag.

“Thank you, Mister Donan!” A young girl jumped happily.

“Don’t worry Yorin, just be sure to eat well and grow tall”, he patted her head gently. 

The child’s smile only grew larger, she was beaming like a little sun. The third one finally got back from his run through the field, and after a couple more goodbyes, they were off. You followed them with your eyes until they walked just past you. They politely greeted you as you could not resist messing with the oldest hair. He closed his dark eyes as he tried to defend himself as he was too old for this. 

“You’ll never be too old for us”, you joked while his two younger siblings enjoyed seeing him receive the same treatment as them. 

For a long second, you stared at his ebony skin, his short and thick dark-brown hair, long enough to make your heart sting. You had never met Yorin in his childhood days, but he should have looked a lot alike. As for the girl… She shared the same skin colour but the similarities stopped there. What a couple of fools you were doing with Donan: an old warrior scared of her own shadows and an injured mage who would mistake his lost boy for any other child. 

“Thank you”, you let the children go with a bitter sensation in your chest. 

They shrugged not understanding why you would suddenly thank them before running to their home. Never once you had heard them correct Donan, not even Flora despite her young age. You did not know why, but it seemed as if they could simply sense the mage's affection and satisfy themselves with that.

After they left, you leisurely went to sit down next to him. 

“How was your afternoon?” He asked you gently.

“Peaceful”, you answered with a smile. “Still no sign of corruption or any demonic influence…”

“That’s good to hear. Any news from Lorath?”

“No…”

It was a lie. A white lie, but still you were not ready to give up on it. Lorath was often sending letters towards Donan and you, pressing the both of you to return to the front line to fight in the war against demons and angels. But you had decided to put an end to all this the second you had thought to have lost the man you loved. What had happened in Hell, to see the ancient Horadrim almost dying for nothing… It had been too much. There was no end to the sacrifices you could make, however, you could not accept that Donan had to do the same. He deserved peace. He had already lost so much, and now even his mind had started to crumble. So you were ready to do anything to protect those last years you could share with him. For as long as you could. 

“It’s so calm here”, Donan commented in a whisper, his eyes wandering in the field as he was remembering his old life.

It was maybe the last place on Sanctuary that had not been corrupted in one way or another, was it by the angels or the demons, it was home for him and you. 

“Let’s just live…”, you nodded while grabbing his hand affectionately and putting your head on his shoulder.

“Yes.”

After that, you finally met with Lorath and Taissa. Things went south, but thankfully you were able to bring down the lesser evil invoked by Elyas. Donan even agreed to help adjust the soul stone to capture Lilith, despite seeing how bad things had ended last time with Astaroth. To be honest, you were pretty proud of your training, as you were strong enough to defeat such an enemy. However, despite the victory, there was something strange about you. Despite the health potion, one of your injuries was not healing properly. It was nothing really important, just a cut on your belly, at first you thought it would simply go away but when it was time to leave, you realised that it was still not completely closed. The only reason you thought about it was that your potions were no good and you decided to go to Donan to ask him if he could brew you a better one. 

Except that you found him standing in the improvised cemetery outside of the Forsaken Church, behind Lorath sitting on his knees in front of one of the gravestones. Feeling that you were interrupting something, you decided to wait behind the building’s wall. Even if the two men were always chatting as if everything was fine, everybody was able to see that there was much they were not addressing, leaving your little group walking on eggshells. So you hoped that maybe, away from indiscreet eyes, they would be able to discuss more sincerely…

“It appears you lost people too”, Donan noticed in a slow and low voice, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It happens all the time, there’s no use in lingering over it”, Lorath stated coldly while standing up again. 

His old comrade grumbled in disagreement, but before he could say anything the grey-haired stopped at his side, facing the opposite direction. 

“Yorin… I’ll regret never meeting him”, he admitted without looking directly at him. 

“I bet”, Donan scoffed, “he was a great boy, far better than any of us.”

“I hope so, I heard that fortunately, he had taken everything from his mother”, he jested shamelessly.

“You damn bastard !”, the mage grunted, “I’ll let you know that he was my spitting image!” 

Donan stood his chin up, wrapped in his pride but before he knew it Lorath started to laugh wholeheartedly and once his surprise had passed, he joined him in a freeing, healing cackles in the middle of the gravestones. 

You smiled before returning to the chapel where the two other women were waiting for the rest of the group. Eager to leave them some intimacy. 

“Did those grumpy old men finally lose it?” Taissa jested. 

“It sounds more like they’ve started meeting up over the bridge of time”, Neyrelle corrected softly.

“Indeed”, you nodded with satisfaction. “Let’s hope they’ll do a quick job about it.”

Despite the strange group the five of you formed, it was fun travelling together. All of you were broken in a way, but as a group, it worked. You found yourself craving for the presence of the others, taking comfort in the smallest banter (which happened a lot between Neyrelle and Lorath, or Donan and Lorath, in fact, anyone with Lorath). It was a new feeling for a Wanderer like you, who used to travel everywhere, to meet people without ever taking the time to really know them. But now, it had been months since you had encountered Lorath. Scarily, you were getting used to it, becoming addicted. 

At the same time, your wound kept acting on its own. It was too late to say anything. Everyone seemed ready and good to go as they could, it would literally kill you to admit that you were weak. You had already lost too many, the simple idea of being too frail was enough to give you nausea. So you endured, as long as you could, pushing your body to its limits. 

