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Summary: You and your husband are facing your demons.
Warnings: Mentions of jealousy and abandonment issues and strong language (that's all I think).
The air was whispering a sick song around the cold, atmosphere of the winter. The land was covered in snow, each night was snowing too much.
Winters were always rough in Norway.
And most men were displeased to be home due to those severe circumstances. The could already imagine and crave the warmth of the spring. The air which led the ships away for raiding.
The was, the blood, the conquests.
And the women.
Though, the women of the Vikings weren't like the ones they met on their raidings.
You surely weren't one of those Hvitserk could ever meet.
You weren't a thrall.
You weren't one to fall on his feet after a quick glance and a playful smirk. You weren't even one to be charmed by his well-practised and easy pick-up lines. That before you had become his wife.
A pretty jealous wife to be fair. To your defence, his reputation wasn't helping you much, though, he was smitten and you could tell.
Hvitserk didn't seem to mind much of your possessive and jealous feelings, instead, he even enjoyed when you were trying to contain your true feelings and played to be understand and definitely not jealous when some other woman was trying to flirt with him.
"Jealous cat." Hvitserk muttered playfully in you ear as he hugged you tightly from behind. His chest was pressing your back so right, like you were supposed to be a missing piece of his own skin and vice versa.
"I'm not..." You spoke as you tilted your head slightly to look at him. He left a breathy giggle.
"As you should." He played along as he pushed gently your head on the side, on your right shoulder and places a little kiss on the left side of your neck.
Hvitserk sighed and turned you around, looking your in the eyes. His hands moved on your shoulders to make understand how serious he was about you.
"There's nobody else. Nobody." He clarified in a very serious tone, he would rarely use. "It's only you, since the day we met and I'm planning to remind you this everyday. All the time if I have to, but you want you to believe me."
After he stopped speaking, he leaned his forehead close, slightly leaning to met yours. Your eyes were already captivated by his gaze.
His green eyes were able to do all the talking alone right now.
"Tell me you do believe me." Hvetserk's tone was weaker now, not because of any other reason than the tense and seriousness of the moment they were sharing.
This wasn't supposed to be a moment you were teasing and bickering. This was a serious moment where he was pouring his heart open over your feet, making you understand and trust that you were the only one in his heart and arms, on his mind and bed.
"Hvitserk... is not that I don't believe you..." Your voice was soft, almost lost even because of the way his eyes were holding yours in their green, magnetic depth.
You sighed softly.
"Yeah, it's not that, but it is my past, isn't it, sweetheart?"
His hands moved on your cheeks, cupping your face in the most tender way.
"I know what I've done and I know exactly why you're scared. I'm not saying I'm another man. I'm merely saying that I'm your man. And that's because of my past. Because I've realised that you and your love for me, your devotion, your car, you are all I ever wanted. All I was ever seeking. You're my home. You're the reason I pray to Gods anymore. The reason I even breathe." Hvitserk was speaking in a slightly louder tone than before, but still somewhat soft, that made sure of the truth and validation of his word.
This, along with the gentle movement of his thumbs caressing rhythmically the tender skin of your cheeks.
You didn't know what to say, what to answer in his magnificent and beautiful words. You felt like an idiot after all these countless jealous scenes you had caused over the time.
You wanted to tell him that you couldn't help him, that your jealousy and frustration was taking over, just because of your own insecurities.
"I-I don't mean to question you that much all the time... I know you care for me as much as I do for you. I know you love me... but then... when I see a woman looking at you like that and smiling and all... I lose it." You tried to explain, breaking the strong, meaningful eye contact you kept the whole time.
However, when you did let your eyes move elsewhere, he used his hands on your cheeks to turn your face to keep the contact intact. He wasn't going to make this moment any less important and strong than it was.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, we all have our demons. You know mine as well as I know yours. And I have to help you, like you help me." His words were meant to be encouraging and they were, as you nodded and left a small smile for on your lips.
"That's my girl." Hvitserk spoke softly and pressed a passionate but short-lasted kiss on your lips. One that surely left you wanting more of those kisses, and surely those more wouldn't last that short.
When that amazing kiss ended, so shortly, his forehead leaned on hers once more. Your lips had stayed half-opened, but his gaze weren't there, his green eyes were fixed on your own eyes.
"You seem so restless, but you're so calm and understanding to me." You spoke softly and a small smile was stuck on your lips now.
His face mirrored yours, but his smile was a full one, a real one.
"That's because it's you. Your comfort and happiness is my priority. Sometimes I have to be the commander around here. Because, let's be honest, mostly that position belongs to you."
And there he was back lightening the atmosphere by teasing you in his usual playful manner.
"I'm not a commander." You fought back with a laugh on your tone.
"I wouldn't bet on that, darling. You're the one having this household running, you have me settled, me and our little one." Hvitserk smiled as he looked at his baby daughter sleeping on her tiny bed.
His eyes returned to you.
"How could I ever disgrace a gift like that? You're a gift from Frigg to a lost cause and you, the best gift, gave me her..." Hvitserk spoke those words like they were a secret or a prayer and you were the only one who should know.
"I should be the one afraid that will lose you..."
There he was his own demons.
Hvitserk always feared that he'd be alone. That you'd leave him and take everything beautiful with you. He always thought he was a failure, a disgrace for everyone.
"Hey... no..." You spoke softly and placed a hand on his cheek, mimicking his way of holding you. "Does my jealousy look like enough to lead me away? Because I could never... not when you reassure me like that every time with words and acts... and all that hugging and kissing." You were the one to reassure him this time of how much he meant to you.
"We're both do lost on each other..." He teased and connected her lips to his.
It wasn't a hungry and devouring kiss. Nothing like that. That was a passionate and tender kiss, but also strong and meaningful. It could be called devouring but not in the casual meaning of the word. It was a kiss that was reflective of all the emotions you felt for each other, and of all of the fears of losing each other you both held.
It felt redemptive and it was.
It was a way to ensure that both of you weren't planning on destroying the beautiful bond you shared, that was growing strong after every moment like this. Every moment you or Hvitserk had to face your demons and insecurities.
Author's note: Hi! What's up? It's been a while, isn't it? Well, until the very end I never decided how that would end. But I believe in happy endings in stories, because in real life they mostly aren't true. So, I'll try to make it happy. I hope you'll excuse me for the ages of waiting as I hope that you'll enjoy this fic and the journey of this story with me. Thank you so much for the support over the years. xoxo.
Summary: Your life is about to change again, probably this time things will get better... or not.
Warnings: Violence (emotional and physical), mentions of murder, mentions of adultery, strong language.
My enemy and me masterlist | Nemesis's wish | Enemy's cruelty | Rival's touch | Foe's regret I |
Silence.
The silence before the big storm. It was always scary to sit in the middle of it, knowing those precious, rare, peaceful moments were followed by destruction.
Even the weather was a silent observer. It wasn't snowing anymore. It was only occasionally winding outside.
They say some things are meant to happen, but why?
Does anybody really have the answer as to why they should happen? Or when?
Probably not.
Maybe only the Gods held the answers, if somebody believed as much as to follow that path.
You certainly didn't believe the propaganda about religions anymore.
Where was Odin when you needed him?
Why didn't Frigg help you when Ubbe forced you to stay?
Where was Freya when you prayed?
You only believed in yourself, because you had made it here all by your strength and love for your child.
Well, it was true on thing; a mother's love is strong enough to suffer every torment.
However...
If you believed in Gods, you'd say that you were avenged. The wheel turned and Ubbe got exactly what he deserved.
Slaves speak much and citizens of Kattegat a lot more...
The secret about the thrall's son was everywhere, mocking, gossiping that the child wasn't the prince's.
He was the the main topic of every gossiping conversation, he was the laughing stock of drunken men and desperate housewives.
Though, that didn't feel cruel enough. Sure, pride was the most important thing for a person, and you should be very pleased by the outcomes of his infidelity. But you knew that you were in the middle of this, your child was in the middle of this and that made the sweet victory feeling slightly bitter.
The queen wasn't pleased. She stayed in her chambers, not speaking much about the matter, or attempting damage control.
In her mind, as in everybody's, Ubbe was the good son, the clever and dutiful, her eldest.
But not the king's eldest...
Surely, she wanted him to take the throne of Kattegat instead of Bjorn Ironside... but now...
The Great Hall was empty most of the days, the men were preparing for yet another raid in the England as the spring was approaching.
Your son was getting older, almost able to walk.
Her son... nobody talked about the baby anymore.
"How's he...?" You asked one evening Torvi who was knitting.
Knitting was never your thing, but lately, it was comfortable, made the mind to travel. Not even the thought of fleeing helped much anymore. The atmosphere was suffocating and tense.
"I don't know." Torvi answered without looking at you.
"Bjorn's not speaking much of him these days. I don't think Ubbe speaks to anyone in general these days." Torvi turned her eyes eventually at you.
"Why are you asking?" Her tone was curious.
You shrugged.
You were almost surprised with yourself. You couldn't care.
You shouldn't care. Not after everything you both went through.
Not after what he's done, or how he's humiliated you.
Ubbe was confused, apparently. Not knowing what to do with her. After all, she was the love of his life obviously and these results were unforeseeable.
Again, not that you were expecting something better. Though, you should have been happy with how this came out to be. However, you were anything but happy about his torment. Not because you felt empathy – which you did feel for him as well at some point – but because in the middle of all this mess was a poor soul – a baby born to carry the sins of other people
"He's still my husband and the father of my child in case you've forgotten..."
"Oh, I've not forgotten, but you seem..." She paused not really knowing how to describe your stance.
"Don't say things we both know that aren't true." You were quick to answer.
You sighed and then looked at your knitwork.
"Especially not when you know our story so far..."
"It's strange really." She stopped knitting, turning all her attention to you.
"Ubbe's not... I mean.... he seemed different..."
"He's a Viking, Torvi." You spoke quickly with a click of your tongue inside your mouth.
"He can't be much different from his brothers. You know how men are, they want, they possess and they have strong the feeling of pride. Even when they have to pay."
"Cynical..." Torvi commented and you laughed.
"Yeah, after almost getting killed or be parted from my son or seeing my abusive husband marrying a thrall... Yeah, I'm cynical and definitely not waiting for the judgment of your Gods." Your attention was on Torvi.
"But I won't leave him, not until he's torn apart."
"He is torn apart, (Y/N)."
"Good and now I'm enjoying the outcome."
Lie.
Though it shouldn't be after everything this woman – you – had endured from that awful man, who seemed to be kind and different for everyone but her.
"Liar."
Your eyes looked at Torvi, way good enough now to stop the knitwork. Head tilted on the side. Expression surely unfased.
Torvi was looking back at you as well, her own knitwork long forgotten on her lap.
"Wanna know the truth? Yes, in a way, I find great pleasure in his own torment. Why? It's obvious. Pride is the worst weakness of the man – any man – and Ubbe's is attacked enormously. First he married her and now this... He's a prince, one of Ragnar Lothbrok's sons. People expected him to be bigger than his father and Ubbe repaid the expectations quite nice, didn't he?"
You sighed.
"However... you're true. I don't feel that much compassion about this as I have every right to. He's still the father of my son, my husband..."
You hated the unspoken words behind your loud ones. Ubbe had destroyed you in ways that you thought you could never be destroyed mentally and yet a twisted part of yours felt bad or maybe something worse...
That night was warm, as spring was coming the winter and the snow were giving place to warmer and shorter nights. Though, lately the air of the Great Hall was suffocating and tense for obvious reasons.
The suffocating silence of the room broke when he entered. He slammed the door, not caring about anything in particular and stormed in seeking his son – your son. You didn't even look at him, you knew it was him anyway, who else would have stormed in the room like that? No one.
The little boy was delighted to see his father, after a couple of days not having seen him at all.
"You must be very pleased at how things came out to be." Ubbe's tone was harsh as he was referring to you.
You rolled your eyes, even while this was happening, he was here trying to blame you again. He couldn't spend just one moment with your child without fighting with you. It was a tradition and an every-day thing by now.
You clicked your tongue before speaking, trying to bite back your tongue and deliver another biting remark back on his face.
"I must admit that I didn't see this coming... and unlike other people I'm not pleased by misery, Ubbe. How much you don't know me..." You said, though you didn't succeed on not continue this – as usual –since your tone was harsh and mocking slightly.
Something that obviously enraged him. He left your son in his crib and walked closer to where you were standing at the corner of the chamber.
"Tsk... a brilliant performance, my lady wife.... The only thing is... I don't believe a word coming out of your infuriating mouth." He stepped closer. His tongue was harsh, dangerous, the very one he used every time you were fighting and he was threatening you.
"I know you well. Too well maybe for your own safety. And I know that you're happy that I'm humiliated and I don't know what to do." His hand moved on your jaw, his grip was strong and not gentle. In fact, it was anything but gentle, it meant to deliver pain and authority.
"Don't think I'm not looking at you. I freakin' do. My eyes are turned at your place."
A threat. This was clearly a threat and you knew exactly what he meant by using it.
You scoffed. Unfortunately for yourself, you weren't one to back down as it seemed from the beginning of all this to this very damn moment.
"Oh please. You have so much in your plate at the moment that I could easily snap away. I could leave and you would be unable to do a thing. Especially now that you have another son." You were obviously trying to enrage him more, a stupid move, pulling even away from his grasp, walking closer to the door as to enlarge on your words.
You could see him tightening his fists. His teeth were surely clenching too, as his jaw was clenched, you could tell. By now you knew him way too well, as he claimed to know you.
His hand moved violently on your arm, gripping you in a brushing way as he pulled you closer.
"You wouldn't dare."
You smirked. You were pushing his limits again and that wasn't wise as you, yourself, could remember what happened the last time you attempted to flee with your son.
"Wouldn't I?"
It was obvious, you were getting worse in his nerve, the more you were speaking, challenging his authority, the worse for you.
His grip on your arm was only tightening, there was obviously a bruise there.
"Don't test my limits, because this time you won't be this lucky. This time I won't be as gentle as before."
"And what worse could you do to me? Kill me? Take my son away?"
"My son." He corrected you with a growl and smirked viciously. "Yes. You won't see him again."
"I'm not falling for your threats this time. Things came this way by your doing. You did all these. You and only you. And now you have to face the consequences."
"Shut up." He growled his hand moved on your throat, as if threatening you again not to remind him, not to push him.
"Does it hurt listening to the ugly truth?"
Your faces were too close by now. Both too angry with the other. His grip only tightening on your throat, he could easily kill you and this time he was pissed. This time would be the one and true time he could easily do it, without keeping the consequences in mind right away.
The whimpering of the little boy in the crib was enough to make him stop, to take his attention away from arguing with his son's mother.
"You're lucky." Ubbe growled between his teeth as he lifted the boy in his arms.
"You or I?"
The unspoken words were everywhere in the room around them.
Now, he could see the consequences everywhere – finally — he couldn't just hurt her or take her away from his son, even if he truly wanted it.
He had grown up with absent parents.
His father exiled on his own.
His mother too occupied to his younger brother, Ivar.
And Ubbe in the middle having to grow up on his own, while acting as the big brother to his younger brother, Hvitserk.
Ubbe didn't want that for his son.
No honourable man would. No Viking, no pagan, no Christian.
This woman — you were his nemesis, his bane of existence, but surely you'd die for that young boy as much as he would, if not more.
"Leave."
He muttered before the words had settled in fully in his mind.
Your eyes widened. There must be something you couldn't understand right here.
"After we leave for raiding in England, you'll take the boy and leave. I don't care where you'll go – I don't care about your own well being, just keep our boy safe and strong."
His blue eyes weren't the dark shade you knew all well, but his gaze wasn't softer than you were used to either.
"It's not that simple. Besides, what are you even doing? Are you throwing your son at the side for the b—“
"Shut up, woman." He commanded and you frowned ready to fight back, but you didn't because he spoke again, while he had your son in his arms, caressing his little back for soothing — a movement he had long to do for the kid.
"Margrethe's not staying. Neither will you. This cage won't keep my son, and if it keeps you, it does the same to him.” His blue eyes were only on the little boy in his arms.
He was awful and you hated him, but he loved the boy in his own way, but he did. You saw once again that you couldn’t just steal that — you couldn’t steal a son from his father.
You closed your eyes.
You should leave.
You should leave.
You didn’t — shouldn’t — care about his feelings for losing the boy from his life. He’d done that to himself, to you, to everyone.
Yet again, you weren’t a saint. Both of you did atrocities during your time and surely a child couldn’t be raised in such a cruel and hateful environment.
“He’ll hate me for that…” That was the only thing you said as your eyes were studying him this time.
“And he’ll hate us both of we raise him like this. I won’t be any different. You won’t be any different. We can’t learn to love each other, (Y/N). Because love isn’t for us.”
“You think?”
For a moment, you wanted him to say no, but only for an awful moment. Indeed, you, two, weren’t made to love. At least not each other.
Ubbe looked at you. It wasn’t hateful, it was the gaze of man who was tired of everything surrounding him.
“I only now that I love the picture of my son with his mother. Now, the woman herself — you — that’s a different story.”
He sighed.
“I don’t want to become my father — and I so fear I have. Ragnar was a great Viking warrior and a good king, but he wasn’t a good father or husband. I don’t want that father for our son — I don’t want to be the way my father was to me. And surely I don’t want you to be my mother — because it all started because my father didn’t love her. It was always Lagertha for him…”
“As it’s Margrethe for you?”
He clicked his tongue inside his mouth and left your son in his crib yet again as he turned his attention on you.
“No. Margrethe is nothing more than what she is. You’re what you are and you’ll stay that way for me forever. I’ll keep what we have, whatever it is stored."
You sighed. It should've been a relief to be able to walk away and live the life you've always wanted, with your son away from this man you've despised since the very first moment you've laid eyes upon and vice versa.
Meanwhile, Ubbe started moving closer to you. Your eyes were studying him, after he had threatened multiple times to kill you. He left a long breath and came close to you — probably two or three breaths away from your face.
For a long moment, silence was everywhere in the chamber.
Eyes on eyes.
Blue that wasn't angry, just tired was on her.
"After all, I'll know where my son is. Always. Don't forget that."
You rolled your eyes.
"That's like telling me that you could take my son whenever you want." That was testing the limits of his patience. It was like a constant battle, a war — a game.
"You're almost beautiful and nice when you don't speak." He whispered as he was looking directly at you. An almost smirk was on his face.
Almost.
"Shut that enraging mouth for just five minutes. Then maybe I could fall in love with you."
You scoffed. The defence was back on as your mind was sharp and was working overtime.
"I never had you for that cheap." Your tone was pure poison.
"Doing all that just because she betrayed you. You must feel terrified that you'll be alone. Without nobody to actually blame and torment, because I know for a fact that you'll a whore to—"
His hand found its way on your throat. By now, you could wear it as an accessory after all this time he was almost choking you.
"This tongue. I should've cut it ages ago. So infuriatingly bitter and yet... even with that awful and poisonous mouth... You're messing with my fucking head more than anyone could play with another's mind."
Ubbe came closer, pressing your throat just so much as to mess with you.
"I hate you so much. I hate that you have that much affect on me." His whisper was dangerously low in a way that almost made you wanting to contrast him to see how he'd react, but you didn't. Your eyes just settled on his blue ones.
"Sometimes I hate you so much that I want to..." He stopped.
"Take you."
"And I hate you evenly in terms that... I'd let you."
One whole week you avoided him. That night wasn't supposed to end like that. Well, it was for any other married couple, but certainly not for you.
Though that one week, Ubbe didn't try to reach out either. However, he was seeing the little boy. He was spending much time with your son. And you knew him to well to know that he was doing so to prepare for the time you'd departure after he was away in the ships for the raid in England.
You rarely — to never — accompanied him there. It was odd when he saw you. It felt like a goodbye.
And it should've been.
Ubbe fixed his gaze on you before approaching.
"Almost there." He just said, his voice was too soft to be his.
"Yeah. I guess you won't be back before the first snow falls." You spoke simply as your hands were tangled in front of you as you were standing with him on docks.
"You'll have plenty of time to move away and get settled." Ubbe remarked.
"No, I will be heavy by the time you'll be back." You shook your head, just when his gaze snapped at you confused and surprised all at the same.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm afraid you'll have to endure me longer than you had in mind..." You bit your lower lip.
Without a warning his hands moved on your flat stomach.
Ubbe was surprised looking down on your stomach then up at you. It was one of the too few times you've spotted tears in his blue — ocean-like — eyes.
"This time..." He paused as he breathed. "This time I'll happen correctly." Ubbe whispered as he moved closer.
His lips moved to place a tiny kiss on your forehead. After that, his forehead touched yours as his hands moved on your face.
"Take care." Ubbe breathed.
"You too. I'll be waiting..." You whispered before he walked away.
Author's Note: Hello folks! I've been away for too long and I'm so very sorry about this fact. This is my official comeback with this little fic that I found in my drafts. The question is though, is our fandom still alive and active?
Have fun with this one and take care
P.S. Requests and taglists are open.
Pairing: Ubbe x Reader.
Genre: Mini!au, smut, romance.
Summary: One more morning with Ubbe.
Warnings: Smut.
Strong hands pressed your body forcefully on the mattress. Hot – burning – lips were devouring the flesh of your neck. Hungry eyes were running up and down your body revealing that he had only dirty thoughts about you at that very moment.
You were trying to resist in his dangerous charm and his deadly touch, but your body was out of your control. It gave you away each time, because it was reacting to him – to his teasing touch – in all the ways you didn't want. Your hands tried to push him away by his muscular chest, but to no avail. The man was much stronger than you to make him stop by force.
"We should stop..." You suggested and made one more effort to stop him from going any further. However, your effort was dismissed as your previous one.
The prince's left palm forced your hands on the furs by your wrists and kept you still under him. The free hand of his was drawing imaginary paths on your torso. His touch was so soft that it almost felt innocent, but it was anything but it. Instead the right adjective to perfectly describe it was inviting. It was tempting you to give in to his insatiable desires.
"Ubbe." You said his name in an desperate way to distract him from going forward. However, it was pointless to try resisting him. It had already been a difficult task for you because you desired him almost as much as he did. But Ubbe made it even worse for you.
He had always been like this in a way that felt like he was trying so hard to blow your cover and let your spicy secret escape from the prying halls who kept it sealed.
His hand was getting closer to your thighs and as it was approaching, his movements were slower, but impatient – matching his temper. That stubbornness of his was able to get you in serious trouble, but the man didn't seem to care much about it. Unlike you who minded deeply about this whole situation.
"No." You told him and it was a warning for him not to continue on touching you. Ubbe was dangerously close to restart the actions of the previous night, when the first rays of the sun were making their appearance. A sign that you should have been far gone by now. You should have sneaked in your own room, under your own furs, pretending that you were sleeping all night instead of laying on the prince's bed.
The prince caressed your inner thighs and touched slightly your centre, in return you gasped trying to keep your breath steady and your voice stern. Before you could even try to voice your next protestation, two of his own skilled fingers found their way in your entrance and this time you weren't able to keep yourself from groaning.
"My prince, please not again." Your voice was breathy. The prince smiled when he heard you and placed a sloppy kiss on your bare chest.
In the meanwhile, your hands wrapped around his wrist and with some effort you placed his hand on your stomach and your own hands on his messy hair.
"You can take one more." Ubbe insisted and you tried to make him look at you, by moving your palms on his cheeks. When his darkened blue eyes met your face you could say that your face reddened.
You swallowed nervously as you were gathering your thoughts along with words, though this wasn't easy because he had inserted two of his fingers inside of you and he didn't move them at all. So you were trying not to move, as not to worsen your situation.
"Maybe, but we don't have any time left. Its almost dawn." You reasoned and he placed a finger above your lips preventing you from saying anything else.
His lips closed the distance between the two of you. Firstly, they just touched yours and caressed them in the most teasing way you had even felt. Afterwards, he kissed you passionately – hungrily. It felt like both of your lives were depending on this kiss.
That was the moment when his fingers started moving in the fast and hard pace of his that you were used to by now. Though each time with him it felt like a total different experience.
You moaned within the kiss and the prince bit your lip driving all of your senses on their peak.
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Author's note: Hello, happy New Year to you all! Sorry for being too late to post the last part of these series. However, here it is I hope you will enjoy it!
Pairing: Modern!Ivar x Reader.
Genre: Modern!au, series, fluff, drama, angst.
Warnings: Strong language, mentions of pregnancy.
Destruction | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI
A couple of months later.
You had forgotten the sound of your own giggle the past year. However, those two last months were enough to prove you wrong and remind you that you still contained the ability to feel happy and laugh — finally.
“You can’t be serious!” You exclaimed laughing at your friend Torvi. There had been a long time since you last met each other. Actually, the last time you saw her was before your wedding.
A wedding that never really happened because Ivar decided to take you away. He had confessed that he loved you that same day as well. You could recollect the memory as it was yesterday.
Flashback – Two months ago.
“It’s not what you believe, (Y/N). It wasn’t just revenge for me. You mean a lot to me. You know I am just not good at saying those things and you, also, know that I can be dickhead sometimes. Don’t cry for me. I - I care for you.”
Ivar had said and kissed you like his life was depending on this kiss – like both of your life were depending on this kiss.
“Don’t get married, you don’t deserve being treated like that. Dump that asshole.”
You needed to hear these words back then – you needed a motive to stop that madness. After all, you didn’t love Mason, but Ivar.
You didn’t treat Mason right, so leaving him before this mistake would be the only thing you would do to save him from being miserable next to you – because of you.
“I won’t, Ivar.”
“You are mine.”
“I am yours.”
End of flashback.
“Oh, I’m and that’s not even the end of it.” Torvi continued speaking and got you out of your thoughts about that particular day. “Your mother was about to kill Hvitserk when he announced that Ivar had stolen you – those were the exact words he used.” She laughed. "Besides you know the love your mother contains for Hvitserk." You both laughed at her remark.
It was well-known that your mother loathed the sons of Ragnar – especially Hvitserk. She would call him peccant or sinful. Generally, she would criticize his way of living. Not that Ivar was her favourite brother though, but Hvitserk worked as a red flag for her.
You could picture your mother's face after hearing Hvitserk announcing that the wedding was over because you run away with his brother. You were sure long before Torvi told you about the events of that evening that she was furious – that was the main reason you hadn't even tried to contact her since then.
