⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠; (SEXUAL ABUSE, MENTION OF SELF HARM,INCEST,RAPE etc.)
My birth given name is Lily- I changed my religion and name(to Mariam) myself because of the way my family lived their crazy religious life, you will understand as you read further.
I'm a 24y/o lesbian, raised a by a sex-offender dad and my grandmother. Life was going on well until my dad and grandma found out I'm gay. they became harsh on me, became physically and emotionally abusive with me- they often force me to watch sex scenes and kissing scenes on tv, etc. .it all continued until I decided to never step out of my room, unless its important. this made it worse- I started getting touched inappropriately by my grandma, she'd touch me and tell me "this is to correct your sexuality". she'd touch my private body parts and sometimes try to force a kiss. I stood up for myself, but it only became worse, I got cut out of the world- no internet service for me, my cell phone gets scrutinized every now and then, I was grounded, and when I'm not, I'm placed on an afternoon curfew, etc.
I found out my whole family tree are littered with all form of abuse- drug/alcohol, prison/jail, incest, child abuse, self harm, etc. I started showing my frustrations and displease to my dad and grandma, it got worse again.
my narc. family will never allow you speak- the victim/black sheep cannot question the family neither can she stand up for herself or else she will be tested and antagonized to the point of entering a phyc. they make me feel like I'm the problem and go seek help at the phyc. hospital to be "fixed"
And the worst of all happened- my dad raped me, all in the name of correcting my sexuality. he did without remorse, he once said "well, everything happens for a reason, even with what happened between us. its all part of God's plan. I know you don't want to hear that, but its okay. I've already planted a seed inside you, so in time you will accept God as your father, grand creator and master".
Then grandma will come with her emotional abuse, words like "do not talk ill of your family to anyone, its disrespectful. remember, family will always be family", "do not be the reason your family member is jailed" etc.
and religion abuse such as "You cant be angry because anger equates to murder, and anger is a sin. if you don't stop you're going to suffer eternity in hell, but Jesus loves you", "always find a place in your heart to forgive your family, even God forgives our deepest sins".
all these birthed range and anxieties in me, so they often take me to the phyc. and often give me meds to make me feel emotionless.
I've tried escaping by applying for jobs online, do interviews virtually. but they will never let me resume the job. whenever I push too much, they send a letter to company stating I'm not mentally okay for their jobs, showing to them my prescriptions and all.
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dailybridgerton
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