miu

bestfriend!bunny who even after committing such a perverse act, couldn't find himself in the wrong as he cleaned his dirtied hands. he was only appreciating his dearest friend beyond regular norms, so what if others wouldn't understand?

bestfriend!bunnywho comforts you the next day upon finding out you and your crappy boyfriend had argued, silently cursing that asshole under his breath after hearing he'd treated you so terribly.

bestfriend!bunny who openly encourages you to cry in his arms, hushing you as he wiped your tears, large fingers tentatively collecting the salty beads delicately as if you were a porcelain doll he was afraid to break.

bestfriend!bunny who then makes sure you understand your worth, assuring you that you deserve so much better. someone who wouldn't brush aside your feelings without a second thought, someone who truly cherishes every fiber of your being, someone with a bigger dick

bestfriend!bunny then lulls you to sleep between his sturdy arms, instinctively carding his fingers through your luscious hair.

bestfriend!bunny who stifles a cruel grin the next day, hearing you'd broken up with that very same boyfriend.

bestfriend!bunny who shows you the extent of his pride in you for standing up for yourself.

bestfriend!bunnywho's acutely aware he could be the very being who treats you tremendously better.

bestfriend!bunny who'd made his feelings clear on a random tuesday while the both of you sat opposite an array of snacks, binging your favourite series.

boyfriend!bunny who let you know how much he's loved you ever since your first interaction, relishing in the feeling of your warm body pressed against his as the both of you get the chance to cuddle.

boyfriend!bunnywho'd been shamelessly staring at the size difference between the both of you as you sat snug against his broad chest, finding himself growing pathetically hard.

boyfriend!bunny who'd tried to initiate just a kiss to hopefully calm himself down, yet realized soon after it'd only made the situation worse.

boyfriend!bunny who hadn't known how or when the show had been forgotten about, his lips moulding against yours in a sloppy kiss.

boyfriend!bunny who'd tried and failed to calm his hard-on down, now having you pinned beneath him in one swift movement.

boyfriend!bunnywho'd savored every little whimper he'd torn past your lips as he's finally able to push his leaking tip into you.

boyfriend!bunny who takes it slow at first, inserting himself patiently enough for the both of you to feel every inch of the stretch, carefully shushing you as you whine about it being 'too much'.

boyfriend!bunnywho then makes sure to engrave the shape of him deep within you, ensuring his pace is brutal, each quick snap of his hips sending your eyes rolling back in pure euphoria.

boyfriend!bunny who barely tries at hiding his adoration at how tight you're squeezing him.

boyfriend!bunny who pauses every now and then when he notices the perfect little bulge forming in your abdomen whenever he thrusts deep enough, pausing, ruining your long-awaited orgasm simply to point it out, admiring your face of dissatisfaction, your irritated pout only making him harden further in you.

boyfriend!bunny who although would've loved to finish in you, stuff you full of his seed to watch it leak out of your quivering frame, knew he was better than that.

boyfriend!bunnymight be a pervert, but he'd never cross his adorable girlfriend's boundaries! especially not after he'd yearned for you in specific for ages.

or would he?

guess you'd find out the next time he's turned on by the mere size of you again!

© chiffonbunni

M.K | welcome back to all things simple and concise. My podcast. Tonight’s a special kind of night, where I’ve taken the liberty to talk with the person who dated not one. . . not two. . . but three New-Gen 11 stars. Y/N L/N.

The camera had pointed to Y/N, who was smiling professionally. This was an alleged moment of one of Michael Kaiser’s several cracks.

Y/N | Hello.

M.K | Would you consider yourself a slut?

Y/N had widened their eyes, completely unprepared for the instant vulgarity.

Y/N | Oh. . . No?

M.K | Oh yeah? Well. . .

Kaiser had waved a hand, a signal Y/N was completely unaware of. And with the wave of his hand, a member of the production team brought out. . .

Vivien Hugo.

He took a seat on the empty chair next to Y/N.

M.K | Hugo.

V.H | Kaiser.

M.K | Ever since seeing your Reddit post I never felt more disappointed.

V.H | We all have our paths to walk. Just because us two have different paths doesn’t just mean you can justify having the reaction you did.

Y/N awkwardly sat there. Kaiser was visibly furious now, while Hugo was blinking blankly.

M.K | Shut the fuck up! Just tell this piece of shit here that they are a slut.

