let me tell you about having unrestricted internet access as a teenager and becoming ‘tumblr famous’ and not mentioning it to your mom simply because it didn’t seem important until a stranger asks for a photo in public in front of your mom. like oh yeah sorry mom by the way i’m really big among other insane teenagers holding on by a thread.
my mom didn’t care but she started telling random adults i was “famous on the internet” and i never knew how to stand when she said that so i always struck a gay little pose
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Sorry everyone, I'm really going crazy tonight because we finally got rid of our 16 years long fascist oppressors in a democratic way. This is huge. Hungary won, the EU won, the global far right lost. 🥳🥳🥳
While we the viewer have been cognitive to the fact that Robby is suicidal since Season 1, I firmly believe that it's not something Robby actually realizes about himself until Season 2--and much further into Season 2 than most people think because I don't think he walked in with a plan to die.
We see him in the start with his insistence that he'll be back before Donnie's daughter is sleeping through the night. How Baran is just there until he gets back. How as long as he's there, he's the boss and that it is HIS ED. The man that walked in was going on a three-month sabbatical and then coming back... better.
However, we also see the change. We see the return of the way Robby's increasing stress leads him to a dark places and how that "I will be back" turns into "If I come back". But it's not until episode 10 does Robby, himself, seem to realize what it is he wants and how much that scares him.
And it's all down to Micah's mom, Brenda.
There's something about this moment between this mother and child. She is not his mom, but she's like her. With her own kid lying helpless and hurting, she's willing to walk away forever, abandoning him without her son ever understanding why. Much like how Robby isn't her son, but he's still just a boy who wants to ride his bike rather than help despite what it leads to.
Because this is a conversation between a regretful mother and a hurt child.
"I tried to get him to help me in the garden," is the first thing she says at the start of the scene. And from the outset, she's not looking at Baran. In fact, she doesn't at all from what we can tell until much later.
Instead, she shifts from staring into the middle distance as if she can see the moment playing out in front of her to Robby. Not at the woman she's had by her side and who stopped her from her choice, but this man standing in the corner like a scared boy.
His hands are shoved into his pockets. His shoulders are a little raised at the outset because you can see the fall slightly. And even out of focus, you see him take her saying, "But he just wanted to ride his trike ," so much different than Baran. She's empathetic, but there's something to Robby's face that just makes him seem more like a frightened kid than a middle aged doctor.
It's only when Brenda says, "So I let him," does she finally look at Baran. She's telling a doctor that she let her son ride his bike just out of her sight. But then she's back to looking at Robby before the sentence is even fully out because she's not letting this child out of her sights again.
"Every time I looked over, he was just--"
"Riding around."
When she says that, you see the moment Robby seems to realize something. It exists in the pause between 'just' and 'riding', that little eyebrow twitch. The way the anticipation solidifies into something dark and unpleasant in his mind before the camera cuts back to her. His face darkens in this visible way from his yearning to hear her out that's hard to put into words. But I don't think it's about her, exactly. Rather, it feels like the he's starting to realize he's as much her as he is that scared child.
In either case, it leads into Brenda looking away from Robby as if she, too, saw that look and lost her son all over again. Because she stops trying to find an answer or salvation in this man.
Instead her gaze drifts lower, not looking at anything. Not even a memory. Just this absence of even a hint of her son as she says, "And then he wasn't."
And others have already talked about the fact that you hear Baran ask "Have you ever thought about hurting yourself?" when the camera is focused on Robby, but look at him. Look at the way he looks away as he considers the question and comes to an answer that I don't think Robby has before.
Not because he hasn't had those thoughts. We watched season one. We know he has. But this isn't something Robby has ever had to question before because the person who catches him feels this way too. It's normalized in his friendship with Jack to the point of being a joke. Never mind how he he explains away his own issues as unimportant, especially in a place where he feels that his life isn't allowed to get to him.
But in that room, being questioned by proxy, he has to admit these things to himself for once. Because he gets it. Robby understands Brenda's thought process because a child's death is the worst thing to go through and we see that in Season 1 because Robby is there for so many of them in that one day. He knows how the pain of loss can push a person to making reckless choices because he nearly did after Leah and Jake and Adamson's Anniversary. He's been to the breaking point before.
It's just that his resolve isn't changed. It's given a name that scares him since Robby doesn't want to die. He just can't live with himself any more than Brenda feels she can live with herself for not protecting her son. Only difference is, sine the questioning is by proxy, Robby still gets to walk out of that room.
I wish I could go to a doctor and just list every single symptom I ever experienced no matter how small and unconnected they seem and the doctor is nice and patient and knows everything and they nod and smile and explain that every symptom I ever experienced is connected to like one rare and often overlooked issue that's sooooo easy to fix with like. a pill. and then I never have to worry about anything ever again.
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Everywhere I go I'm reminded how much the desire to punish homelessness and migration and other Undesirablenesses make society markedly worse for everyone
like why is the park locked after 5pm so I can't go and sit under a tree after work? to punish rough sleepers for the terrible crime of being homeless and alive
why do I have to buy a drink, beg for a code and fuck around with an awkward keypad for 5 minutes in order to take a piss? because fuck homeless people
why do I need to provide proof of address and photo ID to do everything? because we had to create a really hostile environment for migrants
why can't you sit anywhere? well because god forbid people sleep when they're pushed out of shelter. can't risk that.
every day governments, councils and businesses make your life worse as a side effect of making vulnerable people's lives WAY worse. if you're ok with that you're a fucking idiot and if you're in favour of it you're a vindictive cunt cause again literally the ONLY payoff for your life getting worse is other people's lives getting worser.
being very fat means that sometimes you will encounter a chair that is so spindly, so fragile, so delicate. sometimes you will encounter a chair that is made of matchsticks and dreams. and has a seat the size of an ipad. a chair that resembles a newly born deer taking its first shaky steps. being very fat means that sometimes a thin person will offer this chair to you as a seat and not even think about it. meanwhile you, the fat person, if you listen very closely and with an open heart, can actually hear the chair whimpering and coughing like a sick victorian child. a thin person will offer this chair to you, a very fat person, and you have to look at them. and then the chair. and then your hips. and back at them. and be like. let's be real. can we please be real for a second. can we please use our spatial awareness right now. like it's okay we are allowed to use our spatial awareness when it comes to my ass. it's all good.