"What about Mason?" You hesitated to say his name after the way you treated him, though he wasn't honest to you either – as he lied to you about the events of the past and blamed Ivar about his doing.
Anyways, you felt guilt of your own lies, because you acted the very same way you accused Ivar of when you walked away on him.
"Oh well, I heard that he is fine though he and the boys are distant after what happened. He blames them for helping Ivar. Anyways, Ubbe told me that Ivar mentioned that he is after Freydis again."
You could understand the way Mason felt, but you couldn't focus on this after some names were mentioned successively.
"Ivar?" You muttered before you could stop yourself.
"Yes, Freydis told him."
You felt jealous once again about the same thing – you were back to the beginning of this messed up story. You felt weird after everything that happened the last two months in contrast with what Torvi just told you. Maybe you were just overreact, but still you couldn't bear lose again.
Maybe your love wasn't the healthiest one , but it was strong enough to swallow you if he hurt you like he did previously.
"Don't tell me you are jealous." Torvi said smiling after receiving no response from you.
"I'm not jealous of her." You fought back and she chuckled. It was too obvious that you were lying.
"You didn't really tell me what happened with Ivar after you left." She mentioned and you smiled at the memory.
Flashback – Two months ago.
Your heart was full after a very long time it felt half without him. You felt happy again being close to the person who you loved the most. Probably this wasn't the best way to come back together – not even close to be honest – but what was worth it for you was the fact that you were sitting on the passenger's seat of his car and he was on the driver's seat taking you away somewhere that only he knew.
Nobody spoke a word though – an awkward silence was surrounding the car. You didn't know what to say – you didn't know whether you had to say something or not. You knew Ivar by heart and yet you couldn't predict what was inside his head. You knew when he was mad, happy or sad, but you couldn't say what was bothering him.
"Ivar." You breathed and turned your eyes at his figure. "Do-do you love me?" Your voice was barely coming out as a whisper. It was a silly question to ask – even after he crashed your wedding and told you that he cared for you – you wanted to hear him saying this particular word. You hadn't heard him saying it – at least not to you.
"What kind of question is that? Didn't I told that I care for you less than an hour ago?" You could say by hearing the tone of his raised voice that he was getting annoyed by your question. You were aware of the fact that he wasn't good with words – especially this kind of words, but you wanted to hear him saying just for once.
"Why is it so difficult for you to say it again? Tell me, do you love me, Ivar?" You raised your voice out of frustration. You couldn't understand the reason why it had to be that hard for him to tell you about his feelings.
The possibility that he didn't feel that way came in your mind. Maybe he was just possessive when it came to you or it could be obsession the feeling he contained for you. Those could be the actual reasons why he couldn't express his love fore and that would be because it was non-existent.
"Yes!" Ivar yelled with obvious anger at you and hit his hands on the wheel.
"Yes, what?" You pressured him more as you were angry and disappointed at the time because of his inability to express himself to you – the person he was supposed to love.
Ivar hit the brake pedal so forcefully that if you weren't wearing the seatbelt you would be out of the car when it stopped. You turned your face at him and he had already focused his furious blue eyes on you.
"No, Ivar, you don't." With those last words you stormed out of his car and started walking at the opposite way from the one he was driving on. Though, you didn't get to make it far away because his hand grabbed yours tightly and forced you to turn back and face his wrath.
"What do you think you are doing? And what the Hel are you saying?" He growled on your face as you were trying to break-free from his grip to no avail.
You breathed heavily and looked his angry face.
"All you feel about me is some kind of authority and possessiveness as I'm one of your belongings." You spoke and motioned on your hand he was holding firmly. "The worst part of it is that it isn't even new to me to get this treatment from you. You don't love me, because you don't know how to and that's due to the fact that you feel that you don't deserve the love the others are trying to give you. The only thing you know how to do is hurting these people with your childish behaviour." You continued telling him with tears falling from your eyes – tears that you wiped away with your free hand.
Ivar was looking you without speaking, he was just looking at you quite shocked. Behind his anger you could spot guilt and redeem. He knew himself that you were right and that was the most painful part for both of you.
"The next one who will come in your life and try to give you the love you deserve let her." After these words, more tears threatened to fall from your eyes. You grabbed your gown on the palms of both of your hands and took a couple of tiny steps believing that Ivar would let you walk away from him – from his life.
However, such a thing didn't happen because he used the hand of yours he was gripping and pulled back – this time he held you closer to him your bodies were touching. You tried to fight back again, but he was too strong for you in such way that when he pulled you the lacework of your dress was ripped.
This time he even stopped holding your hand and he went for your throat. His grip was as tight or strong as it was on your hand, but it was firm enough to pull your face closer to his.
"Too late for that." Ivar said in raspy voice. "There is someone who has already made my heart beat for her – who have made me feel all of the things you've said before. I didn't know how it felt to be truly loved by somebody because of the problem I faced. I thought everyone pitied me – the poor cripple – until you came. You saw me what love really means – what it is – and I sent you away. When our paths crossed again, I thought that all I felt for you was just lust or possessiveness for a woman who used to be my partner. However, I got hold of my feelings – of my true feelings – after our first kiss in the bowling alley, when I called you to come to that bar to tell you about my conflict with Mason and after we got drunk and went to my house and slept together, remember? In fact, all this was just an excuse because I wanted to see you."
When he finished, Ivar let go off you throat and one of his hands touched your arm as the other when on one of his pockets. His touch was really genuine on your hand.
"I remember." You mumbled and smiled as you remembered that particular night you spent together.
"You want me to tell you that I love you, but you know that I'm difficult with words. Though, for you, I'll say it, but before I have to do something else." Ivar stopped and afterwards his hand got out of his pocket holding a red-whine velvet box.
You looked first at the box shocked and then at Ivar.
"Ivar, you don't have to do that just to prove your words to me." You tried to say, but he stopped you by taking your hand in his, after he opened the small box. As you expected, it contained a ring, but it was not just a random ring he picked. It was the ring you had told him years ago that you wanted to be the one you would be proposed with. It was a unique design which you couldn't find easily, but he did for you.
"I love you." Ivar finally confessed and you could even spot a tear on his cheek. His forehead touched your own as he eyes found yours. "Will you marry me, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?" He asked and you smiled widely.
At the sound of his words, you felt your heart hitting your chest with just force that it was going to rip out of your body.
"Yes! Yes, I will marry you, Ivar Lothbrok!" You exclaimed and kissed him passionately. This kiss wasn't like anything you had experienced. It was different from any other you had shared. One that both of you were expressing within it your deepest feelings about the other person.
When you stopped, Ivar pulled you closer to him again and placed the ring on your finger.
End of flashback.
After that moment that you would never forget about, you spent two months away from everyone you knew. It was just the two of you in the middle of nowhere. However, you had to return back in Kattegat to face the real life and what came after the decisions you made.
Ivar's family welcomed you back and they were glad to hear about your engagement – though they could see it coming. They knew better that you two about the feelings you shared.
So, there you were, talking with Torvi about the days that came after your almost-wedding with Mason.
Torvi looked at you with narrowed eyes and a huge smile on her face.
"And after this you are still jealous? You are crazy girl!" Torvi exclaimed and both of you laughed again. "No, I am being serious now." She said and you both burst into laughter again. "No, seriously now you are getting married with the love of your life!" You smiled and looked back at your feet.
"And that's not even the end of it."
"What do you mean?" Your friend asked confused and your smile became even more wider than it was already. "(Y/N)?" She asked you again anxiously this time.
As an answer, your hand moved on your stomach and you caressed it meaningful. In Torvi's face formed a smile identical to yours.
"Don't tell me that you...." She exclaimed and you tried to prevent her from let everyone know about your little secret.
"Shhhh, I am, but Ivar doesn't know yet. I am going to tell him tonight and then we are sharing it with the others. Keep it for me, okay?" You spoke on a soft tone of voice and Torvi agreed happily before she congratulated you about your pregnancy.
"Ivar, when do you think that we should get married?" You asked him out of the blue as you stood up and walked through the balcony. Ivar glanced at you for a quick second and then turned his attention back on his laptop.
"I don't know, but we should not rush. In three to four months, what do you think?" He proposed without looking at you and you smiled, because this conversation was taking the way you wanted.
"That won't be convenient. I think that it should happen in one or two months." You continued.
"Why so?"
"I'll have gained weight. I won't feet in any dress."
Your words caught him off guard. He abandoned the computer on the coffee-table and fixed his eyes on you confused.
"What do you mean?" Ivar asked as the edges of his mouth lifted and left the sofa to come closer to you. He stopped on when his body was behind yours.
"What do you want me to mean?"
"Don't riddle me, (Y/N)." His voice was stern and you couldn't help your little smirk. "Are you pregnant?" He asked as his body collided with yours and his muscular hands hugged your torso and stayed on your stomach. Your back was touching on his chest, so you couldn't see his facial expressions. "Tell me." He demanded impatiently and you smiled.
You knew how much he wanted a child – a daughter or a son. You were also aware of the fact that he was delighted when Freydis had told him that she was pregnant in the past and thought it was his child when it wasn't.
"Yes, Ivar." You whispered and tilted your head at the side to catch a glimpse of his reaction to your news. What you saw was a tear slipping from his eye and you smiled again. "Are you happy?"
"No." Your blood froze in your veins and your smile died on your lips. You turned so you could face him. "No, I am not just happy. I'm thrilled!" He exclaimed and you felt your heart beating normally in your chest again.
His hands closed you inside them and one of them caressed your hair softly.
"I love you, wife."
You giggled when you heard him calling you wife.
"I love you, husband."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag list: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog, @anotherfan07, @heavenly1927, @zvacu-te-pile-moje
Author's note: Hello there! Here comes this fic you chose to come. At this part I have to say that one more part has left to come from this series. Thank you for supporting me. I wasn't planning on delivering this today. I had it in store for Christmas as a gift to you all, but I couldn't keep myself from posting it, so here it is. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.
Summary: Your life is about to change again, probably this time things will get better... or not.
Warnings: Violence (emotional and physical), mentions of murder (strangulation), strong language.
My enemy and me masterlist | Nemesis's wish | Enemy's cruelty | Rival's touch |
Days and nights had past but everything felt the safe inside your prison. Only this time you weren't only miserable and hopeless, but also betrayed and filthy after that disastrous of a night.
You wanted to run away from Kattegat – from Ubbe. But you knew that this wasn't even an option – not after what had happened the previous time. You wouldn't even dare to lay a foot outside the Hall without someone on your tail.
However, that wasn't the only reason behind this. Your son had a huge impact on your decision. Even if you ever found the opportunity to leave this place for good, Ragnar would hate you for taking him away from his father. A father who was Ubbe Ragnarsson – a magnificent warrior, descendant of Odin himself. The child was his first-born – his heir – you had no right to take him away from him.
On the other hand, you couldn't leave on your own. You couldn't stay away from your son – your heart wouldn't bear not to see him for a day let alone a whole life. The only meaningful thing you had in this life was your son – without him you were dead.
The thundering sound of a goblet falling startled you and forced you out of your thoughts into the atrocious reality. Around you men and women were laughing and drinking, fighting and eating, talking and dancing. It was another feast that you had to pretend to be the perfect wife. False smiles and identical words and promises were all you could see behind the masks of all those pretenders that were surrounding the Hall.
"You don't seem to enjoy yourself." Drunken, slightly hoarse voice spoke from the seat next to yours. It was a familiar one though it didn't belong to your husband – it belonged to his younger brother.
"I am afraid you are mistaken, Hvitserk." You answered and you glanced at the drunk man. Then your eyes went back at the crowd.
You weren't in mood of starting any conversation – even with Hvitserk. You wanted to stay on your seat drinking ale from your goblet until the night was off – and you prayed for it to end soon enough because you couldn't stand seeing her swinging around the Hall giggling with the guests full of your husband's child. And your husband's eyes were only on her, the love of his life – now you knew damn well that he was lying he hated you because he couldn't be with her and you were hating him more than before. More than ever.
"Well, I won't push you to talk if you don't want to, but you should know that if you ever need to spill your guts and let of steam, I'll be here." Those were the realest words you had ever heard coming from someone else – from someone who was too drunk to reconsider the words coming out of his mouth. And yet it didn't seem this way, it seemed like Hvitserk meant each one of them.
You turned your gaze on him properly this time. Maybe he was right you should speak to someone – you should take this weigh off your shoulders, but you knew that Hvitserk couldn't be the one. He was Ubbe's brother and in love with Margrethe. Torvi couldn't be that person either, she was his brother's wife – practically his family.
That resulted to you having no one for once more. You were utterly alone, but you were used to it by now.
"You know that we can't really talk, don't you?" You asked him in low tone of voice and he turned his gaze on you. Green eyes gazing right inside your shuttered soul.
Hvitserk shook his head and chuckled. You looked at him frowning in curiosity.
"Ahh, yes. I almost forgot for a moment that you are more like a bird imprisoned in a golden cage than my brother's wife." You almost smiled at the comparison he managed to make.
"I was never the second as for the first I start to think that the only thing missing is the wings." You tried to play along, but the melancholy didn't let you be as playful as Hvitserk was when he pointed out the similarity between you and a caged bird.
Hvitserk left the goblet on the table and sat properly on his seat, his eyes were only on your figure along with his attention. It was like he was totally sober for a moment.
"You mean he broke your wings the only time you dared to walk out of that cage?"
"Something like that." You smiled sadly, recalling which moment he was talking about.
"And yet you love him. Still."
You frowned. You opened your mouth to protest – to accuse him of lying, to give him one by one all the atrocious reasons that his remark couldn't be true. You almost wanted to rip the collar of your dress and show him the scars of his brother's large hands on your neck of all the time he almost strangled you. But most of all you wanted to yell at him because he dared to say such an awful and offensive thing.
"You don't need to persuade me of the opposite." He continued and grabbed his own goblet taking a long sip of his drink. "I don't know the reason behind all this horrible situation you have to live in – well, in fact, I know it – but I wish things were different between you and him. You are a good woman – you deserve a lot of things and surely this torment isn't one of them. He is a good man as well, but he is stubborn and I can say that he loves you back."
You didn't want to hear anymore. You didn't know which your reaction should be. Not because you were shocked or believed any of his words. You knew that Ubbe didn't love you – he hated you. He had even told you that he loved her that night.
Before Hvitserk could even start again talking about Ubbe's hypothetical love about you, you dumped your own goblet on the table in front of you and left your seat.
"Don't say anything else. Ubbe himself told me that he loves her." You said quickly and stormed in your chamber before Hvitserk could answer you.
You didn't need to hear anything else about Ubbe or Margrethe. In fact, you didn't even want to see them for the rest of the evening. You needed a night away from all this despair – you deserved it after everything you had been through lately.
However, your silence didn't last long because Ubbe stormed in the room more frustrated than you did a few minutes ago.
"What do you want?" You asked him angrily because of his sudden appearance in there.
"Are you out of your mind?" He yelled and kicked the table flipping it over, throwing all the decorations on the floor.
"No, you are out of your mind!" You were yelling too now. You couldn't believe at the audacity of that person. All he did was coming in and yelling at you over and over and over again. It was all a circle happening again and again the same thing and you were tired of re-living the same scene every day.
"I am not the one who caused a whole scene in front of so many people and left! What do you think you are doing?"
"Are you serious? I caused a scene? I was talking with Hvitserk! Just a civilised talking! Something you can't do apparently because all you do is yelling!" You yelled back. All you asked was for a simple night. A silent one which meant away from him and his madness. He was mad – there wasn't any other excuse behind all of his behaviour. However, you couldn't find a proper reason he was in such a state. You hadn't caused any scene in there.
"Don't bring this on me, woman!" He was very angry – you had seen him this way multiple times before and you knew what was to follow. His hands were running through his braids uncontrollably and you couldn't understand the reason he was so mad. "You are the one who humiliated me and my family!" His finger pointed out on you and you scoffed – you couldn't help it – and it enraged him more.
Within a couple of seconds one of his hands was on your throat pressing it until you had no breath in your lugs. Nothing new – just some bruises and marks that you had to hide under your clothing. Ubbe pushed you back on the wall – your back hit so hard that all the inches of your body were shaken.
"You humiliate my name and you have to get punished for it!" He growled and you looked at him as angrily as he eyed you. You weren't going to lose this time – not again. And most importantly you couldn't let him know that you were afraid. He couldn't know.
"What are you going to do that you haven't done yet? What, huh?" You challenged him, looking him in the eyes. You wouldn't back down.
A sardonic smirk formed on his face when he heard your words and his face came closer to yours. You weren't used to be this close to him. Your faces were mere inches apart and without your approval your eyes stared on his masculine features.
"I am going to take Ragnar away from you. You are going to see him again when you will act properly." His tone was normal again, but his nerves weren't. Your eyes widened and you tried to do something you hated yourself for the same moment you did it. You raised your hand and tried to hit him – to slap him on the cheek – but his hand stopped you.
After that, both of his hands were gripping you firmly and this time maybe he would make his dream coming true – he was going to strangle you to death and as he said once; nobody would suspect him.
Your eyes widened again, but this time not because of the fact that he was going to kill you this time, but because you were going to hit him. You had never done that before – never. You had thought about it plenty of times, but never did it.
You closed your eyes waiting for your death and tears rolled from your eyes – tears because you tried to hit him. He had done horrible things, but you – you weren't this beast. Images of your son were flashing before your eyes at you last moments.
But you didn't die at the end of day, because the door opened and Hvitserk along with Sigurd and Bjorn forced Ubbe away from you. They tried to help you when Ubbe was forced away from you, but you stopped them you fell on the floor coughing, trying to breathe normally again.
Bjorn and Sigurd were talking to him as Hvitserk was standing next to you trying to make sure whether you were fine or not.
"He wasn't.... going to kill me." You managed to say with clear difficulty in breathing. All pairs of eyes were following you while you were struggling to stand up.
"It didn't seem this way to me." Bjorn pointed out and you shook your head trying to convince him the thing around.
"I wouldn't kill her." Ubbe spoke finally, his burning blue eyes were only on you as your own eyes were on him. "Now leave us for a moment. We will be alright." He told them and they looked at disbelief before they walked to the door.
"We will be right outside, don't even think about it." Hvitserk warned his brother before all of them were out of the door and stayed just the two of you in the room.
Ubbe didn't try to come close to you, he stayed at his former position and neither of you talked. The atmosphere was suffocating inside the room.
"You were very lucky this time, but next time you will raise your hand on me you won't be that lucky." He warned you in much calmer tone of voice.
It was a threat – another threat.
You hated yourself for trying to hit him. He had never done it, but had done other equally awful things. You wanted to tell how sorry you felt and ask for forgiveness and you would if it was for another person. You would never leave your guard down for him again. You knew better than falling for his tricks again.
"We will see about that." You couldn't keep your mouth from saying it.
"Don't tempt me to finish what I started." Ubbe growled before he was out of the door.
"I'm sorry." You muttered when he was out of the chamber and touched your hurting neck. Tears started streaming from your eyes at the memory of you raising your hand on Ubbe.
After some hours, you un-braided your hair and put on your night-gown ready to lay on your bed, after your son was asleep. You blew out the candles and laid on your bed closing your eyes. But you didn't get to sleep, because the wooden door opened and closed. You kept your eyes shut, but your hand moved under your pillow and wrapped around your dagger's handle.
When you felt the mattress next to you moving, you turned around and pointed the dagger at the man's neck. You could recognise him under the midnight light coming from your window. You knew this person well – fortunately.
"I must confess that I wasn't expecting this." He whispered, but you didn't take the dagger away from his neck. For the first time ever, Ubbe Ragnarsson was under your mercy. That meant that you could do to him anything you liked. This was getting entertaining.
"Why are you here anyway? You should be with your wife." You reminded both of you and moved the dagger closer to the flesh of his throat.
"In case you forgot you are my wife."
"I meant your other wife."
Ubbe didn't seem to want to answer your question probably he – himself – didn't know the reason he was on your bed.
"You know that I could take this little knife of yours easily." He said and touched the tip of your blade. You smirked hoping that he couldn't see it in the dark.
"Yes, but you haven't taken it yet." You heard him chuckling and you smiled.
"No, I haven't." His voice was coming from somewhere closer than you remembered. The dagger was still pressed on his neck, but it seemed as he didn't care at all about its existence – he wasn't afraid of you and that was annoying you even more than his arrogancy.
"I could kill you and nobody could prove it was me." You recollected his own words and used them to upset it, but it had quite different effect than the one you wanted.
As an answer his hand was placed on top of yours – on top of the hand which was holding the dagger on his throat. He guided the blade closer to his flesh and you watched him thrilled as he was pressing his own skin with the sharp knife.
"Do it. Kill me. Nobody deserves to kill me more than you do. If I am to die soon, I'd prefer to be you the one holding the blade soaking in my blood. So, don't hesitate, do it – slice my neck." The smell of blood reached your nostrils and you knew that it came out of him. He had been cut by the blade, but it hadn't been deep enough to be fatal.
You pulled the knife away from Ubbe and dropped it on the stony floor. Your hands were working hard in the darkness trying to reach for his wound. You knew that he was bleeding when your hands me the something liquid streaming – his blood.
You hoped desperately that he couldn't see your face. He couldn't see how upset and worried you were for him. You didn't want him to suppose that you cared – you didn't care. You didn't care at all.
And yet you couldn't stop yourself from lighting the candles again and searching for a cloth to treat him. When you found what you were looking for, you went back to bed. You sat next to his lying form and placed the cloth in the bowl of water. Then, you placed the wet cloth on his wound and he didn't react – he didn't even flinch.
His blue eyes were focused on you trying to stop the blood streaming.
"I thought you would want to get rid of me by now." Ubbe finally spoke and you dared to glance at him for a passing moment. You thought to yourself. You thought that it would be better if he was dead. However, you couldn't picture his death. You were afraid that if you even tried, it would happen. It should have been what all you were waiting for, but it wasn't.
"I have told you, Ubbe, I've never wanted you dead." Your eyes were back on the cut on his throat. It wasn't a fatal wound and it wasn't big enough, but still you couldn't let him bleeding. Not even for some minutes. "Not even after everything that we've been through." You confessed in a soft tone of voice. In such way that you didn't want him to know about that last part. But, now, he knew.
"And yet I would kill you if I had the chance." This was a confess and it made you smile. It wasn't like you weren't afraid that he wasn't going to do it, you were sure that earlier he would have killed you if his brothers hadn't stormed in the room.
Ubbe could kill you easily, but this didn't mean that you could do this to him as well. He didn't care whether your son would grow up having a mother or not, as you did. But this didn't make you change your mind when it should have had. If you were to walk away one day, you would do this and he would be alive. Although, if that ever happened, he wouldn't let you go far enough – he would find you anywhere.
"You have the chance now." You reminded him that you were alone and your gaze met his under the slight light of the candles. You left the cloth in the bowl and placed it on the table close to your bed.
"I can't kill you right now." Ubbe said and stood up from your bed to meet you.
"Why not?"
You hated the way your eyes were magnetised on his imposing figure. It reminded you how much more powerless you were comparing to him. You wanted to force your eyes away, but you couldn't bring yourself to.
Ubbe shook his head trying to fight back a smirk which was forming on his face.
"It feels like you are provoking me into killing you sometimes. You are so annoying and careless and stubborn and I can't keep myself."
His footsteps became heavier when he almost reached you. You didn't make any attempt to get away from him – you stayed on your former position, staring at him.
"From killing me?"
A low chuckle – one so dark that got goosebumps – came out of his mouth and he took a step closer to you. Again, you didn't try to escape which seemed a terrible idea.
You knew that you were asking too many questions that could get you in danger. This man was so unpredictable that you weren't sure when he would snap out of nowhere and try to strangle you again – or this time he wouldn't use his hands.
"Among other things." These words came out darker than it probably meant.
It wasn't long before he was in front of you and his hands were reaching for your skin. They rested on your neck, but not like previously. He wasn't wrapping his hands firmly around you – he was touching you. Just touching. Nothing more – only pure touching. And yet, only pure it wasn't. Nothing was pure between Ubbe and yourself.
His touch was intoxicating and you felt like you needed more of it. You needed this touch in every inch of your body. It was forbidden – Ubbe was forbidden. And that was the exact reason you had to stop this. Because if you didn't, it would ruin you again and this time it would be worse than any other.
You took some steps back. He didn't try to reach you again. Ubbe knew himself that this was a big mistake and it shouldn't happen again.
"Margrethe probably needs you." You told him bitterly. You couldn't even pronounce her name without feeling this weird feeling which had the exact taste with poison. "She's close to give birth to your child. You should be there for them both."
Ubbe knew that you were speaking the truth – he should have been with his wife – and yet he was in your chambers standing opposite you, feeling attracted to this room – feeling attracted to you.
"You didn't need me though."
It surprised you to hear him saying that. However, it was another truth that couldn't go by unnoticed or stay hidden between you two. You didn't lie to each other because you didn't care about the opinion the other person would form. At least that was what it was supposed to be like.
Indeed almost each month of your pregnancy you were alone, but you liked it. You didn't want Ubbe around – you hated the idea that he would eventually be around when this child would be born.
"But she does." You managed to mutter. You were trying to bring back those feelings. Those you had for him during your pregnancy – when he had been on another raiding and you hadn't seen him for plenty of months.
When you could actually hate him because you didn't have to see him every single day.
"Once you had told me that your feelings for me weren't hateful when I was away." Ubbe's voice held a different tone. One you confessed coming out of his mouth few times.
Yes, you could recall that conversation. It was the one he told you that he was thinking about you at the battlefield, but it was too late to believe in his words, because you had already found out about the slave girl and her child. It was one of the worst days of your life – how somebody could forget the day their life took the downfall.
Although, that conversation was the last thing you wanted to remember after all this threats and the tears you shed. And yet it was still stuck in your mind like it was yesterday.
"I was trying to give in to the feelings I felt for you. The way I had you in my mind when I was at the battlefield. Don't ask me how those feelings were formed — I have no idea. I was thinking of you, knowing that you were praying for me not to return. Those feelings couldn't be replaced by any fight we had. At the end of the day, all that stayed in my mind was one of your rare smiles and the way you care for our son."
Ubbe had said.