V.H | Oh. . . you.

Hugo’s eyes visibly darkened when he looked more in Y/N’s direction — a reminder of their past relationship that ended after he discovered Y/N’s secret collection of porn.

V.H | You. . .

Y/N | —Okay, what’s this all about?? To just slutshame me on camera? That’s misogynistic as fuck!

M.K | Shut up! It doesn’t matter if the person is actually a slut. In which you fucking are.

Y/N had sat up abruptly, slamming the desk. Kaiser got up and did the same. Hugo sat there, merely two black holes for eyes

Y/N | You damn prick! I’ll end your life!

Suddenly, the tension had shifted dramatically upon the gut churning appearance of Julien Loki himself, who appeared to be uninvited. No one dared to say a thing, since his aura was that paralyzing.

Y/N, Kaiser, and Hugo turn their heads to him.

J.L | Everyone! Stop!

M.K | How did you get in the studio?!

The tension in the room was at an all time high. Michael Kaiser’s veins were throbbing at his temples, Vivien Hugo looked at Loki with wide eyes, and Y/N had their face in their hands.

J.L | I came to warn Hugo this is a bad idea.

V.H | Julien, I do not understand?

Kaiser was livid, his teeth clenched and face red.

M.K | Loki! Get out of here before—

J.L | Kaiser, please, close your mouth. Now, Hugo, allow me to propose five facts to you that I hope will be of use for you to understand you have to leave.

V.H | And that is?

The eye contact between the two Frenchies sizzled like ironed waffles. Kaiser was frozen. Y/N was now staring with their jaw agape.

J.L | . . . Tsk. Forget it. Hugo . . . Just . . . Come with me.

Hugo rushed to stand from his chair.

V.H | J-Julien? Are you . . .

But Kaiser interjected the suffocating and for some reason erotic interaction.

M.K | Enough! Both of you, get the hell out! I’m literally fucking disgusted!

Loki and Hugo didn’t need to be told another time. They gave their final nods and waves before languidly exiting the set room.

Y/N | Um . . .

M.K | Tsk. Whatever.

Kaiser sat back down, pinching the bridge of his nose, strikingly frustrated.

AD BREAK!

The studio was in relatively good shape. It was as if nothing had ever happened. No strange Julien/Vivien interaction, and no angry Kaiser.

M.K | Okay, well that didn’t go as planned. Anyway, Y/N, the public has some questions for you.

Y/N | . . . Yes?

M.K | About the Sae and Bunny situation.

Y/N had stilled, unprepared.

Y/N | Yeah . . . about that . . .

M.K | You do know this just furthers the idea that you’re a good for nothing slut?

Y/N | I am not no fucking slut!

M.K | Yes you fucking are!

Tension spiked in the studio once again.

Y/N | Jesus fucking christ! Hop off my dick!

M.K | How about you hop off other boys’ dicks first?

Y/N | Fuck! Can I just leave? I don’t even wanna be here anymore!

M.K | You can’t. The papers you signed make sure of that.

Y/N | What!

M.K | Stupid bitch. Did you not even read the forms?

Y/N | I didn—

M.K | Whatever. Production, bring in the next boy.

Kaiser did the waving hand signal again. Y/N had widened their eyes, confused.

Then. . .

Sae Itoshi.

Y/N audibly gasped.

Sae Itoshi took a seat.

M.K | I’m honestly surprised you agreed to this, Itoshi.

S.I | It’s because things still need to be sorted out.

Y/N | Sae—

S.I | It’s Itoshi.

M.K | Yikes. I guess this is what happens when you think you can take two dicks at once . . .

Y/N was visibly malfunctioning. Kaiser took this opportunity to be even more . . . well, him.

M.K | So, Itoshi, tell us what your thoughts were when it was publicly revealed you were being cucked?

S.I | I was disappointed.

M.K | And Y/N, how did you feel when Bunny revealed your guys’ relationship on Reddit?

Y/N stood up abruptly, their hip hitting the mic. The impact sounded in everyone’s headphones. Sae even visibly grimaced.

Y/N | This is all very invasive to be putting my exes in my face one by one!

M.K | This is literally what you signed up for you stupid fucking bitch!

S.I | This is getting ridiculous. . .

M.K | Tsk. What’s ridiculous is that you were getting cheated on and didn’t even know. And it was Bunny of all people you were being cheated on with.

