leave

does anyone actually care

Self indulgent basil doodle i did on my phone bc I love him

its not my definition of abuse that is 'loose'. you're telling me she didnt hurt me. you're telling me, who she hurt, that I'm wrong.

that her hitting me. banging on doors. making me upset and unsafe in my own home. isn't abuse.

it was abuse.

you just don't want to admit it, because then it's your fault.

why didn't you stop her? why didn't you stop her the first time i barricaded a door with my body and she forced it open? why didn't you stop her the first time she yelled at me for no reason? the first time she insulted me? the first time she kicked me out of my own room? why didn't you stop her?

you can't. understand. what she did to me. you can't. why not? why can't you listen to what I'm saying?

you put me in a bedroom with her. then i chose to sleep on the couch instead. for years.

now you wonder why i cant stand her? why i hole myself up in what is finally a safe room? why I insult her?

she. hurt. a. child.

she hurt. her little brother.

i was being bullied in elementary. and she looked me dead in the eye and said only she was allowed to bully me. it wasn't funny. it was never funny. why do you think I'm the problem for hitting back when i was a CHILD? i hit like a girl, don't i? i hit like a weak little girl and i can't punch like a man? she hit me. i had my arm raised over my face and she hit it. like she was going for my head.

and you think she doesn't mean the threats she yells now? you don't think she means that she'll "punch me in the fucking face" when i tell her to stop talking to me like that? you don't think I was, and am, being abused by someone who is nine years older than me? who was present when I was born? there's no excuse. when i was ten, she was nineteen. that's too old to be hitting her little brother over spilled milk.

i'm still not safe here. how do you not see that? mom? dad? you're supposed to protect me.