"Hello and Welcome to MACUSA non-magical hotline. If you are not a Squib, No-magi, Muggle or are in spirit form, ghost trapped in a elertical device or not experinces troubles tapping into your magical abilities or having lost your wand, hang up now and owl us. Or come into our office during normal bussniess hours. Eight am to six pm every monday thru friday excluding major hoildays or Bigfoot segies to the office. Nine am to five pm during weekends or minor hoildays. For all other inquires please stay on the line.
"Please listen carefully to our menu to find your correct line.
"Dial 1 for magical emergency, accidents, leaks in the news, Tik Tok's that are exposing our world or to report a crime.
"Dial 2 if your establishment is being haunted.
"Dial 3 for magical beasts or Beingings running rampet in your area.
"Dial 4 if you suspect yourself or someone else has been cursed.
"Dial 5 only for haunted dolls for all other haunted objects hit the pound key or yell "It's gotten in through the door!" and our friendly and knowlagable team of Curse Breakers will aid you.
"Dial 6 for portals opening up outside of office hours and/or outside the correct portal bay doors. Hell portals need not be reported.
"Dial 7 if you or another is finally succumbing to the Werewolves curse. Or "It's a full moon."
"Dial 8 to be sent to "That creepy store front that disappeared after you left and turned around thinking it was a dream or a joke." If the shop clerk is not in, please leave a brief message and he is find you in your dreams.
"For those who just got delivered an Owl to a school called Ilvermorny press 9 now."
"You have reached Ilvermorny school of Witchcraft and Wizardry non magical hotline. All our repersentives are busy at the moment, please hold on the line for the next open rep, your call is very important to us."
*Dail tone followed by You Can Do Magic by America playing in the background*
"Now I know there can be no doubt;
You can do magic
You can have anything you desire
Magic, and you know
You're the one who can put out this fire.."