The corner of Sae’s lip twitched.

S.I | That’s neither here nor there. . .

M.K | Bitch, are you serious? That’s the only the reason I invited you! To talk about this!

Itoshi had straightened up in his seat more, a slight scowl appearing across his features.

S.I | Y/N. I do sometimes wish bad things to happen to you.

The raw confession shocked everyone in the room. Except for Kaiser.

M.K | Hah! Hilarious! See? Y/N, everyone hates you.

Y/N | That’s not very nice, Itoshi.

S.I | I don’t fucking care. . .

Y/N | Look, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but—

Itoshi abruptly stood up.

S.I | No. The truth is that you thrive off of being in the centre of drama. You love playing with the hearts of others because it is the only thing that gives you meaning in your pathetic life.

Gasps from the production team got picked up from the mics. Y/N widened their eyes, their jaw dropping.

S.I | And also, fucking Bunny of all people? That guy? Tsk. Tepid.

M.K | Okay, Itoshi. Let’s not start crying over a female.

S.I | I wasn’t going to start crying. I just pointed out what was true.

M.K | Y/N, I have a very important and urgent question; would you get with Rin Itoshi, Sae’s little brother?

Itoshi’s eyes visibly widened, his whole expression shifting to something of intense shock.

S.I | Bringing my family into this now?

Y/N | I . . . Maybe I would. . .

And then Itoshi audibly gasped.

S.I | What the fuck?! The audacity!

Y/N | Sae, listen, I’m just a wo—

S.I | For fuck’s sake. I’m getting out of here. Have fun being a whore.

M.K | What?! Are you serious! First Hugo and now you?

Itoshi was already pacing out of the studio, his body simmering with unspoken tension. Y/N and Kaiser watched his departing figure before turning and facing each other.

M.K | Well, anyway. That was a dud. You’re dick repellant.

Y/N | No I’m not. Itoshi and I just haven’t had a proper conversation since the incident.

M.K | As a female, don’t you think you should know your place? Instead of the streets, maybe doing something productive like your boyfriend’s laundry?

Y/N | YOU STUPID FUCK!—

AD BREAK!

The studio seemed relatively polished. Ever since Y/N almost launched themself at Kaiser, the production team needed everyone to take 10.

Now, Kaiser and Y/N were back in their seats.

M.K | It’s important for people to know a couple things about biological dynamics.

Y/N | What?

M.K | You, as a female, don’t understand your place. You cheat on men, despite the fact that men are designed to be stronger and more logically adept. It’s like you run on emotion. Which is a common thing among females — but still an annoyance.

Y/N | What the fuck are you even saying??

M.K | I’m saying you’re annoying and too prideful. You could get your shit rocked anytime, any moment.

Y/N | Are you threatening violence on your own podcast?

M.K | So what? Fans will love me anyway.

Y/N | You’re a piece of shit.

M.K | Tell me something I don’t know.

Then, Kaiser did another wave of his hand. Y/N immediately stiffened, like they’ve been pavlov’d by Kaiser’s hand signal.

And of course, the worst thing happened. Not one, but two New-Gen 11 Stars came into the studio.

Bunny Iglesias and Teddy Knight.

They took their seats beside Y/N.

Y/N | Oh my fucking God.

B.I | Hello everyone.

T.K | Hi I’m Teddy Knight.

B.I | You don’t have to introduce yourself, Teddy, everyone knows who you are.

Y/N | Can we just get this over with?

Bunny’s demeanour instantly shifted at the sound of Y/N’s voice. He angled his head to get a better view of their face.

B.I | You say that about a lot of things, don’t you?

Y/N | Please. I’ve had enough punchings for the day.

M.K | Well, you have a punchable face.

Y/N | And you have an attitude problem.

M.K | I’m sure.

Y/N | Also, why is Teddy Knight here? I literally have no relation with him whatsoever.

T.K | Bunny might’ve needed the support.

M.K | What are you Bunny? A little kid? Why do you need emotional support?

B.I | Don’t we all?

M.K | . . . Whatever. Bunny, tell Y/N what has been on your mind. Ever since the two of you broke up.

Bunny cleared his throat, ready to speak. Teddy shifted in his seat, prepared to give Bunny support. For some reason.

