Hello Tumblr, my old friend.

LETS BRING BACK 1337 SPEAK 

I THoUGHT YOU MEANT THE YEAR

my l0rd, t3h p34s4nt5 4r3 r3v01t1ng! W3 mu5t s411y f0rth 4g41n5t th3m 4thw1th!

Happy ten years of being so old no one knows what 1337 is

if you're showing me a movie based off a book you like and you get self conscious about lore dumping ima slap you. that's my behind the scenes extra look and inside information bitch. shut up and keep talking

the meaning of life? is to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. that's it that's the purpose

the secondary purpose is to equip your kitchen and get really really really into international cuisine

you serve the drink, they take a sip. it ticks down to 98% and they whisper “oh thank god”

t shirt that just says WHATEVER YOU’RE READING INTO MY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND BODY LANGUAGE YOU’RE MISINTERPRETING

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."