Currently, you were riding beside Donan. The others were busy with their own quests. And each damn step of Brother was sending excruciating discharges of pain through your wound. It was taking all you got to stay right in the saddle, as you were gripping the reins as if it could save you from falling. The fear of being found out by the man at your side was eating you away like a cloud of little black monsters buzzing at your ears. What if he saw you weak? What if it would break him for good? Elyas would kill everyone. Lilith would kill everyone. Vigo would have died for nothing. Yorin would have died for nothing. I can’t let them down. I have to be strong. Everything around you was becoming darker, the sound was fading, and your vision focused on Donan now in front of you. 

Suddenly, your companion stopped as your mount did the same. You felt as if salvation had come to save you from the terrible situation you were in. However, when you tried to dismount Brother, the injury throbbed so suddenly and painfully that you could barely muffle a cry as you fell in the dirt like an idiot.

“Damn it!” You left out a couple of insults to try to cover the result of your silliness

Unable to stand up correctly, you were half bent, your hands pressed on the wound as if it could make it disappear. 

“Are you alright?” Donan rushed to your side.

A surge of shame and fear struck you and you wanted nothing less than to be seen by your precious partner in such a weakened state.

“Do not come closer!” You shouted louder than you wished.

He will notice! He will know!

“I can help you, is it an injury?” The large man pressed you.

But his worried expression only added oil to your panic.

“I don’t need your help! Just leave me!” You panted out of breath before realising how hurt Donan looked after your shouts,” I-I’ll follow you, don’t worry”, you tried to correct.

He seemed close to speaking again but he simply frowned before shaking his head and leaving you alone. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck”, you muttered while looking in frenzy in your mount’s bags to search for a healing potion.

The precious liquid only slightly eased the pain, nonetheless, it was enough to let you walk normally again. The relief was largely tainted by your heart still pounding loudly in your chest. As you slowly walked toward the laboratory, you realised that in your state you could not protect Donan correctly. The pressure of that realisation made you feel threatened as if an enemy could suddenly come from the shadows and take him away from you. I need to train right now to become stronger! You kept repeating in your mind like a charm. 

Even when you met again with the Horadrim, you could not focus on anything else than your blatant weakness. You followed him around without a word, carrying out your missions in anxious silence. Even the weakest enemy in the swamps was enough to make you tremble with apprehension, making you jump on them to pulverise them before Donan could even make the slightest move. 

Without realising it, you found yourself sitting on a tree stump in a gloomy house in the swamp, with a bowl containing a terrible mixture in your hands. The scent and the sight were both as horrible, however, Taissa was sitting across from you, glaring at you through the shadows. You had little trust in her supposed potion, you were doing it only because there was a little chance it could help Donan, however what good could it do to you? 

If only it could make me stronger, was the last coherent thought you had before you gulped the brew in on go. 

The taste was as bad as it looks. After that, you fell down from your seat, breathing with difficulty while your mind found itself drowning in an anxious, sweaty, delirious trance where a strange reality had everything deformed around you. You witnessed Donan’s struggle as he looked as disturbed as you, the sound of his sobs reached you with a deranging lag that put you off even more. Nonetheless, even in such a stranding situation, you forced yourself in raising to go help him. It was as if your body was no longer responding to you, it was as if you were no longer the one controlling your legs and arms. You were terrified.

Until you heard someone calling for you. 

“That voice? No…”

You saw yourself leaving the place, going out in the swamps.

“I recognize you this time”, you whimpered helplessly, “I’m sorry I did not recognize you last time… I’m sorry… Vigo…”

The man haunting you was standing there, in the middle of the swamp, like a misplaced object that did not belong here. You were unable to think straight so you simply fell on your knees, weeping as if you were back as a little girl. Through your tears, you heard him talk to you, but his words were not making any sense, or rather, you did not want them to do. Despite the potion, every last part of you knew that Vigo was not here. That it was just a distorted version of him coming from you, that he was saying what you wanted him to say, all of this was making it worse.

But, strangely enough, you took comfort in his image. Because you were able to see him again, even if it was partially fake. 

That way you were so furious when Mephisto interrupted your self-pity show with his portal. You threw your displeasure at him, almost growling at his attempt to corrupt you into joining his crusade against his own daughter. You were starting to feel really sick. The whole draught thing, then remembering Vigo and the Cathedral’s injustices, then the demons’ killing selfishness, all of it was making you mad! 

You rushed into the flamboyant ring, ready to confront him. The experience left you exhausted, emptied of any thought, feeling or else. 

And oddly enough, it was at this exact moment that a sudden realisation hit you hard. You stayed up, frozen in the swamps, mud covering your legs to your knees, flyers busing loudly around you. You had been wrong, oh so terribly wrong. Silent tears fell down your cheeks as you faced again in your mind all the deaths you had failed to prevent. 

“I’m sorry”, you whispered to the puny trees and bushes. 

That would be the last time you would apologise for this. 

You waited for Donan at the frontier between the swamps and the village. His expression was unreadable, and to be honest you had not totally recovered from your trip in the swamp. 

“Do you want to come with me?” You asked him while walking in his direction. “Taissa… Even the whole world can wait another day.”

“Well… I gather it would be good to take some rest before attuning the soulstone”, he slowly spoke with a faint smile.

Your heart squeezed in your chest when you noticed how his eyes were red again from crying, so you went to take his hand and gently tug him to follow you. You had already identified a house a bit out of the rest of the village, only a couple of coins had been necessary to assure that nobody would come to disturb your well-earned rest. 