B.I | Y/N I’ve always been a guy to see the bigger picture. So truthfully, breaking up with you was probably one of the best things that could’ve happened to me. I don’t have use for your negative energy.

The room fell silent for a few moments.

Y/N | Oh. . . wow.

T.K | What Bunny is trying to say is that you’re a waste of energy.

Y/N | Yeah I knew that.

M.K | It’s about time we start wrapping things up—

Y/N | Bunny. Being with you was one of the happiest times in my life. I’ll never forget us.

Bunny didn’t speak for many beats after that. In fact, he began sniffling, bordering on. . . crying??

B.I | It’s . . . It’s just so hard being me. . .

M.K | Are we fucking serious right now?

Teddy began stroking Bunny’s back softly, comforting him.

T.K | Bunny needs space, I think.

M.K | No, Bunny is a grown ass man crying over a female who doesn’t give a shit about him.

Y/N | Hey!—

M.K | Iglesias, you’re not just some fucking crumb on the sidewalk. You’re an elite soccer star with hundreds of thousands of eyes on you. Crying over females is weak male behaviour, and I’m not gonna FUCKING stand for it.

B.I | Huh?

M.K | You’re better off locking in and focusing on what actually counts in life. Saves you from looking weak and pathetic like you do right now.

Bunny’s tears weren’t stopping, however.

B.I | I am allowed to feel things

M.K | Sure, but as a man you aren’t allowed to show them. Simple.

Bunny quickly stood from his chair. Teddy followed Bunny’s actions.

B.I | No! I can do what I want! And matter of fact, this piece of shit podcast is one of the things I want to do the least!

M.K | Literally what?

T.K | Bunny’s saying that—

B.I | I’m gone. Bye.

Bunny stormed off crying, making Teddy rush to follow.

Once again, the studio only contained Kaiser and Y/N.

M.K | You know, Y/N, it’s not really normal for people to have the reactions that they have when they see you.

Y/N | I feel terrible.

M.K | That’s the point.

AD BREAK!

The studio was crisp and professional, and Y/N and Kaiser sat across from each other.

M.K | I think this about wraps up today’s episode. And Y/N, would you say you learned your lesson?

Y/N | There wasn’t any lesson for me to even learn.

M.K | It’s not just anyone who somehow has three exes that’re all New-Gen 11 stars. And it’s not just anyone who plays with those stars’ hearts.

Y/N | I’m not a bad guy—

M.K | It’s fascinating, honestly. Your face isn’t that remarkable, and your clothes are hideous. So what’s the attraction?

Y/N | Hey! Asshole!

M.K | You turned Vivien Hugo gay, you made Sae Itoshi yell, and you made Bunny Iglesias cry. How am I the asshole here?

Y/N | Tsk. Maybe go and ask Reddit.

Suddenly, the vibes shifted.

Kaiser giggled.

At a woman’s joke.

M.K | Hmph. Okay Y/N, maybe I will.

Y/N | Is the episode over yet? Can I leave?

THE END. . .

BONUS SMAU:

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he likes your HANDS, likes the way they’re smaller and softer than his. loves when you run them through his hair, even when you pinch his cheeks (even if they end up red and swollen after).

he’s the type of person that loves holding your hand during sex. it doesn’t matter if he’s being rough, or if it’s just gentle lovemaking, you best believe your hand is getting held tightly by his. it’s comforting, grounding, it shows you that he’s here, no matter what, and you can trust him to take care of you. when his hands are busy doing other things (such as keeping your legs open or restraining you from squirming so much), he likes having your hands holding onto his shoulders, or cupping his face, anything’s fine as long as you keep touching him.

handjobs are his guilty pleasure. sure, they may be nothing over the top, but he thinks there’s nothing as arousing as having your small hand (or hands) wrapped around his cock, doing your best to bob them up and down, even if the amount of precum he’s leaking makes everything so sticky and wet. he just sits back, enamored with the little huffs and puffs you let out every once in a while, struggling to grab his whole cock. but that’s what makes you so charming to him, how cute you look when you’re so intent on nursing on his dick, how you whine at him to just help you out. he’s not a mean man, but just this once he’ll just sit in silence watching you.

