it never ends

I think the fact that neither Neil nor Kevin lost their faith in Andrew’s ability to protect them after he was attacked by Drake (unable to stand his ground against a single man with a bottle, let alone the Yakuza/Nathan with their guns) is the best proof we have that the deal was never about physical protection. This is confirmed by the way Neil never expects Andrew to save him from his father, in fact cuts him loose before Baltimore as soon as danger is truly near.

Andrew is a pretty self-aware character, and he wouldn't make promises he knows he can't possibly see through, so I think he knows what Kevin and Neil also know: what they need from him, and thus what he promises, is not physical protection.

To Kevin, he promises safety from the Moriyamas, and the way we see him enact that safety (at Kathy's show, at the banquet) shows exactly what it's about: when Riko starts getting into your head, when he makes you doubt yourself, makes you think maybe you should go back to Evermore, I won't let you. I will get you away from him, I will treat him like he's just some dude to remind you that you can face him without kneeling. I will be your spine until you find your own, I will stand my ground for you until you can do it yourself.

That's why the scene when Kevin gets to the dorm with his tattoo and Andrew's eyes show so much feeling is huge not just for Kevin but for Andrew: because that was the whole point of their deal, Kevin has found his spine, Andrew bought him the space and time to do it.

To Neil, he promises safety from the people hunting him down, and that means: I will give you something to build a life around (keys, drives to nightly exy practices, someone to lean on, someone who will listen without flinching). When you feel like running, I will be someone you can call to come pick you up. When you forget, I will remind you who you are: Neil Abram Josten.

Andrew stands between Kevin and Riko and between Neil and his father not as an impenetrable wall but as an obstacle in their vision: not shield but focal point.

but sometimes, you see a little girl doing her makeup for twelve thousand instagram followers. she’s nine. sometimes you see a man breaking up with his girlfriend for youtube likes. sometimes you are standing in a room and are in the background of fifty snapchat stories but in nobody’s actual lives. 

it’s mostly okay. but so many of us grew up in a time where they basically ignored the internet while teaching us cursive in school. digital literacy was “don’t look at wikipedia”. none of us knew what the next generation was being set up to. we taught ourselves our own rules. many of us, it didn’t come soon.

it’s mostly okay. but the other day, i asked my freshman students: if you could, would you go back in time and take the internet away from yourself in middle school? if so, when do you think is the right time to be exposed to social media?

over and over: yes. yes. yes. i’d go back and never look up those skinny tips. i’d never spend so many weekends in the dark in communities that encouraged me to self-harm. i’d never lose my brother to radicals. i’d never, i’d never, i’d never again.