"I have never prayed for you to die on the battlefield. I did quite the opposite in fact and it felt strange in my heart. I hated — I told my self to hate you — I was telling myself all the things I hated in you so I could hate you. I felt strange for you — my heart was beating in a strange way as much as I tried to avoid it, it exists, still."
That was your reply.
Your eyes were fixed on his gaze. Ubbe wasn't paying attention in anything else in the room but you. It felt like nothing else existed except the two of you. If it was under different circumstances, you would feel special and even loved – only if it was even possible to acknowledge how it felt to be loved by someone.
His tone was a soft and kind of regretful one. But it had never lasted long. This time time it wasn't due to him mood swings but due to his brother storming in the room, out of breath. Hvitserk cut him off when it was obvious that he was about to say something – or more accurately – confess something.
When you saw the man standing next to the door, you let a long breath – one you weren't aware that you were holding all this time – to leave.
"Margrethe is in labour!" Hvitserk exclaimed and everything changed inside you. It felt like the reality was coming back and your delightful dream was over. The object of your misery was back there – visible –standing in your way.
Your husband's eyes met yours. Regret – they yelled. But you couldn't understand which was the thing he had regretted for.
For cheating?
For impregnating her?
For marrying her?
For treating you like garbage?
For forcing you to stay in his side?
For the misery he put you into?
Too many reasons and they weren't all of them. There must have been something you couldn't recall. And yet, you didn't care. You couldn't even feel pity for your wasted life anymore. In fact, you couldn't anything – you were empty.
"She's asking for you brother." Hvitserk spoke again this time softer. His eyes were moving from Ubbe to you and the opposite, because no one of you had said a word.
"Yes." Was the only thing Ubbe managed to say and dragged his brother outside of the room. "You should be there too. Make yourself proper and come." Your husband was back. That was the Ubbe you knew. Your tyrant.
You had no tears left to shed. You were just empty as you were putting on your dress.
You were empty when you walked through her chambers and had to confess her labour.
You were empty even when the child was out. Boy – the midwife had announced happily. And she brought it in your hands and you weren't empty anymore. He was crying his guts out – like your own. His brown eyes were big and pure and you lost yourself inside them so mush that you almost didn't noticed. Although when you actually show them, they didn't mean anything – a child was brought in the world and it was the biggest blessing Frigg could give to a woman.
"Give him to me!" Margrethe's voice was the one who heard through the silent room, but you didn't move to place her son on her lap.
"The prince should hold him, my lady." The midwife reasoned her, but she didn't stop yelling for her son.
Even if she wanted, she couldn't hide away the child from Ubbe. Sooner or later, he would see him. You couldn't interfere or even felt pity. Nobody pitied you when you cried. Nobody cared for you feelings.
You placed the boy on her lap. Without sparing a look at her – the young man was all you cared about. Which could possibly be his fate. Why did it have to be this difficult for a baby just born. Why should a child carry its parent's burdens.
Your footsteps were vast as you were exiting that suffocating room.
"Son." You muttered when you met the curious eyes of the people who were supposed to be your family. Your eyes dared to wander only on Ubbe's form. You were supposed to bring him his son on your hands and it would probably have happened this way is things had been different.
Ubbe frowned when he spotted your unclear expression. Even you weren't empty enough to be idle after this. You almost felt sympathy for him, forgetting about all the horrible things you had been through because of his cruelty.
If you were as cruel as Ubbe was on you, you would even say that all this was a payback for all his doing. But you didn't feel like it, not when in the middle of this situation stood a new-born boy. One that would probably be the object to everyone's ire.
Ubbe didn't wait for a second word or asked anything else, he just burst into the room without warning. You didn't dare to move or speak another word. After all, it wasn't about you anymore.
Author's note: Hello there! Thank you for reading this story. This was supposed to be the last part part of it but there will be a couple more of it to unravel the story properly. Anyway, I hope you will enjoy enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Summary: The next day finds you wrecked and prisoner in a miserable situation.
Warning: Violence (emotional and physical), mentions of strangulation, strong language, smut and unprotected sex.
My enemy and me masterlist | Nemesis's wish | Enemy's cruelty |
Life had always been cruel to you, but never this way.
You were a prisoner in your own misery, never stepping out of your cell – your chamber – except from some rare moments that you lacked the option of staying back in the loneliness of your room.
You had never felt more horrible – not even when you thought that sharing a life with Ubbe after your marriage in a house of your own would be awful.
Every day felt the same.
One more day you had to pretend that you you were strong enough. One more day you were trying to keep your mind from going insane. One more day you had to bear with the tortures of your damned fate.
The only comforting part of this unbearable punishment was that you had your son close to you. The two of you had been inseparable the past days. He had started mumbling little words which he was the only one knowing the meaning after them – he hadn't spoken a proper word yet. However, you were suspecting that he was going to speak it soon.
Ubbe wasn't spending much time with you. He came once or twice per day to check on his son and spend some time with him. Within that amount of time, you didn't exchange many words or any at all. You were keeping your distance from him after your conversation with him on his wedding night with Margrethe.
As for the nights – you hadn't shared any in the same room. He was newly-wed and you didn't want to be in the same place as him – you would endure that as a chore if it was necessary, but never out of your own choice.
Now, you were forced to put on your fakest of smiles and stay close to Ubbe and his wife to greet the quests. You were pretending to be fine with all this situation while it was clearly the other way around. You thought only fair of him to let you leave him to save your dignity without all the drama that followed after your attempt free yourself from your misery. Obviously, he wasn't as fair as they spoke when it came to his own matters.
You had never seen Ubbe's fairness and his reasonable self in person and you would never because it was non-existent. He was just like any other typical Viking man – caring only about himself, criticizing the others when he was just the same as them. Just another hypocrite who treated his own wife like she was his property. Probably things didn't go the same with Margrethe, considering that she was the bride of his liking and the fact that she was a good manipulator when it came to men – another fine quality the slave girls had. But this quality was the only thing that you liked – or better adored – about her.
On the other hand, you neither were a fine pretender nor a good manipulator. That was your main problem – your displeasure along with your feelings weren't stuff you were controlling or hiding. Though Margrethe was good at it – she was good at playing the innocent victim – but you could see past that. She was anything but. Of course at the others eyes, while Margrethe was the good girl, you were the villain.
Probably the part you liked the most was that of you being the villain and the one you despised was that of her being the innocent girl of the story. What an ironical and hypocritical way to think considering she was the one who kept having intimate relationships with a married man – your husband.
The happy voice of your son got you out of your thoughts and turned your eyes on him – your realest smile formed on your face when you saw him mumbling his own words. He was on Ubbe's lap – big blue eyes were holding his father's identical gaze as he was talking to him. You glanced at Ubbe just for a second and you felt your heart clenching – he was chuckling the whole time, answering back at your son in a way that you wouldn't even imagine someone could.
You snapped your eyes away from his imposing form before someone could notice you glancing. You tried to remind yourself all the horrible things he had done to you – all the things that you hated him about. All the things which were standing between you and tearing you apart. The most important one of those reasons was seated on his left side carrying his child.
"Ubbe, I think he is kicking!" Margrethe exclaimed and pulled his hand on her belly clumsily without caring about the fact that Ubbe was holding your son with that same hand. Ubbe smiled when he felt the slight feeling of his baby's kick on her belly, but the smile left his face instantly when his eyes met yours after you grabbed your son and placed him on your lap. You were furious but tried to contain your anger because of the people who were surrounding the Hall.
You wanted to say something smart in a bitter way to undermine and belittle her about the fact she was so sure that she was carrying a boy, but you stayed silent – forced yourself to keep your mouth shut. You remembered Ubbe's threats. You had to be smarter – and you would be if you didn't let him know your thoughts. You knew that Ubbe's wrath would fell upon you if you decided to give him a piece of your mind.
You had to retreat in your chamber when Ragnar was getting sleepy and was whining. Ubbe insisted when you had moved in in the Great Hall to let some thrall taking care of your son, but you dismissed that idea. You wouldn't let anyone that close to your son, especially a thrall – you didn't trust them taking care of your most valuable and precious treasure, you beloved son.
You had placed him inside his crib and were merely some inches away undoing your braided hair, whispering to him the whole time to put him to sleep. When you understood that this wasn't working, you held him on your hands and started walking around the room telling him anything in a soft tone of voice. You were so occupied that you neither heard the door opening and closing nor footsteps coming towards your place.
"Da-da." Your son said and stopped you from walking and talking. He had said his first word and it was this word – he was calling his father. If you said that you didn't feel the slightest of jealousy at the sound of it, you would be a liar, but apart from that you were so happy that he had finally said a word – one that you could understand as well.
Only if Ubbe had heard as well. Only if he was there too.
"Da-da!" Ragnar exclaimed again and you smiled, caressing his small head. He was even pointing something behind your back but you didn't turn to see what he was pointing out.
Not until you heard him exhaling. Before you turn, you clenched your son on your chest scared and then you finally turned around. To your relief you spotted Ubbe gazing surprised and very happy at your son.
"I didn't notice you getting in. Have you – have you been standing here for a long time?" You were rambling on as Ubbe was taking some closer steps towards you.
You expected him to hold his son and be on edge out of happiness because he heard as well his son's first word – being Ragnar calling his father. Instead Ubbe seemed to have other plans. He dropped his enraged gaze on your shorter form. You didn't like the way he was eyeing you – you knew it meant argument and you were tired after the last time you fought with him.
"Of course you didn't notice me coming in, because your mind is flying! What do you think that would have happened if it hadn't been me and had been somebody else, huh?" He growled and you sighed sharply. He was starting again with this conversation – you being a bad mother. "Gods, how can you be so reckless!" Ubbe yelled in front of your face and turned around running his hands through his braided hair frustrated. He even dropped some of the decorations off the table nearby.
You placed your son in his crib and smiled at him, tired because of all this situation – the indifferent situation.
"First of all keep your anger for yourself and stop with the yelling." Your calm tone was enraging him even more than whatever the reason his heart was burning with anger and maybe hatred was before. "Secondly, I didn't suppose that—"
Ubbe saw red and didn't even let you finish, his hand wrapped forcefully and tightly around your throat, taking your breath away. You didn't even try to break free this time from his grip – after all this wasn't new for you, he had done it before. There were so few harmful things that he hadn't done to you yet. You weren't afraid – or you tried not to let him see that you were even a little.
"You suppose. You fucking suppose. That's all you fucking do." With each word, he was pressing your neck more. Although, his voice was softer – he didn't yell this time – but he wasn't calm either.
"I di-dn't... suppose... that... any-one... would... dare." You muttered out of breath because of his strong hand on your neck. He loosened his grip, but not entirely. You couldn't still breathe normally, but it was better than previously. "Not when... when you are... out there." Your eyes were on his the whole time.
Ubbe sighed angrily once more and left your throat – he would storm out. Both of your hands gripped the leather tunic he wore right after he took his hands away from you and you kept him there – on his previous position, before you. Before you could even form a word, you steadied yourself by the grip on his clothes, because your vision was blurry. When you were fine, you turned your eyes back on his.
"Don't ever say that I don't care... about my... son. That I am not... a good mother." You whispered at him and let your hands fall from his chest.
"My son." Was the only thing Ubbe managed to growl. His hands straightened his clothes and stormed out of the room slamming the door shut behind him.
When he left, you let your hands run through your flesh. The part he had been holding before, was burning now – under your soft touch –but you didn't mind. This was nothing comparing to that destructive night – to the pain of that night when he threatened to take your son away in case you didn't obey his demand.
You knew you had lost the war between you two that certain night. So there wasn't a reason for you to fight him anymore – that was the actual reason you didn't yell at him or fight back when he accused you of bad motherhood again. You were tired and defeated.
You didn't stop the tears when they demanded to fall from your eyes. Instead you let them stream to your cheeks. Those were tears out of frustration about your defeat – you hated the fact that he had won.
But it was all worth it – the humiliation, the torments, everything – you stayed and obeyed because of Ragnar the Younger. He was your strength. Your sweet boy who was so silent inside his crib when his father was yelling at you. Apparently he was used to this toxic behaviour of yours and you hated yourself for that. However, you hated Ubbe more because he was the person to bring this awful nature of yours in light.
His blue eyes were gazing at you as you were whispering his lullaby at him and wiping away the tears at the same time. You had to be strong for him – he had to see you smile even pretending to smile, not cry. In a very little amount of time, he was asleep and you left from his side.
You placed your body on a wooden chair and traced your fingers too slow on your aching neck. It wasn't hurting anymore. Though you were sure that he had left his mark there – one that you should cover with the colar of your dresses.
You stayed on the chair for some time, gazing at the wall. Your head was empty. The fingers of both your hands were tangled on the table. You didn't know how much time you had spent staring at the wall like that, but the sound of the door opening got you out of your mind. In fact, it startled you and you stood up from your seat instantly.
Ubbe came into the room once more for the night and closed the door softly behind him this time. You crossed your hands in front of your chest – a defensive move of your part. He seemed calmer, but you could never be sure with this guy – he was able to snap out of nothing.
Your eyes were studying each step he was taking that was leading him closer to you. You had to be prepared, though there weren't much unexpected things he could do to you – just a couple maybe and you wouldn't be surprised if he did them.
For a couple of minutes both of you didn't share a word. You wanted to know the reason he left his wife to come to you because there should be a serious one he did that, but didn't ask him. At some point, you didn't even want him to be here, but you couldn't tell him to leave either. So you stood like this – one facing the other without talking.
"Is he sleeping?" Ubbe broke the silence first and you almost choked on your own saliva when you heard his hoarse voice.
You coughed before your answer.
"Yes, he had been sleepy from the beginning of the feast." You answered and let your hands fall from your chest. A movement that he noticed the moment you decided to do it.
"Right." Ubbe said raspy.
"Yes." You answered and after that there was for once again an awkward silence between you. One that both of you knew damn well. It had always been like that back when you lived together at your former house. The nights he got home sober were filled with this same uncomfortable silence.
"Shouldn't you go back to her?" You couldn't stop yourself from the wince you made when you referred to her. His grimace changed again. His features hardened and you knew that a second round was about to start – this time coming from you. You couldn't keep the burn on your throat from acting this way. Even her name was enough to light up the fire inside you.
"Her name is Margrethe." He growled and you clicked your tongue inside your mouth in annoyance. Even if you wanted to forget it, it wouldn't be easy when everyone was reminding you about her and her stupid name.
"Yeah, I can recall her name." Your voice was challenging him and you knew it by yourself, but you couldn't help it. You wanted peace after your defeat, but when it came to her, you lost all the little amount of patience you had.
"In this case call her by her name when you talk about her."
You scoffed when you heard him and you could practically feel the way his jaw clenched. Your scoff came out naturally not only because you were talking about that certain person, but because it reminded you of something else.
"This reminds me of something." You confessed with a bitter smirk on your face at the recall of the memory.
"My name is (Y/N)."
"I can recall your name."
"Then use it when you are referring to me!"
You could swear that he knew exactly what you were talking about. You could see the memory flashing before his eyes.
That memory felt so old and it was just a week and a half before. Who could have imagined that all this chaos could have been caused within a glimpse of the eye – not you for sure. But that was how life was. All the life-changing events were happening quickly. So people could take impulsive decisions that would haunt them all their lives.
"This feels so far and yet there's so little amount of time that has passed since that day. All our lives has changed. It's fascinating how rapid time flows and people can do nothing to stop it. The only thing we can do is trying to keep up with it." He was speaking the truth, like he was processing himself all the stuff that had happened.
You shook your head. Your tongue wanted to spill its poison once more. It was burning you. You couldn't keep it in anymore.
"In our case it wasn't time who changed our lives. It was you who wrecked them." You emphasized on the verbs, putting the blame on him for everything once more.
He was getting more angry each time you were speaking. You knew it well, but you didn't manage to contain yourself and prevent you from saying those things. However, you weren't lying – you were speaking only truth – which apparently was hurting him to hear about it again.
"As if you were the perfect one in this story. As if you ever treated me as I am actually your friend – let alone your husband. As if you ever treated me like I am not your enemy." He stopped talking and started walking closer to you. There had been a long distance between you before and now there had been nothing. He was very close to you. You frowned at the closeness. "We both fucked up, but you refuse to take up the responsibility of your actions. You refuse to acknowledge that you fucked up as I did."
You wanted to laugh at that and cry at same time. You knew you weren't perfect – actually you knew that you were far from that. You knew you had to take up your own responsibility, but still he had fucked bigger time than you. He was the one to drive you on edge and almost drop you from that same edge.
You didn't manage to find the correct answer to outsmart his words – to stop him from whatever he was about to say. Your ability to compose words together had left your mind. The only thing you were able to do was just staring at him.
The other thing you knew was that you hated him and you repeated that over and over again to yourself – so you would never forget and change your mind.
"We are the only people who drew ourselves to destruction because we gave in to our hatred for each other. Maybe at the end of the day, we hate each other more than we want to put our lives in order."
You looked at him directly in his eyes. He wasn't stepping back from the gaze. It was intensive and hidding truths. You swallowed and decided to ask a question which was eating you alive after you heard his last words.
"Why?" You muttered softly. Ubbe frowned – he couldn't find the right answer because he couldn't understand the question. "Why are you hating me so much?" This time you sounded like a child – one that was scolded by its parents and didn't really know the reason.
He was surprised by your own question, for one moment you caught him off guard. Even himself couldn't find the right answer to that, but there should have been one.
You shook your head and took up the opportunity of his confusion to put yourself together.
"I mean I had never found the reason about it. Though I suspected it had to be the fact that you didn't get to be with Margrethe, but as the time went I thought it might be something in addition to that. And the reason my feelings are mutual I think that you get it." You tried to explain in a very different tone of voice – in one that reminded him more of yourself unlike the previous one you had when you asked him the reason behind all this hatred.
Ubbe coughed and then swallowed. One long breath and his eyes met yours again. His gaze held yours and you could see that there was something different – a different glint. A strange one you hadn't spotted before.
"All this time I assumed that I hated you because you were the reason I couldn't be with the woman I desired and that was partially the truth." His words were sincere coming out of the button of his heart – that was how it felt to you, making your own heart beating in a different stranger way.
"You aren't the easiest person to live with, you should know." He stopped – a long pause for one more long breath. You felt agony – your hands were sweating, your heart was beating faster and you weren't aware of the reason behind all these symptoms.
"The truth is..." One more pause. You could see that it wasn't easy for him to say it – neither to accept whatever it was. It had to be something powerful because it caused both of you to be under its control and act weird.
At that last pause you almost felt your own breath caught in your lungs. Ubbe was no better – his voice was faltering.
One more breath – for both of you.
"You are driving me crazy." He confessed and after that you felt like you could breathe normally again. Your heart didn't share the same tendency – it was still beating extremely fast inside your chest. "I don't know. When I am around you, when we talk, when we fight, I feel like I am losing myself. I am becoming someone else. Most of times I don't like the man that comes out of me because it's more like I am no man anymore. I am a... beast." This time you could say that his voice was indeed faltering in some words, but you weren't paying much attention to that.
"Those animalistic instincts wake up in me and I can't control them. They came out and before I even process the situation it's you and I on the battlefield in an endless battle about dominion."
Before you could control your own mind and tongue, you spoke.
"Are you fighting back those instincts now?"
"Yes."
Before you were aware of it, his hands were pressing your neck again, taking your breath away. His eyes still on yours felt like they were competing each other which pair would dare to look away first.
"You are getting the animal out of me. You can't imagine how many times I have pictured myself forcing my hands on your throat, gripping you tightly until you can move no more." His hoarse voice wasn't louder than a whisper delivered in your ear.
You didn't know what your reaction should have been. It certainly wasn't the right one. You should be afraid being that close to a man who just confessed that has pictured himself strangling you to death. You should have done something about that, but all you felt was powerless and urged to know the next action of his.
"You had told me once that you could kill me and nobody would know it was you. Why didn't you do it?" You were playing with the fire out there and you were aware of it damn well. Yet the fire was alluring enough to make you forget about the dangers it hid.
A vicious smirk that you have seen before formed on his face just when his grip around your neck forced you to lift your head up to watch him better. The blue of his eyes you were used to was darker than his usual one, but never this dark. It was like it wasn't blue anymore.
"That would be too easy, when I can torment you all the ways I want."
At this point, you didn't know the man you were married to. The Ubbe people were used to and this man had nothing in common – apart from the name and the physical appearance. But, that was the one you were used to. That was the person you knew as your husband.
Maybe it was true that the ones who seem better than the others hid the worst part of themselves. People said Ivar was darker, but they hadn't encountered Ubbe – the real Ubbe.
Ubbe, a name which meant wolf and that was what you were facing – a wolf hungry for blood. Your blood.
The hand around your throat was enough to control you – he moved you by it and threw you on your bed. Your eyes widened – this had all taken a very different way than the one you had had in your mind. Well, you holped just for a fight, a conflict maybe – not to wake the wolf like that. You had never thought of getting a glimpse of something like that with Ubbe. Even with that version of Ubbe, that darker one you knew better.
A part of you – one that you hated – wanted to found your boundaries and drive him on edge, like he had done to yourself multiple times. This part probably was trying to avoid – if not forget – all the horrible things he did to you. But, as much as you were trying to force your mind to bring back in your thoughts all the reasons you had to hate him, it did quite the opposite.
The only thing you could think of was his hands wrapping tightly around other parts of your body that weren't your throat. It felt forbidden. It was forbidden. You should send him away.
You were laying on the bed while he was standing before you, eyeing you like a predator his prey and – fuck – you felt like his fucking prey, because he was devouring you with his eyes, or that was how it felt like.
Maybe it didn't only feel like that, because his hands ripped his leather tunic off his torso, revealing his drawn muscular body. You couldn't remember the last time you had been beneath that body.
The Gods were testing and you were failing.
Your mind blurry, but not for long because one of his hands pulled one of your own and forced your on your feet. Maybe he was testing you the whole time. Maybe that was a game to humiliate you once more. So many awful things had gathered in your mind. Your heart was racing, waiting for his reaction.
You were dangerously close again. He was breathing and his burning breath was falling on the exposed skin of your neck, driving you crazy of anger – among other feelings.
"I don't want to force you into this. Say you don't need this the way I do and I stop right now." Your eyes met his.
Your mind was screaming to refuse to dismiss him. A woman enduring the stuff you did from this man would have refused without any second thought.
Your heart though. That bloody thing was cut in two. Clenching for his touch, wanting him as much as nobody before, but at the same time aching because of the dishonour of your name, of all the things he did to you.
"If you don't—"
"There's no such a thing. I am your wife. It's my duty to give in to your pleasures at any kind you want." You were trying to make it seem like you had no other choice – to pretend that you weren't craving this as much as he was.
Your answer made his jaw clench and his hands meet your cheek. They wrapped around them gently and his eyes gazed deeply inside yours. He even pulled lowered his head a little bit, but he was still taller than you.
"No, no, no. That's not your duty, it's your choice. If you decide to have me, it's only your choice. I am standing right here." His voice was soft and understanding, he meant every word he said though he was here not forever – it was just tonight. A night for both of you to give in the impulsive lust for each other.
After this one night, things would go back to normal – Ubbe and Margrethe and their child together and you with your child together. Just one night to get those thoughts away and then back into hating him.
One night couldn't harm a soul.
"It's my choice." You mumbled and placed the most mortified smile you could muster on your face.
One night. Just one night you could set aside your hate. Only one you could leave behind everything that was ripping you apart. After all, one night didn't mean a thing – it couldn't hurt you or anyone else. One night you could pretend that your marriage was anything but awful and tormenting. One night you could be like like a proper husband and wife.
"Good." Ubbe growled and his hands left your cheeks. After that, one of them made it on your loosened hair and pulled them at the side. Then, with the help of the other hand, Ubbe started working on the laces of your dress, undoing them hungrily.
When he finished, the dress was laying on the cold floor around your legs. You were exposed in front of him and it was the only time you didn't care about it. Ubbe's eyes roamed on your bare skin and focused on your eyes at last, asking for your approval over this one more time.
Instead of using words you decided to speak with actions. Before your logic self could make you change your mind, your hands reached the laces of his pants. You tried to take them off, but your hands were too shaky to help you. Ubbe tried to stop you – a troubled expression covering his face – but your stopped him. You wanted to do it. You wanted that.
You knew it was wrong, but you couldn't help your desire. After all, the more forbidden and dangerous, the best and it was just about that night – no other would follow.
Once you got rid off the fabric of his pants and freed his erection, you knew there was no going back, but you didn't care about it. Your trembling fingers drew soft imaginary lines up and down on his hard member. Your touch was even softer than a caress – you were barely touching him and that was driving him even more crazy than before. You knew that you were teasing him – though you weren't skilled as lover, in fact, quite the opposite – but that was your way of showing him your approval.
Ubbe wasn't a patient man. The truth was that he contained more patience than his brothers did, but under your tease of a touch, he was restless he wanted more – he needed more. He needed you of all the things he could take out of you. He wanted you on edge one more time – he wanted you under him mercy one more time.
His much stronger hand stopped yours from working on him. He started walking towards you and you backwards. You only stopped when your feet hit the bed – though that wasn't enough to stop Ubbe. He forced you on bed again, but he didn't make any movement as to follow you. For some seconds, he admired the curves of your body and you found your chance to eye him back. It was an improper moment, but you couldn't care less.
Ubbe would love to take in your form all naked lusting after him, but he couldn't keep himself any longer. He crawled on bed on top of you, his left hand was placed next to your chest and he let his weight drop on that hand instead of dropping it on you. His other hand teased your exposed nipples – exactly the same way you had done before.
You couldn't keep your moans in as hard as you were trying. You bit your bottom lip trying to help yourself – you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that you were a mess because of him like he was a mess just a minute ago because of you.
Your eyes were fighting their own battle with his gaze. The whole time you were looking at each other in the eye as a competition.
Without any warning, his hand stopped playing with your breasts and you tried really hard not to protest about it. Though that didn't last long, because that same hand reached your lips and forced them to open. One of his fingers entered your mouth and you welcomed it with your warm tongue.
"That's it, you finally shut the fuck up." Ubbe growled. His finger was still in your mouth and you were swallowing it the best way you could. You could tell that he was trying to seem unbothered by all this situation, but in fact he was affected as much as you were. Though, under those circumstances, you were under his mercy and he had no mercy for you.
