Miss Carrots

@drarrymicrofic | prompt: bound | wc: 164

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

The cold chokes Draco even as he unfolds himself from his wool coat. Even as the Muggle pub suffuses him in warmth. 

“Potter.”

Maybe it’s the earnestness in Potter’s gaze. 

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s meeting Potter here, again. At this wayward Muggle pub, sipping ales for hours and listening to Potter chatter and provoke.

Why had Potter asked him here? Sequestered him one day in the Ministry atrium.

(Malfoy, would you try this pub with me?)

Is it pity? Is it boredom? Is Draco a charity case?

(Draco would’ve, should’ve said no, but the green eyes and the eyelashes and the hope.)

A week into this forsaken arrangement, Granger had stopped by his office to tell him he was doing Harry good and had given him a meaningful look. Probably something only discernable to other Gryffindors.

Draco wants to say no to these weekly meetings, but he’s bound to the debts he owes Potter, big and small, up to and including the embers of treacherous rightness that fill him up when Potter laughs at him, emerald eyes aglow.

“Draco,” Potter greets him.

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

shane x ilya: it’s all coming back to me now by celine dion

"Boobs or butts, Potter?" Seamus asked him, quite sloshed and pouring more.

"Huh?" Harry blinked his eyes back into focus on the table he sat at.

"Do you prefer big boobs or a big butt?"

THE SCHOOL SYSTEM !!! PEER ABUSE !!!!! ISOLATION !!!!!!!! RACISM !!! SEXISM !!!!!! MEDICAL ABUSE !!!!!! NONCONSENSUAL SURGERY !!!! POVERTY !!!! SO MUCH MORE !!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

edit: i made this in a high school enduced rage and didnt expect it to blow up like this ?

anyway i love trans people i love intersex people i love people with personality disorsers i love aspec people okkk