𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖆

What is Dissociation?

This is more likely happening because trauma was not, in fact, over. Being alone and unsupported after trauma, having nobody to confide and get comfort from, is the extension of the trauma. So is overworking yourself, frantically trying to survive in terror of failure, being isolated from your own perspective and not feeling allowed to feel your pain, being caught in shame, guilt and doubt over what happened, numbing your feelings thru medications, addictions and self harm. Having to live exposed to abusers and at risk of more trauma, as well.

The truth is, a lot of people keep living in trauma even after it’s considered over. Nobody tells you that the way you live your life is and always was traumatic, and you won’t know until it breaks you down in the form of ptsd.

Living while having no way to let trauma out is traumatic. Living while nobody knows your truth is traumatic. Knowing that if you say something people will turn against you is traumatic. We love to play up how tough we are but trauma without support can shatter anyone.

Craquante, 2015 oil on canvas

It's based on actual paint from the times, and when you think about it, it makes a lot more sense, after all a church is supposed to be a bright place of hope. Yet when we think about the middle ages we think about grimy and dark cathedrals. I wonder how much of our conception of history is shaped by our current visions of historical buildings.