kaeya, ayato, alhaitham, kaveh, neuvillette, lyney, childe, kinich (genshin impact) welt, sampo, luocha, jiaoqiu, aventurine, gallagher, phainon, anaxa (honkai star rail) chigiri, kunigami, nagi, itoshi sae, kaiser (blue lock) byakuya, nagito, kokichi, rantaro (danganronpa) mikey (lazy ass), chifuyu, ran (lazy ass n2), nahoya “angry”, kokonoi (tokyo revengers) dazai, ranpo, fukuzawa, tachihara, odasaku, jouno, nikolai (bungou stray dogs) deku, aizawa, sero, mirio, dabi (my hero academia) hinata, oikawa, iwaizumi, matsukawa, semi, kenma, yaku, akaashi, suna (haikyuu) whitney, syndey, wren, brian (degrees of lewdity) gojo, shiu, nanami, sukuna (jujutsu kaisen)

he likes your THIGHS, and likes napping on them even more. regardless of how much he likes to laze around, the soft skin always lulls him into a deep sleep. and when he’s not sleeping, he’s tracing countless patterns on them as he talks about his day - or listens to yours. he bites you sometimes, then licks and kisses the skin better. call him a freak, but he’d die for your thighs, no questions asked.

have you guys ever seen those memes that are like “i’d be happy to die crushed by my gf’s thighs”? that’s him. point blank. he spends hours and hours between your legs, overstimulating you to the point of tears, and the more you cry and try to close your legs the more he enjoys it and keeps going. he starts by kissing your legs, inching closer and closer to your core, leaving numerous hickeys and bite marks all over your inner thighs. when he starts sucking and licking your clit, his hands squeeze the fat of your thighs, further bruising the flesh. you can’t even get mad at him, really, because the massages and creams and who-knows-what he gives you during aftercare makes up for it.

when you’re not feeling like having full on sex, you both agreed on letting him fuck your thighs. it’s a win-win, really, since he gets off and you can lay down and rest (as much as you can while having your boyfriend rutting in your legs from the back, to be fair). the slick coats your skin, making it easy for his cock to slide in and out of your thighs. his tip peeks out from the front, red and throbbing while he overstimulates himself. he groans in your ears, about how “you feel so fuckin’ good, sweetheart, you’re such a doll for letting me fuck you like this”. well, you can’t really resist him when he’s like this, so when his cock doesn’t go down after the nth orgasm he’s had, you just tell him to fuck you properly. he can’t wait.

diluc, albedo, xiao, gaming, zhongli, kazuha, thoma, wanderer, pantalone, childe (genshin impact) caelus, dan heng, dr ratio, moze (honkai star rail) isagi, bachira, rin, sendou (blue lock) makoto, kiyotaka, gundham, hajime, shuichi (danganronpa) mikey, kazutora, inui, mitsuya, souya “angry” (tokyo revengers) atsushi, tanizaki, chuuya, tecchou, sigma, mark twain, poe (bungou stray dogs) kaminari, tokoyami, shinsou, monoma, tamaki, hawks (my hero academia) kageyama, yamaguchi, hanamaki, sugawara, goshiki, fukunaga, bokuto, atsumu (haikyuu) kylar, robin, doren, mason, alex (degrees of lewdity) choso, ino, gojo, geto (jujutsu kaisen)

he likes your BOOBS. a worrying amount, actually. he feels like a teenage boy all over again, but he can’t help the way his eyes always drop down to your cleavage (regardless of the shirt you’re wearing, or lack of thereof). his hands are always grabbing your chest, squeezing the fat like they’re stress balls, and he won’t stop unless you whine enough or he’s satisfied (very unlikely). he could spend his whole life tugging and circling on your nipples, sucking on them, biting your tits, anything, really. and obviously your boobs end up swollen, bruised and overstimulated, but can you really be mad at him, though, when he looks at you like a kicked puppy?

a while ago, one of his friends showed him a video of this dude fucking his girlfriend’s tits, and the thought hasn’t left his head ever since. not to say he doesn’t like your pussy, or mouth, but there’s just something so lewd, so messed up about sliding his cock in and out of your boobs. he’s lucky to be dating a cutie like you, honestly, since you let him do just that. he’s a freak, he knows it, but your tits are just so soft, so warm and tight and wet that his dick slides against them so well. sometimes you’re sweet enough to take his tip into your mouth, licking and suckling on it, spreading precum all over your lips. he’s a meanie, though, cumming all over your tits and face. other times, he just rubs his cock all over your chest, pace quickening against your nipples. and no matter how many times he cums, his dick always gets hard again when he sees your doe eyes and pretty tits. be patient with him, yeah?