His finger got out of your mouth and travelled all over your body to find the place he wanted. It left behind a forbitten trail of saliva – your own saliva coming from your own mouth. The path ended and his skilled fingers stopped at your inner thigh – inches away from that part he wanted most to reach. The touch of his fingers wasn't as soft as you expected, but it wasn't rough enough to surprise. No cruelty would be surprising coming from him.
Ubbe leaned closer to your soft thigh and as he did his eyes was looking only inside yours. His lips touch your and you forced you eyes shut – you had fucking lost again. He knew how to bring you on edge – how to bring you under his merciless self. His tongue came into the game and you couldn't help your hands from fisting around the furs surrounding you. His mouth was treating your skin like it was part of a sacred ritual.
Your moans satisfied him more and more each time his mouth was sucking your warm flesh, marking you as his own – as if you could slip away from him after all his threats.
These thoughts was enough to wake up your blurry mind. It was yelling – begging – you to come back to your senses and stop this madness. He was your biggest enemy the one who harmed you the most. You should stop and save the little dignity you had left from all the dishonour Ubbe had brought on your name. You were better than this. You had to stop it.
You really did, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Every piece of your body had paralyzed under his sly touch. Ubbe was a skilled lover, an excellent one – there was no doubt on that. He knew damn well to push your buttons till your very end.
You were forced to open your eyes and bite your lips the hardest you could when you felt his tongue on your entrance. His eyes were still on your face, taking in each little expression your face formed.
When you felt his tongue inside you, you couldn't help but grip more tightly on the furs and bit your bottom lip so deep that the taste of your own blood was on your mouth.
"Ubbe......." His name came out with a very long moan – one you were trying with everything you had to keep inside. The moan came out of your mouth like a prayer for Loki the god of mischief himself.
At sound of your loudest moan, you felt Ubbe's mouth forming a filthy smirk. And that was the moment he stopped playing with your clit and came on top of you.
You wanted to protest for the brutal and unexpected way he stopped touching you, but you stayed silent. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction he has the power to win you again – when he clearly is the the victor between the two of you. For once more you had lost another battle between you, but he didn't have to know that.
And after all, one battle didn't mean that he had won the the war.
Your eyes found each other in a long battle of their own for once more. You were lying naked on the bed, eyeing each other – fighting about authority. Although, deep inside all you wanted was him, your body was aching for him – much to your displeasure.
Before you could even consider which would be your next action, you found your arms being trapped between his strong palms and the mattress beneath you. His grip was strong enough to leave big bruises on both of your arms, but you didn't care as you managed to wrap your smaller hands around his own hands as firmly as he did – at least you tried to grab the way he did.
Moments after this, you felt his manhood forcing itself inside you in a slow pace, at first. He knew that you weren't used to his size – or to any size at all. After all the last man you had intimate relations with was him and that was a very long time ago.
However, his gentleness didn't last long and you went back to his usual self – the usual to you, the one you knew better – his cruel self. When you got used to his size his pace was fast and rough and along with that his hands were forcing yours firmer on the mattress.
On the other hand, your nails were digging deep in the flesh of his arms with each thrust.
His face was some inches away and his eyes were gazing deeply in yours, there wasn't any kiss. After all, it wasn't a romantic night – actually it was far from that. It was just the two of you blowing off steam – giving in to your dangerous and forbidden lust.
It was just one night. Only one night. After this night everything would go back to normal – as nothing had ever happened – as this night never existed.
Skin on skin, growls and moans were all you could hear in the room. No proper words were spoken by the two of you until you reached you reached your climax. You hardly managed to keep yourself from screaming, but5 what you didn't manage was to prevent your mouth from saying his name over and over again.
When Ubbe reached him own climax, his mouth made it on your neck and bit you. You closed your eyes solidly trying not to yell again.
When you both finished, Ubbe fell on the mattress next to you closing his eyes. He wouldn't say it but this orgasm was a strong for his as it was for you.
Ubbe laid on bed next to you for a long time. You tried to be awake not to sleep until he was out of the room back to his wife. After all, it was nothing what had happened between you – you knew it, but why did it felt this way? Why did it make your heart beating faster?
"I love you." You heard him mutter behind you and you felt your heart almost ripping out of your chest. It was like you couldn't breathe and your eyes widened. You thought that you were going to die right there – next to him on that bed.
You opened your mouth to say something that you were going to regret afterwards, but eventually you didn't say anything because he spoke again and destroyed you again.
"Margrethe."
Your heart was shuttered for once more. He was the author of your destruction again. But you had to see that coming. He didn't love you – Ubbe couldn't love you. He hated you and you had to remember that the next time you would let your guards down.
Ubbe was your enemy. An enemy who had defeated you multiple times. It was time for your own victory – a victory that would mean that you won the war.
Author's note: Hello, I know that I've been away for a long time and I'm sorry for that but I needed some time away. Recently I came back in the app and realised that I never posted this part so this is my way to apologise for being inactive for so long. I hope you will enjoy this.
Pairing: Ubbe x Reader.
Genre: Mini!series, drama, angst, slight romance.
Summary: You are planning to leave Ubbe after the news you received.
Warnings: Violence (emotional and physical), mentions of strangulation, mentions of marriage and strong language.
My enemy and me masterlist | Nemesis's wish |
History had always had this odd tendency repeating itself.
The first one was Ragnar Lothbrok. He cheated on his wife with princess Aslaug – Ubbe's mother – and she showed up on his doorstep with child – his child. Lagertha had no choice but to leave him. After all, that should be the actions of everyone who had a little bit of dignity left in them.
History is the greatest tutor. It taught you that being a great man, doesn't have to mean that you are an equally great husband.
The sons of Ragnar had a long legacy behind them from the past coming from their father and from the future because they were destined to score great achievements matching their father's reputation or even overcoming him. Though they were famous about their battle and political exploits, when it came to their intimate relationships things were completely the opposite. All their glory were coming in contrast to the infamous rumours surrounding them.
To be honest, the loyal husband didn't exist – or it was extremely rare to exist among them. It was a common secret that they had their affairs in the lands they were raiding, but it was only because they wanted someone to warm their bed for some nights before they come back to their families.
You had never cared about Ubbe's affairs. In fact, you wished something like that happened because you wanted to be free away from this who you hated passionately. But never guessed that the day your wish came true would come. Also, you would never believe that you could feel any other feeling than hate or disgust or anything bad about this awful man.
This was the worst thing that could happen and it did happen at the worst time possible. Ubbe and you had started developing weird feeling for each other – but probably it happened for the best. You were only in the beginning of feeling less abhorrence about the other person and luckily you were back on same terms before you would disappear from Kattegat for good.
Thinking about taking your child and walking away made your heart clench in your chest. You didn't want young Ragnar to grow up apart from Ubbe. You wanted them close, but you couldn't keep them close anymore. You couldn't stay and be more humiliated than before. It wasn't right neither for you nor for your son.
You knew you had to leave immediately and you would when the boy would recover from the flue. He was better the past three days – the fever was almost gone.
The same as Ubbe. Ubbe was barely around. You two couldn't stand each other in the same house. As you were informed by Torvi, he was having restless nights at Great Hall in the company of his brothers.
He wasn't seeing Margrethe anymore.
He barely talked to her.
He didn't talk at all to you.
You didn't talk at all to him.
The only moments his tired hoarse voice made it in your ears were when he was talking to your son, but even then you didn't want to hear him at all. His voice was irritating you even more than before.
You didn't want him around, but you couldn't keep him apart from his son – not when you were about to take him away from him in a matter of days.
You were trying not to think – especially not for him and not when he was around. It was even worse thinking about him and sensing his presence being in the same place as you were.
It was one of those moments, Ragnar was laying on his father's lap and was listening carefully to the stories Ubbe was telling him about his father and the cities they had raided. Ubbe was speaking about his family's legacy proudly and your son was looking at him magnetized. It felt like he was hanging from each word coming out of his mouth.
You dared to dream about a total different life for a damned second, but you erased that bloody thought from your mind the following one. There couldn't be any other alternative life that Ubbe and you could live happily married with Ragnar. You were meant to be at each others throat.
You turned around and pretended to clean your already cleaned house because you didn't want to look at him anymore. You didn't even want to breathe the same air as him.
It was all back to normal – you were back to hate him. The only difference was that after all these events you hated yourself more than you hated him. You were at fault more than he was because you let your guards down. Even for a little amount of time you let yourself change your feelings. It wasn't a wasn't a great change but still it was enough to get hurt.
Hopefully, you wouldn't get to be around him anymore if everything worked according to your plan. You didn't really like the idea of Ragnar growing up without his father, but you couldn't stay. You had been enough humiliated so far because of him and his mistress.
You would have left sooner if it hadn't been for your sick son, but he was getting better now. If your plan worked right, you would be away from this place in two nights from this moment. You would grab your son and leave at dawn before the any fisherman or merchant saw you. You had even paid some fisherman a great amount of gold to let you sail on his boat in the nearest town and there you would find your way alone.
Your mind was so absorbed in your thought about your escape plan that you didn't notice Ubbe and your son moving from the bed. Ubbe stood up and had the child on his lap before placing him inside his crib. After that he came behind you, standing there uncomfortably without saying a word. When, in fact, Ubbe wanted to say something – anything.
You almost startled when you faced him so close to you, but you didn't do any action that would let him notice. It had felt so long since the last time you were facing each other this close – the last time you had fought about his child with that girl. This time didn't feel any different.
You were standing facing each other without speaking, but there were so many unsaid things between you. So much tension that both of you couldn't unsee the fact that it existed.
Before, in moments like that – when you were staring at each other – you were throwing blades at each other. It felt like a whole single combat between the two of you. The first to take his eyes away from the other was the one who lost the battle. But this time, it didn't feel like it.
The anger and hatred were participating as any other time. Only now, another emotion was there too, in addition with the other two. It felt like guilt, coming from both sides for different reasons.
Though Ubbe was the one to blame for the best part of this situation they were put into. It would be only fair to let her go without any word and he knew it himself deep in his heart, but it was hard to accept it – to deal with it. They weren't in the best of terms ever – in fact not even close to good ones – but she had never left or had done anything to humiliate him in public. Their personal matters were kept to themselves within the walls of this house – though it was a common secret that they weren't getting along. Apart from that they kept themselves civil in public and in front of his family even though they knew everything about them.
Ubbe cleared his throat first. He had been wanting to say something since the moment he set his foot in the house, but couldn't form a word. But he knew that he couldn't keep himself from speaking. He had to say something – it felt now or never. Ubbe wanted to clear his position, to apologize. He knew that you wouldn't let him do so.
You were a proud woman – he knew it as he knew that you wouldn't let him say anything about the matter that would be keep things civil between you. In any case, this would end up bad, like it always did. You would fight again and this time it might be worse than the other times because this time you had something really serious to argue about.
"The child seems better." This was the only thing Ubbe managed to say.
You rolled your eyes at his statement and felt your blood boiling. It felt like he was in disbelief that you managed to take good care of your son and he was healthy all over again. You were mad at him for all the other situation with the slave girl, but him undermining you was worse than cheating.
"Did you believe that he wouldn't?" You tone was harsh and bitter. At the sound of it, Ubbe's expression changed. His features hardened and his jaw was clenched. The battle had started once more – like any other time.
"Would you blame me for that? It isn't like you are the most caring person around." His tone was matching to your own which enraged you even more than before. You had all rights of Midgard to be angry and he was trying to turn it to you being a bad mother because you were mean to him.
It wasn't like you didn't know it – you knew that your actions towards him wasn't kind but the opposite. But you weren't this way to your son. Ragnar the Younger was your only comfort, your only companion. The person who made you like your life when you hated it more than ever.
Your love for him was sincere. How could it now be, he was your only child even though he was also the son of your nemesis you couldn't feel any less love for the person who grew inside your body and got out of it. He was yours and you adored him.
"But your whore is, right?" You felt like you were going to strangle him to death with your bare hands. After your words, you didn't even wait for an answer of his or any movement, you were mad and you wanted to take it out of you without pressing your hands on his throat. You had never did something like that – you had slapped him, yes, but your hands never went further than that. "If you believe that she is, you are stupid enough. I have learned not to underestimate any rival of mine and I certainly haven't underestimated you or her. How could I underestimate a slave girl? Slave girls can do anything to get them out of the low position they are and be in power and when they manage to free themselves, they want more and more." A fire was dancing inside the color of your eyes. You were mad and you couldn't keep the words from getting out – you didn't want to keep them.
Ubbe didn't get to say anything. His eyes were glaring directly inside your own burning eyes – his gaze was no different than yours. He didn't answer and you after a short breath you started again with the poisonous words.
"It's so easy to notice that she is a gold digger after your status. Just by looking at the way she has all of you – the sons of the mighty Ragnar Lothbrok – wrapped around her little finger you can say it. You fools have sincere and true feelings for her – how pathetic. But I won't blame you, you can't choose who your heart belonges – unfortunately. Just don't ever judge me again. You can't because you don't me." One long breath again. Your eyes always on his – sign of you believing every word that came out of your mouth. Ubbe was listening to you, preparing for his own little speech.
"I won't deny that I am a cruel woman – I know I can be harsh and bitter, but that's how I grew up. It wasn't easy for me either. I am not a thrall, but all my life it felt like I was. My fate – it seems – is controlled by men, treating me like an object they can use to secure some kind of alliance or a womb that's only use is to produce heirs. But I am a woman – a person." You almost tear up, but before even your tear came make it further than your eye you manage to wipe it away.
When you finished, Ubbe was running his hand through hair, ready to speak himself.
"You speak a lot without really knowing what you are saying – yet your words is your truth. I am not saying that life was kind to you – I can't know what has happened to you before I met you, I can only assume. My life hasn't been kind as well. Everyone is expecting extraordinary things from me because of my father – a father that was never there for me. Most of my life I've been only with my mother – who was never really there – and my brother – Bjorn. If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't be the man I am." Ubbe was starting calmly and yet so intensely.
"As for Margrethe, don't judge her you don't know her the way me or my siblings do. The problem is between us – it had always been there. We are the people to blame about the tragedies of our lives. You and I have made mistakes and the worst of them all was our lack of interest in hearing to each other. You had problems and I had mine when we married and we let those problem tear us apart. Both of us haven't been the ideal person for the other, but here we other stuck with each other having a conversation that had to be made a long time ago.
"We fucked up our lives with our bare hands and now after all this time of failing ourselves we are called to deal with the consequences."
"You fucked up our lives big time." Your words came out in the most selfish way possible when his own were spoken wisely and reasonably. That was Ubbe people knew and loved.
"Me, alone? As if you are a saint." His bitterness was back, but it wasn't enough to make you stop. You were mad at him.
Yes, his words were right. You were the authors of your destruction and downfall, but his doing – his intimate relationship with her and the aftermath of it, their child – was the worst part of it and was his own doing. He had tore you apart and signed your end. He couldn't say it was both your doing. Well, partially it was, but Ubbe was the one to take the most of the credit about it.
"I am not, but I wasn't the one who humiliated you by sleeping and impregnating a thrall. Be the reasonable man you claim you are and accept the amount of the blame you have, along with the consequences that follow." You spoke calmer than before and took first your eyes away from his. You moved away from him to the crib of your son to check on him. He was asleep, luckily you were calmer than usual and he was able to take his nap.
"This incident is just the tip of the iceberg. We have equal amount of blame for the rift in our marriage." He continued behind you in a tired tone of voice.
Your eyes moved away from the small form of your son and moved to the much larger one of Ubbe. You rolled your eyes once more frustrated. You were done by this. You knew what you had to do to stop all these arguments and drama – you were going to leave just a couple of days had left for you to endure Kattegat and Ubbe.
"Which marriage are you talking about? There's no marriage. You destroyed that." You weren't yelling – just scoffing. But your words, you damn well that wasn't the entire truth. It would be the whole truth if you said that you both destroyed your marriage with your foolish actions.
Your scoffing made Ubbe even more than he was. He moved towards the table and sat down on one of the wooden chairs. You stayed at your former position. You were standing close to your son's crib in front of him.
"You are my wife and that won't change even though both of us would like that." Harsh and calm tone, enough to make your blood boiling for once more. Your lips pursed in a thin line and your jaw clenched.
"Yeah, I forgot you would love to free her and then marry her." Your own tone was an ironic one when you referred to her.
"I intend to marry her regardless."
Your eyes turned to meet his – his blue ones were already gazing you. It was one of those rare moments he caught off guard. For a moment or so you thought that you misheard him, but the fucking expression on his face told you otherwise – told you that you heard clearly his words.
"What?" Your voice wasn't louder than a whisper.
"I'll take her as a second wife of mine. I would tell you under different circumstances, but I have to realize that there would never be ideal or even better circumstances between us. So, yes, Margrethe will be my wife and she will give birth to my child." The whole time Ubbe was speaking, his eyes were studying you – your eyes, your expressions, everything.
You managed to take a couple of steps away from the crib. You couldn't even form a word, because you couldn't process his words.
"Your first and only wife you meant to say."
"You are my first wife."
"I am not your wife anymore."
Your whole conversation was happening – surprisingly – in the most civil way possible. No bitterness, not poisonous words, nothing. The first and hopefully the last time.
"This conversation goes nowhere. You are way too stubborn to understand a couple of things and I have a tone of fucking stuff to deal with. If you decide to calm down before the marriage, good. If not, then I'll take matters in my own hands the way I know." Ubbe stood up from the chair and moved towards you not too close, but not far enough.
"Don't do anything impulsive for your sake."
Low voice, quite threatening and eyes gazing deep in your soul. But you would never let him notice that. You were eyeing him the same way – you would never back down to none especially him.
"I am not afraid of you." Your voice was challenging and for the first time after days a vicious smirk formed on his face.
Ubbe leaned towards you, his hot breath fell on your neck. He took a sip of your scent before any word came out of mouth.
"Maybe not at the moment, but you will be." His voice was soft – softer than ever. Yet that was definitely a threat.
You didn't get to answer to that because he stormed out of the house, leaving you behind confused and angry – definitely not afraid.
The days felt insufferable. Each was another torment for you. You couldn't even step out of the door of your house, everyone was pointing their fingers at you, gossiping about your husband's offspring with the slave girl. They were mocking you – something that you proud self couldn't accept. You glared at them but that wasn't enough to restore your dignity. The only thing that would help your reputation would be to leave him for good and never ever step a foot on this damned grounds.
And the big was finally there. You were only an hour away from your freedom, but your heart was aching. It felt wrong and apart from this another strange feeling were eating you up alive. You felt like you shouldn't leave with your son, but this wasn't an option. You were out of options indeed at the end of the day.
You didn't bother to wake up Ragnar. You wrapped him in a thick fur and put your own black cloak on.
The sheet of snow on the ground and the roofs of the houses was thick. It was very cold this time of the night out there. You shouldn't be out, but you had to make it in the dock and leave to save any little dignity you had left after your husband's achievements.
You walked like a shadow in the way that led on the dock. Your weird feeling was getting stronger and stronger at each step you took towards the directions you wanted. It felt like your heart was trying to warn you not to go – not to leave Ubbe – but your mind was telling you otherwise. You had to leave, to get in that boat and move away from Kattegat.
Eventually, you made it on your destination and took off the hood of your cloak, but something felt off. Things didn't go as you planned them to.
Two men were standing in front of the dock and there wasn't any boat close enough. Moreover, the fisherman you had paid to help you was nowhere to be found. You were watching them like a hawk, trying to study them and find to get away somehow. There was no way back to Kattegat.
You turned around to step back – not to your house – to the forest. There should be a way to escape from the forest. However, when you did turned around, your eyes widened when you spotted Ubbe eyeing you with two men standing next him. Both of them were his brothers – Bjorn and Hvitserk. You couldn't read his face, but you knew by heart that he was angry and tried to hide it under this mixed expression.
Before you even thought about anything to say, Ubbe had already started walking in your direction. You couldn't really anything – you didn't need to. Both of you knew that this was the only right thing to do for the sake of your dignity, but Ubbe would never let you slip away in the middle of the night with his son on hands. Once Lagertha had managed to leave his father and Bjorn had gone her. Ubbe couldn't let you take his eldest away. He couldn't bear the thought of his boy growing away from him.
"I told you not to do anything impulsive, but per usual you didn't listen to me." Ubbe whispered to you when he was just a breath away from you. His hands wrapped around your son's little body and pulled away from your hands violently, waking him up by the way he pulled him.
The boy started crying and you yelling.
"Don't touch him! Give him to me! Ubbe!" You were yelling at him as he was walking at the other way around towards his brothers. You tried to reach him and take your son back, but the two men you saw earlier grabbed you by force by both of your arm and didn't let you approach. You were hitting them and were trying to break free but they were far more stronger than you. "No! No! No! You can't do that to me, Ubbe! NO!" You were yelling crying. Your son was crying as well on Hvitserk's lap. You sank on your knees, still trying to break free and reach your son. "You are a monster! I fucking hate you!"
Hvitserk was trying to calm down your son, but he couldn't unsee your state.
"Ubbe, maybe you should—" Hvitserk tried to reason with him, but Ubbe stopped him using both words and movements of his hands.
"Don't get involved in that, Hvitserk. This is between me and my wife." Ubbe's voice was stern as his steps were bringing him closer to your wrecked form.
"Your former wife. Former." You spitted as he was kneeling in front of you. He clicked his tongue inside his mouth when he heard you.
Swiftly his hand pulled your face by your chin and your eyes met – yours were burning full in tears and his had gone darker, they had the darkest shade of blue you had ever seen. Shortly after your eyes met, his hand moved from your chin to your throat. It wrapped around your neck so firmly that you almost couldn't breathe, but you didn't care at this point. The worst part of this situation you were into was your son's crying – it broke your heart. You wanted to reach him and caress him, sing to him and calm him down.
"You are my wife. Mine. Like it or not this is the way." Ubbe was speaking in hoarse and stern tone all the time. He was imposing and serious. "Now you have two options here and that's because I am a generous person. If it was for another man, you wouldn't have the option to see your son again, because you would be dead or worse." He left your throat and ordered his men to help you stand. At first you resisted, but eventually you did as he said. Ubbe stood up as well and for once more you were facing each other.
"Your first option is to leave. You are free to go where ever you like away from Kattegat – away from me." He started say and motioned to his men to set you free – something they did instantly.
You frowned you couldn't believe your ears. There has to be something there he wasn't going to let you leave just like that – not after all this chaos.
"But my son stays here. You will leave and never lay a foot on Kattegat. You will never see him again."
At the sound of this, you felt your heart clenching. It was like he had stabbed you with his knife directly in your heart and then ripped it out of your body. You couldn't leave your son behind and never see him again.
"No, I can't do that! You can't do that!" You cried and gazed only at your son, but Ubbe's hand wrapped around your jaw tightly and forced you to look at him, when you tried to look back at your son he didn't let you. He kept your face stable at your former position.
After your words, Ubbe smirked.
"So this leaves us with the second option. You will stay here, be my wife – my loyal wife – and you will move in the Great Hall with me. You will accept my marriage with Margrethe and give us your blessing. Also, you will never try to harm her or my child or else you will never see Ragnar the Younger again. That's a promise." He continued and left your face. After that, he moved back to his brothers who were watching the whole scene without talking after Hvitserk's attempt to reason with him. "I'll give you a second to think about your options. Think about it well."
Ubbe took Ragnar on his hands trying to calm him down himself, but he couldn't – Ragnar was still crying.
You approached them – tears were falling like waterfalls from your eyes – and opened your hands for Ragnar. Ubbe didn't give him to you even after he saw the boy's hands lifting towards you – he wanted you.
"You won't get to touch my son unless you choose correctly."
Before you mumble your answer, you wiped your tears from your soaking cheeks.
"Everything will happen as you wish. We will go to the Great Hall and I'll give you my blessing for your marriage. I'll take care of your wife and your child. Just give me my son. Please Ubbe." You hadn't felt more humiliated than this moment ever again. Even when you learned about the slave girl and her child, you didn't feel like this.
He let you have your son. When he brought him on your hands, you let your tears fall freely. You closed your eyes and smelled his scent. After that, you placed a long kiss on his forehead.
"He is my son and don't you dare think of doing something like this again, because next time I won't be this generous to you." Ubbe whispered to you and you didn't answer.
As long as you had Ragnar on your hands, you didn't care about anything else. Neither your dignity nor who Ubbe slept with. You were defeated for good. You had lost the war of your life. Your life had no meaning apart from your son. You were nothing more than a mother. Ragnar was all that had left in your life and you would give it to protect him – or end with the worst way possible whoever dared to harm him.
The following day you moved in the Great Hall, earning scoffing and mocking looks from the people in it – even the queen had a weird look on her face like she was questioning the choices you had made and your approval for Ubbe's second marriage with a thrall. The people who knew were the only ones who showed quite the sympathy, but still they were on Ubbe's side. You had no allies in this place. You were on your own as you had always been.
"Welcome in the Great Hall." The queen was the one to welcome you first. You didn't even pretend that you were glad about it, didn't even bother to force a fake smile on your face.
"It's good to have you here. Maybe you could help us with the preparations of the wedding." Margrethe was the one to speak next. She approached you smiling. Your gaze met the one of Ubbe's who was already on you, expecting your answer to his bride. You knew better than to cause a scene.
"Sure. It would be nice." You spoke, earning the laughter and mockery of Ivar. You couldn't blame him though. If it wasn't for Ragnar, you would scoff at yourself for your foolishness.
The day of the wedding was even worse than anything you had to endure so far. Maybe that was the worst day of your life and not the day of your own wedding to him. This day and the day you tried to escape with your son had been marked on your memory as the worst day of your life – you couldn't really choose which one had been worse than the one. You only knew that on those days you had been humiliated and violated in the worst ways possible.
You used to be a proud woman – now you were the exact opposite of that. You were dishonoured. You felt small and vulnerable in public, but kept trying to not break in front of the prying eyes. They had disgrace your honor, but you would never let them see how much it affected you.
You wore one of your finest dresses and put on your best of efforts to keep forcing fake smiles on your face. Your hair was braided on a tight bun. The dress you wore was black unlike the bride's white.
