Your INTJ Unit User Survival Guide and Manual
Thanks to @intpboard for letting me do this, taking no credit for this idea as it was her’s.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have been deemed worthy by the Ni gods to receive your very own INTJ unit! This INTJ comprehensive user survival guide and manual will detail every necessary step in order to take care for your INTJ. N-n-n-not that they need taking care of @.@ *INTJ silently lowers the gun pointed at the back of the presenters head*
Your INTJ unit will come with the following accessories:
Three (3) sets of assorted lab coats and hazmat gear
One (1) personal library for all their reading needs
One (1) Underground laboratory, tailored to your INTJ’s tastes.
Two (2) Permits for experimentation, one on animals, the other on… you know what why don’t you ask INTJ yourself. I’m sure they’d like to show you all of it (unless you like random stitch marks on your body, stay away from their lab o.o)
One (1) Locked box of feels. (It is the kryptonite to their sadistic superman, do not return this to them at any cost, this is your only leverage against them)
One (1) Key to locked box of feels. Sadly all INTJ units have been damaged and have either lost this item or refuse to hand it over to (you) the user.
One (1) Super computer for all their, uhhh, gaming needs! Yeah… gaming needs, no hacks here, no sir.
One (1) Personal robot assistant calibrated specifically to your INTJ’s wavelength. (OH GOD IT’S GLaDOS, RUUUUUNNN!)
Software aka. similarities to skynet:
Your INTJ unit comes pre-programmed with the following characteristics:
Ni: Your INTJ unit will have a knack for viewing matters in as many perspectives as possible in order to get the best possible outcome. This means your INTJ unit will be driven to best create their vision of the future. (hint. it involves total political reign of the populace.
Te: Your INTJ will strive to look for more efficient and pragmatic solutions from the logic found in their surroundings.Unless they are surrounded by idiots in which case they’ll try to find a quiet spot for their work.
Fi: (See locked box of feels and key for locked box above) This is your INTJ’s hub for personal morals and values. This function is here to keep your INTJ true to itself, and is designed to help them deal with their emotions, that they often ignore due to Ni-Te.
Se: Your INTJ’s subconscious awareness of their surroundings. This function is rarely used actively as all INTJ units have had faulty Se software installed, making them really particular about their surroundings while simultaneously horrible with spatial awareness.
To boot up your INTJ unit:
Place INTJ in the middle of their personal library (provided), if possible between the Nietzsche and Machiavelli section.
Leave the INTJ for at least 30 minutes to absorb information through osmosis.
Intentionally say a factually incorrect statement, most INTJ unit’s should activate immediately
If step 3 failed, threaten to reprogram GLaD- uhhh, the personal robot assistant to deliver cuddles. If all else fails threaten to cuddle INTJ.
Appease the INTJ with a warm cup of coffee and have them activate their personal robot assistant. Appeasing process may take longer depending on how long it took to activate the INTJ unit.
Engage in an intellectual debate in order for the INTJ to calibrate itself to your presence
Your INTJ unit should now be active!
Shut in nerd: (Default): The default setting for INTJ, will want to research day and night on their topic of choice. Will work fervently to keep their locked box of feels locked, do not approach with feels. Do engage with personal theories to pique their Te.
Megalomaniac: (Optional) E-mail or call us at least a week before ordering your INTJ unit and we can uninstall the classic I-want-to-conquer-the-world-cause-I-know-what-is-best.
Gilgamesh Complex: (Optional) The Gilgamesh complex in which you INTJ unit will believe that everything in this world already belongs to them. THat they are simply here to reclaim what is rightfully theirs. Users most commonly install this in conjunction with Megalomaniac.
Unlocked box of Feels: (*New* open beta) *UNTESTED SOFTWARE UPDATE* This version of of the INTJ OS is a patch to fix the issue of the fact that all INTJ units are incapable of cooperating when in concerns to the keys of the box of feels. If you would like to download the Unlocked box of Feels patch please contact us. This patch of INTJ offers a more vocal INTJ when it concerns to how they feel, please do give the INTJ unit to process their emotions as the introspection speed is still a point of contest.
*please keep in mind* The OS update is only available to those who have had their INTJ over a long period of time, to the point where you are a welcome aspect in INTJ’s world. Unsure if you qualify? Simply ask your INTJ!
LOL LET’S DO EVERYTHING SE WANTS TO DO: (Locked) *WARNING* Your INTJ unit will only enter this mode when under extreme stress, please keep an appropriate distance in order to steer clear of any harmful shenanigans INTJ can get into, but close enough where you are still able to comfort INTJ.
Relationships with other Units:
An Unhealthy INTJ Unit: You agree with me? = We’ll get along fine
You disagree with me?= You’re dumb get away.
NT: Their squad, INTJ’s will feel comfortable bouncing off ideas to the fellow NT’s while not having to wrry about feels getting in the way. However they could find XNTP’s lack of drive appalling and fellow XNTJ’s a threat to their plan for world domination.
NF: The abstraction squad, perfectly capable of bouncing off any though that passes through their head and amplifying it to something coherent. Though this process does work inversely as well so keep an eye out for this. INTJ may feel off put by the use of feels, so it is recomended that INTJ only hangs around NF’s for a moderate amount of time in order to get the maximum benefit form them.
SJ: The hit or miss squad, really all there is to it. They have enough in common to be able to hit it off but just enough differences to make them hate one another. Sometimes both at once. We reccomend you ease your INTJ into relationships with SJ’s as they will need time to sort out how they feel about them.
SP: The swuad that leaves INTJ’s in wonder. Furthest from their view on the world, INTJ’s could view SP’s as a challenge to overcome. Just be careful that your INTJ unit doesn’t injure themselves while hanging out with high Se users.
Contrary to what your INTJ will want to have you believe, your INTJ unit will need a steady supply of nutrients in order to remain active. Your INTJ may be too preoccupied to notice that they’re hungry. If this is the case deliver food directly in front of the INTJ during normal meal times. Though avoid placing food on top of INTJ’s work as that is a sure fire way to piss them off.
Your INTJ unit has a high chance to not see the point in “appearing presentable” to others and will appear disheveled at best. Do not fret as the INTJ unit will see no point as to be unhygienic and will take care of themselves in that aspect of life. Bribes may be necessary in order to get the INTJ to dress up nicely for any sort of occasion. Making threats to an INTJ unit is not recommended except for starting up the INTJ as INTJ will remember all threats.
Sleeping habits: Your INTJ is expected to have a very lose sleeping schedule in case they suddenly need to pull an all nighter. This is normal behavior; as long as you supply INTJ with overnight snacks then all should be well as they will see no reason to wake you.
My INTJ unit has suddenly walled itself away from me and is visibly distressed, what do i do?
If you notice that your INTJ unit is distressed or “caught the feels” and starts separating themselves from you, do not worry. This is a normal process for the INTJ as it uses this time to sort out their feelings and issues. If your INTJ unit is stressed or “caught the feels” and has not started this process, encourage them to do so. This process is necessary to keep an INTJ unit healthy.
My INTJ unit just asked me to take over the world with them?!??!! Wha- How is this even a valid question?
If the INTJ unit feels close enough to the user they may entrust more and more responsibility onto the user. The levels of trust generally are:
You may watch my inevitable rise to power
You may help me rise to power
Co-rule the world with me
It is very rare for any soul to reach step 7 as you have, so treat the matter seriously and with every ounce of respect that you can muster. Screw this up and you could ruin your relationship with INTJ forever. Play your cards right and you may find yourself co-ruler of the world.
What does this big red button do?
Again, CONGRATULATIONS on acquiring your new INTJ unit.
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