Sucks when you can see a friendship coming to an end, not because you dont like each other anymore, but because a minor conflict turned into a pattern of avoidance and now theyre making lunch dates with you and then calling it off last minute, texting with plans but then saying like "oh but it's actually too far and it'll probably rain and i just remembered my kid needs more pencils for school"
I wanna be patient because Im also an avoidant wreck and its something I still have to work on. But being patient isnt enough when it's the other person trying and failing over and over to overcome their pre-emptive feelings of rejection, and youre just standing there holding the door open while they hover and refuse to come inside. Reaching out then clamming up, reaching out and clamming up. I dont think theyre even aware theyre doing it, and if I point it out they'll just start spiraling about it and will be too embarrassed to ever reach out again.
Funny enough (or fittingly enough) the original conflict was me and another friend gently confronting them about these exact issues. We'd all made plans for a group trip and they got cold feet and rather than just backing out they started trying to sabotage the whole trip so no one would go. When we said, look, if youre not coming we need to know so we can plan accordingly they just started crying. They didnt want us to go without them, but didnt want to come either.
After some more thought, the "making plans then un-making plans" thing might be because I'm not responding right away or with enough enthusiasm so they think im being cold and that i dont actually want to hang out. I'm NOT being cold on purpose, I just prioritize words instead of affect (or text timestamps??) for communication. Like please can we just say what we mean rather than guessing about what the other person "really feels"? I'm telling you with words that I miss you and want to hang out, at this time and at this location. Please show up for me.
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
yousharknotpass
snowghoul
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