You were the first one to walk down the aisle and notice everyone. It was an open wedding – all Kattegat participated to confess your public humiliation, but you kept your forced smile there and waited for them. Ubbe and Margrethe followed shortly after you.
Everything was blurry for you until the Gothi asked who would give the bride to her husband. You forced a smile and without a lot words you gave her the ring made of gold Ubbe had picked for her. Then, the priestess blessed the three of you with the blessed blood of the sacrifice and it was you who had to give your bless about their union next, before the Gothi would bless the ring and Ubbe would put it on her finger.
That was the most difficult part of it. You weren't hurt about the fact they were getting married – you couldn't be. Ubbe had treated you the way your father did and that was enough to had the same feelings for him as you had for your father – to despise him. They treated you like one of their possessions, like an object. You wantes to believe that even the person he were towards you – Ubbe was different from him. But eventually they were all the same.
Margrethe lifted her hands which were inside a wreath and you touched it. You wanted to destroyed the moment your hands touched it, but you didn't do that. Instead, you freed her hands from and let it slip on the floor.
"You are free." You looked at her with your fake smile and tears threatening your eyes. Tears that you would never let them fall. You were stronger than that. Apart from relying on your own strength, you had asked Frigg herself to help you endure this. "Go, marry my husband... with my blessing." You paused for the shortest of breaths and touched your hands with Ubbe's and Margrethe's. After that you were enough not to remember the rest of the ceremony.
A feast came after this parody of a wedding. You were seated on the right side of Ubbe and Margrethe on the left. You didn't really payed attention to the conversations in the Hall, neither tried to start one. You were seated on your chair drinking ale from a curved horn.
You were quiet until Lagertha – or Earl Ingstad – approached and sat down in the empty chair next to yours. You smiled politely at her and fake. By the look on her face you were sure that she could say whether or not that smile was sincere. She knows more than people would like to.
"I have a question for you, though I know the answer myself." She started and got all of your attention on her.
"What would that question be?"
"Why did you blessed this union? Why did you stay?" Her voice was soft along, but her gaze sharp. She was studying you – reading your mind. "You and I have more in common that we would like. Once I was in your place as well. I know the feeling."
You took a long sip from your drink and worked on your answer for some seconds. You weren't going to say the truth – you weren't going to mention anything about that night. You wouldn't like to be called a coward, but better a coward than a childless mother. After all, you were there because of Ragnar the Younger, not because of Ubbe.
"Not all of us are as strong as you."
Lagertha seemed pleased by the way you chose to answer. Her hand reached for yours and she leaned closer to you. Her voice was softer than a whisper – you barely heard her – and when her words made it in your ears you were surprised.
"Yes, because you are stronger. No woman would let herself be disgraced in such way because of the love for her child. I – I didn't. When I left Ragnar, Bjorn didn't choose to come along, but eventually changed his mind. A son should be close to his father – yes – but no mother must be away from her child." Her words made your heart clench. As one mother to another she could understand your agony and pain for your only child.
A true smile formed on your face and you gave it to her, before she retreat to her original seat.
The rest of your night went by the same way it did before Lagertha showed up. Ivar would leave his offensive remarks which didn't really bother you anymore. Hvitserk wouldn't be in his usual mood due to this marriage – something like yourself. Sigurd didn't really seem offended or affected by Ubbe's choice to marry the girl. Bjorn was Bjorn – he was his usual self. After all he was the only one who never had or seeked any kind of relationship with her.
When you retreated to your chamber, you found Ubbe having Ragnar on his lap, talking to him about one more story of his family's saga. When he spotted you, he left the chair he was sitting and came closer to you, giving you the child.
"You were unexpected today." Ubbe noted and you almost let a bitter chuckle leave your mouth.
"I didn't have a choice." You spoke, looking only at your son. The only time you decided to look at him was to ask him about something. "And why are you here, anyway? Isn't your wedding night? Shouldn't you be with your new wife?" There were more than a question – more than you intended to ask – but it came out naturally.
Ubbe decided to avoid the answer you gave him after his remark and focused on your questions.
"I wanted to see my son." He said casually tickling with one of his hands your boy, making him jiggling and laughing. You smiled at the sound of his angelic laughter. "And you." This time his voice was much softer than any other time. Your eyes met and you tried to focus back on your son and not on the fast rate of your heartbeat.
"Ragnar is fine, I am fine. Go to your wife." You said quickly turning your back.
You were walking through the room, caressing your son's back. That was one of your desperate attempts to put him to sleep. He was upset the nights away from home – your former home. He wasn't used here and he would refuse to go to sleep.
"You are also my wife."
You sighed harshly when he reminded you – like you could forget when he was around all the time. Or you could forget when you were giving your blessing to wed another. Or when he forced you to stay. Or—
A soft knock on your door was enough to stop all your thoughts and prevent you from giving him any answer. Ubbe opened the door himself and revealed Hvitserk.
"Sorry to interrupt you." He spoke looking at you and you smiled at him.
"You don't. Ubbe was just leaving."
"Yeah, that was exactly the reason I came. We are expecting you. Don't be late." He whispered to his brother, but not low enough for you not to hear them. You didn't even want to think about the topic of their conversation, but you could imagine – much to your displeasure. Your mind was getting there not following your attempts not to. After these words from brother to brother, Hvitserk turned to apologetically. "Sorry again."
"Goodnight." You muttered and he winked at you. Ubbe closed the door, but not before he overheard your whisper to yourself. "I suppose that it will indeed be a good night." You laughed to yourself and he did the same as he closed the door behind his brother.
"We—" Ubbe started saying awkwardly. A hand was at the back of his head, scratching him skin. You stopped him, before he could even form a second word.
"No need to tell me anything. It's your personal life." You told him quickly, raising one of your hands – the one which wasn't holding the child – to stop him.
"You are part of my personal life." His voice was hoarse and calm for once more. As he was speaking, he was moving towards you for once more.
"I am part of your chores. I suppose." You smiled. One more real smile that evening. He smiled as well.
"No. Do you want one truth?" Ubbe was whispering now. He had stopped right in front of you. Your son was the only thing who kept you apart.
"Only one?" You kept whispering as he did.
Both of you were smiling.
"Just one."
"Go ahead, say it. I promise I won't tell a soul."
"Good. Coming back to you had always been my top priority since we met."
Your whole conversation was made of whispers and smiles – like a sacred prayer. One that was so sacred and holy that shouldn't be heard from the other. Your first and only silent one without yelling or anything loud.
You hadn't noticed how close to each you were standing until you stopped talking. All this closeness felt uncomfortable.
You took your eyes off of him and looked at your son – he was asleep. You smiled at the sight.
"He is asleep." You told Ubbe softly enough not to wake the boy.
"Yeah – um – I should probably get going." He was saying awkwardly as you were placing your son inside his crib.
"Yes, I think you should. Goodnight." You muttered and smiled uncomfortably at him.
Ubbe took a few steps back and mouthed a rushed "goodnight" before he was out of your door.
You felt yourself smiling at the memory of your previous conversation, the most real in all this time you knew each other. The only one which didn't end up in a fight or happened within one. The most calm and yet the most intensive you had.
If only this was the beginning and nothing had happened before that.
You moved you head in an attempt to remove these thoughts. Ubbe was in Margrethe's chamber with Hvitserk celebrating their first night as a wed couple and before he had forced to stay in Kattegat and suffer under the roof of the Great Hall.
Things wouldn't change with a couple of romantic thoughts. After all, any time you had one of those things had the tendency to become even more wild between Ubbe and yourself. As far as you stayed in the comfort of your chamber – away from everyone and their drama – you were safe.
Your child was the only person you needed around and Ubbe was the opposite – the person you definitely hated to have around. He and his new wife were the people you wanted to avoid and you were going to try.
Tag list: @bruher, @utterlyhopeful-fics, @hypocritic-trash-baby, @fofisstilinski, @brianochka, @thelirofnorthlands, @malamistka
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Author's note: Hello everyone! I'm back with this fic which is my favorite so far. It was supposed to be shorter but eventually it couldn't, so this isn't the end about these two characters. This fic is the first of a trilogy (hopefully). Anyway, thank you for your support and till next time stay safe and have fun.
Pairing: Ubbe x Reader.
Genre: Mini!series, drama, angst, slight romance.
Summary: You were forced to marry a man you despise.
Warnings: Mentions of cheating and pregnancy, mentions of divorce, jealousy and strong language.
My enemy and me masterlist |
Life had always been a challenge for you. And your wedding couldn't be any different. The worst part of it was that your husband, the man you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with, was horrible and you hated him.
Well, horrible wasn't a word people would use to describe Ubbe Ragnarsson. They preferred to call him loyal, reasonable, honorable and names like these, but for you he was horrible. A man you were forced to waste your life on his bloody side.
Your relationship was almost non-existent. Ubbe tried to have a deal with you or even approach you somehow but you wanted nothing with him. So he was never around the house.
You knew that he had affairs with other women, something that he had never admitted. It worked for you until you were with child. His child. It was a miracle that it happened. You almost couldn't believe it but it was the truth. After all, people were talking about you two and this child came to end the rumors around your marriage.
You hated Ubbe but you loved more than anything and anyone in the world your son. He was blonde and his eyes had the same blue as his father's. He resembled him a lot but you didn't care. Your baby was so peaceful, unlike his father and his brothers who were always too loud.
Thankfully for you, most of the year he was not around the town, because he was raiding in the spring and was back in the winter. The unlucky part was that winter was approaching and that meant that Ubbe would be back within some days.
It was like your son had notice your moody self all these days and he was upset as well. He would cry all time and he wouldn't sleep easily, like usual.
Your hands were wrapped around the toddler and you brought him on your lap trying to calm him down.
"Come on baby. Relax please. Just do it for mummy please." You muttered to your son as you tried to calm him down. You stood up from the bed, walking through the room holding the baby on your hands.
You didn't understand that somebody was watching as you were whispering to your son his lullaby. The one you sang every night. The one which could only calm him down, but lately even this specific one couldn't work on him.
"Here, give him to me. He will be delighted when he will see me." Said the guy coming out of the shadows, scaring you so much that you clenched the poor baby on your breasts. You turned your face and saw the person you didn't want to see at all.
Ubbe was standing next to you waiting to have his son. You wouldn't let him lay a hand on him, but you did when you saw the little boy smiling at the sight of his father.
"I thought you wouldn't be back until next week. You came quite early." You were saying as you were placing the boy on his hands. When the baby was on his hands, you took some steps away and placed your hands in front of your chest.
Ubbe's blue eyes were on his son smiling and playing with him. When you finished talking, his eyes left the baby who was almost sleeping on the hands of his father and turned to you. Eyes as blue as you had never seen them before, as beautiful as never before. Or you had never noticed them like that before.
A smirk formed on his face before he started his own words.
"Much to your displeasure, we managed to raid the Christian cities in less time and we decided to come back before the first snowflakes fall." He replied to you and left the sleepy baby on its crandle. The direction of his face returned to you and he placed his hands before his chest, as you did before. You were looking at each other for some seconds without talking, but Ubbe was the one to break the silence. "I didn't think that you would be here when I'd be back home. I was expecting you to take the boy and disappear." His voice was softer than before. Probably because the little boy was sleeping peacefully inside the crandle.
You chuckled when you heard him talking. You were asking that same thing to yourself. You could do that. After all, you were thinking about that all of the months of your pregnancy. You even tried to scheme, but you ended up doing nothing.
To be fair, life wasn't that bad next to Ubbe. At least lately it was quite better and after seeing him back safe and healthy you felt happier and quite more relieved than before. You couldn't find the reason behind all this. The only thing you knew for sure was that you felt strange.
"I thought the same thing, but it wasn't easy to run away when your mother had her guards watching me like hawks." You replied smiling and he smiled as well for a moment. Then, his eyes went darker. The darker shade of blue that you had ever seen in your life.
"I'd never let you go anywhere with my son. You could run away, go wherever, but little Ragnar stays here with me." His words were harsher than any other time before. You felt yourself getting confused. Ubbe had never talked this way to you before this night. He would leave this house and wouldn't talk to you. When he did talk to you he was kind most of the times. He moved closer to you and one his hands made it on your chin.
You moved away from his grip on your face and looked at him all mad. For one moment you thought that you could feel something else than hate and anger for him and he had to destroy these feelings.
"Command your men, not me. And don't be so sure that you will find your son here tomorrow when you would come back from your whores." Your words came out of your mouth like they were drops of poison. You could see his face transforming again. He went mad. If eyes killed, you would be dead by now. If Ubbe was another man, you would be dead by now.
His hands grabbed your neck and he pushed your body on the wall behind you using his own one. You were trapped between him and the wall with his hand around your throat. He could kill you if he wanted to. You were right there at his mercy looking at him angry like before. Looking at him like you weren't afraid of what he could do to you.
"I could kill you for that and nobody would guess it was me." Ubbe whispered to you. His angry eyes were burning your face. You didn't hold back. Your eyes were looking straight at his eyes.
"Go on then." Your voice came out as a whisper due to the pressure on your troat causing by his larger hand.
"Don't test my patience, woman." With that last whisper right above your left ear, Ubbe set you free from his strong grip and walk to your shared bed. He laid on it.
"My name is (Y/N)." You were saying within pauses as you were trying to catch your breath.
"I can recall your name."
"Then use it when you are referring to me!" You raised your voice this time, forgetting about the toddler sleeping next to the bed.
Your son's crying came right after your yelling. You rushed to him and grabbed him from the crandle before Ubbe could touch him.
"You hate me so much that you didn't even care for our son." He said as he sat on the edge of the bed, watching you holding and trying to calm down the crying baby.
"That's not true!" You whisper–yelled looking straight at Ubbe. "This boy is the best thing that has happened in my life since the fucking day I was forced to fucking marry you!" Tears were dropping from your eyes without your notice. "You claim that I hate you, yes I do hate you, but not more than you hate me! You are horrible to me! The mighty Ubbe Ragnarsson who is fair and reasonable to everyone else treats his wife horrible! I get it that you loved that slave girl and you wanted her, but it insults me." You said and wiped away the tears from your face. After that, you held the baby closer to your body and you caressed his hair and then his back. "Go. Find her like any other night. Hopefully, she might be with child and your mother will free us both." You spoke calmer than before and after this you turned to your baby. His teary eyes were looking at yours. "I'm here, my little warrior." You spoke softly at him and started singing only for him.
Ubbe didn't say a word back at you as you were trying to calm the kid so it could sleep. The only thing he did, was to leave from the house and slam the door behind him. When he left, you let the tears stream down from your face.
That night Ubbe didn't come back home, but it wasn't unusual for him. He wouldn't spend the nights at home when he was back. Probably he was drinking with his brothers at the Great Hall and then he was beding that Margrethe girl.
You didn't sleep more than two hours and not because Ubbe wasn't there, but because of your boy's crying. He would wake up every two hours due to fever.
The day was downing when you heard knocks on your door. You opened just to find Hvitserk holding your drunk husband. You moved your head unimpressed and opened your door fully so Hvitserk could move Ubbe on the bed. Little Ragnar was on your hands crying the whole time.
"Is - Is everything alright?" Hvitserk asked quite uncomfortably and brought his hand at the back of his neck.
"No, but it is going to be." You replied at him, caressing the head of your calm now baby who was sleeping. You tried to force a small smile on your face, but you failed as it was expected.
"Why is my nephew so upset today?" Hvitserk was speaking as his hand was caressing your son's blonde head.
"Your nephew has some fever and he is more cranky than usual." You said to your brother-in-law and your lips met your son's forehead. When you felt his decreased temperature you smiled. "But, he is quite colder than before so that's a good sign." You said again and left the boy in the crandle. After that you moved to your kitchen to offer some of your newly baked bread to Hvitserk. He admired your skills in cooking and you appreciated that. "I baked this some time ago. The little monster wouldn't let me sleep." You said when you offered him some of your handmade bread.
"He always calms down when his father is around and don't try to deny it." He pointed out with his mouth full of bread.
You gazed at Ubbe, then at the toddler and at Ubbe again. It was true. Little Ragnar adored his father, it was obvious. Ubbe had a unique ability to charm him, as everyone else. Those son of Ragnar Lothbrok had this ability in their blood.
"I was - I was not going to deny it. I admit that my son adores his father. Everyone adores him." You turned to Hvitserk.
"Everyone except from you."
"What?"
His words caught you off guard. It felt strange when you heard these words coming out of the mouth of a third person. Not so due to the sound of them, but because after the birth of your child people assumed that your relationship with your husband was better. The relationship that a husband would have with his wife. They believed that you grew to love each other and you let them believe so. You wanted them to believe that. You acted like a loving couple in front of others and you even agreed that neither his family should know the real. They seemed relieved and convinced that you finally loved each other.
Hvitserk's eyes landed on your face. You were upset, he could tell by the look of your eyes. He left the empy plate in front of him and concentrated on you.
"Don't act like the loving wife you pretend to be to me. I know better (Y/N). My brother isn't a good liar or pretender. Plus, he spoke a lot last night. Luckily, it was just me there to hear." Hvitserk spoke to you and your eyes met the darkness that covered Ubbe's figure laying on the bed. Before you could even form a word to defend yourself, Hvitserk spoke again. "He was talking about little Ragnar all the time when we were back on the battlefield, you know. He even talked for you a couple of times. It slipped from his lips that he thought that you prayed to Gods for him to die there and I acted like I didn't hear that." He confessed whispering and you felt a tear threatening your left eye. You fought that tear back, you wouldn't let yourself cry in front of Hvitserk. You had cried in front of Ubbe before, but only in front of him because for a strange reason it felt really hard to keep them in.
As for Ubbe's beliefs about your false prayers. Even if you hated him, you would never pray such a thing for the father of your child.
"I - I never - I didn't—" You stopped for a moment to catch your running breath. You closed your eyes for a second and then you re-opened them and looked right at Hvitserk. "I would never pray such a thing. Ubbe and I are whatever we are, but he is still the father of my baby. This boy right there needs his father and whatever bullshit I have told him and he went mad tonight, I wouldn't leave, not after I gave birth to Ragnar. To be honest if it wasn't for him, probably I wouldn't be here right now, but I don't thing that this matters after all." You said honestly.
Hvitserk run his fingers through his messy hair and stretched. After that he took a deep breath.
"If you wanted to leave (Y/N), you would be gone by now. You had your chances before Ragnar but you never did." He spoke and you frowned. You had never thought things that way. But Hvitserk's words were truth.
It had always been a threat that you wouldn't be there when Ubbe would be back home after the raid, but you had never actually done that. You waited for him even when you didn't want him to come home just yet. You caught yourself bringing him up on your prayers just to make sure that Gods would keep him safe, but away for a little longer.
You didn't know what you should have answered him. On the other hand, he didn't need an answer. Hvitserk, as a third person and outside of all this madness, he knew the reason behind both of your behaviors, Ubbe's and yours.
Hvitserk smiled at you and stood up from tbe wooden chair he was sitting. Before he lay his foot outside your house, Hvitserk turned to you.
"It's not a crime to admit that you care for him. Even if you don't want to see it yourself, you have feelings for Ubbe that are not just hatred and anger. You don't need to argue or convince me differently, not me." Hvitserk spoke after his gaze had landed on his brother just to make sure that he wouldn't hear his words. He didn't wait for an answer of yours, he walked through the way that led to the door, but first he looked back at you again. "My advice is only one and hear me for once. I know I am not the wisest person on Midgard, not even close to that, but you have to believe in me just for this once. Don't do anything stupid and let Ubbe go away. You are reaching the end of the line. Both of you are on the edge. You will regret letting him go. Try to think what you want and if you realize that you feel something other than hatred, change. That's my advice to you sweet (Y/N)." Those were Hvitserk's last words. After them he stormed out of the house and left you sinking in your thoughts.
They couldn't be truth, Hvitserk's words. This would be madness. You hated Ubbe and that was it. You were waiting the moment when this marriage would be over. You were living for this same moment. Hvitserk's words confused and made you reconsider everything you thought you felt before this moment.
You couldn't like this guy even a little bit. That couldn't happen. Never. The only good feelings which were trying to form were due to the fact that Ubbe was the father of your son — the only happiness you got from your marriage to your husband was this child. Your miracle baby.
You gazed over to your son and after to his father. You shook your head to avoid your endless thoughts.
You hated Ubbe and wanted to divorce him that was the situation. It wouldn't change. It couldn't change. You waited a very long time to be free from this man, so you wouldn't change your mind just like that, because Hvitserk tried to push some feelings that you didn't even have for his brother.
You stood from your seat and grabbed your basket. You had to clear your mind from all the thinking and going to the market seemed a good solution. Before you leave, you checked oj your sleeping baby and glanced at Ubbe just once.
When you made it out of the door and walked through the streets of Kattegat, people were looking at you suspiciously and you even cought a couple of them whospering to each other as you passed them. At first, you thought that it was a usual day and all this was normal, because you were Ubbe Ragnarsson's wife or something like that. You started to get suspicious when it didn't stop and their stares were persistent on you.
You tried to find a familiar face to ask about the situation, but you weren't that lucky.
After you bought some things you needed you headed back home, where you found Ubbe playing with little Ragnar.
Them playing together — more like Ubbe tickling Ragnar and Ragnar laughing — wasn't a picture you got to see every day. You felt a strange feeling in your heart. It was like a bird flying inside your chest though it didn't last long, because Ubbe's voice made you feel like your usual self towards him.
"Where have you been?" The tone of his voice was imposing and demanding, like he was questioning you. When you heard him you felt quite angry, but you didn't want to cause one more scene in front of your son.
You moved a little bit from the door and left your basket on the table.
"I have been in the market." You spoke as you left your cloak on one of the wooden chairs. As you were speaking, your hands were organizing your kitchen and the stuff you had bought.
When Ubbe heard your answer clicked his tongue inside his mouth, a sound that annoyed you very much.
"What a stupid excuse to leave your child all alone." He said bitterly. Something which made you to turn and look at him. Ubbe had placed your son back inside his crib and was at the other side of the table whick was standing as an obstacle between you and him.
Ubbe was leaned on the wall and his hands were crossed in front of his chest.
You took a deep breath and tried to remain calm for once more because of your child. It wasn't good for your son growing up in an environment where his parents were fighting all the time.
"I didn't leave him all alone, I left him with his father." You responded and leaned your body on the cupboards and placed your hands in front of your chest, like he did before.
"I was fucking sleeping and he was alone! Alone (Y/N)! Anything could have happened to him!" Ubbe yelled as he came even closer and stood inches away from the table.
You closed your eyes and tried to keep your patience.
"I am telling you he wasn't alone, he was with you. You would hear him crying if anything happened." You reasoned angry in low tone of voice, but Ubbe wasn't a bit pleased by your answer. In fact, he was even more angry.
The crying of your baby stopped Ubbe from saying whatever he was going to. You passed from him and grabbed your son from his bed, trying to calm him down.
Your lips placed on his forehead to check on his body temperature and when you knew that he was hot you placed a kiss on his forehead.
"He has fever." You muttered to Ubbe without looking at him.
"What?" His voice sounded different from before when he was talking to you. He sounded surprised and scared.
Undoubtedly, Ubbe loved his son and was an excellent father for him. This child was all he dreamed about. Ragnar just had the wrong mother.
"How long?" He asked again and this time he was close to you caressing the back of your boy.
It was the first time he was this close to you and you two weren't forced to pretend that you wanted it. This time both of you were anxious about your son's health.
"Since last night." You answered him and finally looked at his worried blue eyes. It wasn't the first time you noticed how lovely they were, but it felt like it was. Ubbe was looking back at you, the exact way you looked at him. "Here, hold him for a while." You told him and placed the boy on his hands.
"Where are you going?"
"I'll fetch some water and a wet cloth. They will help."
Within a minute you were both sitting on your shared bed. Ubbe was holding the kid and you were holding the wet piece of cloth on your son's forehead.
"He seems quite better now" Ubbe pointed out and you agreed, taking the cloth away from your baby's sleeping form.
After that, both of you stood from the bed and Ubbe placed your son back inside his crib and both you stayed there looking at the baby for some time.
It felt strange and weird being that close to him and not fighting. When you stopped looking at the baby, you went back to your kitched and he sat on a chair looking around uncomfortable.
Both of you felt uncomfortable and weird around each other for not reason. It wasn't like you didn't know each other, but you felt like strangers to each other indeed. Like you weren't the ones who were fighting some time ago.
"(Y/N)." Ubbe was the first to break the silence between the two of you and you turned to face him.
"Yes, Ubbe." You muttered.
"I—"
He didn't even get to form a proper word when loud knocks on the door startled both of you. You walked pass the table and opened the door. When you did, you met a very worried version of Hvitserk Ragnarsson. You hadn't seen his this way ever again before.
"Brother, I want to talk to you about something." Hvitserk spoke quickly, without greeting you. Ubbe's expression changed when he saw the one his brother had on his face and you were curious yourself, but you didn't ask anything. "Privately." Hvitserk added and glanced at you.
Ubbe stood up from the chair he was sitting and walked to the door.
"If anything happens with the child, go to the Great Hall." Ubbe told you.
"I know." You whispered before he close the door behind him.
It wasn't the first time he left like that. Actually, those times were countless and you felt nothing about it, you didn't really matter where Ubbe was, until this moment. You could feel the agony inside your chest. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your hands were sweating. You had a bad feeling. Or you were just sick. Maybe you had caught the cold from your baby.
That must have been. It was the only reasonable reason about your feelings.
Fortunately, a soft knock on your door stopped your thoughts and you rushed to open. When you opened, you noticed Torvi's worried look on you and frowned.
"Come in." You were the faster one to start talking, as you opened the door wider for her to come in the house. When she was inside, you closed the door behind her.
"I heard that a certain someone is sick and came to help you. I know how it is to have a sick boy. Hali would get sick almost every winter until he was three." She spoke and you smiled warmly.
"He is getting better now. I hope he will be fine in a couple of days." You said smiling, watching your little boy sleeping. But your smile died when you looked at Torvi again.
She had the same worried expression as when she stood outside your house.
"Is everything alright?" You asked as you moved to your kitchen to prepare some tea for the both of you.
"Well, I didn't come only for Ragnar here, I came to see you, too. You are barely around lately." Torvi's voice was softer than usual, but you didn't want to think too much about it. You were just upset because Ragnar was sick that was all. There was nothing suspicious.