having you ride him is definitely one of his favorite positions, since it’s a win-win for both of you: you’re taking all of his cock (or at least, you try to), and he has your tits bouncing right in his face. yeah, having you twitch and squirt all over is length is nice (well, more than just nice, but you get my point), but he’s so mesmerized by your boobs. as stated above, he’s no better than a teenage boy, and just a handful of tits is enough to get him going and cumming deep inside you. sometimes he grabs your chest, sucks on your nipples hard enough to bruise them, but when you get sick of all the marks and spit, your best bet is to just tie his hands up. all he can do is whine, “c’mon baby, don’t be so mean. just wanna touch you” and “you’re bein’ so mean to me, i’ll be good, yeah?”, but you know him well enough to know they’re all lies. well, all the more reason to take control for once, no? he does deserve a little punishment every once in a while.

venti, kazuha, ayato, ororon, wriothesley, capitano, dainsleif (genshin impact) caelus, luka, gepard, jing yuan, boothill, moze, blade, gallagher, sunday, mydei, phainon (honkai star rail) isagi, aiku, reo, ness, nagi, rin itoshi, sendou (blue lock) mondo, nagito, kazuichi, korekiyo, kokichi (danganronpa) baji, kazutora, ran, shinichiro, izana, inui, hakkai, draken (tokyo revengers) dazai, ranpo, akutagawa, chuuya, fyodor, nikolai, jouno (bungou stray dogs) deku, shoji, bakugo, todoroki, sero, tamaki, monoma, shigaraki (my hero academia) kuroo, fukunaga, kageyama, tsukishima, osamu, kita, bokuto, sakusa, iwaizumi (haikyuu) kylar, robin, eden, sydney (degrees of lewdity) toji, gojo, higuruma, choso (jujutsu kaisen)

he likes your ASS. it’s a classic: who doesn’t? he likes laying his head on it, likes groping it when you’re wearing short, or skirts, or… never mind, he’s always touching it. whistles when you walk by, slaps it when he passes by you. call him childish but he could care less.

most of the time, he’s fucking you from behind, just so he can see the fat of your ass recoil and bounce when it hits his pelvis. he’s so rough, but he just can’t stop when you’re wrapped so tightly around him, not when the room is filled with the squelching sounds of your cunny. when you whine too much, he just slaps your ass, leaving big, red handprints on it, but he knows you don’t mind it. you won’t mind if he sticks his thumb inside your puckered hole, right? he doesn’t care about that “embarrassing” nonsense you keep on blabbering about, just let him take care of you. you seem to cum harder when he’s playing with your hole, anyways.

itoshi rin

every interviewer quickly realizes asking rin open-ended questions is a mistake. 

"how does it feel to score your first professional hat trick?" "... fine." "can you elaborate?" "... i scored three." 

a reporter asks him if he'd like to thank anyone after his man of the match performance. rin thinks for a full 10 seconds. "... no." 

the interview ends four questions early because nobody knows where to go from there. 

sponsors desperately want a marketable superstar, so they coach him beforehand. 

"smile." 

"okay." 

"try to sound warmer." 

"okay." 

"maybe thank the fans." 

"okay." 

the camera rolls. 

"thank you... i guess." 

bro, that's less warm. 

one interviewer jokingly asks, "any weaknesses?” 

rin answers, "interviews." 

the entire press room bursts into laughter. rin wasn't joking. 

itoshi sae

sae somehow gives the impression that he's media-trained because he always looks composed. he's not. he's just naturally expressionless. 

a reporter asks, "how important was teamwork today?" 

sae answers without missing a beat. "very." 

"can you expand?" 

"no." 

PR managers everywhere develop stress-induced migraines. 

someone asks him if he gets nervous before big matches. 

"no." 

"never?" 

"traffic is annoying." 

that becomes one of those random athlete quotes that gets edited over meme music for absolutely no reason. 

they ask him what he thinks about becoming one of the league's newest stars. 

“people say that." 

"well, do YOU think that?" 

"not really." 

his club's social media admin nearly throws their laptop because they'd already drafted three "our rising superstar ⭐" posts. 

the funny thing is reporters slowly adapt to him. by the end of the season, interviews sound like hostage negotiations. 

"one-word answers are okay." 

"good." 

