i love problems

me: “sorry ): can’t come!! got so much to do at home”

Look, this is my litmus test: I pretend I am the original Earl of Sandwich. I have asked for non-bread foods to be brought to me inside bread, that I might more easily consume them one-handed while gambling.

How about you mind your own damn business

A companion:

What’s your core memory of watching the Lord of the Rings films for the first time because I will never forget how my extremely South Asian dad — during the emotionally climatic scene where Arwen is riding to the Havens and sees a vision of her son — paused, pointed, and said “Mashallah, Sister Arwen has accepted the hijab, alhamdulillah, praise be to god” and giggled for a good five minutes 😭