call me pretty and nasty

hey what FUCK do you mean "MCR dropped a 6-minute-long new song 31 minutes ago" am I a joke to you

“gays can’t drive” speak for yourselves bc brother i am in the thick of it every single day. every day i am driving. and every day i feel rage

LIES AND DECEIT

A THOUSAND YEARS IN JAIL FOR MOTHER

Jail!!! Jail for mother!!! Jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!

First of all, how dare you!

The microbes inside me are pleased by my yogurt offering. I live another day.

[ID: A tweet from Twitter user 'lindsays_aloser' reading; "all vampires are gay. LGBT stands for Let's Go Bite Throats". End ID]

feeling chaotic, might write a paper to submit to a wildlife biology journal only using information i find in pliny the elder's natural history

why yes, peer reviewers, i DO have a source for my claim that horses in certain lands are impregnated by the winds, thank you very much

what in tha hell

@fiannabeag

i support robot fucking but not sexbots which might be a weird stance to take overall but im of the firm belief that u shouldnt be in a relationship w/ a robot if it doesn’t have the ability to dump u. 

this just made my day

literally cant stop thinking about “dude discreetly gives woman lactaid pill after she expresses concern over a milkshake on their first date and now they’re married” like… the romance of it all… 

This is Margaret when she opens that email

i, and i cannot stress this enough, fucking love tumblr

It’s always “why did you get in the river” and “your soaking wet” and never How was the river The river looked fun was it fun

ahaha oh my god noooo don’t pin my wrists above my head haha i won’t be able to move