The place was made of only one large room, like all the other houses of the swamps where any kind of material was rare. You simply sat down on the ground, which was covered with a dozen of carpets, while Donan seemed busy with his belongings around his hips. Your wound chose that moment to remind you of its existence, making you grunt from displeasure. As much as you were now ready to think about trying to ask for help, you would have preferred that to be on your own terms. 

“Here.”

You tilted your head up when hearing Donan’s voice coming from towards you. He was handing you a vial with an indecipherable expression. Right now, you were not in the state to bargain, so you diligently took it and drank it in one go. It was a health potion, far better than any you had bought for cheap on a random market.

“Thank you…”, you muttered, already sensing the wound closing on your side. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked you while sitting down with effort.

“Better”, you admitted before passing a hand on your face and offering him a little smile. “I’m sorry for my behaviour those last few days… I-I’ve let myself get the better of me, even if it sounds really strange out loud… I don’t know for you, but last night, what I saw…”

The emotion caught you again, making the words difficult to leave your throat.     

“You do not have to tell if you do not want”, Donan reassured you, pressing your hand in his.

“I want to tell you”, you assured, looking into his eyes to find the strength to face your inner demons. “I’ve lost too many, not close people like you, but good people nonetheless. So I got scared, brainlessly scared to lose, I thought that it was my fault for losing them, that I had to be stronger, and that everything was on my shoulders. But by doing this… I was taking away the choices from the people I cared for…”

The silence was crushing you, so you squeezed Donan’s hand, his warmth gave you a bit more courage.

“The worst… That was Vigo… Maybe you knew him, he was a commander of the Cathedral of Light. At that time, the few people in the Church I had met were kinda good, so I was not wary. It made it even cruel when I realised how wrong I had been. They made him wear that gruesome and atrocious armour that was killing him while he was wearing it. And he did all this to repent and help me? It was beyond what I could accept. But last night… I realised that the choice wasn’t mine to make… It was his…”

 “Vigo… Yes, I remember that name, I think I have met him once or twice, seemed like a regular commander”, Donan thought out loud before adding softly. “Were you close?”

“I thought we were more than fellows, however, we never had time. It’s only making it worse, not to know what we could have been. Last time I saw him, he promised me a drink…”

Tears you never allowed yourself to shed, started to run on your cheeks. You tried to stop them with your hands. Quickly, the large man took them in his before pulling you against him.

“It’s alright to cry, being strong doesn’t mean to be emotionless.”

“What am I worth if I can’t even be as strong as anyone thinks?” you sobbed messily in his arms.

It was hard for Donan to see you like this, especially when he felt responsible for your state. He had been one of the people leaning heavily on your shoulders, and clouded by his own grief he had let you down. However, tonight at least, he sensed as if he could not just shroud back in despair. Tonight, and hopefully in the days to come, he would face everything head-on. Moreover, you were the first thing he wanted to face correctly. 

“You’re strong”, he assured you gently, “the strongest person I know. But as you want to protect me, let me protect you too. Maybe I can’t do it the same as you, however, I can still shoulder your fears and hesitations. Let me be your strength…”

The tears stopped on your face as you stared at him with astonishment. He felt a bit embarrassed by his words, still, he was not about to take them back. No matter how unworthy, inappropriate, or shameful, he would not leave your feelings stranded even if it was for an old and tired man like him. Nothing was granted, he knew it all too well, so for now he wanted to be able to enjoy what little peace you two could have. He waited for your reaction until you seemed sure that he was being sincere. When you started to blush he could not resist the temptation to tenderly caress it. For a moment, he savoured the chance to have you under his fingers, truly grateful for what he still had. 

“I always wondered why you and Nafain had such a fallout”, you finally wondered a moment later.

Your head was laying on his shoulder, your tears dry on your cheeks, but neither of you could even think about sleeping after everything that had happened in one day.

“Nafain…”, Donan sneered strangely, “He never accepted that I could choose a scholar woman over Airidah’s love when she herself had refused him. His resentment started even before, but it rotted completely when I chose to call for the Cathedral of Light’s help rather than the druid’s. To my deepest regret, after that, I never succeeded in making him understand my views, and with each passing year his hostility grew towards anyone even remotely close to the Church of Light.”

“He regretted it at the end, I think…”, you remembered his plea for you to end his misery. “He regretted joining Lilith…” 

“It’s of little comfort to know that he was at least able to die an honest death”, he sighed miserably, “how badly the world is going for us to find solace in such a bitter display…”

Donan lay down on his back, so you imitated him, cuddling on his side. 

“We don’t have a choice”, you gathered, “if we don’t we would just get crushed, allowing our enemies to win and leaving our friends’ death to go wasted.”

The large man nodded silently, his face twisting from the pain your words were remembering him. Thus you gently pulled him so he would be on his side, between your arms. You softly stroke his face to help him untense. In response, he squeezed you against him, hiding his face in the crook between your shoulder and your neck, for a moment. 

“Yorin… My son… He always wished to go on an adventure, to be a hero”, Donan started to remember out loud, laying again on his back. 

“I saw the book on his bed…”

“That damn book, I don’t know how many times I tried to get rid of it when he was little”, he scoffed. 

Donan and you kept remembering happy, soothing memories from before, way after the sky went dark. It was only when the sun started to rise that you both fell asleep in a tight embrace.

