cunt

What if you poked me in the chest and your finger broke through like you were cracking into a rotted plank of wood and dust came out and I just crumpled into nothing and my spores got into your nose

heartwarming: transfem named mary sue and transmasc named gary stu have had a beautiful nonbinary baby named donut steel

you and I were like. pees in a pod. oops sorry i accidentally peed in your pod. anyway as i was saying you and i are pretty fucking similar

Mid century modern pussy

U literally cannot save your mother like it cant be done

a trap song with the rapper growing increasingly concerned about all the gun sound effects in the music 

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

*walking into the morgue to find body parts scattered across the floor* oh my god who closed last night

superbat is a bad ship name. it should be manman

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

I'm such a grump about the original meanings of jokes being lost/muddied. Hydrogen Bomb vs. Coughing Baby is NOT supposed to be a one sided fight. The whole joke is that they are on equal footing. The joke is that babies cough so loud that the question of whether a coughing baby is louder than a hydrogen bomb is up for debate.