you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

humans should be able to do a special Ultra Sleep after major life accomplishments where you're just out for like 32 hours or something and then you wake up fully refreshed in every way

i understand that it's unreasonable to expect a band on world tour to play in every country in the world but i do think they should only be allowed to call it a world tour if they play in every continent. we need to make it embarrassing to say world tour and then not even step foot in africa

It’s funny how sacabambaspis is like the funniest looking animal in every hypothetical except for that one picture that makes me feel like I’m about to be killed

problematic sudoku solving skills gap

Keep salting the wound I'm close

I think if I heard I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas in the correct circumstances it could move me to tears. It's like the promise of a brighter future that never came to pass

yes im addicted to attention and orgasms and food and shiny jewlery and 7$ Iced Lattes. does that really not sound like an awesome lifestyle to you

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god