no but like any chance i have to be shirtless i take advantage of because holy crap is this liberating and every thing i ever wanted in life
i can’t wait until i’m five years post op and still loving this because i know full well i will
Hi, I’m five years post op, every day with my flat chest is still a gift that I am forever grateful for. I lm tearing up now writing this thinking about the chest I get to live with for the rest of my life.
Will be eight years post op in August! Things I've noticed about my chest in the last few months:
- I was about 170 lbs when I had surgery in 2017. Eventually by 2021 I shot up to almost 220 lbs, and then I got sober and dropped down to roughly 190 lbs which is where I (happily) hover now. Some of that fat did go to my chest, but it had an even more masculinizing effect. It looks like a super average chest for my body type and it brings me so much joy!
- my chest is still filled with all of my old stretch marks from pre surgery. I thought maybe that would bother me more, but it doesn't. It's just part of having a body.
- I have more feeling in my chest now! Even along my scars at some points. It does feel different than other parts of my body, like if I run my fingers over my chest it feels like the sensation is "above" my skin as opposed to directly on my skin, if that makes sense? My nipple grafts also have very limited feeling in them, which is A LOT more than I ever expected to be honest.
- apparently I may have had keloids? My scars were super thick and red for a while there, and I didn't really realize how much so until I looked at old photos and saw how much they stood out from my chest for a while there. They're mostly flat now, still pretty wide, and more of a grayish pink. I think I'll always have visible scars and I'm alright with that. I don't think it would feel right to not have proof of how much I've grown and changed.
- on the topic of scars, the most prominent ones now are the outer edges where the drain tubes went in. They're small, dark round bumps just under my armpits so they end up hurting a lot if I don't keep them dry, and they also hurt if I haven't done my scar care recently enough. Still using Palmer's cocoa butter over anything else, because it works the best for me. Conversely, the worst thing I ever tried on my scars was Auqaphor. That hurt so badly I nearly tore through my shirt trying to scratch my itchy skin. Auqaphor is apparently great for hands but terrible for scars.
- peach fuzz on my chest! I'm not on T but my genetics make me pretty hairy regardless. I didn't notice the peach fuzz until I dated for the first time two years ago, and I honestly thought I'd lost all my chest hair during surgery. It was a nice surprise!
- I talk about this in particular irl, but feeling hot or cold beverages as I drink them. I used to not notice or feel that, and then after surgery I actually could feel the temperature of what I drank in my chest. It was super cool and I still take time to appreciate that all these years later.
- one side of my chest didn't "heal right," in that it's not as flat as the other side. It's got a little extra tissue in it that makes it look a little like a boob, under a shirt. Sometimes this bothers me and I think about a revision. But, at least right now, I don't think I'll be doing that. Outside pressures aside, I want to be okay with having an "imperfect" looking body. It's more of a home than than it was pre surgery and every day I'm grateful for it.
- I'm floating the possibility of back tattoos? I know I don't want chest ones, because I am not getting tattoos over scar tissue. But some flowers on my shoulder blades would be cool. I never would have considered tattoos anywhere but my arms and legs pre surgery, so this is exciting.
- ROMANTIC ATTRACTION. Before surgery, I was exclusively interested in women/fem people. And then after surgery I started noticing guys/mascs and thinking to myself "huh. Yeah I'd date him??" It was mind blowing. I'm still very demi/ace though, and proud of it.
I guess that's all for now? I think I'll keep updating this as the years pass, because it's a good reflective exercise for me, and because someone might find it useful for themselves.
