Title

We poke fun but they are marvelous contraptions

santa claus but instead of naughty or nice i judge if uve been banal or avant garde 

locusts are SO fucked up. imagine if your apartment complex got too crowded during a drought so everyone in it started overproducing serotonin until they gained 100lb of pure muscle and then chewed through the drywall of every building in the neighborhood

they do this over in philly

I know those cens lads saw big dick shane hollander in the showers for the first time and wondered what he did in a past life to be the god of hockey with a huge cock

Not where I think I’m supposed to be going with this but in a past life I think Shane was an extremely devout mentally ill monk in some kind of hardcore very ascetic sect and he had st. Theresa style ecstasies from denying himself all worldly pleasures and wearing nothing but sackcloth and eating gruel and whipping himself or calcifying one of his limbs and he was like slightly superior about the other monks struggling with their vows of chastity because he’s never even been tempted to lust after a woman and then he kills himself via a months long self mummification ritual using those juniper berries and his last dying deranged thought on this earth is “I did it. I won. 🥰”

That weirdo billionaire obsessed with stopping his aging/taking his son's blood to stay young has, as far as I can tell, taken a hero dose of shrooms that led him to fall in love with one of his employees(?) and is now attempting to use his wealth to find a cure for her endometriosis? Which like, sure

@shrimp-bird

currently cackling & wheezing after imagining a video game titled Penn & Teller’s Shithead Basketball