i'm petty as fuck.

DAMIAN HARDUNG Maxton Hall 2.05, "Deceptive Lightness"

he doesn't want to ruin the high or be a buzzkill , but he was working tonight . word going around that the guy who gave her the substances was trying to steal his customers , take his revenue . rook myers didn't mind sharing , unless it had to do with money . and he especially didn't like smothering it in dirt . "whatever he gave you , where is it ?" needs to know if it's laced . so far , she seems fine , but it's always the calm before the storm that worries him and her smile would've been infectious if he hadn't already taken his flu shot .

her smile turns into a pout, head swaying as she steps back only to pat herself down. she checks her bra, her back and front pockets. nothing. then comes laughter, light and angelic, a stark contrast to the hell inside of her mind. " oops. " a fitting word for her life as of late. each decision a big mistake. " i thought i still had some left. do you think he has more ? " blonde curls whip around, gaze searching for the man in question. she feels so light, like a feather, and in an instant she's falling back into rook as her unsteadiness catches up to her. " i think you scared him off. "

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her heart sank a bit at the name that came out of his mouth, forcing herself to school her features. knew that the two of them were close to driving angel up a wall, and after last time, she wasn't ready to test what he'd do in a situation like this. " won't be angel, but please tell him i'm good if he asks where i am in the morning. " went for a smile as sweet as honey, spontaneously forgetting about the conversation she had with angel before they'd left. one more broken promise, but apparently they were in the business of those. " and that it's on you. "

jealousy coils inside of him, but he keeps it contained, hidden. instead scoffs out a laugh like he hasn't got a care in the world, when in reality, he has the weight of the ( his ) world on his shoulders. " right . . . cause it's all me, right ? you don't play him at all. " he's not stupid. he can see the way angel looks at her, knows there's something there. " 's all good, though. we'll kiss and make up. we always do. " when it comes to the two men, they always do. best friends no matter what. a smirk forms, suggesting he's about to say something he should. " shame you don't wanna be in the middle of it. but you have fun. i'm sure you've picked a good one. "

he shakes his head , something vanished behind his eyes . he'd been here before , watched what she got up to . he wasn't an insecure man , it didn't matter if she walked around naked . what bothered him was that the men around here felt entitled to her body like they owned it and they both knew , she hadn't belonged to anyone since he entered the picture . "how about we play a game ?" leans back again , "two truths and a lie . i'll even let you go first ."

a game . . . he wants to play a game. one that requires a little honesty, and somehow that makes her more on edge than anything else. she studies him for a moment, a brief look of confusion. " i mean, if that's how you want to spend your money, then sure. we can play. " she sinks back, one leg coming up to her chest, her arms wrapping around it. wracks her brain for a truth that won't leave her feeling too exposed. " okay, um . . . i've never broken a bone, i hate unfinished business, and i'm a big morning person. ”

he was the kind of guy you read about in books , the one your mother warned you about . but her mother is dead and her father wasn't around long enough to teach her what she should look out for , so she learned on her own . he seemed harmless enough . eyebrows raise slightly as do her lips into an almost angelic smile , "you give us rich folk way too much credit ." all anyone in there cared about was numbing themselves of a life that on paper looked great , but remained lonely behind closed doors . she reaches for his cigarette , bringing it to her lips and taking a drag . flicking ashes to the ground by her feet , she licks her lips , blowing smoke out to the side , "right .. did you have something else planned ?"

" call it a lapse in judgment. " his gaze drags over her like he's trying to figure something out. " i usually hate you. " rich folk as a whole, that is. " not often i make exceptions. " his mouth twitches, just enough to hint that he might just be about to make one. " no plans. " he rolls his shoulders, casual, like he's in no great rush. glancing around, his eyes settle upon the row of flashy cars. one thing about the upper class — they always knew good cars. and syven ? well, he's always been good at taking them. " you up for a drive ? " he steps towards the selection, blows out an excited huff of air. " could probably borrow one and have it back before they even notice it's gone. " casts a look over his shoulder, towards her. " take your pick. "

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it sounds so easy when she says it like that. as if it's the first thing you bring up with someone you spent years being in love with, someone you still have love for. his girlfriend. another lie, wasn't it ? much like them learning to be friends, when there was nothing friendly about the way he'd extend his business trips and would take every opportunity to see her if he knew she was near. hand ran over his features, lingering on his jaw as he stared off into the distance, head shaking every so lightly in disagreement when she mentioned that she's the one that fucked up. " suppose the part that's fucked up is that she's always known who you were, " he admitted, gaze shifting to meet hers. it was supposed to be her, and how fucked up is he for having that thought when he'd been with someone else for some time now ? " had me delete the last bits of you when things began to get serious, to the point of going through my clothes and getting rid of hoodies she'd seen me wear in pictures with you after we'd gotten––– " there's a pause, and he shouldn't feel nauseous about this, should he ? " –––she's my fiancée, cleo. "