Kyovashed had not changed much, maybe the glooming had slowly turned to a more sinister atmosphere. The people seemed on the edge, the knight's penitents roaming without rest in the streets and the priests suspecting everybody. You hated to have to come back here, but it was the place Donan had chosen to stay for now. After everything that had happened to the two places he had once called home, you could ignore your discomfort. At least, you did not have to go straight to the Cathedral of Light, but to the barracks close to it. There were apartments for important dignitaries there, and they had graciously lent it to Donan. 

So you headed straight there, not wasting any second on the way. It had been more than a month since you had to leave to follow Lorath in the desert, after the pale man -Elyas-. Going so soon after the tragedy had made you feel ripped in half, and now that you knew you were mere seconds away from Donan, it was as if the sleeping injury was re-opening. 

The ancient Horadrim was sitting close to the window, looking at the darkening sky, when you came in after being invited. But it was as if he did not really register your presence, maybe he thought you were someone else… 

“Good evening sir, am I in the right place? I’m looking for a handsome man, looking quite like yourself if I may”, you joked feeling elated to be in his company again.  

“I think you’re making a mistake, you must be talking about the knight penitent right next door”, he answered in the same way. 

You had kept walking while he was talking, and could not hold your laugh at his last sentence. Feeling playful humour, you leaned slowly, checking in his green gaze that he was still amused.

“I don’t think so…”, you whispered right against his lips, “I could never mistake you for anyone else…”

You kissed him briefly, then he pulled you onto his lap to kiss you again but more deeply. 

“I was starting to wonder if Lorath would ever let you come back to me”, he scoffed, his breath shorter. 

“He could not even if he wanted”, you answered quickly before resuming to play with his lips.  

The man scoffed in your mouth. You put your arms around his head while he grabbed your hair as if the both of you were scared to see the other disappear. You could no longer let go of his lips, his tongue making you yearn for more. Without thinking you started to rock your hips and press yourself against Donan’s crotch, quickly earning a grunt. 

Since you were both set on never stopping to kiss, you undressed messily, too eager to get on with the best part. The sound you made when his cock goes all the way in you made him squeeze you against him. He held you against his torso, unwilling to let you go, as much as you. Then he thrust slowly into you, with an awkward and needy pace since both of you were looking only to be one and to feel the other for as long as possible. 

“I’m going to clean up”, you informed Donan before gently kissing him on the cheek.

He simply nodded before staring at your back disappearing in the rudimentary bathroom while he was waiting in the bed. The beatitude from the previous instant slowly disappeared leaving him vulnerable to his thoughts. Slowly, like dark, faceless monsters, they came crawling from the floor. At first, he tried to ignore them, to focus on you, on the joy of having you back, on the delightful moment you just shared, but it was useless. The creatures tore them apart to replace them with pain and guilt. How could he enjoy any earthly pleasure when his son was dead because of him? Even breathing felt like treason to his memory. The despair crushed him harder than it had done the last few days. Donan had to sit up as he could barely breathe, tears running down his cheeks. And to make it worse he felt miserable at the idea that you would see him like this. 

Just after Yorin’s death, you both had been too destroyed to focus on anything, and not long after you had to leave to keep trying to prevent Lilith from killing more sons. Donan had hoped that after more than a month, he would have been able to at least be his usual self in front of you, but it seemed as if he was wrong. Every time he tried to control his tears, it became even harder to stop because he felt as if he was trying to forget and betray his son. But even like this he feared your reaction, he feared to be left even more alone. 

“Donan?” 

He heard you call out despite his hands trying to hide his face and cover his ears. 

“J-Just give me a minute, I-I’m going to calm down”, he tried hard to sound as normal as possible despite the sobs in his voice.

“Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere…”

The bed caved in a bit before he could feel two arms pull him in a gentle hug. 

“I’m never leaving you again”, you kept trying hard to hold on to your own tears. 

Seeing him like this was the worst sight, it made your heart ache, as well as remind you that Yorin was no more by your fault. Donan did not say a word, he simply leaned on your chest, as if your reaction had pulled down the last wall allowing him to stay up. 

“I’m sorry…”, you whispered as you felt truly guilty for everything that had happened. 

You did not know how long it took, but sometimes after you helped him to lie down in the bed he fell asleep in your arms. It took you a bit longer to let sleep win you, as your mind was torturing you with guilt…

The next morning, the ancient Horadrim woke up with the unpleasant impression he had been run down by a horse. His head was sore and his eyes painful, but not as much as the memory of crying in your arms for most of the night. Even if strangely enough the grief felt bearable, the shame was not. He looked around but you were not in bed, however, sounds in the next room informed him about your whereabouts. 

“Good morning”, you said while drying your hair with a towel. “Did I wake you?”

What you truly wanted to ask was if he felt better, but you did not dare to go down that road. You already felt so useless in front of his grief… 

“I just woke up”, he assured with a half smirk, “it’s the first time you woke up before me…”

“I just went to train for a bit”, you explained.

Donan looked at the windows where the sun was only rising, he wondered for how long you had been out. He did not remember you ever leaving the bed before the first sun's rays, it made him worry about your own way to deal with what happened.

“Can I kiss you?” 

The question took him by surprise.

“I don’t remember you asking me last night”, he chuckled weakly before nodding. 

“I like to know that I have your consent. Close your eyes please.”

He scoffed in front of your roundabout ways before closing his eyes painfully. For a second you looked at him, you tried to burn his image in your mind. You had been away for so long that for a moment you could not even remember clearly all his traits. His beard was even whiter than before, his face more tired… The ache in your chest grew as you witnessed the red around his eyes… You felt him tense, waiting for you to move. So you slowly bent to kiss tenderly his closed eyes. 

