au where shane has a burner twitter account that he uses to keep up with hockey stuff, not just players and stats but what the commentary is from fans and talking heads, and one day he sees a take from a podcast bro that pisses him off so bad he HAS to tweet about it. so he replies to the podcast with the most devastating one liner you've ever heard and suddenly thousands of people are following him and asking for more takes etc and he becomes a pretty popular account in the hockey world (and beyond bc the tweets are just too good) and crucially!!! he is always hyping up ilya. like if a ref makes a shitty call he's coming to ilya's defense immediately. and of course at some point ilya follows him too. and the whole time he's becoming more popular on twitter nobody knows it's him, his mom brings up 'that rozanov superfan on twitter' at dinner, hayden brings it up in the locker room, etc, and shane is just like. laughing nervously. yeah i've heard of them i guess. meanwhile he didn't even realize he was hyping ilya up so much he was just giving good hockey commentary. and then ilya brings up his superfan while they're at the cottage. i'm on the cover of the fucking game. i have important hockey superfan on twitter, you are jealous. and shane would have to decide whether he's going keep lying or face the humiliation of telling ilya the truth

Shane holding Ilyas handsome face in his big ass hands, cradling it, his fingertips into his curls, palms at his jaw and he’s leant down over him, from where Ilya is laying in his lap, kissing over his face like “mwah mwah mwah” everywhere he can cover and when he pulls back Ilya shakes his head a little and mutters “more” and Shane sighs and then says “okay” and starts his kisses kisses kisses all over again. He’ll stop when Ilya says it’s all better

ads targeted to women: omg you are thirtyyyy. kill yourself

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.

you can always tell how little people actually care about art based on how much they hate modern/contemporary art

''bring back renaissance art'' I bet your ass you can't even definitively tell that movement apart from others

"posing next to art we think we can do'' can you though. can you

start image description: a photo of the side of a colourful canal boat with a tortoiseshell cat resting on the boat’s gunwale. there are daffodils growing in front of the boat. all caps white text on the boat says "every trans kid is a blessing". end image description

“i’m very fond of walking” “yes i know” / “i just wore athletic stuff” “i know what you wore”

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

it is always narratively correct to make your characters sleep together before they sort through the hundreds of lies and misdirections between them. make things worse make things worse make things worse #i love betrayal #i love lying #i love people feeling bad about themselves

a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours