elle golightly

I haven’t been here much in the past few weeks and that’s largely because I’m more active in other Internet places that aren’t blocked for me at work.

But my sweet Marley is gone.  He had cancer that had taken over his whole body and went to sleep Tuesday, a week ago today, after a very bad weekend and a vet’s visit.  I cannot bring myself to phrase it any other way, because it still doesn’t feel real that he’s gone.  I got the call in the middle of a run of Hamlet, and sobbed into Gertrude’s dress for ten solid minutes before excusing myself from rehearsal to continue sobbing outside.  I am incredibly lucky in that I’ve never grieved for anyone as an adult (god, so many Tumblrs have showed me in the past year or so that grief is such a part of adulthood), and this crushed me.  Marley did nothing but love.  He was made of love, with no strings attached or expectations.  He just wanted to love.

I know he’s happy now. I don’t know exactly what I believe about what happens after our lives, but I believe this isn’t it, and I believe that Marley is somewhere now, young and happy and spritely, without arthritis and with a cornucopia of chocolate cupcakes and pizza he can steal without being chastised or getting tummyaches.  I believe an energy like that never completely goes away.  I believe he was met someplace by my nana and is watching over my mom.  I believe that he was sent to make my transition out of childhood easy and happy, and he did just that.  I know he’s still with me, too, even if I don’t get to get kisses or feel his velvety ears or rub the stripe on his nose anymore.