I confuse instinct for desire—

but i still don't think we're talking enough about just how much this show is doing or how well it's doing it. i know i'm no expert, but there are qualities and conversations here rare to see in any bl and deeply surprising to me from china

i'm going to sound like a broken record but the intentionality of every single part of the cinematography, coloring, and framing sets it apart from most chinese bl thus far which, while deeply beloved, often show signs of rushed production and post. (there are, of course, existing exceptions to this, but to my understanding they lean towards the queer coming of age subgenre, while Deep In is deeply entrenched in china's signature webnovel-inspired problematic lunacy and still doing it this well)

there's not a single moment that has felt like an awkward transition, or lost context through a scene cut short, or seperate takes noticeably spliced. i can't say exactly how closely it's following the novel, but it's certainly excelled at the aspect of adaptation which is fitting something to the screen and making choices around what is vital for the audience and how to transfer that to a visual medium

but okay, not everything is about visual or technical quality. so let's take a moment to acknowledge that none of what is being conveyed would be possible or meaningful without the exceptional acting, from Ollie and Shu Yuan and the rest. and i really mean exceptional. the care that they have taken and love and understanding of these characters is obvious. once more, nothing feels shallow or unconsidered

honestly i'm writing this too soon because the last few episodes could entirely prove me wrong but while the mess here is delicious, and the sex is frequent, and the dubcon is prevalent, and i, as a lover of toxic yaoi, could ask for nothing more — none of these things are for the sake of it. i'm not going to say it's portraying rape for the educational value or anything like that. this is still entertainment. but it's entertainment that acknowledges that [getting into spoilers here] orgasm doesn't mean pleasure, and STDs exist, and (if i'm right about where we're heading) the distance between fucking your crush who's blackout drunk (and lying about it/keeping evidence) and violent sexual assault is not as far as you would think. (honestly even if we don't dig into this further, the parallels are already there, for those paying attention)

this is getting long and i really haven't touched on half of what i meant to, so let me try to quickfire some other things i appreciate the portrayal of:

- the weird industry double standard between filming something gay and actually being gay (i know some people are very upset about how this was handled with a specific minor character, which i understand, but with everything else in this show being so intentional and self-referential, i'm giving the benefit of the doubt that it was a purposeful critique)

- related, the meta commentary on shipping and rpf, which it looks like we'll be really getting into next episode. but even up to this point we've seen invasive fans and interviews and the unfortunate importance of public perception, even on the production process itself

- women!! or, okay, woman. we're not doing that much. but by god is she a most excellent example of agency and awesomeness in a bl girlfriend, who are usually sidelined and disparaged

- casual sex, sexual discovery, and men being men. this one might be more of a personal preference, and it's certainly over the top how much these gays are willing to put on the line for the chance to flirt. but hey, i've known one or two who really are that horny. more seriously though, sex-before-feelings or with-repressed-feelings or as-a-quick-trip-to-realizing-you-like-men are all things i love to see portrayed. and yeah, sue me, i'm glad that the lust hasn't slacked off now that love is involved, that's always an annoyance

- on that note, despite two of them being "straight" at the start, we haven't fallen into gay-for-you or i-can't-possibly-be-gay which i'm thankful for (the latter has a place but it's pretty tired)

- trauma-induced (co)dependency, hurting someone in an attempt to help them, begging someone to overwrite your hurt — i'm just riffing now but the inner couple are so facinating and again, the combination of an appropriately grave portrayal of terrible things and a beautifully ripe playground of dark yaoi tropes is like catnip to me

i don't think i've touched enough on the connections between our two storylines or perhaps some of the overarching motifs, but maybe someone can pick up where i left off. or possibly i could try to write something more cohesive once the show has actually concluded. we'll see