“What?” He could not prevent himself from asking, obviously embarrassed by what you just had done.

“I wish I could just take away your pain”, you whispered while averting your gaze. “I know it’s not possible or even a good thing, but I can’t stop wishing for it…”

Despite his surprise at your words, Donan grabbed your hand to pull you closer and kissed you again but on the mouth this time. His other hand went on your waist to press you against him. Then his kiss started to be more insistent. 

“W-Wait”, you stopped him by backing off your head.

You saw in his green eyes that your reaction troubled him so you took his right hand to press it against your lips affectionately.

“You do not owe me anything”, you asserted. 

“I…” He stopped himself, looking away.

Your hint had been right, after his reaction last night you had already decided to be more careful, but even the way he tried to kiss you had felt wrong as if he was forcing himself to play his part. 

“When are you leaving then?” He asked in a toneless voice.

“What? I meant what I said last night. I won’t leave you alone anymore, I mean if you’re okay with it.”

“I don’t understand, why would you stay with me?” He wondered as a jest, but this time he was looking at you and you knew there was no humour. “Before I thought that your only reason to stick with an old and tired man like me was for the time we spent in bed. But now I can’t even give you that.”

His low self-esteem hurt you more than you thought. Even if maybe he had always thought it, he never let it show. But what made it worse was that he would take Lilith’s words as his. 

“I won’t lie, I like this part of our relationship”, you forced yourself to spell out your sentiments, “but it was not my first motivation for frequenting you…”

You took the courage to say more by looking into Donan’s eyes. He looked disdainful, but for you, he was just trying to give you a way to leave without regret. Except it was not something you would ever allow yourself to do. Leaving him had already been a terrible ordeal, especially knowing how bad he was doing, so you had promised yourself that it would be the last time. Therefore, the only thing he was going to get was a declaration. 

“I care for you Donan”, you stated loudly. “I care more for you than any other human in Sanctuary, or anywhere else. I love you. And before you say anything, I don’t need you to do the same. I know you still care for your wife, I don’t intend to take her place. I just want to be able to be by your side, I want to walk with you, to talk with you, to hold you in my arms, to be able to help you. I want to be strong for you.”

Your chest raised high and low as you finally stopped after an unprepared but terribly sincere declaration of love. On the spot, it had felt right, but now you were awfully embarrassed. 

“By the light…” 

Donan looked more surprised than anything else, putting you on edge about what he was really thinking. But you did not dare to try and decipher the feelings in his eyes, so unable to withstand the pressure you suddenly stood up.  

“I’m going to drink to forget that shameful event of my life!”

“I thought you would stay by my side?” The man scoffed faintly.

“That’s low…”, you winced.

Your smile was a bit tense as you stood there without knowing what to do, just hearing his voice made you want to dote on him... Until Donan gently took your head to encourage you in sitting back to his side. Every fear of rejection you had simply went away, as you realised how little you needed from him. Just his touch was enough to ease you, one look of his green eyes was enough to make you feel important. 

Meanwhile, the ancient Horadrim was searching for the right answer to give you. Maybe before… Before what happened he could have given you an honest answer, but now… He was just feeling so tired, so out of everything that even your honest words did not succeed in reaching him through all the pain and guilt. It was as if he was imprisoned behind a heavy and thick fog from which he was not even sure he wanted to get out. It felt just right for him to be burdened because of his terrible decisions…  He did not deserve more, he even deserved worse… 

However, when he saw you looking at him with no pressure in your eyes when he felt the slight warmth of your fingers intertwined with his, he realised that he was still feeling something. The gratefulness suddenly submerged him as he squeezed your hand in his. 

“Thank you”, he softly whispered. 

Your lips curved as your heart untensed. It was enough. 

The next day, Donan and you met Neyrelle at the Horadrim’s vault. And well, it had gone far better than what you had expected. The girl had something strong and fierce that could charm anyone -as you had learned yourself-, so it was not totally unexpected. Even if the man’s grief was making him more bitter, even angry rather than cheeky, her knowledge and thirst for it, had seemed to have probed his interest.

Hours after this first encounter, you found yourself wandering into your room in the vault while Donan was putting down his things -he had not taken much anyway, since every day was uncertain-. Tomorrow, the three of you will ride to Lorath. But For now, Neyrelle had chosen herself a separate place as her bedroom, even if you were certain she would sleep again in the main hall, next to the fire. 

Roaming in Donan’s ancient home, made you realise how much he had lost through time… You remembered Lorath’s words to describe him, it made you feel conflicted by his obvious scorn against him as he had even described him as full of hubris. Was it really hubris to wish for a home and a family? Was it not everyone's dream to find meaning in life… 

“This one”, you suddenly said while taking a book out of the shelves to hand him when he was finally seated on the ground, “here”.

“Kahla’s treaty?” He read out loud, raising his eyebrow with a hint of irony.  

He looked at you with questions in his eyes while you lay down to put your head on his legs with a satisfied sigh.

“It’s been too long since you have read anything to me”, you explained facking innocence, “so help me understand what Neyrelle and you found so interesting in that author.”

Donan scoffed mockingly, still, he opened the book and coughed up a bit to clear his throat before starting to read it out loud. At first, his voice was sore and hesitant, but slowly it became more assured and fluid. His slow and warm intonations surrounded you in a pleasant embrace, so you closed your eyes. At first, you listened, however, you slowly left your mind journey through the story. 

