melissa

I think the university course database should have a filter to only show classes taught by extremely old people who are insane

You’d think that once you finally get long term access to a cat and your yearning to have cat access is fulfilled that you’d become slightly less obsessed with seeing people’s cats but no if anything it gets worse

when you go to a doctors office their favorite thing to do is tell you "okay check out at the front desk" when you're done. and the front desk tells you ummm you can just go! and you're like don't I have a copay? and they're like we don't know, we have to ask your insurance company first. and you're like well my insurance card says the copay is $30, can I just pay it right now while I'm standing in front of you? there's a card reader right there on the desk. and they're like nooo we have to send a representative on horseback during the next waning moon to meet with their claims adjusting associate director of benefits management and client services in the secret glade to negotiate. and you're like oh okay and go home. and you get twelve emails asking you to take a survey about your experience

AND THEN in eight months you start getting phone calls from unknown numbers and when you finally check your voicemail they're like Your Balance Is Past Due We're Going To Kill You (even though by this point you have forgotten that you ever went to the doctor). and so you go to your MyChart account and log in with your username and password and you have to reset your password for security reasons. and you get two emails that say Your Password Has Been Reset. Was This You? and you have to go find your phone and enter your two factor authentication code and then you have to select which location you visited and then you have to click through all the Reminder: Complete Your Health History Profile where they ask if you've had any new surgeries even though you definitely told the nurse about this at your visit and then you have to find the Pay Bills tab and your balance is $179.23 and you're like why is it so expensive I thought the copay was $30? and you download a PDF of the charges and find out that they charged a late fee of $15 a month even though that doesn't add up to $179.23 and you don't even remember being told you had any balance at any point and you could call a representative and ask about it but that would probably take at least half an hour and there's no way it would actually get rid of the charges. so you go pay it anyway and you have to go find a paper check to look up your bank account routing number because they'll charge you an extra 3% if you pay with a credit card and there's a fee of $2.75 for convenience also. and then you get three emails that say We've Received Your Payment! Thank You For Your Payment!

And next time you're there in person you're like please. Please. I'm begging you. can I just put a credit card on file. Can I just give it to you now and you just charge me whenever you want. It's actually kind of ruining my life how you do this to me. And they're like no we could never take responsibility for keeping track of your financial information that's too private

And then you schedule your follow up visit anyway

Of course i have to follow every step in this nightmarish process to interact with the labyrinthine bureaucracies of medicine and insurance. I have to do this every three months. I do this because I have ADHD, a condition which makes it hard for me to interact with labyrinthine bureaucracies unless I take Vyvanse. And if I do it wrong they'll stop letting me have Vyvanse, the medication which makes me capable of interacting with labyrinthine bureaucracies

Literally always take headphones with you. If you decide that you probably won't need them today, that's the devil talking. You will. You will

"next time, log in faster with fingerprint/face/iris recognition!" how about i keep typing my password like i have for the past 25 years and you fuck off

notice how everyones 30 now

shut up they did not find another goddamn king under another goddamn car park