You can hold the stars until they burn right through your hands

t shirt that says YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD and the back says NEITHER DO I

the only “data centers” we need are public libraries

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.

free the nipple has to make a resurgence for a number of reasons but bro look at our upcoming eternity of wet bulb temps youre smoking straight up cock if you think im keeping a shirt on when it hits 105° in new england

so so confused by this culture of amanormativity. i was describing the love i have for my best friend the other day, and someone said "so you love them romantically. that's how it works" and no. no, that's not how it works. at all. intense and profound and overwhelming feelings of friendship and affection and adoration don't automatically tick over into romantic once they reach a certain level. my love for my best friend is deep and strong, and it hits me like a tidal wave sometimes. but it's not romantic

i think the worst part of the "everyone thinks i'm dating my best friend" bit is the amount of people that ask "well if she was gay too you'd want to date her right?" and like no. i'm not attracted to her like that. i'm not settling for best friendship because she likes men. this isn't a second choice. the shape of my love for her is profound and bone deep and wholly platonic. she's not my best friend because girlfriend wasn't an option, she's my best friend because that's how i love her. how i want to and how i choose to love her. day in and day out it's an active and wanted choice, never a concession. with a bond so deep it aches to see her hurt, and it fills my heart endlessly to see her happy, and not once have i ever had a romantic thought for her.

You guys are always like "being crushed by 10,000 tons of rock probably feels good as hell" or "being torn to pieces by hunting dogs would low key fix me" and I feel like those things would actually be unpleasant.

How about "Drinking an ice cold strawberry milkshake probably feels good as hell". Do you guys like that one.

hold on let me try to invent a version of myself who can get us out of this mess [holds really still for a minute and a half and then turns to you with a flat affect] we probably should have killed ourselves an hour ago

Source.

i'm getting the sense some of you are not actually forklift certified.

well damn . egg on my face

Update: I took a certification class in shipboard Material Handling Equipment at my federal job. *now* I'm forklift certified, but only on ships and piers and only for this company, but also rated to forklift explosives and hazardous materials. Also I'm a woman now.

they should make a my friend that doesn’t have to go through ten william horrors every single day