That moment happened out of time, it was yours, Donan and you. In that room, that night, nothing could harm you. And you were happy.

The next morning you woke up with him in your arms. His eyes were red again, so you very lightly and carefully kissed them not to wake him. Then you found Neyrille sleeping in front of the dead fireplace in the hall, with a gentle smile you wrapped her in a blanket before leaving the vault. 

Outside the moon was still high in the sky, but it did not bother you. It had been weeks now that you had started training intensely every day before the sun rose. Everytime you felt like gave up, either Virgo’s death, Neyrille’s mother, or Yorin’s would come to haunt you. Or the simple idea of losing Donan. The last one could drive you to train for hours without rest.

When the sun had risen enough to signify that the others would soon awake, you decided to come back. However, you heard voices from the hall before entering. Without thinking you waited for a second, curious to witness how Donan was going. 

“You even know how to cook, maybe Lorath would really let you stay around. I never could eat his meal without getting sick all night”, the ancient Horadrim laughed even if the sound sounded subdued. 

“I would prefer to be noticed for something else than my cooking skills”, Neyrielle laughed back. “So… Since when has she been training before sunrise?”

It was useless for her to say your name as the two knew exactly who she was referencing. And you, who was listening in secret, felt as if your heart fell in your boots. Why were they bothering themselves with something so meaningless? You wondered unhappily. 

“I don’t know for sure, nonetheless I would say since… Yorin’s death”, Donan answered, himself busy with packing their things but his voice still caved in at his son’s name.

“That can’t be healthy…”

The conversation was really going in a way you disliked with all your body. So you decided to interrupt before it went too far. 

“I’m back!” you sang a bit too enthusiastically, but you could just not keep listening to them. 

You were training to protect them, for their peace of mind, there would be no point if they started to think that you were in danger. So you put extra effort into looking more healthy than ever, giving your all in all the little tasks before your little group left the vault. 

Donan was staring at the two young women riding in front of him. He could not really hear Neyrelle and you, nonetheless, just the vision was enough to make him feel terribly nostalgic. The young addition to your group could have been a good friend to Yorin, maybe they would have fallen in love with each other, so many things his precious son would never know… The pain suddenly struck him in the chest, leaving him breathless and teary. What had he done? If only he had killed Astaroth since the beginning! How could he be alive when his little boy was dead? That was abnormal!

“Donan? Talk to me…”

The ancient Horadrim quickly raised his head when hearing your voice. Hopelessness crushed him when he noticed his mount had stopped, forcing you to ride back to meet him while Neyrielle was leaving her mount resting a couple of metres away. However, the sincerely worried look in your eyes prevented him from trying to shield you from his pathetic state. 

“It's all my fault”, his voice broke at the end, “I've killed my son-”

“Stop!”

You have not been able to help yourself. Those words were the worst he had ever spoken out of grief. It was the one you had feared the most to hear, and now that it was the case, you were feeling overwhelmed with anger, pain and disgust toward yourself. 

“I can't let you say that”, you added, rushing your hands to his face to force him to look into your eyes. “It's.not.your.fault”, you punctuated, “it's Lilith's.”

It's mine, you heard in your mind but you ignored it, too focused on helping Donan. 

“You protected all the people, you made the right choices! You helped contain Astaroth, you dedicated your whole life to watching his soul stone! She’s the one who freed him, she… killed Yorin… You know it, you know it.”

Your eyes started to disturb you, so you put your forehead on Donan's. You were so desperate in making him realise the truth in your words. 

“Please I can't bear to hear you tell such ignominious lies”, you pleaded heartbroken, before closing your eyes to prevent your tears from falling. “Your pain, I will shoulder it with you as long as needed, but do not blame yourself…” 

The man's eyes were closed too, but you could feel his tears silently dropping on your legs. He was breathing with difficulty, as you guess he was trying to put his suffering into words. 

“I would give my life if it meant that my precious son would come back”, Donan admitted while grabbing your hands as if they were anchors.

“Me too… me too”, you nodded realising at the same time how much you were also broken. 

You pulled him closed, into your arms as he grabbed the back of your armour. There were no more appearances, no more masks, only grief. 

The rest of the trip took two more days. A strange, but neat organisation started to take root between the three of you. When night would come, you were put in charge of cooking whatever you had found along the way, while Neyrelle and Donan would put down the camp. Once they were done, they started a kind of ritual that never ceased to amuse you. Usually, the young girl would sit down near the fire to read or write about her research, at the same time the old man would walk leisurely behind her as if he was minding his own business. Except he was not. Too often to be by accident, he would glance over her shoulder to correct a translation or give her his own intakes about Horadrim to direct her writing.

“Here’s food”, you ended their bowls, “tomorrow is the last day but we’ll stop only when we reach the Forsaken Chapel, so you’ll both need to have your belly full to withstand all of it.”

“Thank you”, Neyrelle warmly accepted her meal after gently putting her book aside. 

“Hmm, yes thank you”, Donan cleared his throat when realising that he had been sitting down for a while beside the girl to help her. 

“You’re welcome”, you smiled before kneeling beside them, “so how’s the translation going Neyrelle?”

“Pretty good in fact, thanks to that ancient-but not really Horadrim you have found”, she jested, “if only they did not write everything with their secret code, it would be way faster to uncover information.”

“And let anyone and anything harvest all that treacherous knowledge?” Donan scoffed conceitedly. 

