Merciless Samern

Nagatoro commission.

Dharkon: Hah! I’d like to see him try! I am nothing like that weakling Galeem. I am Chaos in carnate! I am-

Sephiroth: *teleports behind him*

Sephiroth: Omae wa mou shindeiru.

Dharkon: How are you so calm?!

Crazy Hand: Brother! Can I do the announcements? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?

Master Hand: No.

Crazy Hand: Why not?

Master Hand: Don’t you remember what happened last time?

(Flashback….)

All the Smashers are relaxing.

Fox: Pretty quiet day today.

Link: Yeah. Normally, something crazy would’ve happened, but this is new.

Peach: Let’s not jinx it.

The intercom comes on.

Luigi: Must be one of Master Hand’s announcements.

(A familiar song starts playing)

Fox: … What’s this song?

Daisy: I don’t know, but I think Mario’s trying to start speedrunning.

Mario is in the corner trying to speed run.

Samus: Hm. That’s random.

….

Joker: Wait, I’ve snuck my way into enough wild house parties to know this song! It’s….

Crazy Hand over the intercom: DO THE HARLEM SHAKE.

As soon as the Intercom shouted that, everyone went berserk. Mario began clipping through the walls, King Dedede began wrestling Donkey Kong, Wii Fit Trainer ate some chocolate, Lucas began to exert chaotic energy, the Inklings began asserting their dominance, Yoshi was filing his taxes, Snake ate a chair, Ridley set some curtains on fire, Lucina beat Bowser in an arm wrestle, Inceroar stole Bowser Jr’s clown car, and Sans…

He was doing exercise. Truly a surprise. 

And that’s just to name a few. At the end of the day, Master Hand had to clean up all the broken furniture, put out a few fires, set the thermostat back to normal, and get King K. Rool out of that hole in the ceiling.

(Flashback end)

Master Hand: ….

Crazy Hand: …It was pretty funny, you have to admit that.

Master Hand: I had to go find Mario! DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST HE GOES AT MAXIMUM SPEEDRUN VELOCITY?! 

Crazy Hand: …At a speed where he could beat a game in under thirty minutes?

Us: We’re not. For the love of all that’s Holy man please take a break. We’re begging you.

Zelda smash ultimate screencap sketches.

“It’s Edelgard.”

Dark Link: So boss, you have under your command me, who happens to be the dark counterpart of a hero. Why you didn’t manage to get that one from Ryu, what’s his name again? Cage?

Ganondorf: It’s Kage. And to answer your question…

Flashback of Ganondorf at Suzaku Castle. He patiently wait for his target. Said one appears crouched.

Ganondorf: I must say, you show some impressive strength. How about you use it for something great?

Kage slowly rises, and much like in his intro, replies, while the japanese word for “destruction” burns brightly red on his back:

Kage: Be afraid… Now you gaze upon your death!

Unimpressed, Ganondorf replies:

Ganondorf: This is pointless. Why going straight to confront, instead of hearing what I have to say?

Right after the sentence is finished, Kage performs a Raging Demon on the Gerudo King, who ends up defeated on the ground. Kage then teleports somewhere else. Back to the HQ:

Ridley: And that’s what happened? Shouldn’t that move destroy your soul entirely?

Ganondorf: The Triforce of Power shielded me. Otherwise, I would end up like this indeed.

Hades, who was eavesdropping, questioned:

Hades: And your revenge? When you will strike back?

Ganondorf: It is needless.

Said answer made everyone there being dumbfounded. Nightmare, feeling confronted, spoke:

Nightmare: Then let me take his soul! It’s been a while since I’ve consumed someone that bold.

Ganondorf, grinning, answered:

Ganondorf: He’s gone. I could feel in his being. He needs a host to not fade away. And he was desperately looking for the karate boy. I just left him to his fate. To vanish… into nothingness.

Everyone silenced. Sephiroth cut off the silence by saying:

Eight: You’re not just wrong, you’re stupid.

Solo, livid: You’re talking mad shit for someone in Thwacking distance!

*Ridley gets Thwacked out of existence by Solo*

Arusu: Ah shit, here we go again.

Ganondorf: We have had much strife between us, Link. I have known only ages of hate for you. But, for my part, I wish it to end. From this day forward, let there be peace between us.

Link: You have brought much suffering to the world, Ganondorf. For that, you can never be forgiven. However, you helped saved the life of my love and friends. For that I will let you go. But, should you ever threaten my people again…

Newcomers: Did you just swallow an entire fucking grenade?!?