Everything I know? Oh dear. I’d have to write a book, I’m afraid. Instead, I’ll give you 10 tips on fun ways to celebrate his birthday.

No food is not an option. Lafayette was never one to shy away from a meal. Many of his funniest anecdotes revolve around food (the time he begged the American officers not to eat him for dinner, the time he showed up at what was to be his American HQ and started eating and his host thought him incredibly rude to start without the Marquis…who she was convinced was not him because he was too young). If you’re feeling especially accurate, include ham in your meal planning. Washington gifted Lafayette some of his Virginian ham after the Frenchman had returned to his native country and Laf was always excited to receive it. If ham’s not an option, any American food will do. The Lafayette family often served American dishes to their guests…to the disappointment of those hoping to experience a little French cuisine.

Feel free to get turnt up. Drinking was a normal aspect of 18th century dining, but Laf was no stranger to excess. He drank ale when other options weren’t available, but most of the time he seems to have preferred wine (especially Madeira while in America because it was available and Washington’s favorite…but it’s incredibly hard to track down).  He and his entourage drank Jefferson’s wine cellar practically dry during his 1824-1825 tour of the U.S. Laf also believed copious amounts of wine was good for his health–or, that was his excuse anyway. If you’re of legal drinking age…go for it.

Dance! Laf, as we all know, had two left feet according to his acquaintances in France. But in the U.S., no one seems to have noticed! As far as I’ve read, Lafayette wasn’t bad at all in the minds of the Americans who hosted the dinners, balls, and parties he attended. In fact, a number of ladies were actually quite pleased with his performance and manners at these events. Which brings me to my next suggestion.

Flirting is allowed and encouraged. Hey…you’re the one who wanted to know authentic ways to channel your inner Lafayette on his birthday. If you want to get into the spirit of things and happen to be at an acceptable social gathering, a little charm here and there with those who’ve piqued your interest will fit right into the theme. Just be respectful and remember: consent is the only acceptable course of action.

Overdo your enthusiasm for America. Take a moment to be excited that America exists and be incredibly proud of her achievements. Even if you’re not American. Perhaps especially if you’re not America. Definitely pay some serious homage to George Washington. You should probably drink to the United States and give a brief speech about how much America’s success means to you. Go on. It’s essential! Do it for the aesthetic.

Take a moment to appreciate your significant other. Chances are, if someone’s agreed to be a long-term part of your life, they’re pretty special. Adrienne de Lafayette was one of the most loyal women who has ever graced the planet with her presence…and Laf found out the hard way that life without her was a tragedy. Give your loved one an extra kiss for being awesome enough to stick by you through thick and thin.

Stay away from boats. While Hamilton fans love depicting Lafayette heroically sailing in on a war frigate brandishing a sword like a champ, the more accurate depiction would be a very green Frenchman puking over the side. Stay on land while you celebrate.

Be friendly to everyone you meet. It’s just for one day–it won’t kill you, I promise. A little charm here and there is good for the soul…and this is Lafayette we’re talking about! This is a guy who, as an Frenchman and an American general, was excited to see an acquaintance of his from London on the British side during a prisoner exchange. If you want to get into the spirit, challenge yourself to see an opportunity for bridge-building in every introduction you encounter. Have fun.

Roleplay suggestions. Favor your left leg. Find the nearest horse and become friends with it. Text a bunch of your friends and when they don’t respond in five minutes, send them three more texts about how you value their friendship and how much silence irritates you. Locate a paternal-looking older man and adopt his as your surrogate father against his will. Find a confined, cold, dark, damp space and dream about how everything will get better once you’re welcomed to America by all the people you helped. The possibilities are endless……..

watching your child cry and screaming at them to stop and invalidating their pain and reasons for crying makes you an abuser.

staring at your child in disgust and contempt after they displease you makes you an abuser.

threatening to your child to take away their basic resources if they don’t give you exactly what you want makes you an abuser.

forcing your child to feel ashamed for not living up to your ideals makes you an abuser.

using slurs, hateful names and insults on your own child without any regard to what it does to their mental health makes you an abuser.

forcing your child to chase impossible expectations and making them feel like they’re worthless for not achieving them makes you an abuser.

acting like your child is a burden and a waste of space and blaming their illness/disability/depression on it makes you an abuser.

behaving like your child will never amount to anything and isn’t worth any resources and nurturing makes you an abuser.

making your child feel like they’re never good enough makes you an abuser.

if your child’s heart is hurting because they know no matter what they do and how hard they try they will always be a failure in your eyes, you are an abuser.

if your child can’t look at themselves without self hatred because they had to look at themselves from your perspective and all they saw is disgust and hatred, you’re an abuser.

If your child is struggling to believe they have the right to live and to be cared and loved, if they can’t stop hearing your hateful voice putting them down and using their every action to prove they’re worthless, you’re an abuser.

If you watched your child in pain and ensured them they deserved it, you’re an abuser.

People go through this all the time regularly, I can hardly name a family in my town whose children don’t tell me stories like the ones above.

Emotional abuse is a real problem these days and the children in those households don’t know that it’s not normal, or at least it shouldn’t be normal, until they are older. If they ever find out at all, that what they went through wasn’t right.

It is not a tool of effective parenting.

And to those children and teens who are going through this today, you are not alone. I know feels like it but you aren’t. You have to do what is best for you sometimes, if distancing yourself from your parents makes it better, do that. If talking to your best friend about it makes you feel better, please do that. This won’t last forever, you will grow up and move out and see that the world loves you.