“Yeah maybe if you had done so since the beginning things would not be so dire right now!” she counterattacked.

You winced, she was true but it was harsh and with everything going on you did not know if he would be able to withstand it. 

“Damn it, with such fierceness Lorath will have no choice but to listen to you”, he oddly complimented her. 

“You’re starting to make me imagine a very bitter and touchy old man”, she muttered with mix-feelings fighting on her face.

“As we all do, as we all do”, Donan sighed. 

To that, you found no argument in favour of the old Horadrim.

Hence a kind of ritual was built between Donan and you. You would meet him at his estate or the keep, and either you would share a meal, or a ride or a night, or more usually the three in any order. Sometimes you could not see him for some days, because of important matters calling you away from the druids' lands, but it only made your reunion even more intense. Just like that, more than a month went by. 

Presently, you were talking with Yorin in Breigstag. Now that Airidah had been taken down, things were slowly going back to normal but the relationship between knights and people was still complicated. The young man had thought that helping them rebuild and restart their crops could ease the tension but that was no easy task. 

“You can't force people into new beliefs in a blink of an eye”, you reminded him while sharing a drink at the town’s tavern. 

You would sometimes meet him here, to check on how he was doing. Truth being said, you had grown quite attached to him. Even if you still could not understand how he had ended up as a knight penitent when he was so curious and tolerant: he could accept other beliefs easily, and even more, he was sincerely interested in them. 

“I already know that, but I thought they would have seen by now how much good the Church of Light can do”, he revealed to you. 

“But they did not ask for it”, you pointed out. 

It seemed to make him think since he did not speak for a while, looking at his cup as if he could find in it the answers he was looking for. 

“You're a great kid, I mean young man”, you sighed before straightening yourself, “but you lack two important things.”

“What are they?” He wondered with curiosity while looking at you.

“The more important thing is experience, you judge the whole world by what you know and not what you have experienced yourself. From there you rush into situations without having enough reasoning to back up your actions.”

“How can I get any experience when my father hardly lets me go anywhere?!”, he rumbled softly. 

“True”, you admitted. “Maybe I could ask him if you can accompany me on my journey”, you wondered out loud. 

“Really? That would be an incredible opportunity! But I need to finish what I started here first.”

“Obviously, take your time, we'll talk about it again later”, you smiled.

It was not the first time someone came with you on your travels but in this occurrence, you were sure it could be a great experience for both of you. Yorin’s crowd control abilities were working well with your close combat skills, and with more experience in his curriculum, Donan would certainly feel more at ease. A perfect win-win. 

Like this, you started to look for the other druid of Astaroth's legend, with Yorin at your sides. The boy was as helpful as you expected and even if Donan initially seemed close to bringing him back home, he finally got accustomed to it (it just took a lot of persuasion from your side). 

However, your idea backfired on you when you had to justify your endless back and forth at the Firebreak Manor. Thankfully, the young man was either really naive or really skilful at acting. Either way despite the awkward reasons you gave him, he never questioned you further. 

Sadly, you ended up finding Donan's last companion: Nafain, shortly after.  The little peace you had put together suddenly crumbled between your fingers. You fell on your knees before him, your pants soaking in red, overflowing blood as you stared at the half-body corpse still gushing litres of the precious liquid. It was worse than everything you had seen until then. You had thought you had been ready for anything now, but you were wrong. Lilith was a monster. She would stop at nothing. And she was mean, vicious, terribly spiteful. 

“I-I need to inform Father”, Yorin muttered, his eyes wide open in horror.

“I-... W-”, you tried to say something, anything but it was as if someone had cut the strings allowing you to move. 

You did not even look at the boy leaving, your mind helplessly trying to know what to do. You were always a step too late. It was horrible torture to only be the witness of her terrible misdeeds, to be the herald of her soulless crimes, to be the one spreading the bad news with no solution. Nonetheless, your body slowly took over your brain, forcing you to move. Firstly you unhooked the druid, despite everything you had learned about him, nobody deserved such a gruesome death. Secondly, you trusted his wolf to take care of his body better than you would do. And finally, your mind came back.

But it was not with sense and reason, it was with an unyielding urge to see Donan and Yorin. After all this death, this pain, you needed to find peace.  You were no longer hesitating, you jumped on your feet and called for your mount. After that, everything became hazy, you rushed to Eldhaim Keep without stopping. You ignored the creatures trying to throw you on the ground, and Brother bravely supported the injuries and the exhaustion. At that moment your mind was unable to think about anything else than the two men you had grown close to. 

However, the fiends had already invaded the place, they were coming from everywhere, there were corpses everywhere and horrific screams filled the air. Your insides were crushed under excruciating fear as you were looking everywhere for the two men.  

“Yorin?! Donan?!” You called out in a frenzy when barging into the cour.

You ignored the faces of people you knew laying in pools of blood and led your horse through what looked like hell. Meanwhile, you kept calling from the top of your lungs, your mind screaming too: please be safe, please, please, please, please…

The door was barricaded, so you had to go from another building, and leave Brother outside -you trusted him to flee from there-. 

“Yorin?! Donan?!”

There were people, Church of Light’s one on your path but you ignored their plea. Quickly your clothes already stained were even more dyed by blood as you just rushed through the fiends without stopping. No injuries could stop you, no enemy strong enough to hold you. Only Fear was driving you. Each second without seeing them was making you see the horrible vision of Vigo's death. Please be safe, please, please, please, please…

You just followed the trail of dead Penitent Knights, killing what you could on your path until you reached a strange place. You did not even notice that you were no longer in the same building because something far worse was taking place in front of you. 

