This is part two of my case for why Hit the Lights is unequivocally the Nicki song. Part one is about the overall pattern surrounding Nicki in the show (so far), with an addendum adding more evidence in another post. This will be a more in-depth breakdown of the lyrics to the best of my ability.
First off, let's start with the title. The song is called Hit the Lights.
Light (and darkness) were a big reoccurring motif in the story of Lestat and Nicolas. Nicki saw Lestat as filled with light, but he only saw darkness in himself (which I believe is representative of his deep depression and insecurity/self-loathing).
"You have a light in you that’s almost blinding. But in me there’s only darkness. Sometimes I think it’s like the darkness that infected you that night in the inn when you began to cry and to tremble. You were so helpless, so unprepared for it. I try to keep the darkness from you because I need your light. I need it desperately, but you don’t need the darkness."
But I think people also forgot that Lestat saw light in Nicki, too:
"You're the mad one." I said. "If you could see yourself, hear your own voice, your music - which, of course you play for yourself - you wouldn't see darkness, Nicki. You'd see an illumination that is all your own. Somber, yes, but light and beauty come together in you in a thousand different patterns."
Here are the lyrics in full:
First off, I do think that the show deliberately chose to show the lyrics of the last 2/3rds of the song in Episode 1 and only let us HEAR the more ambiguous first verse while SHOWING us the aftermath of Gabriella abandoning Lestat in Episode 4 (see my part 1 for more).
Let's break down the lyrics further:
My older brother tried to teach
me with his fists
I gave up on confession
This could reference the monastery, but I think it could also be a more general rejection of God by Lestat. In the book, Nicki was more concerned with sin.
"Lestat, sin always feels good." He said gravely. "Don't you see that?"
Implying that Nicki hadn't given up on confession entirely, and was aware that what he was doing was sinful.
By candlelight, you used to
teach me how to kiss
We get short flashes of intimacy between Lestat and Nicki, as if his real feelings are bleeding through despite his attempts at obfuscation. All of these scenes are bathed in the soft glow of fire and candlelight.
Tying back to the theme of teaching, Nicki helped Lestat with his stutter; his older brother mocked him for it. Nicki used kisses; older brother used fists.
I could write a separate post for why I don't think this line refers to Gabriella.
I thought we made it out
Out of Auvergne. Out of unhappy home lives?
And I know you had your
doubts, but
Nicki was cynical. He had doubts about coming to Paris due to his perceived failures as a violinist. Despite talent, he started too late.
Why won't you let me bring you
flowers
Like I used to cheer you up?
We see a vase full of drying flowers on a table during the Your Biggest Fan music video. In Episode 3 Lestat refers to Nicki as his 'bipolar boyfriend' and 'depressed lover'.
It breaks my heart to see you
losing touch
With all the things you used
to care about
Are symptoms of depression. Also, in the book Nicki was catatonic for sometime after being turned.
I shoulda' listened when you
told me how you felt
Could be a reference to "Our Conversation", and how communication was a huge theme of their relationship in the book; Nicki's struggles with mental illness; the gaslighting we know occurred after Lestat's turning; the fighting.
I tried to make it better, I wrote
a hundred letters
This is a little harder without more evidence from the show. In the book we know Nicki wrote letters, and later Lestat exchanged letters with Eleni in the theater. Lestat learns of Nicki's death via letter in the book. In the show the only allusions to letters are in Nicki's breakdown scene, where he mentions his letter opener and how at one point he accidently opened a letter from Gabriella meant for Lestat.
When your melody runs through
my mind
Oh, how I melt
This should be obvious, but Nicki played the violin. I believe Lestat was being sincere when he talks about Nicki in relation to his music and how he fell in love with it. In the book Nicki played his violin to cheer Lestat up. Sometimes of his own volition; sometimes at Lestat's behest.
I wrote a hundred songs
I tried to bring you along, but
Music was the gift that Nicki gave to Lestat. By creating his own music he is, metaphorically, bringing him along. He is carrying that memory. We could also tie this back to the music box. Lestat composed the piece that was in the music box and he did, in fact, bring that along with him (there is a reason the music box hasn't been brought up again in season 3, mark my words).
You disappeared
And now I'm left here feelin'
sorry for myself
With my mind and nothin' else
Feelin' sorry for myself
This part really solidified the idea that this was in fact the Nicki song for me. We know Daniel Hart is more than happy to reference book quotes in his song lyrics (see Your Biggest Fan) and I believe these verses allude to one of the most heartbreaking sections of the book (in my opinion):
"He lives on in my mind now. Pious mortal phrase. And what kind of life is that? I don't like living here myself! What does it mean to live on in the mind of another? Nothing, I think. You're not really there, are you?"
Even with everything else, I honestly think that this passage might be the strongest evidence I can offer.
