I had to say goodbye to my oldest cat tonight.
I mean it when I say she was my daughter. I had bottle fed her since she was a few days old. She came with me when I moved out across 3 different houses. I can't tell you the number of nights i stayed up to make sure she was fed or needed company.
I'm fucking shattered. I got the news that she had passed and didn't know how to process it. I was completely numb. I've imagined scenarios like this so often that actually having it happen was so unpleasantly surreal.
I got to properly hold her one last time, and I will never regret doing that. It still hurt to truly process that she won't be with me anymore. And it will continue to, probably every time I see something that was her's. I could never really explain how important she was to me in one or even ten million little posts like this.
But I know my other cats loved her, and that we loved her, and she absolutely loved us. That never changed. Not when I decided to transition, not when I lost my job and wanted to shrivel up. Even up until the last night she slept next to me.
I'm going to miss her a lot. I already do. More people knew and loved her and cared for her than I remember most days. And some part of her will stay in them.
I love you so much, Hope. Thank you for being my bean 💙💜🩷