Despair hit you harder than any blow you had to withstand your whole life. In a second, despite your will, your eyes had caught everything wrong in front of you: Donan lying on the ground, his head covered in blood; Lilith towering over a terrified Yorin, a strange yellow stone in her hand, and the three-headed giant dog lurking in the shadows, ready to jump on anyone fool enough to stop his mistress. 

“No!” You yelled so loudly that you felt something slapping in your throat. “Leave him alone!!” You added your voice now croaked.

Something was dripping on your cheeks, ignoring it you quickly drew your two short swords, deadly set on protecting the young man with your life. I’m not too late, I’m not too late, you kept repeating in your mind as the relief was quickly overpowered by the fear of not being strong enough to defeat the demoness. 

“Oh a little pet”, Lilith commented with a mix of surprise and delight, “I can sense my touch in you, you have tasted my blood haven’t you?”

You did not see her lips move nor heard her talk; your eyes were fixed on Yorin’s face where tears had drawn clear lines on his skin. He was held almost up only by Lilith’s strong grip on his neck, her claws were already tearing blood. You could feel that he was afraid, his lips trembling but no sound coming from them, his eyes shaking and crying, but no complaining… 

“Let.Him.Go!” You punctuated as loudly as you could despite your now useless throat. 

“So the little pet has claws”, she seemed amused as her lips slightly raised. “Then try and come get him if you want it so badly…”

That time you heard her clearly, so with a roar really similar to those of the one you had fought just before, you rushed on her to free your precious partner. 

Lilith did not even drop what she had in her hands, she simply used her wings as weapons, paring yours without effort, even chuckling at each of your attempts. However, she quickly grew bored, and after only two failed blows, she impaled you on the horn atop her left wing. 

“Urgh!” You coughed up blood, dropped your weapons on the spot to grab the appendage and try to free yourself.

Except the demoness was not set on letting you go that easily, she slowly raised her limb making your feet barely touch the ground. The pain made you crazy, you thought that you were going to die, but with a furious cry, you started to kick the she-demon in her side.

“So much potential”, she purred while looking at you, “but you’re not ready to reap. For now, I will deal with this one…”

You turned your head at the same time as her, Yorin was even paler than before, he looked so frightened that you found a new strength in you. As Lilith was raising her hand, you roared and impaled yourself further to try to reach her face. 

“I won’t let you!!”

The next second, the yellow stone was crushing Yorin’s head. Strangled by Lilith’s hand he could not even yell as his face was corroded by liquid fire. You cried, begged, forgetting any pride but it was too late. You realised that you had failed when you heard the demonic shout that came from the boy’s mouth. Astaroth had possessed him.

“Do not worry we will meet again, in the meantime try and get stronger”, Lilith encouraged you before tossing you in a corner as if you were just an insect on her wing.

You stared as the three-headed dog put Astaroth on top of him before slowly walking out beside Lilith. Your body was unable to do the slightest movement, and soon you could no longer see, just hearing your blood dripping on the floor. Then, thankfully, you blacked out.

*

“Urgh, kof, argh”, you erected while coming back to you in panic.

There was something liquid in your throat, you felt like drowning.

“It's a healing potion, just breathe out.”

“D-Donan?” you croaked finally witnessing the man’s face close to yours. “You’re alright?”

“Yes… Lilith did not want to kill me, she wanted to play with me”, the pain was easily audible in his voice, “I thought you were dead.”

“I thought the same thing… Wait! Yorin! I-... Oh fuck… I’m sorry Donan…”

The little composure left on the man’s face totally disappeared as you started to tell him what happened with a shaking voice. 

“That’s not finished”, he oddly assured, “I’ve studied the stone for most of my life. We can-I can still save Yorin, my boy. Just follow me, I know where they went!”

You raised your foot without protesting. His confidence was contagious, just looking at him running was enough to strangle your inner voice. Yes, we can save him, it’s not too late. You wanted so desperately to believe it that you ignored your wound, which had not been totally healed by the potion. 

The rest did not leave you time to think. Your mind just stopped functioning, and you watched like a spectator as your body mercilessly killed Astaroth in Yorin’s body. You did not even flinch when the demon’s appearance reverted to the young man’s one. You just stood there, staring at Donan’s back as he was wailing heartbreakingly. 

You realised that you were walking when you met two men that assured you they would take care of everything. The landscape changed around you for Cerrigar’s inner town, you met other people, their voices muttering in your wake. The sky was dark, but the flames were drawing orange and yellow curbs where the stars should have been visible. The ash made it difficult to breathe but you just ignored it as you ignored the rest. 

“Everything is the Church of Light and Donan’s fault, we should never have trusted those fools!”

You did not register the answer however your fist landed heavily on the face of the one who just talked. You heard his scream but did not hesitate in hitting him again. Too soon, some arms were restraining you, you heard people trying to calm you down but the only thing you could hear was that asshole sentence.

“You should have burned, bastard!” You yelled at him trying to hit him despite the people grabbing you. “You don’t deserve to be alive!”

“Just leave him alone, we need to get you treatment”, a town chief encouraged you, “Donan needs you.”The last sentence succeeded in making you realise that you had gone crazy for a moment. Then, grief tackled you hard but you did not let it transform you into a useless crying mop. You had no right, it was you who had failed because you had not been strong enough. It had to change.