love.

will you care if i cut myself?

will you spare me a look if i lay down on the floor, bleeding to death?

will you tell me then that i was worthy and enough and that you'd hate to see me go?

will you treat me like your own child one last time?

i remember the old times,

the night zephyr caressing my cheeks as i wondered,

"what did i do so wrong?"

"do i deserve this?"

hoping one day things would change and you'd treat me the way you treat them.

nothing changed, except the place.

the wind doesn't visit me anymore.

i'm left all alone in the depths of the dark.

they say blood is thicker than water, but you proved them wrong.

afterall, you failed to create the perfect child you wanted.

would you love me if i didn't exist?

would i still be showered with hatred?

you think you did an amazing job raising a child at 21, when you weren't ready?

what makes you think i'd rather not be dead than be here?

you should've killed me back then.

would've saved you from all this trouble.

good luck, mother.

as much as i love you, i don't think i can ever love you.

i will never be as perfect as you are, or as perfect as you want me to be.

all i am in your eyes, is a mere shadow of you,

a perfect little clay doll,

but that clay hardened a bit too quick.

every second, every minute screams at me "you're not enough!"

when was i ever enough?

when was the last time i felt like i was worthy of being alive?

when was the last time i didn't compare myself to them for every little thing i did?

when was the last time i considered myself worthy of the space i occupy?

when was the last time the thought of crouching under the desk, just to make myself as tiny as possible, didn't exist?

when was the last time i didn't blame myself for not writing poems as heart touching as they did, dance as gracefully as they did, paint as beautifully as they did or sing as mellifluously as they did?

when was the last time i didn't blame myself for merely existing?

when was the last time i didn't feel so insignificant that no one would notice if i disappeared?

when was the last time i was her and not me?

because i want to be her!

they say she was much better than i am.

but i changed, and they wish i was still her.

i want to have what she would've had, if she was me.

but isn't it too late?

i want to scream and shout and take up space! i want to make them uncomfortable! i want to live like this is my last chance at life!

but isn't it too late?

she's lost. she's lost deep within. deep within the void.

will my light be enough to light up the void?

she was like a tulip among roses.

she runs like the wind,

taking my heart and leaving me in pieces.

my breath hitches,

i giggle like a teenager in love.

oh god no! please no!

don't make my heart flutter like a dying dove.

i haven't felt this way in ages,

will i ever get to hold her hand?

oh how i pity my poor poor heart,