Fuck I’m at a fencing tournament and literally a minute after I reblogged this my dad told me that he talked to the point people and I’m probably going to win a medal.

BURN BAGEL BURN

OH WHY NOT?

I GOT A JOB THE DAY AFTER MY QUEUE POSTED THIS THE FIRST TIME AND I JUST REALIZED IT WHEN I SAW IT AGAIN HOLY GOD

The bagel hasn’t let me down yet!

I got a job offer after reblogging the bagel. Believe in the bagel!

🙏🏼

Worth a try lol

i could use some good news or even a good girl 

Go lil bagle! Show me your power!

Okii then!

Ugh I hate superstitions… … not that it stops me, of course

Come on little bagel! Give me something good!!

In a healthy economy, money continues to flow. Rich people are bloodclots.

With the resurgence of Percy Jackson, I’m thinking of making a uquiz about which realistic godly parent you’d get (meaning no option to be fathered by Zeus, Poseiden, or Hades, and an rare option to not be a demigod at all) because I think we all need that.

This says something about human nature, but what

The delight in the unexpected

A love for the absurd, too!

The joy of potato, also.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

Combine your chinese zodiac and astrology sign to make your true fursona

i still hate this post so much. i’m an ox and a taurus. i’m a bull bull. i’m so fucking annoyed oh m y go d

Aquarius + Horse = Unicorn http://www.primalastrology.com/primal-zodiac-by-combination.html

I honestly don’t know what this means but I guess I’m a dodo bird. 🦤🦤

I had to sing this to myself to fact check it

I literally forgot about my coffee because I was scrolling through Tumblr… thank you it got cold!

sayіng “first of aII” without having a second thought

Y’all ever hear some bitch say ‘first of all’ then think oh damn this is just her thesis statement then that bitch doesn’t give you the whole paper?? That’s why I have trust issues.

The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"

"what do you mean cats can see them, but I can't?"

what do you fucking mean cats can see them

MY CAT KNEW I HAD STRIPES BEFORE I DID?!?!?!?!?!?

I DIDNT THINK OF THAT

WELL I DID AND NOW I CANT UNTHINK IT

WHAT

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT PATTERN OF STRIPES I HAVE AND THE CATS WON'T TELL ME

I COULD HAVE A CHECKERBOARD ON MY BACK AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW???

They’re called Blaschko's lines!!!

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF STRIPES I HAVE!!

And that’s the story of how I was diagnosed with adhd

tell me (in the tags) one thing you got into for the first time in 2021 that brought you joy :)

WAKE UP ITS THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY AGAIN

ITS WHO?

ITS THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY, HES OFF THE SHITS AGAIN

I FUCKING LOVE THE CHOCOLATE GUY!

when you die you get to see your irl achievements list like they have on steam

I get struck and killed by a falling air conditioner and as my soul ascends to heaven three merit badges reading HAD SEX IN A GOLF COURSE, TOOK LSD IN THE MONTEREY BAY AQUARIUM, and CRIED IN THE RESTROOM OF AMERICA'S OLDEST OYSTER HOUSE drift through my field of vision. these are my only human accomplishments deemed significant by god

@montereybayaquarium

Hey

@americasoldestoysterhouse

Hey What The Fuck

COME ON

if instead it was “do you like penis coladas”. that would be fucked up and wrong on so many levels. but it merits discussion.

sorry also

and getting cock in the rain

when candy smells better than it tastes… like wtf? why are you so rude?