But, on the other hand, too many of coincidences were standing in your way in one day. If you knew one thing, it would be that you didn't believe in coincidences.
"Yes, I know, but Ragnar was sick and you know how I am when is time for my husband to come back from raiding." You spoke and placed a cup of hot tea in the table.
When you looked at Torvi, she was still standing. You motioned her to sit opposite of you and she did it.
You didn't speak much of Ubbe, or the state of your marriage, but Torvi knew. Every member of his family knew the truth about you. They just didn't speak about it. Even Ivar, the brother who was known for his poisonous words, didn't say anything ever, at least not when you were around, and you appreciated that.
Torvi didn't answer you. She was just staring the table speechless which was suspicious. It felt like she knew something and she came to you to tell you, but for some reason which you didn't know she was saying it.
"Torvi." You said her name and leaned closer to her, placing your hand closer to hers. Her eyes met yours and at that moment you knew for sure that something was up. "I can sense that something is wrong, tell me what it is." You spoke again and she her eyes left you for once again. "Torvi, tell me." Your tone was firmer.
You saw her tensing and closing her eyes, then opening them again. Torvi took her hand away from yours and you felt even more confused.
"Alright." She wasn't looking at you when she was speaking. Something that felt even worse. "There is something that I assume that you are not aware of and I think that is unfair for you not to know it. Probably, I am not the one to tell you that and maybe it's a mistake the fact that I am here now, but I consider you my sister and I couldn't keep it away from you." She paused for some seconds and before she started speaking her eyes reached yours. "Margrethe, you know Margrethe, right?" She asked you and you felt you mouth turning bitter at the sound of her name.
Of course you knew her. She was the mistress of your husband. The woman – the thrall girl – he loved and wanted to marry and dreamed about being with her, having the family he always wanted with her, but instead Ubbe stuck with you – the woman he despised the most.
"Are you kidding me, right now?" Your voice was more ironic than you wanted or intended it to be, but when it came to that woman you couldn't keep yourself together.
"I assume you do, considering your answer. Anyways, Margrethe is pregnant." She spilled and you felt your blood turning cold inside your veins.
For a couple minutes nothing was sounding. You couldn't think properly, or even form a proper word to say. You were horrified.
"I didn't want to say it so straightforward. I tried—"
"Who is the father?"
Both of you spoke almost at the same time.
Torvi took a deep breath and that was enough as an answer for you.
"It's been said....... she said that....... I mean......." She was trying to say that your husband was the father of her bastard child, but she couldn't find the right words about it and to be honest were there any right words about something like that?
Probably not.
"It's fine. I guessed that Ubbe is the father." You voice was calm, as you intended.
You were upset. You were angry. You felt hurt for some unknown reason. But you kept yourself together. After all, that was all you wished for to happen. Now, after Margrethe's pregnancy, his mother would approve to your divorce. People would understand. You were humiliated but took all you wanted.
Also, the looks and the whispering in the market this same day made sense. Nothing was a coincidence at the end of the day.
"Hey, aren't you happy for me?" You stood up, trying to sound happy, trying to be happy. It was all you wanted all this time and now it felt like Hel. "Torvi, Torvi, Torvi, let's not lie to each other, you know my problems with him. I have always wanted to find a getaway from this nightmare and now I am finally free to live by my own rules, without a person I hate. And wanna know something else? I knew it about them and I fucking told him to impregnate her so the queen would let us divorse. See, that's all I ever fucking wanted." Your voice was bitter and poisonous. At the end of your speech, you turned your back on Torvi and placed your hands on the counter to steady yourself.
When you did that you closed your eyes and refused by that way to let tears fall from your eyes.
"(Y/N), you don't mean that. You are just upset right now, I understand, I totally understand, but—"
"Torvi, leave me alone." You said, trying to be calm, or at least the calmer way you could be. "Please." Your voice almost gave you away. It almost broke and Torvi was clever she knew – even if you refused to admit it even to yourself – that you were hurt.
Torvi did as you asked her too, she left without speaking a word behind her. When you heard the door closing, you let yourself break.
You fall on your knees and cried worse than your baby. You cried gor something you claimed you wanted all the time you were married with this man and after he did what you told him to, you felt awful – betrayed that was it.
Two words came to your mind when you cried. Weak and stupid. That's how you called yourself and you felt that way because what you didn't want to happen and hated to even think about happening, happened. You had developed feelings for him and you hated him for that, even more. You hated that you loved him.
Hvitserk was right. Everything he told you was right, but nothing of that mattered anymore. You should have admitted and tried to do something to save the last pieces of this marriage, but now, there was nothing that could be saved.
Even if you wanted, even if you tried, Ubbe wouldn't want you. She was all he wanted all this time and this baby of hers and now he had it all. His biggest dream was becoming truth.
Your son's loud crying brought back for once more. He was your saviour after all and you owed him for that.
Your hands wrapped around his little body and tried to relax him, but it seemed impossible when you yourself was crying loudly too.
It was just the two of you now – like you craved – and it felt lonely and strange. It felt like a piece was missing and you knew damn well which piece was that. All you wanted was to leave him and live all by yourself with the only person you loved in the world, but now it was different. It was hard to let go of him and your life with him.
Only the thoughts of finally getting freed from this painful marriage made your heart ached.
You couldn't fall for him. Especially not now.
"Your father will be always there for you, Ragnar. He will always love you deeply, after all you are his firstborn son, you carry his legacy the most. It's just that you will have to grow apart from him, but that doesn't change anything. And I – I love you more than anything in this cruel world. You are my only child." You whispered leaving your tears to reach your jaw. As you were speaking, your heands were caressing your son's back and your eyes were closed. Your were trying to calm down both of you. "Also, we won't be that far. You can see him whenever you want. He and I just won't be together." You didn't know whether it was your son the one you wanted to calm with these words, or yourself. "Never forget—"
You didn't get to finish because the door opened and closed loudly and the only thing you were able to do was to turn your back at the person who entered – Ubbe. But you failed to cover your wet face. He had seen.
"What had happened? Is the kid alright?" Ubbe asked and by the sound of his voice and the way he stormed inside the house, you could say that he was upset. You could guess the reason, but you couldn't get the reason he was upset. Your wishes were coming true. You wanted to divorce with him and he wanted to marry the blonde slave girl.
"Yes. He is just a little bit upset." You spoke swiftly and gazed at your son's big blue eyes. He was just looking at you now. You smiled at him and kissed him softly on the forehead. After that, you left him inside his cradle.
"What about you?" His voice came out softer than before and almost startled you. You didn't expect him to state anything about you, it wasn't like him to care about your feelings.
Your eyes met his for the first time after you found out about the girl's pregnancy and after overthinking your complicated feelings about him.
"I will be." You mouthed quickly and walked past him, or at lest you tried to, because the man you wanted to despise like no one and nothing before stopped you by force.
His hand wrapped around your arm violently and made you stop just inches in front of him. You frowned out of anger and looked first at his hand and then at his angry face.
"What is that? You are acting weird again." He pointed out and wanted to laugh out of your frustration.
You wanted to yell — yell like a madwoman — after the news you received and his audacity to want to be treated differently. You couldn't act like anything had happened. Neither you wanted to tell him about it. If he had the guts, he would tell you himself.
"I don't get what you mean. I'm just myself like usual and apparently you are acting like yourself." Your answer and the unphased tone were enraging him more. You notice by the way his grip on your arm was tightening. "Now let me go. I have to teat my son." You tried to escape from his grip, but Ubbe didn't let you. He pulled you even closer to him. You were both pissed at each other.
Well, you weren't just pissed at him. Deep down you were hurt. He had hurt you like always, but this time — unlike all the others — the pain was piercing through your guts. This pain was something you hadn't experienced before.
"I just can't understand you and I'm fucking trying!" Ubbe let go of you and started walking in the house with his hands running through his breaded long hair. "This morning we were alright and now you are back to your annoying self — to that hateful woman who despises everything." After he finished, Ubbe turned to face you. Your face hadn't change a bit after his words.
You could feel wrath in your veins, but something bitter was there too.
"That's what you believe of me, huh? Then wanna know what I believe of you?" That last part wasn't even a serious question. You were going to tell him anyway and you were going to be harsh. "You are just as hateful, but trying to pretend that you are someone else so that people like you. You expect them to love you when you treat your wife worse than the thralls. I should not talk about that matter — your way with the thralls. You wanted to belittle me so much that—"
You stopped yourself there. You couldn't continue. You were indeed becoming hateful. For a moment Ubbe was just staring you without speaking as his words were replaying themselves inside your mind.
You had become as heartless as your father was. You treated Ubbe so low, but he wasn't better.
"That what? Why did you stopped? Maybe you understood yourself that all these nonsense you are speaking are bullshit! I fucking treat you the way you treat to me! I have never wanted to belittle you!" Ubbe was yelling — it was one of the very few times that he was so mad.
But you weren't going to hold back your tongue. You were as mad as Ubbe — if not more. You had crossed the line some times, but he was worse. He cheated on you multiple times and even impregnated his mistress.
When you heard his words, you were the one who run her hands through her hair this time. Instead of yell immediately, at first you formed an ironic smile on your face and the next thing you did was to yell.
"You belittle me every fucking night of those you are back in Norway! You are cheating on me with that slave and you even got her pregnant this time. You humiliated me! Everyone in the market was gossiping about your exploits! All Kattegat knows! If not all Norway!" You were yelling without even thinking of what you were saying. You hadn't even understood that tears were streaming from your eyes all the time you were talking. "But that shouldn't mind me! After all, that's the best reason to divorce you. No one can stop me after this. And, of course, they can't prevent you from marrying her! Go ahead take her, but I inform you; this is the last time you are looking at me and my son." At the end, all you could do was whisper at him. It was pointless.
Your little boy didn't even cry this time, like he could sense that even him couldn't stop you from saying all these. He was just playing with some of the toys inside his cradle.
Ubbe's expression changed after all the poison you let your mouth spit.
"I've never intended to humiliate you or belittle you." His voice this time was softer than you were used to. You had never really talked in calm tones. "When we married we didn't love each other — we married for that alliance. At that moment, I loved Margrethe and I was planning to marry her, yes and yes, I had slept with her, but that stopped when Ragnar was born. Well, to be precise, I had stopped some time before I learned that you were with child."
All this time you had your back turned at him and were trying to stop the tears that were falling mercilessly from your eyes. But when you heard his last words, you wiped away some fresh tears and faced him. Ubbe was calm — it was a rare moment — a beautiful moment.
"I was trying to give in to the feelings I felt for you. The way I had you in my mind when I was at the battlefield. Don't ask me how those feelings were formed — I have no idea. I was thinking of you, knowing that you were praying for me not to return. Those feelings couldn't be replaced by any fight we had. At the end of the day, all that stayed in my mind was one of your rare smiles and the way you care for our son."
Those words were even harder to process them than the news about the child of the slave girl. You couldn't even think that Ubbe would ever form that kind of feelings for you.
His confession made the rock walls of your heart to fall one by one.
"I have never prayed for you to die on the battlefield. I did quite the opposite in fact and it felt strange in my heart. I hated — I told my self to hate you — I was telling myself all the things I hated in you so I could hate you. I felt strange for you — my heart was beating in a strange way as much as I tried to avoid it, it exists, still." You spoke truly without daring to look in his eyes. "But it doesn't matter anymore. Our marriage will end. Those rumours is humiliating enough for me to leave you. If I have enough dignity, I should leave you."
Ubbe tried to reach for you, but you stopped him with a motion of your hand. If things were different, you would stay and try to make this marriage work, but you had no other choice but to leave him.
Author's note: Hello! I've been away for a while and I'm sorry about it. I wanted to come back with a fic about Bjorn, but this one was something that I was thinking for a while and I decided that this one will come out first. I want to believe that vikings fandom are still active. Anyway, till next time have fun and take care.
Pairing: Modern!Hvitserk x Reader.
Genre: Modern!au, drama, romance, fluff.
Summary: Your ex boyfriend breaks free from prison.
Warnings: Drama, mentions of prison break, mentions of death.
Life had never been easy for you.
When you thought that things started getting better, something really bad happened and you were back to zero.
Life had shown you its worst face so far.
You had lost your parents at young age. You were struggling all alone, dealing with two awful jobs and an ex that was more pain in the ass than all the bills you had to pay at the end of each month.
Your life became much more difficult when you decided to get involved with the most infamous family of the city — the Lothbroks. These men — the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok, a mobster — they run a dangerous gang the one their father had founded. You couldn't even want to think about all the illegal stuff they were doing and the police was after them.
The bad thing in that was that the police had you under their microscope, as well, because you were Hvitserk Lothbrok's girlfriend — ex girlfriend.
And things became even worse than before when they put him in jail, after your break-up, and he decided with the help of his family to break free.
The police was following each movement of yours. They were tracking your phone number, listening to all your phone calls, expecting to learn about your ex. They had even someone outside your apartment to watch you over.
You told them over and over again that you had nothing to do with that filthy man anymore, but they wouldn't believe in you.
You let a long breath leave your lungs as you were cleaning the bar counter.
"What is it again?" One of your coworkers asked. Well, Hope was more than a coworker, she was your friend.
The only one you could talk to and not raise any suspicions. You were friends with Torvi — the wife of Ubbe Lothbrok — and Gunnhild — the wife of Bjorn Lothbrok — but you couldn't see them, it was too risky to get in touch with any member of the family. Of course, the police kept a close eye on them, but still you couldn't have any kind of communication with any of the family.
"It's the usual problem with... him." You said as you were placing the clean glasses on their place behind the counter.
"The police is following me around like I'm some kind of a bloody criminal because I made the mistake to start a relationship with a mobster." You spoke angrily and threw the towel on the counter. You were so angry, so frustrated with all this mess. Your hands run through your hair.
"I know that this is difficult for you, but it is going to end, sweetheart. It will end when they get this son of a bitch back where he belongs — in prison." She said wih an encouraging smile on her face and her hand rubbed your back friendly.
Only those words weren't encouraging for you. Deep in your heart you didn't want him to get caught and sent back inside there again. It hurt you to think that the man you loved were inside a called cell.
It was true that he wasn't the best guy in the world, not even close to that. Hvitserk had done some bad things that he wasn't proud of and he had regretted of doing. He had a good heart and wanted to be better.
You forced something that was the resemblance of a smile on your face and followed her to the kitchen to get the orders and walk them to the costumers.
"Did he try to contact you after you know?" Hope asked you suddenly and you nodded your head as an answer — no he didn't and it quite hurt you. But you had broken up before he got in.
"At least, he didn't dare to after all he did."
You frowned when you heard the tone of her voice. Hvitserk had never hurt you. In fact, the reason he broke up with you was because he didn't want to involve you in his mess, in the shit he was deep into, but it was late for that.
"He didn't harm me." You muttered when you got back with an epty tray in your hands.
Hope rolled her eyes and continued to place the drinks on her tray. When she finished, she turned her eyes on you.
"But he harmed other people. He is a criminal. Prison is where he belongs." Those where her words before she waltzed through the tables with her tray in hands.
Her words were harsh for a man she didn't know at all. Yeah, Hvitserk did awful things, but he wasn't just that. You had seen the good side of his. You had seen the little broken child in him. The one who felt full when you showed him your love and affection. The one who tried to shield your heart even from him.
The rest of your shift went by as usual. There weren't many clients as a typical Wednesday night. But things changed when you got that damned phone call.
It was a couple of times before the closing time when Torvi called. You didn't expect her to, you didn't expect anyone from the family to reach for you. When you saw her name on the screen, you used the back door to get out and answered her call.
"Torvi?" The tone of your trembling voice gave away easily to level of your concern about Hvitserk. Torvi wouldn't call if something bad did not happen. Something had happened. Something that you wouldn't like to hear.
"What happened? You know that it's not safe to speak through the phone." Your body was pressed on the wall next to the door and your hand was clenching the phone.
"Something came up which we don't know whether it stands or not, but I had to inform you because Ubbe said that they are 80% sure that it's true." You felt the despair and sadness in the tone of her voice as well as you could feel the tears forming in your eyes.
Hvitserk — your mind screamed but your tongue didn't. You waited to hear more before you even try to fight back your emotions.
"Tell me for the love of Gods! What happened?" You were almost crying now.
Torvi took a deep breath before her next words.
"They found a body — a body in a really awful state. It's unrecognizable. At the time were are talking they are in a lab waiting for the results of the DNA analysis. But, Ubbe said that they are almost sure that the body belongs to Hvitserk. He didn't contact the brothers after the escape, they thought he was hiding and would eventually come out, but he didn't."
You couldn't hear the most of it. You collapsed on the floor halfway and closed your eyes forcefully in an attempt to fight the waterfalls of tears to fall. Your free hand moved on your face and it touched your forehead.
You stopped hearing. You were crying. He couldn't be dead. Hvitserk couldn't die. Not like this.
"They killed him and threw his body in a ditch in a middle of nowhere. The people who killed him are the same who framed him with this murder he didn't commit." She continued, but you couldn't hear anymore. Your brain couldn't process all these. You couldn't process the fact that Hvitserk was dead.
"Hvitserk..." You muttered his name like it was a prayer between your sobs.
"I know it hurts but you—"
You didn't let her finish. You ended the damned call and let your phone fall from your hands. You hid your face in your palms and let yourself cry and mourn the love of your life — the only person you were able to love this much and loved you back in his own different way.
After some time, you gathered your broken heart and the pieces of your body and got in. You wiped your tears and cleaned your face with some fresh water. You had to stay strong for a couple of times and then you could cry all your wanted.
At the closing, you took out the trash in an attempt to cry to yourself for a bit in the darkness where no one could see your tears for the man you loved the most. You were so sad and shattered that you didn't notice a black figure approaching you.
You only noticed when one of his hands was on your mouth and the pushed you in a dark corner. You eyes opened widely and your heart beat went faster until you saw the face of your captor.
He let you see his face. He took his hood off and got rid of the black scarf which was covering his mouth and nose. When you could finally see him, he freed your mouth and you gasped.
"You!" You whispered out of breath. Your hand run on his features that you missed so much. The last time you could saw him in person was many months ago, almost a month before he got arrested.
"Shh!" His index finger was on your lips.
"Don't shush me! I thought you were fucking dead! Torvi called an—" All your whisper-yelling stopped when his lips fell violently on yours. The very thing he did every time he wanted to get away feom scolding. But this time you weren't going to get mad or stop him, until not as long as you could breathe.
His skilled lips were moving just perfect on yours and the facial hair he had were just perfect. His hands grabbed you by the waist and you placed your own hands around his neck. Your body was pressed on the wall by his own.
This kiss felt like salvation. It was like you were whole again. It felt like you could breathe even if you didn't. You didn't want it to stop, but it had. After all, you two had many things to discuss.
Much to your displeasure, it stopped because of the lack of air to your lungs. His hands left your waist and moved on your face where he caressed your cheeks softly.
But that loving moment didn't last long, before he noticed, your hand collided with his cheek violently and his head turned at the side.
"Was that necessary? Why did you do it?" Hvitserk whisper-yelled. His palm was on his hurting cheek that had your mark on it, along with the mark of your nails.
"You scared me to fucking death with your bloody lies. Plus, you were a total dick to me when I called you in jail." You spoke and gazed at him. You had missed him terribly.
"Hey!" With that Hvitserk grabbed your face between his hands. Your faces were dangerously close for once more. "I told you, you shouldn't have called me there. As for my little lie, it was my only chance to see you." You spoke and left a soft kiss on your forehead.
"And how would that be? The police is out there waiting for a stupid movement of yours — exactly like this one — to get you. They are after me — following every step of mine. You shouldn't be here." You told him and tried to leave him in the darkness. You didn't want him to get caught because of you.
Hvitserk didn't let slip from his hands. His strong grip held there in from of him.
"It's dangerous, Hvitserk." You whispered at him.
Hvitserk smirked and one of his hands placed a strand of hair behind your ear.
"See that was exactly my plan with all this dead body lie. Indeed, there was a body, but not mine — obviously — and we used it to mislead them. They will try to find the body and they won't pay attention to you. At least, not as much as they did." He explained and you smiled.
"Ivar's plan?" You asked all smiling and he smiled back.
"Like you don't know the answer to that."
After that, you stayed there gazing at each other, having only the stars witnessing this moment between you.
"Why did you break my heart?" You asked as your eyes were only on his. You wanted to hear the truth coming out of his mouth.
His green eyes were glowing under the lights of the stars.
"I – I don't deserve you. You are kind and sweet and so angelic and I am the exact opposite. I am so filthy that I'll defile your purity. I've done things that I'm not proud about — bad things."
"Then why are you here now?"
Your question made him think about it himself once more. His eyes were looking only deep inside yours. You could feel his pain when he talked about the stuff he did, you could feel everying through those eyes. It hurt you to think that he felt this way for himself.
"Behind the bars, in that cell, the only thing you can do is thinking. You're thinking about all the right and wrong decisions of your life till the moment you got in — especially the wrong ones keep you up all night. And what kept me up was you. The thought of never seeing you again, never hearing your voice, you laugh, your scolding. I just couldn't live knowing that I hurt you. I love you. My life without you is meaningless."
"Just never push me away again, okay?" You spoke as your hand wiped a couple tears away from your eyes. Hvitserk help you and when there weren't any more tears in your eyes, he caressed your skin softly.
"I love you, you idiot." You muttered and kissed him again. This kiss was so much different from the previous one. It soft and loving.
"The plan is to never let you slip away from me ever again." He spoke as he was caressing your hair.
"And how is that supposed to happen?"
"We will leave together here and now."
You frowned. You weren't expecting him to say something like this. You pushed him back, so you could face him.
"Wait... You want us to leave everything behind — our lives — and run away. This – this is....." You couldn't form a proper sentence. You were to process his proposition.
Kattegat was everything you knew — the place you called home. Everyone you knew was here and by that you meant your friends and some very distant relatives. Apart from your life, his life was in this place. His family, his job.
"(Y/N), there's nothing for us here. If I stay, I'll go to prison and I won't be able to hold you ever again. I will leave at the end of the day, there is no future for me in this city." Both of your hearts were beating fast at the thought that you would never see each other again after this night.
It was true that there was nothing here for you, only these two jobs that you hated. You couldn't know what future had in store for you, but if you let Hvitserk leave alone, you would hate yourself for the rest of your life.
Hvitserk's hand grabbed yours and closed it in both of his palms, but before that his finger gripped your chin and moved your head in such position that you could look at each other.
"The clock is ticking — the time is running fast. You have to give me your answer now. Are you coming with me right now?"
His eyes were begging you to say yes.
His heart was begging you to say yes.
But your mind was the problem. Your mind was hesitating to follow him wherever he was going to take you.
You closed your eyes for a moment. You couldn't choose between your heart and your mind. A whole war had broke inside you.
"(Y/N)?"
At the sound of your name on his lips you opened your eyes.
"I will come wherever you are willing to go. I can't live without you, my love." You told him and hugged him tightly.
Hvitserk wrapped his hand with yours and pulled you close to him.
"Are you sure? If we leave now — together — there's no coming back. We will be both fugitives." He told you smirking.
You chuckled when you heard him.
"That's a risk I'd love to take for you."
With those last words Hvitserk and you run away from the police and the city forever.
Author's note: Hey people! I found this in my drafts, changed it a bit and finished it. Sorry for any mistake, I wrote quite fast and I will correct them. I promise. Anyway, I hope you will like this one and I have some more work ready for you. Stay tuned! Until next time, have fun and take care! Bye!
Pairing: Harald Finehair x Fem!Reader.
Genre: Angst, drama, fluff, romance.
Summary: King Harald and you have a secret relationship.
Warnings: Spoilers from season 5B, jealousy, strong language, drama.
Your hands were working on your long hair, braiding it tightly for the upcoming battle with the Christians as you were walking through the camp to catch up with the strictest person you knew – your mother.
Your mother was one of the mightiest shieldmaidens of the shieldwall. She had achieved that long ago by working really hard and alone.
Brunhild – your mother – was one of the best woman warriors, but she wasn't a good mother. Not even close to that to be honest.
She acted like a commander when you were a child, pointing out rules and what you must or mustn't do. She would usually point out the stuff your mustn't do.
You had no father and that worked its way for your mother to despise men. All you could remember was her talking about how better were woman at everything and how you should avoid men, or trick them for your own benefit.
All you knew about your biological father was that he was a rich man – a jarl or a king maybe – and that when she told him about you, he sent her away. She raised you all alone, not to be a woman, but a warrior. You had been training since you were able to walk and carry sword and shield.
Back to her rules, you mustn't talk to men without her being around. She said you were easy to trick and manipulate, so she didn't leave you alone around any man. You were sick of it, sick of her manipulating you. You wanted to leave your life as you wanted, even if that meant that you would get hurt.
When her eyes met you, she started walking your way. You couldn't spot the blue of her eyes because she had narrowed her eyes. You knew it was coming a fight with her, more likely an interrogation coming from her.
"Where have you been?" Her voice was cold as your gaze and her hand grabbed your arm tightly. Your eyes met hers. You weren't afraid of her, at least not anymore.
"What is that supposed to mean?" You asked her trying to free your hand from her tight grip. Your mother didn't let you and tightened the grip more than before.
"Answer me!" Her tone was even colder than before and you could sense her blood boiling inside her veins. It became worse any minute that were passing and you weren't giving her an answer.
"Calm down." You whispered at her and finally freed your hand from hers. "You should really stop this. It's sick you know and by the way I was getting ready for the battle." You spoke, hands gripping your sword.
Her eyes looked at you suspiciously, it wasn't like she believed at you, but she didn't get to continue the questioning, because someone was standing nearby, looking at you. Well, not just someone, king Harald Finehair himself.
"Brunhild." He spoke to your mother smiling and she forced a fake little smile on her face to greet him. You could spot the times she was lying or those she were faking her attitude around others.
After all, it wasn't a big of a secret that she hated powerful men and Harald was one of them. A king.
"King Harald." She responded.
Before she even speak to him, his blue eyes were on you and, of course, your own were studying him. You tried not to look over-excited or suspicious around your mother. She had the ability to caught you lying and pretending as well.
"And you are (Y/N)." He spoke to you this time, but fastly turned to face your mother. He was good to this game. Better than you. "Your daughter, right?" Harald asked like he wasn't sure about that himself, like he didn't know you by hard, all of you.