"excellent! that's progress." 

nagi seishiro

nagi forgets interviews exist until someone shoves a microphone in his face and says, "congratulations on the win." 

"oh… thanks." 

they ask him what was going through his mind when he scored an unbelievable volley. 

"dinner." 

"... excuse me?" 

"i didn’t have lunch." 

the clip hits 15 million likes because everyone believes him. 

one interviewer asks him to describe himself in three words. 

"sleepy. hungry. done." 

the interviewer starts laughing so hard they accidentally end the segment early. 

he constantly answers rhetorical questions. 

"i guess dreams really do come true, huh?" 

"yeah…” 

"what?" 

"dreams… they come true." 

the club eventually starts assigning reo to stand just off-camera because whenever nagi starts drifting into outer space mid-answer, reo silently points toward the next reporter. 

mikage reo

reo walks into interviews with CEO confidence and absolutely zero filter. reporters love him because he'll answer anything. PR managers hate him because he'll answer anything. 

someone casually asks what convinced him to join his club. 

"money wasn't really important." 

his agent nods proudly. 

"i mean i already have enough." 

his agent physically leaves the interview frame. 

an interviewer asks if he gets competitive. 

reo nods enthusiastically. "absolutely." 

"with who?" 

"everyone." 

"everyone?" 

"even the GPS. if it says i'll get there at 4:32, i'm getting there at 4:31 or earlier." 

they ask him who spends the most time getting ready before matches. 

he answers: "nagi." 

nagi, walking behind him with bedhead and one untied shoe, goes "huh?” 

his biggest crime is accidentally revealing behind-the-scenes information. 

"coach gave a really inspiring speech before kickoff." 

the reporter is like "really? what did he say?" 

reo, without thinking, answers, “he said if we lost he'd shave someone's eyebrows." 

the club has to cut to commercial. 

by his second season, every interview starts with a PR representative whispering, "remember... some things stay in the locker room." 

reo smiles confidently. "of course." 

five minutes later: "so anyway, here's what happened on the team bus..." 

bachira meguru

bachira is every media manager's favorite person... until the interview actually starts. he walks in smiling, waving at every camera, complimenting the interviewer's shoes, and everyone thinks, finally, someone charismatic. 

five minutes later, he's somehow talking about how defenders "taste different." 

"... what?" 

"like... some taste like spicy ramen. some taste like stale bread." 

"taste…?" 

"yeah." 

nobody asks him to elaborate because they're honestly scared of the answer. 

he's the king of answering questions that were never asked. "what was the key to today's win?" 

"one time, i got chased by a goose." 

"sorry?" 

"i think that's why i'm so good at dribbling." 

people believe him. 

he has absolutely no concept of inside thoughts. 

"your chemistry with your striker seems incredible." 

"yeah! he looked constipated during warmups so i knew he'd have a good game." 

the camera cuts to said teammate looking absolutely betrayed. 

every interview somehow ends with the interviewer laughing instead of getting the answer they originally wanted. 

shidou ryusei (suggestive content… 😔) 

the league has to implement a five-second broadcast delay specifically because of shidou. 

every single interview begins with a PR manager saying, "please... just answer normally." 

"got it." 

30 seconds later: "that bicycle kick made me feel like i was ‘bout to finish all over the field, dude! i thought my soul left my body for a second!” 

"... we'll... use that." 

reporters try to ask him the safest questions imaginable. "how did you celebrate after scoring?" 

"i unloaded the trailer cuh." 

"... pardon?" 

"my toilet saw the chocolate gates." 

one interviewer asks what motivates him. 

"violence." 

complete silence. 

"... on the pitch!" he laughs. 

the clip ends before he can clarify. 

after one particularly chaotic interview, a veteran reporter is heard whispering into the mic, "i need a drink…” 

karasu tabito

karasu thinks interviews are funny because reporters always ask questions they already know the answer to. 

"did you expect to win today?" 

"would've been weird if i expected to lose." 

he accidentally develops a reputation for roasting reporters without actually meaning to. 

"how did you deal with their press?" 

"same way i'm dealin’ with these questions." 

"... how's that?" 

"patiently." 

one interviewer asks him for his biggest weakness. 

"answerin’ stupid questions." 

"... are you talking about soccer?" 

"i am now." 

he has the most disrespectful habit of looking directly into the camera like he's on the office every time someone asks something ridiculous. 