realization is slow to kick in, head spinning, everything a blur. he's telling her the other female knows who she is, and in her mind that can only mean she hated her before their interaction even began. deleted memories, clothing thrown away. her mind automatically thinks back to moments, items she can remember him wearing in their happy times — hoodies he'd taken off, slipped over her head when she'd gotten cold. just when she's finally caught up, the final blow comes. fiancée . . . engaged. set to be married. her chest tightens, air in her lungs practically evaporating. " oh. " is all she can say, gaze dropping to the ground beneath her feet. cleo had rejected his proposal many years ago, the monsters in her head set on denying her any chance at real happiness. hope is something she has no right to still possess when it comes to angleo, and yet when his revelation comes, she can feel the last of it leaving her. " fuck, okay. " taking a step back, she attempts to collect herself. a few deep breaths, hands curling into small fists. glazed over eyes dare to look back up, hold his gaze. forces a smile. " congratulations. " for her, there will never be another him. the love and loss of her life. her biggest regret will forever be a no that should have been yes. but he's no longer hers, he hasn't been for a long time. " i'm happy for you. " and part of her truly does mean it. as long as he's happy, she can live with anything. " i should um . . . i should go. " her thumb points behind, slow steps edging backwards. " i don't want to cause any problems. can you — can you tell her i'm sorry ? if i had know, i never would have . . . " she'd have left his life in peace. " i'm sorry. "

brows tether together in confusion , trying to make out what he was trying to tell her . he's in distress and she isn't helping which only makes her feel worse . "i won't , i'm sorry ." attempts an apology , fingertips reaching for his face to ground him back to her . swallowing to wet her mouth , she thumbs along the hallows of his cheeks , down the slope of his jawline , "wished what was you , el ?" cranes her neck to look up at him when he's intermediately closer , glancing between his eyes for a sign of the boy she knew him to be . but he was drunk , reeking of alcohol and part of her feels like maybe she should catch up . "okay ," nods her head , "i will . i promise . i'll learn how to swim ."

he's too far gone, can't sober his thoughts no matter how hard he tries. he's held it in for so long it feels like it could burn him alive. " that died. " shakes his head, recklessly stumbling. only stills at her touch. " or — n-never born. " even in his current state, he can't bring himself to cry despite eyes brimming with tears. too many spilled in his childhood, they no longer feel healing. " my brother . . . before me. h-he drowned. " reaching out, he steadies himself, holding her close. " i can't — i can't be him. they want him. " his head falls against her shoulder. lips brushing against skin. " i want you, " he mumbles, letting out a breath. " learn. " please don't fucking leave me.

lesser parts , but nothing seems to come out . feels like she stepped into an alternate universe . one that doesn't make sense anymore because she can't imagine her life without him in it . she had gone a couple weeks without talking to him and that had been torture , another result that stemmed from her actions . but this time was different . this time felt like he was done with her for good . "so you're leaving --" me . syllable falls short , nausea running up the back of her throat as vision blurs . he won't be taking her with him . "leaving ," she repeats herself , sampling the word on her tongue . and every time , it lands a bitter aftertaste behind . "leaving . going ... you'll be gone a long time ." won't you miss me ?

these are the kind of trips he'd once been excited about. new countries, big cities, trouble to be found. but not this time. now the idea of getting on a plane and leaving makes him feel hollow. " i have to. " there is no other option. poured far too much of himself into the family ventures that were destined to be his. " it's business. " and he keeps telling himself that has to come first, no matter what. even as every part of him burns to ask her to come. despite better judgement, he's closing in, gripping her face in his hands, tipping it back to look at him. he's not a fool, he can see that it's hurting her. that he's hurting her. anyone else and he'd probably find some kind of satisfaction in it. but not her. " i need you to start being good to yourself, b. " it's almost a plea. "i need you to start giving a shit about what happens to you. "

he doesn't mind leaving . his dad was a deadbeat and his mom was dead . aside from his friends , there was nothing keeping him there . but running away seemed to be a favorite past time of hers and he wants to make sure that if they do this , it's because she wants to . not because she feels like she has to . "any place in mind ?" walking past his car to take them on a walk down the block . luckily for them , a lot of things were still open in roswell . "should probably pack your bag tonight ," teases with a smile in return , the one on her face easing something broken inside of him .

cleo doesn't think she'll ever fully understand it . . . what he sees in her, how he can care for her still after all of her mistakes. but the more she learns to accept it, the softer she's becoming. " no, " she admits, letting out a laugh. planning to far ahead has never been a strength of hers. " but i figure if we just keep driving, eventually somewhere might feel like home, right ? " though in a way, she thinks she's already found it. in him. which is why she reaches out, takes his hand in hers as they continue to walk. " wait, really ? " her excitement is evident. " you're serious ? " a weight already feels lifted off her shoulders, but she's quick to bite back her selfishness. " because if you don't want to, i can stay here. i won't run. " that she needs to make clear. " i can stay. for you. "