"Yes, my king." You were the one to answer and his eyes met your figure once more.
"Good." He said and was about to say something again, but a voice distracted him.
"My king!" One of his most loyal men run his way and Harald turned to look at him. They were speaking for a little amount of time and then Harald turned back to you.
"May the Gods bless us to win today." He spoke before both of the men disappeared in the camp.
"Stay away from him." She warned you. You didn't respond to her, or looked at her. Your mind were on the older man, speaking to you just moments before. "Look at me!" Your mother grabbed your face and made you looked at her in the eyes. "Stay away from him!" Her tone was firmer this time and you nodded annoyed by her.
According to her all men – especially those who had the power – were bad and wanted to seduce women and then leave her behind like they were a toy or garbage. She believed that all men were like your biological father who sent her away and even tried to kill her when she was pregnant and their relationship took a serious way.
Well, men could be like that. You knew that for yourself too. But Harald wasn't like that. You knew it. He had been hurt by women before. First, princess Ellisif and after his wife queen Astrid. He was unlucky when it came to women and love. He wanted to have someone by his side, he needed to be loved. Apart from the women, he had lost both his beloved brother and his unborn child. After those tragedies, you came in his way. A woman he cared about.
It was unexpected the way and the fact that you met. You didn't want to start any kind of a story with him, at first. You tried to avoid him, but as everybody knows he is very stubborn and wouldn't let you escape like that from him.
Back then, you were afraid of your mother's wrath when she would find out about your relationship with Harald. She would be furious. She would try to take you away from him even if that meant that she would have to kill him or he kill her. You didn't want that. You loved Harald and your mother, she had raised all alone and you couls understand her, but didn't want to live like that. You wanted your life to be your way, not hers.
And Harald. Harald would give you everything he owned, only if you let him. Your relationship was happening all in secret, because you had asked him to be this way. He wanted a real life with you, one he didn't have to chance to live with anybody else. He was a grown man and knew exactly what he wanted.
After your mother's warnings about the king, you didn't have any time for her lessons about men because you had been called from the other shieldmaidens to participate in the shieldwall, the battle with the Saxons was about to believe.
The battle didn't end up the way you wanted because Bjorn Ironside, Lagertha and Ubbe son of Ragnar were fighting for king Alfred and Wessex, that ended up with you retreating back to York.
"King Harald has joined forces with Bjorn Ironside to overthrown Ivar the Boneless from Kattegat. This means we go back to Norway to fight." Brida, a shieldmaiden, spoke to you and she placed her cup on her lips, sipping from the ale it contained.
"I heard he is fond of Gunnhild, the former wife of late Jarl Olavvsonn, but she is with Bjorn Ironside." Revna said laughing and felt your blood boiling inside your face and your hands starting to shake, but you had to remain calm because you were among many shieldmaidens and mostly because your mother was sitting next to you.
"I heard that too! Bard told me he noticed as well." Runa mentioned and all of them laughed and drank. On the other hand, you felt bitter. The wound you got from the battle earlier felt nothing opposed to the pain in your chest after those news you received.
Your eyes met the ones you didn't want to meet, not now, not after the news the girls delivered. When your eyes met, you looked at anything other than him.
You placed your cup on the wooden table, feeling sick being in the same place as him. You couldn't bear watching him after that.
"I will retrieve back to tend. My leg is quite hurting and as I've heard we are going back to Norway so I'll some rest." You said as you stood up from your seat. Your eyes were on your mother, asking for her permission to leave.
You left and walked back to your tend to be on your own for a while. All the lessons and words your mother spoke about men came inside your head replaying themselves over and over again.
Harald wasn't the man you thought he was at the end of the day. You tried to keep your tears from falling when you remembered all the words Harald whispered to you when he thought you were sleeping. The promises and everything.
"Stupid girl." You told yourself in an attempt to forget about him, about all nights in Tamdrum when you sneaked at nights to see him.
"I disagree with you." You heard a raspy voice coming from the shadows. If it was for another day, you would be all happy, but not this night. Not after what you found out about him.
After his statement, Harald came out of the shadows he was hiding and placed his hand on a spike, after he leaned his body on his hand and looked at you playfully.
"If you say so, my king." You spoke formally, like you had no other relationship with him, like he didn't know you and you didn't know him. But it wasn't like you knew him. If you had, you wouldn't have gotten involved with him. "Have a good night." You bowed and turned your back at him.
A move that Harald didn't like at all. He couldn't understand the reason you were acting like that. You were trying to avoid him it was too obvious. He moved away from the spike and came closer to you – who had started to walk away from him – his hand grabbed yours and forced you to stop and turn to look at him. You opened your mouth to protest, but he spoke faster than you.
"Why are you avoiding me? This morning you were alright but now you are not, what is it?" He was frowned and his tone was confused. His eyes were studying your face for any kind of response while you were trying to keep your tears once more. You to be brave and proud, that meant that you shouldn't let yourself be that weak in front of him.
"I am not avoiding you, my king. I am just really tired because I have this wound from the battle and word spread that we are going back with Bjorn Ironside and his company, so I think that I'll need some rest." Your words came faster than you wanted them to. They had to come out naturally, but they did not. You couldn't form proper words when you were that close to him, your heart was beating so fast and his eyes were watching at you like that.
"Don't lie to me." He growled, quite angry and pulled you closer by your arm he was holding.
"I would never dare to lie to you, my king. This Saxon came from behind me while I was fighting another Saxon and he stabbed me on my thigh. The healer said—" You were rambling nonsense, trying to defend yourself and not saying what you learned just like that on his face. But Harald stopped you.
"I know. I know exactly what happened to you and what the healer said. But what I don't know is the reason you are avoiding me and don't tell me it's about your wound because we've been together before when you were wounded and as I remember, I treated your wound myself that night. So tell me." His voice was firm and he knew you were lying, but you didn't want to say the truth. You didn't want him to see that you were that hurt because of him.
Harald was playing with you all this time. So you didn't want him to see that you believed all this could be serious and he meant that one day you would be his wife, that he would give the world.
"I don't want my mother to notice that we – you know." You spoke again and you noticed him getting even more angry.
"I don't get the reason you keep lying to me! I thought we were clear with each other!" He yelled and you feared that somebody heard. Your eyes run around and luckily your saw no one confessing this moment between the king and you.
"I am not lying. You know the problem with my mother. You've known about it since the beginning. Also, my leg is hurting very much. Truly. There is no lie in my words." You ensured him which was partially truth. Your leg wasn't hurting that much, but it hurt and you mother, everything you told about her was truth.
Harald closed his eyes for a while out of his anger and then opened them again. He could read you so easily, because he knew you very well.
His hand left yours and both of his hands touched your cheeks. It was the first time you confessed Harald being like that. He seemed so desperate, he broke your heart. You closed your eyes and then opened them again and they were wet. The tears were ready to fall from your eyes.
"I know those things, but they have never been a problem. It's something else I can see it inside your eyes. Tell me what it is. Tell me I can fix it." His voice was soft after the sight of your eyes. His fingers caressed your cheeks wiping the tears – that fell without you noticing them – away.
"You can't fix it." You broke and finally let the rears fall from your eyes without any care. Your didn't care that you were crying in front of him anymore. "You can't fix it because it's not something that can be fixed." You continued ready to tell him about the things you found out some time ago. You pulled him away from you and he walked to come back closer – confused by your actions – but you raised your hand to stop him. "I heard some very disturbing things about you that hurt me, Harald. I heard that you were very displeased when you heard about the new lover of Bjorn Ironside, a woman named Gunnhild. A great shieldmaiden, I hear. They say you desire her and it's very obvious. So, that means, king Harald Finehair, that you were playing with me all this time. That you didn't mean anything from the things you told me. So my mother was right for you and I did exactly what she told me not to." You confessed. Tears were streaming from your eyes like waterfall. Harald wanted to speak to defend himself, but it wouldn't mean anything. It didn't matter. You moved your hands on your cheeks and wiped the tears away. "That is my problem, do you think that you can fix it? Because I don't."
"That's not the truth! I don't know who spoke such lies to you but I ensure that there is no other in my heart! I love you! Everything I told you it was truth. I want you and only you. Gunnhild is a strong woman and good shieldmaiden, I admire her but not love her. Believe me. I only love you." He was yelling at first, but stopped his speech whispering his last words. The words he admitted his love for you.
You closed your eyes and shook your head. You couldn't believe him, not when everyone had noticed and had spoken about it. You took a deep breath and opened your eyes to look at him. He seemed hurt as well and this image broke your already broken heart.
"I don't believe you. You-you know you won't have Gunnhild, so you come back to the easy option the stupid little girl. I loved you with everything I had. I wanted to prove to my mother that you were different, I wanted to be with you even if that meant, I would go against her, and you proved her point about you." Harald tried to reach you but you stopped him again. He didn't listen at you this time, he grabbed both of your arms with his strong hands and forced you to face him.
"I love you! Why is that so difficult to understand because of some rumors about me? You don't trust me and that's even worse than anything! You just want to find something against me and prove your mother's points of me. That's it, nothing else. I have never made false promises to anyone, especially to you. I had promised Ellisif, the first woman I ever loved, I would be famous and great king for her and I kept my promise, she was the one who betrayed me. I promised you to give you everything I have, you were the one who wanted to keep our relationship secret. I am tired of this game. I won't beg anymore, (Y/N). I have treated the women I desired with love and loyalty, but no one have done the same for me, even you. I thought you were different." His voice was softer than ever before. You had hurt him deeply.
Both of you had hurt each other.
Harald let go of you and moved some inches away from you. You couldn't form a word. You were angry with yourself and with him. You didn't know what to think and what to believe. Harald seemed to say the truth. He seemed deeply hurt.
"I will find who spread those rumors and I will let you know just to prove you that I have never lied to you." Those had been the last words he had spoken to you before he disappeared in the dark of the night.
You stayed on your place for a couple of moments and cried to yourself under the night sky. When you calmed down, you retrieved to your tend trying to find some peace before your mother come in.
When she burst into the tend you were awake. You couldn't sleep at all, you mind was only on Harald.
The first thing she did was to come in front of and started to yell about you talking with Harald. She said someone had seen you talking and Harald being really close to you. You were trying to find a good excuse, but you were sure thag she wouldn't believe you. Although you didn't care anymore about it. After all, it was over.
"King Harald helped me. He was carrying me back here because my leg was hurting and bleeding. He made it stop. That's the reason we were close. He was the only one out there to bother himself with me." You spoke angrily, sick of her questioning and all. It wasn't fair to speak to her like that when she wasn't at fault, but you couldn't help it.
"It sounds too good to be true. King Harald helped you? He wouldn't help anyone without a cost. What did he ask for repayment?" She asked as she sat next to you on the ground.
"Nothing. He didn't ask me for anything. After all, I don't think he wants to lose any warrior. A battle is coming with Ivar the Boneless, one of the cleverest strategists, if not the cleverest one, and he needs us. He needs every blade he can master." You spoke and treated yourself your bleeding wound.
"That's a fair point." Was the only think she said before she laid on the ground to get some sleep. On the other hand, you couldn't find peace inside your mind, so you couldn't sleep.
It was after midnight when five men burst in out tend, you stood up and grabbed your mother's axe. Your mother grabbed the dagger she had hidden under her belt. She was fast and cut the arm of one of them, but the others took our weapons and they grabbed us.
"What the fuck is happening?" Your mother yelled at them, as she was kicking, trying to break free as you did.
"Shut up!" The one who was holding her told her and kicked her knee.
They took us out the tend and threw us on the ground on our knees, out hands were behind our backs. You didn't know the reason this all was happening, until Harald showed up.
"What is this supposed to mean?" You were the one to yell when the king was in front of you. "We did nothing wrong!" You yelled again.
"I am not sure about one of you." He told you when he were just inches away from you, his hand caressing your cheek. You tried to move away, but one of his men kicked you on your wound. Harald glared at him and moved closer to the man. You didn't get to hear what he told him, but considering his face he was angry. Then he turned back to your mother and you. "Brunhild, do you want to share something with us? With you daughter maybe?" Harald spoke to your mother and you turned your face at her frowned.
"My mother did nothing!"
"Brunhild, tell your daughter what you did." Harald placed his axe on your mother's throat and caressed with it softly her neck. It wasn't enough to hurt her, he did it just to threaten her. "Tell her." He tone was cold, he was getting enraged.
"I did what I had to do to take my daughter away from a man like you." She didn't sound a bit afraid. The quite opposite to be honest.
You were at her confused.
"Continue. I would to be the one to tell her what you did, but I prefer it to be you." Harald spoke again and you saw your mother greeting her teeth out of anger. "Tell her that you knew about us." Your mouth was wide open when you heard.
"What-what are you saying?" You couldn't understand what was happening.
"Did you think that I wouldn't know it? I had known it since the first time it happened. I knew it every time you sneaked out of the house to meet him. You did exactly what I was telling you your whole life not to do. I couldn't let you waste your life like I did." She didn't hesitate a moment.
"I was the waste of your life, right?" After this question of yours you started to understand what was happening in front of you, what she had done.
"That's not what I said, but I didn't want my life to end up this way and, of course, I didn't want your life to end up like that. So, I was the one who spread the rumour about that shieldmaiden and your lover. I needed – you needed him out of your life. I did what I had to do for your sake. I hope you are understanding me, (Y/N)."
"Shut up! I can't hear you anymore! You are the only person who is wasting and destroying my life. Your life isn't miserable because of me or the way you have been treated by my father, but because of you. You, your ambition, your hate towards males, that's what wasted your life all those years. But I won't let you manipulate and destroy me anymore." You were really angry with her and all her scheme. You stood from ground and nobody stopped you. "I must admit though that you are a good manipulator. You knew exactly the way I would react and you found the right time to start with your plan." You stopped in front of her and kneeled to be equal with her. "This is the beginning of my life, Brunhild." You whispered at her, before the men took her and she became Harald's prisoner.
After a while it was just the two of you standing in front of each other, but no one tried to start a conversation. You were just eyeing each other.
"Now what?" You were the one to start speaking first.
"I think you owe an apology for you've told me earlier." Harald came closer and his hand moved a strand of loosen hair behind your ear.
"About that, I think I owe you an apology for that and I am sorry that I didn't believe you, but I was really hurt and I owe you an apology for what my mother did. So I am really sorry for everything." You spoke truly. You didn't want this moment to end.
In your mind, this was the last moment you had with Harald. You couldn't be together again. You didn't believe him when he told you the truth. You broke his heart. And he. He did everything he promised. He said that he would find who was the one who spread the rumours and he did.
"One apology is enough." Harald said in a playful tone.
"I wish that night would never end." You whispered at him and smiled. He looked at you confused, but he smiled genuinely.
"What's so special about this specific night?"
"It's the last I see you. The last time you are that close to me." Each word you spoke, each tear threatened to fall from your eyes.
He frowned, but the smile was still on his lips. His hand made it on your cheek and he caressed your skin softly.
"The last time? Who said that?" He asked smiling and you were the one who was confused this time.
"I thought you didn't want me after what I told. After-after I didn't believe you." You confessed and he chuckled. Both his hands, now, caressing your flesh of your cheeks.
"I told you that I love you and this can't change. Also, I have told you in the past that I wanted you to be my queen and I intend to make it true. I really love you and I know that you love me too." Harald said and his lips touch yours.
It was the first real kiss between the two of you, the first that you weren't afraid to give. It was the most passionate one you had ever shared and Harald was a skilled lover.
Your hands wrapped around his neck, as your lips were on his. His teeth were biting your bottom lip here and there. When you moaned, his tongue moved inside your mouth and started dancing along with your own.
"So what do you say? Will you be my queen?" The man you loved the most asked you when you two stopped kissing and his muscular hands were wrapped around you tightly. When you heard his question you smilled.
"I thought you knew the answer." You answered when your eyes met his.
"I want to hear it."
A wide smile formed on your face.
"I would love to be your queen." You said and he kissed you again. His hands were holding your even tighter and you laughed.
Author's note: Hey guys! I did as I promised I started writing Lies and almost finished. You will have all the parts within some time. Thank you for your support all this time. Also, inform me if you want to be in the taglist. Thank you again.
Summary: Your first encounter with Hvitserk after a long time.
Warnings: A lot of drama, lies, jealousy.
Lies | Prologue |
Some years after....
Your eyes were following the drops of the rain falling on the streets of Copenhagen wetting them without mercy.
Your hands were wrapped firmly around the cup of hot tea you were holding.
It was a relaxing autumn night. You were alone in your apartment watching the light of the city.
"Mommy!" Your five years old boy's voice sounded coming from the front door and you smiled immediately, turning your head around to look at him.
Wilder run to you and you opened your hands to welcome him in a hug – a really tight one.
"Easy, I'm gonna burn you!" You laughed leaving the hot cup on the coffee table which was next to your armchair. "How was your football practise?" You asked in soft tone of voice when you pulled away and his green eyes – just like his father's – eyeing you.
He was resembling Hvitserk so much and it felt strange. Every time you would look at him, your heart would lose a beat. Everything you could have with Hvitserk was coming to your mind.
Only if he wanted a future just like this one with. Having children together. Living together. Loving each other.
Apart from the looks, he had inherited some of the qualities of his character. Wilder was funny, sarcastic, playfull, but also, stubborn and things had to be just the way he wanted, always.
But the most terrifying one was his love and passion for football.
Your son had shown his love for this particular sport since he could walk. He used to kick the ball whenever it made it close to his feet and you adored it. Now, at the age of five, he was even playing in an unprofessional team along with children of his age. And Wilder was good at it. It must be coming from Hvitserk's genes.
"It was perfect! I even scored two times!" Wilder exclaimed and continued to analyze to you all about his practise. You were focused on him the whole time. You always did hear his little talks about the sport.
"Wilder was the best. He has a brilliant future in the sport." A voice heard from the hallway and you turned your eyes to find Danger, walking through the living room to get to you two. He was holding Wilder's practice sack which he left on the floor when he made it to you.
Danger was one of your closest friends. The person who agreed to become a father figure for your son. You weren't married or anything and also, Wilder knew that he wasn't his biological father, but he was there for you two. You shared the same apartment and were the boy's parents, but that was it. After all, it was a common secret that Danger was head over heels in love with Donna, you closest and oldest friend.
These two – Donna and Danger – were the only people who helped you when you decided to raise the baby you carried inside your body all by yourself.
"I know that. I have seen him in action." You smiled placing a loving kissing on your son's forehead as Wilder was trying to free himself from your hands. Something you didn't let him do. You wrapped him even tighter to you, laughing and giggling.
"Let me go!" He exclaimed among his laughter.
"You need a hot bath, young man." You spoke when you set him free from the firm hug and you stood on your feet.
Wilder run to the bathroom and you were to follow him to help him take his bath, but Danger's warm hand on your right wrist stopped you. His grip wasn't a strong one, he didn't hurt you. He just stopped you.
"The wedding is tomorrow." He reminded you in a calm but serious tone.
You exhaled a long breath you didn't know you were keeping in your lungs.
You neither had forgotten not had wanted to remember about this event. The wedding of Janet and Rafe – some friends from your past. Two of the people who belonged in the group you met Hvitserk. They were his friends.
At least Rafe. In fact, they were really close friends, they even used to be teammates when Hvitserk played for his former team.
Your body tensed as you reminded.
At first, when the invitation made it to your hands, you were certain that you wouldn't attend, like all the other events these people invited you to the past five years. But, Donna insisted that you should attend just to avoid the rumors and gossips speading about you. You didn't care about that, but you cared for your child and as much as you tried to avoid seeing the child, they had and the gossips were on fire.
Donna had also ensured you that much to Rafe's displeasure, Hvitserk wouldn't attend the wedding. He had mentioned that he had some issues with his busy program that were keeping him in England. You had avoided any kind of meeting with him or people around him, like the members of his family or some close friends those years, not wanting them to learn the truth.
That was how she persuaded you to attend. She ensured that you would stick together like the old times and Danger would be by your side, like always. They wouldn't let you face those awful people all by yourself.
"I am aware of that." You managed to say as you pulled your hand away from his loose grip.
"Alright, but... are you ready about it?"
You expected this question from somebody that wasn't you and that was because you did asked that same question over and over to yourself. It was a big risk. Both Janet and Rafe were public faces and that meant that their wedding was a big matter for the press.
You were trying to keep your calm about the following day, because, after all, that was all you needed. You had to be calm. If you were, they wouldn't suspect and even if they did, they wouldn't have any sign to prove it.
After all, Danger had big green eyes as well and his hair was light-brown. Although, Wilder was not Danger's, but Hvitserk's.
"Yes, I will be fine. Donna and I have taken care of the situation. Don't worry, just be there and.... you know.... doing your thing like.... like always?" You didn't really make sense pf what was coming out of your mouth. It was nonsense, but somehow Danger understood your point and smiled at you.
"I know." Was all he muttered and you smiled warmly.
"Thank you."
"Don't your ever say that." His tone was more playful after those words. "Now go to your kid, he is not the most patient boy I have even seen in my life." He ponted out and you both laughed. "Another quality of his father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weddings weren't your thing. It reminded you of a life you would never have a chance to live. Or even if you had, it wouldn't be close enough. But that wasn't the only reason behind it.
You really didn't want to marry before, but after all those that happened with Hvitserk and your son, you really didn't have any chance. Not due to being a single mother, but due to trust.
You really couldn't trust any man close to you or your son, except, of course, Danger. Sure there were more men like him, but you didn't have to time or the need to meet them. You just had accepted the fact that this life wasn't made for you.
You had already had the perfect life. A good job which was providing Wilder and yourself, a son who you loved more than anything else in the whole world and good friends who you owed a lot to.
Anyways, this wedding was a different situation. Double-faced people and pretender that was all you could spo in front of you. People who were studying all of your littlest movement and taking to gossip about it later in a smaller circle which would spread the rumor to other circles like the first one.
"Don't be so displeased to be here. It's way to obvious." Donna stated as she stood next to you sipping champagne from the glass she was holding.
"You know my feelings about weddings and especially about this parody of a wedding." You murmured watching at the circles the guests had formed which contained all the gossips. You had overheard some of it.
Harald Finehair had formed a political kind of alliance with some Swedish politic that was very beneficial for him, but quite the opposite for the Lothbrok family.
Bjorn Ironside Lothbrok had found another mistress to please him and he wasn't hiding the fact. They were even spotted making out in public eye.
Ubbe Lothbrok was talking a divorce and there were rumors about another woman in his life. Something that you doubted, considering the person he was. Ubbe wasn't that kind of man, he wasn't a cheater. He was the most responsible and kind person you had met during the time you knew his brother. Ubbe was different from his strange family, he was trying to keep them all in balance and that was really difficult to do, considering who his family were and what kind of power they possessed.
But the great new of the day, the first and last they were whispering about was you. Well, not just you in person. They were talking about Danger and you and your son. How straing it was to be with someone, married, and having a child and that someone wasn't even Hvitserk.
"You made quite a good gossip in here you know." She stated thinking exactly the thing you were, as you caught some eyes wandering at your direction.
"I noticed. At least, if it is to make his family's ears, they would state that there was a father around." You continued looking at Danger who was speaking smoothly with a man about something he was very passionate about and you smiled. "And they may forgot to state it, but I see some kind of resemblance."
Donna looked at Danger and then at you narrowing her eyes at you when she turned to face you again.
"Oh, come on. There are not just the colors that can be considered as resemblance and if they are, that's the only common thing they share. But with – you know who – he has everything in common. I don't how is that even possible for a father and son to look and are actually so much alike."
Her words were all true. It was the only true, in fact and you knew well. Both of you did and it had to stay that way. Nobody should learn the truth, you couldn't afford it. It had been difficult but not bad. And if Hvitserk had wanted to be with you to commit with you in any kind, he would have come back and ask for another chance, a real one. Only then he would now the truth and would he a real family.
But that was not going to happen. Hvitserk was living his best life away from you and any kind of commitment. After all, that was all he even wanted and he, finally, had it.
"That's the one side of the coin, but the other—" You didn't get to finish because Donna's elbow made to your side and hit you slightly just to stop talking, because someone was approaching you. Just in time you stopped and forced a smile on your face to greet Janet.
"You two had been whispering for a long time back here. I hope you like what you see." Janet spoke all smiling.
"Actually, we were about—" You didn't really know what to say, so gladly Donna stopped you and she spoke herself. You were grateful to her for that.
"We were talking about (Y/N)'s wedding. The way we want it to be. You see, she and Danger are not married yet, but the decided that after five years and a child, is time to move on the next step." Donna spilled the lie like a natural and felt your eyes widening way too much. You almost even choked on your own saliva.
You weren't so grateful anymore.
Janet, in the other hand, seemed delighted when she heard the news. She turned to look at you with a quite shocked expression.
"I thought Danger was your husband." She spoke to Donna and then she was just paying attention to you again. "But that's very happy to hear! It's actually very good news! But quite strange as well, you see, all of us thought that one day you and Hvitserk – you know – but that's very nice. After all, you know Hvitserk he can't settle down for anything more than uncommitted sex."
Her last words were obviously meant to hurt you or to tease you. Sure, they were be said to remind you that even when you had something with Hvitserk, it wasn't serious. It was nothing and they liked to tease and gossip about it.
"Everything happens for the best they say." You managed to speak quicker than Donna and you hand moved to her shoulder to stop her from saying something that she would regret about saying later.
"I believe that as well." She responded and came to stand next to you, watching you like she wanted to interrogate you, but you weren't afraid of her, not of any of these vipers in the room. You knew them, you had faced them in the past. "Now tell me—" She didn't get to finish this time, not because of you of Donna, but of another loud voice speaking.
"Oh man!" Rafe screamed happily and run towards the entrance of the fance huge hall they had chosen for the after party of their wedding. "I thought you wouldn't come!" He spoke again and hugged tightly the person he was talking to.
When they stepped closer and walked together, you could see clear enough who the man was. Rafe's left had was wrapped around his shoulder and his other had was hitting slightly his chest as both them was laughing.
And laughter. That god-damned laughter you knew it quite well. By hard to be honest. Mischievous smile, playful eyes. It all sreamed the name of the man you wanted to avoid the most – Hvitserk.
