Maveristotle

What's heavier? A kilogram of feather or 1 kilogram of steel?

Two years back I had it all figured out. I was going to study under a ladderized humanities program and push for law school. Every teenager who had dreams of gold would have felt the same drive and passion. But I'm stuck, not in a city under the Arabian sky, this time in endless circle of emptiness and constant need of motivation.

You were my motivation, you know? So for the last time I dedicate something to you, through the only avenue I've always knew - words and letters.

Today, a few years back, I would have been panicking trying to pick the best gift for you. Things should have ended then, it was your day, but I never stopped gravitating towards you. The cold March breeze of Muscat blew the same winds today.

March always seemed like the month of graduation, endings, and new beginnings. It's always the third month of the year that weighs me down. I just don't know how to strive better when I had the best.

Months have passed since I last wove paragraphs that aren't of heartbreaks and mistakes. What we had was too short and too young, to last this long. You are everywhere in what I write, in the poems I perform on open mics, and sometimes I wish you were not. I find you in movies, it's probably a part of the reason why I crave creativity that reminds me of you and me. I would still cry to movies, books, and music that gives me the melancholy I never asked for.

I miss the trustfalls, the slow dances, and the interlacing of our pinky fingers under the sunset. They say that it's usually the love that did not occur a natural death that are immortalized. I am scared, because I do not know. I was brave because I had a story to tell, but these days feel like I'm in a daze. I am scared because what we had is immortalized in the poems I wrote and in the linearts you have made.

Here's to hoping you know that I have grown out of the romance under the moon and stars. I stopped reciting the prose and poems that are scarred of our memories. They never made it to spotlight but it sure filled the corners of my notebook pages, Google Docs journals, and the Word document that I no longer open. I have grown. You have, too, in many ways I probably do not know of.

I know you wished upon the shooting stars back then. We never knew each others' wishes way back during that meteor shower, but today, I hope you wish carefully.

And me? I wish you well, always and forever. We'll get the love story we so deserve, and I hope to see you soon. I felt free the last time I looked up the night sky, despite the backpain from online classes. I am more happy than not.

I don't know where it went bonkers but I knew it's bound to end in ashes. For the last time, I'm writing about you and whatever was in the space between us.

Happy birthday.

Patuloy na magsusulat, magtatanghal, at magmumulat.

Nagmamahal,

ESP 10 is indeed so much different from the previous ESP classes I had back then. It delved in to morals and examined what is human in man. I have learned a lot in this class which I am rest assured will come in handy in the latter part of my life.

One lesson that I have in learned in ESP 10 is how to make a morally good decision. I can vividly remember the 5P’s: Pause, Probe, Ponder, People-check, and Pray. Before we come up with a choice that will be permanent, we need to think things through. Making a morally good decision is completely a big deal and some patience and pondering can be worth it. I was able to apply this in my life. There was a choice that I made that I would have regret if I did otherwise. It took me quite some time to decide on a verdict and I tried again on something which seems impossible at that point of my life, then. I pondered, decided, and waited. The wait and the pondering was all worth it because in the end, it was indeed rewarding. Some people discouraged me, some supported me, but the best part was there were some people who gave me their honest sentiments and left everything for me to decide which made me realize that sometimes, People-check is really helpful. 💖☺️

March 28, 2019 - I beat the crippling sadness

Another lesson I have learned in ESP 10 is the key to value human life, which is a gift from the Ultimate Mover, our Creator, is to purely appreciate it and show acts of gratitude. I may have been so unappreciative of almost everything in my life that I feel like life is totally such a bore but I was wrong. There were a myriad of suicidal episodes in my life that has trodded me down a lot but when I realized that I just have to appreciate everything in my life, big or small, and it will help me see what is there to live for. I can apply this in my life by naming things that I am thankful for whenever I feel like living is just boring me to death. In the 28th of March, I was able to beat sadness by going to an unexpected escapade to Mutrah with a friend which made me realize that “ain’t it fun? Living in the real world?” I forgot about the busy life, the intoxicating schedule, and problems. It made me see the things I was missing out on like simply appreciating the country that I have been staying for 6 years.

The third important lesson that I have learned in ESP 10 is that we are bestowed intelligence and free will by our Creator. With free will, comes our intelligence and it is up to us what would we do with those two gifts. How selfless it is to be given a free will to do everything, but not everything will benefit us. They say that freedom is doing what makes us happy, but if that will just put us in a bad place just to experience happiness in the moment, then we should ise the gift of intelligence to weigh out our actions. I apply this every day and tied with the 5P’s, I can utilize this gift to make me really live a fulfilled life.