"do you think scoring goals is important?" 

karasu just stares into the lens. "... nah, not really." 

fans love him because every interview feels less like a press conference and more like watching someone argue with customer service. 

kaiser michael

kaiser is somehow both the easiest and hardest player to interview. he speaks clearly, sits with perfect posture, and always looks like he's in complete control... until you realize he's answering every question like he's trying to entertain himself instead of the audience. 

one reporter asks, "what makes you different from other strikers?" 

kaiser smiles politely. "i score more." 

"... anything else?" 

"that was the important part." 

sponsors beg him to sound more humble, like "remember, acknowledge your teammates." 

kaiser responds with, "of course." 

camera rolls. 

"my teammates did an excellent job creating chances." 

everyone in the room smiles. 

"it would've been a shame if i wasted them." 

the smiles disappear immediately. 

an interviewer asks if he ever feels pressure living up to expectations. 

"uh, why would i?" 

"because millions of people are watching you." 

"then they should enjoy the show." 

the clip gets turned into every football edit imaginable. 

he has a habit of accidentally making everything sound like a challenge. 

"any message for the defenders you'll be facing next week?" 

"rest well." 

"because?" 

"you'll need it." 

the opposing club's social media account reposts the clip with 17 question marks. 

ness alexis

ness is trying so hard to sound professional. emphasis on trying. 

his very first interview starts just fine actually. 

"we're all working incredibly hard, and i'm grateful to be here–" 

"what makes kaiser such a dangerous player?" 

his brain disconnects from PR mode so fast. 

"have you SEEN him?" 

"yes–” 

"he's amazing." 

“right–” 

"like... genuinely unbelievable." 

somewhere off-camera, the media manager slowly lowers their head into their hands. 

reporters quickly discover that asking him about literally anyone else gets a normal answer. but asking him about kaiser turns him into the president of the fan club. 

someone asks him to describe kaiser in one word. 

"one?" he pouts. 

"yes." 

"... that's impossible." 

during one interview, he accidentally says, "sometimes i forget cameras are recording." 

the interviewer laughs. 

"wait… they're recording now?" 

the panic on his face becomes one of the league's most-used reaction memes. 

by the end of his rookie season, interviewers intentionally sneak one kaiser question into every interview because watching ness completely abandon professionalism halfway through has become must-see television. every single time he catches himself halfway into another speech– 

"he's just so incredi–" deep breath. "he's... a valuable teammate." 

everyone knows what he was going to say anyway. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

“heyyy! your laces are all loosey-goosey!”

before you can react, bachira’s squatting in front of you with a mischievous grin, tugging the strings of your shoes snug.

“there. don’t want you face-planting in front of everyone,” he hums.

you try to thank him, but he just giggles and tugs on your sleeve.

“you owe me a snack for saving your life.”

“you’re gonna trip.”

you look down, and just as you’re about to protest, rin is crouched low, efficiently tying your shoe with an unreadable expression on his face.

he doesn’t say anything after— just stands, hands shoved in his pockets, teal eyes avoiding yours.

“...next time, pay attention,“ he mutters.

but you catch it: the soft, almost inaudible “i don’t want you getting hurt.”

“o-oh! wait—!”

tokimitsu panics when he sees you walking with one shoe untied. “i-it’s okay, i’ll fix it! i mean—if that’s okay??”

he drops to one knee like he’s proposing, fumbling a bit but determined.

“i just...i’d feel really bad if you fell...”

when he stands back up, he’s red from his collar to his ears.

“you’ll scuff your shoes like that,” yukimiya chides gently.

before you can respond, he’s already knelt down, fingers elegant even when tying knots. “presentation matters, you know.”

he finishes with a flourish and a soft smile.

“there. neat and perfect. like you.”

you barely notice your loose shoe until kunigami sighs, “hold still.”

he kneels down without a second thought, thick fingers deftly looping the laces. you stare at him, a little stunned. “you really didn’t have to—”

he glances up, ears slightly red.

“you’d trip. ‘course i did.”

“your laces are a mess,” chigiri says flatly.

you look down. “oh—i’ll get it—”

he’s already kneeling, reaching out. “you’d just make it worse.”

despite his teasing tone, his hands are gentle, precise.

when he stands back up, he avoids your eyes—but his ears are glowing pink, a shade lighter than his hair.