When you saw him walking through your direction with Rafe, you felt your legs become jelly. You knew that you would collapse. You were ready for that. You heart was pounding inside your chest and you hands were shaking.
Donna placed a hand around your own hand which was holding her moments ago. Her eyes turned to you, studying you carefully as your own eyes were stuck on him. His green eyes turned to you too.
"You sneaky boy!" Janet exclaimed and hugged Hvitserk. His hands wrapped around her as well, but his eyes were on you only. "I thought you had said that due to some business of yours you wouldn't make it." She said when they pulled apart and her hand was laying on his biceps.
"And I didn't lie. I just flew here from London. I wouldn't miss for the world. The last one of my friends on the hagging." He mocked both of them and laughed at his friend.
"You are the only single one in the club now." Rafe stated and Hvitserk smirked at him.
"Am I though?" Hvitserk asked his eyes locked on your for a couple of minutes and then he looked at something behind then. Well, not something, someone.
A brunette woman showed up next to him. When he saw her, his smirk grew wider and he wrapped his free hand around her. She was beautiful, like one of those well-known models.
Who else Hvitserk would date, of course it would be a model. She was laughing at something the four of them were saying, something you didn't pay attention to.
This woman seemed cute and sweet. Not snob as you thought all models had been.
"So, Thora it was?" Donna spoke next to you to the woman Hvitserk came with.
"Yes and you might be?" The woman – Thora – asked looking at both of you. Her voice was as sweet as her face was.
"I'm Donna and that's (Y/N)." Donna was the one to answer her and even shake her hand. You were stuck on your position. You couldn't move or form in kind of words.
Your past was back, haunting you.
This all was like a nightmare. You were trying to force yourself to wake up. This was not right. He was not there.
Except that he was and his eyes along with everyone's else's from that little circle were on you, eyeing you with curiosity as you stood there emotionless.
"She's not really the outgoing kind. Don't mind her. In fact, (Y/N) is really shy." Donna was ranting restlessly and you weren't even paying any kind of attention.
All of your own attention was on the man in front of your eyes. The one who had hurt you the most five years ago. The one you loved so much.
Hvitserk was as playful as ever if not more. His hair was braided tightly in an elegant way and on his face who could spot short beard, maybe a week's beard. He wore one of those fancy tuxedo and a golden rolex on his right wrist.
You shook your head trying not to stare at him any longer. Your eyes turned to the woman and you forced another smile on your lips.
"Excuse me for my poor manners. I was just a little surprised to see Hvitserk after so long and with such a beautiful woman like you and–" You stopped for a moment to take a breath. You didn't know that you weren't breathing all this time. "– did I hear right? Did Hvitserk Lothbrok settled down?" Your voice was louder, you tried to sound surprised and happy and all for the couple in front of you.
Even the thought of him being married to her made your heart breaking once more because of him. You forced that feeling away waiting their response.
She smiled and you wanted to collapse on the floor crying. But you contained yourself. The only thing you didn't know was the amount of time that these heels needed before they break and you fall on the ground, crying.
"Well..." Her words came out as a song. A terrific one for you. "We did get engaged and almost married one drunken night, but thay can wait. For now I just call him fiance." She replied wrapped both of her hands around his neck placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
"What about you though?" Hvitserk was the one to ask, but you didn't get to answer a smal voice yet loud spoke it for you.
"Mommy, I–" Your son's voice stopped when he saw all the people around you and just smiled coming to you.
This was the worst nightmare. Your son close to his real father. You could die right there. You were trying to wake up only realizing that this was real, this was happening and you could nothing to prevent it.
"Hi again!" Hvitserk gritted your little boy and you eyes grew wider. Your hand grapped Donna's arm who looked as upset as you did, and steadied yourself on her.
Hvitserk kneeled on Wilder weight and smiled at him.
"Hi." Your son said happily and you wrapped your other hand around him defensive.
"Wilder, my love." Before you could get your head to think what to ask actually, your son turned his big green eyes to look at you, still smiling.
"Mommy! That's Hvitserk Lothbrok, my favorite player. He played with us for a while that was what I wanted to tell you before!" You son was excited, he was living his best dream and you your worst nightmare.
Your heart would break from the incredibly fast way it was running inside your chest. If Donna hadn't been here, holding you, you would hve collapsed on the cold floor.
"'Mommy'? I wasn't aware that you are a mother." Hvitserk stated standing from the floor and fixing his eyes on you.
You smiled trying to form the right words.
"Yeah, it all happened after you left and it was really fast." Your gaze run around to find Danger just to you a little bit and when you did, you could see the anxiety on his face as he was walking to you.
You felt relieved when he was right next to you his hands around Wilder and then Wilder on his lap. Danger smilled at you and you smiled back.
"The man of the hour you were just talking about you and (Y/N) and Wilder." Donna spoke motioning to him a little not to say anything which would make them suspicious about the relationship between you.
Instead of saying something, Danger left a quick soft kiss on your cheek and then played with Wilder.
"Daddy!" The little boy exclaimed laughing when his father figure was tickling him.
"Don't tell me that you tickle!" Danger was mocking him and then turned to the adults around him. "Excuse me, duty calls I have to teach this young man how to kick the ball." Danger excused himself and Wilder and you smilled thankfully for taking Wilder away from Hvitserk, mouthing a 'thank you' to him.
"I am playing better than you, dad!"
"I don't think so!"
You could hear the two men of your life teasing and you smilled.
"Your son is a very beautiful and clever child." Hvitserk spoke first and you felt the same thing which burned your throat to continue burn it again.
"He is just like his father." You said looking straight at him, meaning every word that dropped from your mouth.
"Yeah, I noticed." He muttered and then grapped a glass from a nearby table and sipped some champagne. "I have a question though."
"And this might be?"
"How is possible that I don't know Danger? I mean were close friends before I leave." He stated suspicious and you took a deep breath before telling the lie you had prepared long time ago to say when someone asked that question.
"You know I had some issues at the time and I met Danger under weird circumstances, we hooked up sometimes and that's Wilder came up. We decided to keep the child and raise him together. Also, to be faster than you – 'cause I know this question is following – we're not married yet, but this is the year that is going to happen." You spilled your lie avoiding to fully look at him in the eyes.
He nodded when you finished and them placed a small on his face.
"Don't forget to invite us." Was the only thing he stated and you smiled as well.
"Count on that."
After that, they started walking and talking with people you didn't know. You caught Hvitserk's eyes on you some times, but nothing more than that.
"I think we got away with it, just for now." Donna stated and downed all the champagne her glass contained. "I feel that I can breathe again." She whispered and you smiled sadly.
"I don't think that I'll be able to breathe normally all the time that we'll stay here." You spoke and glanced at Hvitserk once more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once your were at home and Wilder was sleeping on his bed because of the long day he had, you sat by your favorite window gazing at the buzy life of the city. A glass of wine was settled in your hand and you sipped from it.
Your mind was running back to the moment you saw Hvitserk again after all those years and to the woman by his side. He had moved on, but not you. You couldn't.
It hurt you that he had decided to settle down with one woman and fave a real family with her and that woman wasn't you.
Also, it was hurtful lying to his face just like that, but you had no other option. After all, you wouldn't see him ever again after the wedding day. You didn't dare to show up on placed you used to go back then, neither spending time with your common friends.
Hvitserk would go back to London and this nightmare would be over. He would marry Thora and the matter would be over.
You would send him back to the cold dark place he owned in your mind and everything would be as it had been all this time that he hadn't been around.
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Author's note: Hey guys! I am back after a long time of being inactive. I am so sorry for that back I needed some time to gather my imagination and write something and it happened so time ago. So, I decided to re-write and continue this series.
If somebody wants to be in the taglist, inform me.
Have a good day!
Pairing: Modern!Hvitserk x Fem!Reader.
Genre: Modern!au, series, drama, smut, romance.
Summary: The beginning of the lies you told Hvitserk.
Warnings: NSFW, oral sex (woman receiving), unprotected sex, strong language, mentions of pregnancy.
Lies | Part I |
Heart pounding faster than you could even imagined it would.
Eyes watching carefully and firmly at your figure inside the full length mirror for hundredth time.
Hands pushing back even firmer messy strands of hair which hung loose away from your tight bun. Or straightening your already straightened fancy silky dress.
Agony and fear screaming on you.
This night should be the best it could even be or at least the best version of all the possibilities you had inside your mind. That's what it should be.
Your mind played you really dirty games, but that was only because you knew Hvitserk and his thoughts about things, especially when it came to the connection you two shared.
What you shared wasn't a relationship. It was just sex – pleasure without any kind of commitment. Something close to friends with benefits, but you two were no friends, apart the fact that you had many common friends and hung out many time, you were just sex partners. You met only when you needed to blow off steam of your body and mind.
Although, everyone knew about the terms of your agreement, they kept interfering, but you didn't care. Both of you intended to keep things as they were as long as somebody ended it by moving on with your lives.
The only thing was an obstacle in the middle of your perfect agreement. Well, one from each side of yours that was complicating things between you two.
So, this night you were expecting him to show up at your doorstep. Probably it was the first and only time that you had planned to meet, you had even cooked for him. This was the reason you were trying to look at your best, you wanted to speak to him about something and if you were right, he would do the same. He was weird when you talked some hours ago.
The doorbell made you jump and you literally run to open the door, just to see him. You see, you broke one of the rule you placed between you, the most important one; you fell in love with him hard to be honest. The first and last thing you thought was Hvitserk. You were counting even the seconds just to meet him.
The man on your doorstep was playful, but not as playful as usual. He walked inside your house, dropping his sack on the floor and his body weight on your cough. He was still on his tracksuit meaning that he was coming right after his practice. Before you could form any kind of words inside your mind, his hand patted the empty place next to him on the couch, motioning you to go close to him.
You obeyed and were about to sit on the place Hvitserk pointed out, but before you could, he pulled on his lap and placed his hand firmly around your waist.
You smiled at him innocently, looking at him longingly.
"I thought you were tired because of... the practice... you know." You managed to say calmly.
"You look different tonight. So beautiful. So elegant. Do I miss something?" Hvitserk spoke playfully ignoring whatever you had blurted before. You cleared you throat considering wisely your next words. According to your plans, you would tell him after dinner.
"Well, I wanted to speak to you about something, but I think that it can wait. I-I cooked for you." You said and tried to leave from his lap to prepare the table for him.
But Hvitserk obviously had other plans, his hand on your waist tightened more around you and kept you still on him.
"Actually, I wanted to tell you something too, but you're right all the talking can wait. Food comes first."
After his little speech, Hvitserk let you go of his hold and you dished out the food for him. Despite of all the effort you put on this specific meal, you couldn't eat it. You were nervous about the conversation that would follow after. Not only about the part of yours who seemed really difficult to deliver to him, but about his as well, because you didn't know what it was and you couldn't suspect. On the other hand, Hvitserk seemed pretty pleased with the food and that made you pleased too.
"It's weird." He mumbled after a moment of silence.
"Which thing?"
"All this formality. The dress, the hair, the meal." His hand reached yours and he pulled you on him firmly. You were once more on his lap. Gaze captured on his. "Don't tell me that you have even baked a dessert." His words were more playful speaking these words.
"No, but—"
You didn't get to finish your answer because he made you stand up from his lap, he did the same, and before you could ask what was going on, Hvitserk pulled the tablecloth and all the dishes off the table.
"What are you doing?" You asked shocked, ready to reach the pieces of your dishes. Hvitserk didn't let you. He pushed you back on the table forcing you to sit on it. "Hvitserk, what the f—"
"Silence, little one. I am taking me dessert right now." He whispered smiling, pulling the dress up until it made it on your middle. You tried to push the dress back, but the man in front of you didn't let you.
"No, no, no. Hvitserk, I wanted to tell you someth—" Once more he silenced you by placing his hand in front of your mouth.
"First my dessert, then talking." He spoke firmly and you let him.
Hvitserk kneeled in front of you, hands on each side of the lace underwear you wore, his mouth was forming a path of sloppy kisses on your inner thighs, as he was taking off your already wet underwear. All his movements were painfully slow, just to tease you.
"I thought you wanted your dessert... not a... torment for me." You spoke within some moans due to his kisses. You felt him smiling on your thighs and you smiled widely.
"I am not tormenting you, little one. I am praising you." He mumbled again and he lifted his gaze and looked at you once more, before he burried his face in you.
His warm and really skilled tongue met your already wet entrance and he pushed it inside of you. When this happened, you moaned loudly, closing your eyes tightly as you felt his tongue playing with your clit senselessly.
Your hands reached his braided hair and you tagled it, loosening the little braids with your hands as you were moaning and mumbling his name.
"So fucking sweet. Even better than a dessert." Hvitserk murmured close to your skin. His hot breath driving you even more crazy than the skilled movements of that damned tongue of his.
"Ah! Keep going, please, keep going!" You tried not to yell out of the pleasure he was providing to your body and he didn't stop.
He even let one of his long fingers enter your body and continued pleasuring you both with finger and tongue, sending you to heaven and then pulling you back.
When you knew that you were close to come on his mouth, when the knot in your belly became even firmer, you tangled your legs around his shoulders and you squeezed him closer to you.
"Fuck." You heard him whispering. "Fuck." His voice was raspier than usual and this little inappropriate word was enough to make you finish right there.
"I'm coming....ahh! I'm coming!" You said loudly moaning, trying to keep yourself together.
"Give it to me. My dessert." He spoke seconds before you let your warm juices land on his tongue.
"Hvits–ahh–erk!" You moaned as you came.
After your release, your hands left his messy, now, hair and one of them placed on your chest as you tried to calm down and catch your breath.
"You are so beautiful when you cum on my face." Hvitserk praised you when he rised on his feet. His hands made it to your waist and his lips left a kiss on your neck.
"Shut up." You muttered and pushed him away from you just to get off the table and deal with the mess he caused. But, like always, Hvitserk had other plans and he intended to make them real.
"What? I am just telling the truth. It's not a secret that I have been wanting to destroy this flawless image of yours since the moment I stepped in. For instance, this tight bun, I want it messy and your makeup all spread on your face along with my cum and please don't get me started on how much I crave to rip off this dress of your body." He started whispering seductively the dirty words inches away from your ear as he was bitting and leaving his marks on your neck. "And your neck –ah that neck – is a canvas for me." Hvitserk continued as he stopped leaving marks on you and his hand took his mouth's place on your neck. His eyes was devouring you just by watching at you.
"So you basically want me to look like your whore." You voice was soft, as the same hand who was moments ago on your neck made it to your lips and his thumbs brushed them, spreading your lipstick all over your face.
"You are my whore." His lips were on your lobe, bitting it slightly, making you open your mouth and his hand get in there starting teasing and playing with your tongue.
"I thought I was more than that."
"You are. You are my partner. I can do whatever I please with you, as you can do with me." This words were enough to bring back the butterflies along with the tight knot inside your lower stomach.
You closed your eyes pleasing by all the affection of his, feeling quite better about the thing you wanted to tell him. You felt quite relieved. But still afraid of his reaction.
"Don't tell me such things, I might believe you, you tease." You spoke and tried to push him back again. Tough your didn't want him an inch away from you. "I thought you wanted to tell something and I thought that I said I wanted to tell you something too." You tried but he didn't seem to bother with all that.
His hands was forming paths all over your body. His mouth was on your shoulder bitting it.
"That can wait, I can't."
"Hvitserk! First, your dessert and now this. You—"
"Tell me you don't want this. Tell me the code word and I will stop. Just tell me." He said, eyes just on your own. He was standing in front of you, as uou were sitting on the table half naked.
You didn't want him to stop, but you really wanted to talk to him. It felt like he was trying to buy time for some reason, like he didn't want to talk with you. Like he was trying to avoid talking.
You landed on your feet, leaving the table for good, and you straightened the dress. Your hands went on your messy hair which used to be flawless some time ago and touched slightly.
"Just don't ruin the table." You whispered close to his ear because you were quite shorter than him.
A hungry smirk formed on his face and he looked at you like a predator looks at his prey. He needed no other words.
"I only intend to ruin you." Hvitserk spoke as he pulled a loose strand of hair behind your ear, caressing your cheek as he took his hand back.
"I thought you were tired after the practice. I didn't know that you had stored some energy for these kind of sports." You teased.
"You know my love towards football and yourself."
"Myself or just sex in general?"
"What about both?"
"Is that an answer or a question?"
He shook his head bored.
"I thought we wouldn't talk now." Hvitserk said impatiently, his hands moving on the thin staps of your dress, takinh them away from your shoulders just to have his mouth teasing your skin. "I want to fuck you." He muttered just mere inches away from your warm flesh, his hot breath causing it to get warmer than before.
You giggled when you heard his raspy voice demanding his wantings.
"Alright but first..." – you spoke trying to push the lustful man away from you just for a couple of minutes, being the man he is, Hvitserk didn't let go of you and he even stuck on your tighter - "I have to clean the mess you caused in here." You continued, but it was pointless. Hvitserk didn't care a bit about the broken glass on the floor, he just wanted to have you all to himself.
"No. No. No." Were the only words he spoke to you before he grabbed you by wrapping his hand around your hips and placing you above his shoulder. After that, he started walking through the hallway of your cozy apartment to make it inside your bedroom.
When you were finally in there, Hvitserk placed you on the ground on your feet.
"This dress is driving me inside, little one." He mumbled, his hands grabbing both of your shoulders.
"You are all talking, you know." You teased and you saw his eyes go darker, as he heard your playful tone.
"I'm just talking huh?" He managed to growl, before his strong hands torn the tight dress to shreds. You gasped when silky pieces of fabric made it to the floor. "Was that just talking for you?" Hvitserk mimicked your voice, before he forced you on the bed. When you tried to stood back at your former position, he didn't let you. He just stood there – in front of you – admiring your half naked body.
You smirked gazing him, watching you predatory.
"You talk too much and I thought you didn't want to talk." You teased him again.
Hvitserk made it on the bed, his body above yours. One of his hands was holding his own weight and the other was touching mercilessly your body up and down, until it rested on your neck. More specifically, it wrapped around it.
"Let me take care of you for once." You managed to say after some moments of silence, remembering that he came in your house after his football practice.
"Save that for another night. Tonight you have already treated me enought." He responded as his unexpectedly warm hand left your neck and moved at the back of your back and his skilled fingers got rid of your bra.
After this you were completely naked and vulnerable before him, but you didn't mind. After all, it wasn't the first time he saw you like this.
Your own hands were working their way to get rid of the grey hoodie he wore. When he noticed, with clumsy movements he got it out of the way, revealing his own muscular tattooed torso. You let your hands fall on his biceps.
His own hands were trailing hot touches all over your legs until they reached your inner thighs. His right hand opened your legs for him to admire all of you. Your eyes was following each movement of his.
His thumb from the left hand of his which wasn't holding your thigh, caressed softly your entrance, sending shivers all over your body. That was happening until his index finger slipped inside you, forming rough circles.
"Ah!" Was all you could form among other nonsense that were supposed to be his name or how good he was at what he was doing to you.
Your hands moved on the sheets of the bed and fisted around them. Your moans were loud and they became even louder when a second finger entered your body.
"Don't stop!" You tried not to scream loud and you clenched your folds around his skilled fingers. Your legs wrapped around his torso in an attempt to pull him even closer.
But, of course, Hvitserk stopped. His hands slipped out of you and you whimpered from the lack of his touch. Your own hands grapped his trying to get him to touch you again, but he was much stronger than you and pulled it away from your own hands.
His hands grabbed the waistband of his pants and took them off quickly, throwing them somewhere inside the room. Then, he did the same to his boxers, revealing his big erection. He stroked himself a couple of times, as you wee trying not to lose your sanity watching him stroking him.
"Be nice for me, 'kay?" Hvitserk told you as he moved closer to you, the head of his cock almost touching your wet entrance.
Your legs were wrapped firmly around him and his own larger ones were on both of your hips holding you steady down on the mattress.
You were very to each other, but he didn't any move to place himself inside you and that was driving you even crazier than before.
"Come on!" You almost begged impatiently and he chucked viciously. He loved teasing you and seeing on edge.
"Such a pretty little whore for me." He whispered, moments before the head of his member was in your entrance.
When that happened you moaned loudly, hands gripping firmly his shoulders and eyes shut.
"This needy cunt is taking me so well. Like it's made just for my cock." He spoke when he pushed all of his member inside you.
"Ah! Hvitserk!" You yelled when that happened and let your head fall on the pillows.
Hvitserk's head lower on your chest and his mouth attacked your arching nipples. His mouth was teasing and pleasing the one and his hand was pitching the other.
"So fucking tight for me." He growled among loud moans of both of you. The pendant of the Mjolnir which was hanging from his neck was cold as it was touching your abdomen, sending shivers to your body along with Hvitserk's movements.
His pace was rough and fast. Each thrust of his was deeper than the previous. As each moan of yours was louder than the following one.
Your hands wrapped around his nape and pressed his face down to your chest even more than it had already been.
"I am so close." You managed to form and you clenched around his thick cock.
"Yeah, I can feel that." He spoke and placed one last kiss on your breasts. Then his face was just meters away from yours, studying each little movement of yours. "If you want to cum, open your eyes." He said and you obeyed to him.
You opened your eyes and you met his immediately. Both of you were staring at each other as you were so close to your orgasms.
"Fuck." He growled among your lips and let his seed stream inside your folds. Something that made you come around him as well.
"Hvitserk! Hvitserk, Hvitserk!" You yelled his name when you were having your climax.
When you both had finished, Hvitserk let his own body collapse on top of yours. His member was still inside you as his head was laying on your swollen breasts.
Your hands found his hair and your run your fingers though his scalp.
"What was the thing you were so eager about before?" Hvitserk was the one to broke the silence first. His hand started playing with your left nipple which wasn't really helpful.
"The thing?" You asked confused.
"You wanted to tell me something, what was it?" He left your chest and even pulled out of you leaving you empty. Then, he laid next to you, watching you as you were about to start speaking.
The agony was back along with the fear. You hadn't forgotten about it, but you hadn't been ready to speak it as well. After all, you weren't the only one who had something to spill to the other. He had mentioned that he wanted to say something too.
"Um... as I can recall you wanted to say something too. Go on first." You mumbled tagling your hands together and looking at them.
"Oh, yeah, about that." He started saying and it was obvious that it wasn't really easy for him to spill it. You turned to you sight to look at him better as he was speaking. "Something came up." He continued but still he didn't say all of it.
He looked at the wall and then back at you, running his hand through his messy braids.
"Hvitserk, what it is?" You were upset now by all his pauses. It must be something important almost as important as the thing you wanted to say, but not more than it.
"A promotion came up. I mean they responded from the English team I was telling you about and their answer was positive." He spilled and you felt your head spinning.
"That means...." You couldn't finish.
"That means that I will have to move to England. Also that means that we are stopping this agreement of ours."
You knew these words were coming after the words "promotion" and "England".
You had talked about that. If ever a promotion like that came up, you would stop this thing, this sexual agreement you had formed years ago. His dream was to play for an English team. And following that desirable dream, meant that he had to leave you behind, after all you didn't have a relationship.
But, after what you would tell him, you didn't know what he will thing. Things got quite complicated within some seconds.
"Yes, but—"
"It's not like we have any kind of a serious relationship. I had told that I don't want or need any kind of commitment. I am not mae for it. And this – this is my dream and I am not going to speak anymore of it." He stoood up grabbing his boxers and pulled them up to cover his member. After that he walked through the room to collect the rest of his clothing. "Anyway, enough of this, I'm leaving and it's not debatable. What was the thing you wanted to tell me?" Hvitserk questioned wearing his hoodie.
You stood up from the bed reaching for your robe to cover your naked body.
You couldn't tell him, not after the strict tone of his speech. You didn't want to commit him. He wanted and needed none of it.
You stopped for a moment not knowing what to say or do. You didn't want to lie in his face, but you had no other choice.
"Nothing. Nothing important at least. I almost forgot in fact." You mumbled not looking at him. "When are you going to England?" You asked walking throught the hallway to get into the living room and clean the mess he caused previously.
"In a couple of days, I guess. That's the amount of the time I need to end the contract I have with my current team." He spoke behind of you.
You were trying really heard not to cry in front of him. You were in love him and he wasn't even thinking about you. All he cared about was his career, but you couldn't blame him. In fact, you were aware of it, he had informed you since the very first time you had a sexual moment.
"So, this was a goodbye, right?" You spoke even softer than before. Your hands were collecting the broken pieces of your porcelain plates and the cutlery.
His hand moved on the back of his neck and scratched his flesh. It felt strange when you were saying out loud, but, also, is was the truth.
"I suppose." He whispered and you closed your eyes to prevent the waves of tears to stream from your eyes.
"I wish all the best then." You spoke and turned to face him. Something like a small smile – a really pretending one – formed on your lips.
"Me too." He said and walked out of the door and your life Before he disappeared for good, Hvitserk turned and looked at you once more, nodding at your place seconds before the door closed behing him.
When you were alone, you left your body collapse on the floor and also let your eyes drop the tears.
You were crying your feelings out. Feeling more lonely than you had even felt. You were all alone and that wasn't the biggest part of the issue. That part was the child inside your belly.
This was what you wanted to tell him. You were pregnant and the child was Hvitserk's. You were preparing to tell him a week before this disastrous night.
But as it turned out, Hvitserk wasn't interested. A child was the biggest of commitments and you didn't want to keep him by force. You didn't want him to hate you or worse – hate your child.
You wiped away the tears and forsed your body to stand. You would be strong if not for your sake, for this child's.
You loved Hvitserk, but you loved your child more and you would raise it even if that meant that you had to do raise it alone.
Your hands traveled to your flat belly, caressing it softly.
"You mother loves you more than the world." You whispered to your baby and smiled.
Summary: After your breakup with Hvitserk he leaves for England without knowing about a matter. A child in fact. Years after he comes back, invading your life and all the lies come to the surface.
Warnings: NSFW, smut, strong language, jealousy, mentions of pregnancy, lies, a lot of drama.
Note:
This series are based on a turkish TV series called You Knock on My Door (Sen Çal Kapımı) and it contains some stuff from there.
This is a remake of the first two parts of the same series which I wrote some time ago. You can find the first two parts here.
Also, I want to inform you that the new parts and the next ones will be quite different from the first ones.
