Musings of Murder

what would those faces show? Regret? Grief? Mere indifference?

i wonder how many people would cry for me. I wonder how many people would even show up to my funeral. If they do show up, would this just be another event to them? Something to show up at and save face by being nice to my parents while they count down the seconds before they can leave?

How many of my friends would think about me at night, unable to close their eyes because they’d see my soulless ones in return? Oh how quickly they’d move on, onto the next friend to fill that vacant gap in the group. Would I just be a couple of fleeting memories, some idle thoughts on a thursday afternoon? Would any of them think of me later in life, and have anything good to say?

This is all a very vain thought process. in truth, I’d want my death to affect no one if possible. If I had the choice, I’d rather just die and be gone, everyone can move on with their lives as normal.

but ofc, i’m much too spiteful to die this early in my life. Regardless of what people think of me, I’ll be here anyways, and living my life nonetheless. If they want to continue this charade of liking me, trying to be friends with me to use me, or just because they feel bad for me, so be it. That won’t change this feeling of loneliness I can’t stop feeling. Nothing will.

Here is a quick and dirty writing tip that will strengthen your writing.

In English, the word at the end of a sentence carries more weight or emphasis than the rest of the sentence. You can use that to your advantage in modifying tone.

Consider:

In the end, what you said didn't matter.

It didn't matter what you said in the end.

In the end, it didn't matter what you said.

Do you pick up the subtle differences in meaning between these three sentences?

The first one feels a little angry, doesn't it? And the third one feels a little softer? There's a gulf of meaning between "what you said didn't matter" (it's not important!) and "it didn't matter what you said" (the end result would've never changed).

Let's try it again:

When her mother died, she couldn't even cry.

She couldn't even cry when her mother died.

That first example seems to kind of side with her, right? Whereas the second example seems to hold a little bit of judgment or accusation? The first phrase kind of seems to suggest that she was so sad she couldn't cry, whereas the second kind of seems to suggest that she's not sad and that's the problem.

The effect is super subtle and very hard to put into words, but you'll feel it when you're reading something. Changing up the order of your sentences to shift the focus can have a huge effect on tone even when the exact same words are used.