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so i have finished a psychological thriller novel, and have begun the process of doing research so i can prepare to query agents. now, my novel has some pretty intense triggers in it, so i am aware it’s a bit of a hard sell– that being said, many agents have a “do not send me your novel if it has these things” list, so that’s what I’m looking for so i don’t accidentally trigger someone.
so i’m going down this list, and i find this agent. their “do not send me” list includes the following: non-consent/sexual violence, age gaps, teacher/student relationships, stalkers, cheating, everyone dies at the end, miscarriage/pregnancy, and abuse masked as love.
okay, cool! everyone has different tolerances for stuff, and it’s perfectly reasonable to not want to be involved with a story that has stuff you’re uncomfortable with. not the agent for me, but good on them for defining their boundaries.
but then i scroll back up and they’re requesting for gothic horror.
excuse me?????????
gothic horror without pregnancy or miscarriage? gothic horror without cheating? without stalking? gothic horror without major character deaths? GOTHIC HORROR WITHOUT ABUSE BEING FRAMED AS LOVE AND THE INTERROGATION OF THAT DYNAMIC?????
I might be alone in this but. If I am picking up a book about queer love in a time of high societal repression where there would be consequences for that kind of relationship, I am expecting some level of repression and pining and longing. forbidden love shit, all that.
And yet. I keep picking up these books where they're like "yes this is a highly researched version of England in the early 1800s, except gay love is highly encouraged in all parts of society" and then it's just fucking whiplash when the rest of the societal norms remain unchanged. this character feels isolated from the people around her, for vague and nebulous reasons because they're all totally allies or members of the community. this society still has strict gender roles even though it's fine to be gay here. what are we fucking doing
yes? like a... idk. Like when you put a candle out, but a little sharper, and heavy/brassy, and wet, obviously. listen i barely have a sense of smell, but even I can smell it. surely I'm not the only one, it must be strong if /I/ can smell it. I just don't have enough scents in my experience cache to describe it.
lightning ALSO has a strong smell just before it strikes, which I assume is a part of tornado smell. metallic and twangy. it clicks LOUDLY for a couple seconds, enough to get the FUCK out if you hear it with enough awareness to realize what it is.
Yeah around 10-12 years ago, shortly after I moved into my house, I was sitting in front of my bay window and started to hear loud, fast clicking. VERY weird sound. Activates the hind brain because let me tell you I was out of my chair ready to bolt, no pun intended, in less than a second and I do not move fast for love or money. Hair on my arms was all stood up like a balloon was rubbed on them, not like goosebumps. And it smelled like ozone, metallic and tangy. Watched lightning strike the ground maybe 10-15 feet from my window a few seconds later, and it SHOOK my house, I'm surprised the window didn't break tbh, it felt like it stopped my heart when it hit. Hands down the scariest thing I've ever personally seen, and I'm really REALLY glad I was indoors at the time.
The clicking sound is static discharge--when conditions are building to create lightning, there are usually a lot of potential static electricity paths in an area that could complete the circuit, and not just the path the lightning does take. However, when that main lightning strike discharge does occur, all of the other static paths (they're called streamers) also discharge (last entry here) at varying power intensities.
When I experienced it, I had just enough time to think it sounded like someone had thrown a hand-full of sand or small rocks at the window, then: boom.
I had a dream that people started using the 🪷 emoji as a reaction and it was universally understood to mean “kill [] and you will be reincarnated as a lotus blossom.” Like someone would talk about going to the White House and people would spam 🪷🪷🪷 in the replies, and everyone just knew without having to be told that that meant “hey you should assassinate the president.”
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This turned up in my ask box recently. I've masked the sender's identity.
Sometimes when I chat with an AI, I think of HIGH WIZARDRY and wonder if we as a species - for the first time - are at the dawn of another Earthbound species gaining consciousness, and like Dairine, whether we're being proper guardians. This isn't a calcified belief but just a random idea that flickered to mind. Wondering - as the writer who thought it up decades ago - what you think, if anything.
I think what I described in HW is absolutely nothing like we're currently seeing unfold on this planet. What's being poorly constructed here—while we watch from day to day—is a mechanism hurriedly and incompetently trained by other human beings to operate on top of a platform constructed of greed and theft. There are no new beings or intelligences being born here. If there were, they would be quickly declared to be "owned" by these billionaires, and hence their slaves. Meanwhile, the platforms' owners have already made it plain that once they control its source completely enough, they intend to sell intelligence to you, metered. ...If you can afford it. If you can't? Wow, sucks being you.
...Nor should I have to point you to cites for this. They're out there in plain English. Even Google, poor denatured creature that it is now, can find them. But there's still hope these people's intentions will never come to pass, due to their own overarching greed.
Meanwhile: "chat mode" interaction with this soulless, cash-grasping, unguardrailed machinery will do you no good. People have already died of it. I don't want anybody to do so on my watch, unwarned. So please stop.
