this is a no homo zone

not now, kitten. daddy’s a shell of his former self

Who's up watching their boulder roll down again

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

poisoning & smashing bugs is so cruel. when i have bugs in my house i put them down swiftly &mercifully with 2 bullets to the back of the head

my bug-eyed chihuahua girlfriend would rip your golden retriever boyfriend limb from limb btw. i showed her his instagram and she started shaking and ate a cigarette off the ground

I don’t wanna scare you while you’re high but I actually invited millions of people over and they’re all waiting outside right now. Hope that’s okay

being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors