The Fantastic Imaginarium of...Matt

be careful going for walks this september. the air might smell like recess in second grade and you might get sick to your stomach with melancholia

my favorite thing is to say "investing in" instead of "buying"

just closed on a big deal with a major grocery chain vis-a-vis the procurement of some fresh strawberries

when they say “you’re hot” but kafka said “you’re the knife I turn inside myself” like do better

"i don't care if they make their whole way though uni with chatgpt" i think you guys are so internetpilled that you have forgotten there are actual jobs out there that require people to know what they are doing in any way possible or else people die

i know a lot of people study just to get paid well but girl this is engineering be for fucking real take this seriously

working with little kids is so dangerous. you get one kid who has a unique way of speaking & then spend the rest of your life with an internal monologue like “me’s go bathroom?”

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

OP I want you to know I think of this post every single time I have to wash a spoon.

i dont hate shipping i just think a lot of you people maybe like shipping too much

its ok. you can engage in a fandom without shipping. its ok. there are other things you can do. not everything needs to be about romance and characters being cute and kissing

“you can engage in a fandom without shipping 🤓 🤓🤓” ok and?? I don’t want to. I’m perfectly happy with everything being about romance and characters being cute and kissing

i was being too lenient before i have now decided no one is allowed to ship anything. in fact nobody is allowed to like eachother romance is banned in my beautiful world #hatred #ihatelove #mybeautifulworld #imalwaysright 😇

i had a dream i worked in an underwater restaurant and people kept ordering ice in their drinks and then getting mad at me when it would float away. and i’d tell them beforehand that the ice would float away & they’d be like lol no that’s not how it works just give me the ice. I’m fighting customer service battles never seen before