Lots of times in scenes someone will say “Is this about…?” It’s an offer. You SHOULD notice it and consider it, though you don’t HAVE to accept it.
Lisa: I cut my own hair this morning. And I don’t know what to do, should I… how does it look?
Gwen: I feel like when I’ve had bad haircuts I don’t want people to lie to me when it happens, and it’s not good.
Lisa: Okay, I accept the fact that it doesn’t look great.
Gwen: It does NOT look great. But you’re still very pretty. You have really good bone structure. I just moved to this neighborhood that has a lot of Orthodox Jews and they have a lot of wig stores.
Lisa: Let’s GET a wig then! Let’s get a wig!
Gwen: Yeah, let’s get a wig.
Lisa: Do you have any? Do you just… happen to have some?
So that last sentence there is Gwen offering a justification to Lisa.
I USED to suggest you should ALWAYS accept these, unless they directly contradict something we already know. But sometimes people will offer an “is this about…” that is so far afield of what’s happening it would derail the scene.
“Is this about how you really want to have sex?”
“Is this about how you resent me?”
“Is this about you hating your kids?”
If it’s nowhere close to what you are thinking and feeling, it’s okay to reject these offers. I’d rather you stay committed to your character and scene.
I DO think it’s good form to yes-and some part of it if you can.
“In the past, this has been about sex. But right now that’s not at all what I’m thinking about.”
“I do sometimes resent you, but not right now.”
“My kids drive me nuts, but I don’t hate them.”
I think you should think of these “Is this about” statements like a pass in basketball. If it’s close to you, it’s worth bending, even lunging, to catch it. But if it’s way off, you’re not doing the team any favors running all the way across the court. Your partner just threw it out of bounds. Move on.
Or maybe it’s like someone offering you food at a party? Accepting it is gracious, dismissing it without even thinking about it is rude, but if you’re allergic to this particular food or really full – it’s okay to politely decline.
