hel7l7

Hi anon,

YOU have to be the one to save yourself, not anyone else, so don’t blame other people for that. Ofc it’s gets exhausting, you have to snap out of your bullshit & chill the fuck out, learn to control your emotions & thoughts.

Hi Anon, By no means I do want this to come over like I'm fully in the right. After all I'm the one doing this to myself.

Part of me wants to explain myself, to add details about my life and situation in the hopes of you understanding it all better. Although I wonder if that's helpful. I'll try to reply a bit more without going to much in depth about it all.

It was lovely waking up to this. Honestly I've so many feelings about this message that I don't even really know where to start.

First, I think you mean well. To some part I even agree with the things you're saying. I do want to state that what you see on this page is far from everything in my life. It may seem that I'm stuck in a continues loop of self-pity and not trying at all to make something out of it.

While I maybe am experiencing more self-pity than regularly, I do also really try to get myself out of this shit. I do see my friends, I go out and distract myself. Sports/coffee with friends/dinner/movies/whatever. It's not like I'm in bed all day waiting for this to pass...

Hi there, Thank you for your message <3 I had to look up what SRA was 🙈 But no I'm not a SRA survivor. I've experiences with CSA. If you've been through SRA, I'm sending you much love and strength, cause gosh that must be horrible. 🩵

Hope you're okay

Take care -

The police wants me to go to a mental health facility/suicide-watch, whatever you want to call it. (It's much different here than it is in the USA.) The woman I saw today (the cop) was so insanely pushy about this. Which I get, cause the constant drama is tiring for everyone. So I was lowkey forced to call the emergency-gp (they are like the first step if you want to speak to the crisis-team.) And the GP-woman said, on the phone, "Yeah, sorry we don't see a reason to see you, since this has been going on for so long and nothing has really changed."

Nothing has changed, meaning: I am constantly in crisis and almost every week the police is involved. Which has been going on for MONTHS, now. The police have mentioned before that there needs to be more support for me cause this has to stop, but no one gives a shit. Last time the crisis team told me, "Yeah, but you aren't really suicidal, you just say that you are."

I'm glad I didn't have to come in and see the crisis team. I hate them and they always make me feel like shit. The GP also read a bit of the notes from last time, which mentioned that I had been friendly and had made eye-contact.... Lmao

Even when the police get called on me to drag my ass back home, I am still making jokes with them. It's called COPING. I feel like shit. Super vulnerable. These powerful people come into play. I don't know how to behave. I just check out. It's not me they're talking with, it's a shell of the woman I am.

I have so many feelings about it all (again.) I have to call my own GP tomorrow. My therapist is still on holiday... It's not gonna change anything. The woman on the phone was right. No one can fix this. It has been like this for months. It just doesn't feel less endless when they mention things like that. It feels like everyone has just accepted that everything is shit and that we're just waiting for things to magically snap back to normal? I don't know.