We live in a wired world. In this age of Instagram, Twitter, and just about any social media platform, we can be fooled with the smiles and happiness they post online. It is so much easier to fake things through a digital screen, but it hits harder when it knocks you right up with the truth that you can only live one life, virtual or the real one? In this era of business, research, and technology, integrity is as equally important as those other work ethics. It is easy to lose who you are in this digital age and integrity goes beyond one’s roots - one’s self-identity. We can be torn apart by the virual world, but we cannot turn a blind eye on who we are. Our principles and values are what makes us a human being not just a mere human. Tied with temptations of cheating your way through life, an individual with weak tenacity on his or her values can easily be swayed by the dirty works of this world. It is going to be a slippery slope but let me spell it out for you. If you do not equip yourself with integrity, if you choose to be trodded upon by peer pressure, you are going to end up wallowing about your decisions in life. By being a man of integrity, you are being honest to yourself and to others. We do not have much of our lives (Y.O.L.O right? We can do Y.O.L.O the right way) to lead a dishonest life, to lose yourself on fast-paced parties and booze, so why waste it on those things when you can write a better story of your life? We all break our own rules by context, but if we break those rules to stick to our principles, try rethinking your actions and see if the means is as worth it as the end.

Ever heard of the Blue Whale Challenge? Or the Momo challenge? Should parents be concerned? Yes, but not just on those faux challenges circulating the media. We should be far more concerned with the spiking rate of anxiety and mental health issues that leads to detrimental moral issues such as suicide. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15 to 29 year-olds (who.int). While there are a lot of factors that increases the risk of suicide, it is important to challenge our natural stigma towards taboo topics like suicide. Taking a glimpse of suicide in historic accounts, particularly in the Bible, there are characters that committed suicide. A prophet by the name of Ahithophel hanged himself after he betrayed David. The well known story of Judas who also hanged himself as the repercussions of his actions dawned on him. Despite these evidence of suicide, there was no line that condemns suicide. Through the centuries, we tend to cure the things that we consider “unnatural” when in fact we should actually be asserting greater sympathy and understanding on these type of subjects. We deemed oral sex, masturbation, suicide, and homosexual relationship as unnatural so there came the medicine professionals seeking to therapize and cure these things when we should be approaching it objectively, tied with sympathy and deeper understanding of the matter.

Ethicists argue that the act of suicide may be objectively wrong, but if the individual is in a state of distress, they may not be blameworthy in their own perspective. Further discussions explicates that suicide is immoral. Richard Brandt stated that though it may be appropriate to take one’s life for the sake of evading worse conditions on the latter, it is still immoral. The environment of suicidal individuals must be uplifting enough because if we as human beings are relational person (first quarter lesson) then everyone is morally obligated to offer a helping hand to one another. It is given that inner turmoils are a conflict within a human being, but his external surrounding still affects his perception on the matter. That is why we account for our actions as well plus the type of environment that we create within a community because suicide is a public health concern more prevalent in this century.

We have learned that suicide goes against the Natural Law for it desecrates the human life. It is harder to refute the moral issue to atheists because if an argument is that taking one’s life is denying the intrinsic value and dignity of life as a whole, assuming that the individual is the controller of his life, the religious view may come of as invalid. Death is part of the process of life but life cannot be part of death, only a prelude to it. With that said, we are just as responsible with dying as we are responsible for our living. The point is, we may have a higher force before us but we have free will, along with intellect, in order for us to make a decision. It is up to us to use those two properly.

Suicide is indeed an act of freedom that obliterates future acts of freedom that may be of good value to others. It is self-refuting to one’s freedom. With this act, one is simply giving up his other moral responsibilities. An individual is an important component to the betterment of a community and robbing one’s self off of his or her prospective asset to contribute for progress, has an ultimate aftermath to the well-being of the community. It is equally important that suicide can also be caused by being in a state of distress such as depression or terminal illness or any possible worst-case scenario and that is why we have to be equipped with wisdom to approach issues such as suicide.

He Is Surely Alive

There are a myriad of Christians persecuted day by day because of their faith. It’s a challenge for every believers to stand up for the name of God in the face of hardship, just like Miss Wesley.After watching this movie, I am reminded of all the perils that I have gone through and I just smiled because I stand victorious today, alive in the name of God.

A friend from school asked me, “How do you know that God is real?” I was really perplexed because I cannot put it into words. But now, I can answer her question. My God is in the heart of my neighbor weeping from across the street, God is in the life of those who ran away from their home because of abuse, my God is there when I heard the preaching of our pastor yesterday who spoke the words that I needed to hear.

“my God

is not as unreachable as

they’d like you to think

my God is beating inside us infinitely”

Rupi Kaur on her The Sun and Her Flowers.

That is the thing about saving faith. It is believing on the truth, the way, and the life. It is believing that God is living in our hearts, that we are His living witnesses. In the movie, we have seen the adversity that Grace was put through. We also saw how Martin was disowned by his father because of his faith. We saw how Brooke was transformed by God. I am reminded that I have to stand firm on my faith, that I shall not lean on myself, but rather, trust God’s grace and plans for me.

On the first day of school, my teacher shared how there is peace amidst the turmoil. Sometimes, God calms the storm, sometimes, he let the storm rage on and calms His child. He wants us to lay down our life to Him. This movie taught me to plant my feet on His name, and no thunderstorm can ever put me down. I am to enrich my faith in Him, trusting Him for deliverance. I am assured that God is working behind-the-scenes and one day, I will see the masterpiece that He has been working on in my life.

Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified becase of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Westley, Martin, Brooke, and every Christians out there, wept because they are put in a situation because of their faith, yet they did not turn their backs on Christ. They followed God, and God worked His miracles on their lives. God will never forsake us, we think that we can’t feel Him in our lives, but He will always be with us, wherever our foot steps on.

I can relate to Martin Yip, the son disowned by his father for following Jesus. Now, I am not disowned or anything by my parents, but the fact that there is a similarity how we are brought up to be perfect and expected to be this ‘son’, is the reason why I can say that he is the character that I can relate to.

Coming from a strict and assertive family background, I developed this fear of being imperfect and messing up. It’s quite funny because I got rid of this fear by being exactly the perfect mistake and by embracing it. I have welcomed the fact that I will not be one hundred percent the son that they have envisioned for me, but I am going to work to surpass that, I am going to be so much better, despite my inconsistency and brokenness. My arms are stretched wide, ready to surrender my life to God, and let Him be the captain of this ship I thought I can steer on my own.

New year is so magical. It is like a Sorting Hat for a particular year because this is the time for a person to set his or her specific goals or resolution for that year. 2019 may not have start out right for some people (like me) but this just proves that we have something to work on, perhaps on the aspect of one’s family or the emotional dimension of an individual or maybe for one’s betterment, but whatever it is, we should never stop seeking for a greater perhaps.

Unforgettable moment

October 25, 2018

Don’t you love those moments where you lose track of time because amidst the stress and requirements, you get to breathe and live the moment? Indeed I had lots of memorable moment in 2018, but my last birthday here in Oman is the best one because we really enjoyed that Thursday evening, celebrating my 15th birthday (and Nans’✨).

That day, we played beach volleyball, took some photos, have our favorite tea-spilling time, and my friends were so lovely when they shared their wishes for me which really touched my heart and all. My fifteenth birthday is also the fourth birthday with my father miles away from me, and I agree with you, dear reader, that it is sad, but of course, I value my family as much as I value my friends and I talked to my relatives back in the Philippines reading their heart-warming messages and it feels as though they are not far from me anymore.

In addition, is it just me or 2018 was full of struggle and hardships? Yet I am facing my laptop screen with my fingers dancing on the keyboard and still breathing :)

Hardest Pill to Swallow (seriously)

The most important lesson that I have learned the previous year is that the world that we live in, is not a wish granting factory. Life is indeed unfair to everyone so basically, it is fair, right?

To revise what Oprah Winfrey said, forgiving is not just the mere acceptance that it happened to you and it’s all good. It is all about accepting that it has happened to you and it may or may not be good, but what happened could not have been any other way. It might have been bound to happened, written on the stars.

Last year, I had a great number of disappointments. Things did not turn out the way I want to. My brother and father had to go home to the Philippines. I did something which brought a frown to the people who expected so much of me. But you see, those were my lessons and the tears that I have shed during those times? Oh sweetie, they are going to water the seeds of prosperity and blessings from my Almighty Father.

To elaborate more on forgiving and acceptance that something has happened. I had this epiphany while I was sitting on our rooftop, looking up on the night sky. I have come to a realization that every bad thing is like a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, they will do us good. Relating it in a real life situation, every time that we get ourselves in a turmoil, intended or not, we can let ourselves break piece by piece; afterwhich, we build ourselves again like building blocks. Allow yourself to cry and weep over something but we cannot just stay lying face down on our pillows drenched on our tears, we have to do something about what has happened. Hard to do isn’t it? Maybe a prayer can help and since you have cried yourself, you might fall asleep, then just sleep, rejuvenate yourself, take time to heal, you know, just let things be, let it flow and let it go.

Big guy with bigger dreams, hopes, and goals

My church taught me about Faith Goals. It is basically one’s new year’s resolution, but it is sided with faith, knowing that our Creator have our backs on the things we yearn for within a year. Personally, the sound of faith goals is like honey to my ears, because this time around, I am not alone in my goals and dreams, I have God to motivate me whenever I am on that episode of demotivation.

This 2019, I don’t want to just move up with my batch, I want to move up with flying colors. To do that, I have to exert 110% on everything that I do, placing my heart and mind on everything that will do me and the people around me good, constantly reminding myself that I have my Creator with me and I do things for His greatness. As I type this journal entry, I can sense the thrill of the challenges of the last four months of school. I am going to face it, here’s to more breakdowns and meltdowns, but cheers to the comfort and refuge that’s going to get me through and through.

Another thing that I am working on is my health. I set my alarm at 5:25 am every day to jog around my neighborhood, I sometimes even pick up the pieces of trash that I see while jogging and throw them on the trash cans. 2019 is all about self-love. I want this year to be a year where I finally reconcile with myself and have a defined future and I know that my physique contributes to this which led me to work for a better health. I won’t let a health condition take away the future that God has planned for me, so I would not want to be in a bad shape and slowly succumb to failure, watching as my dreams crumble away.

- Bolts and Screws, a poem collection

care to love yourself?

with your thorns and broken pieces

like how you love someone else