Constant nervous sweating

they're called "bootlickers" because when there's a boot stomping on their neck they lean forward to kiss it

as soon as i clicked post i realized damn that's such an evocatively erotic description, i should be using this sort of language about noble kinksters, not wasting it on class traitors

you could be licking the boot of a magnificent leather mommy or daddy and instead you're slobbering over billionaires and cops? who aren't even gonna call you a good puppy after screwing you? hobbyless behavior

Have you ever considered that Sisyphus might've just been in for the love of the game? My bus driver hits the same curb every morning

I wish there were a better way to talk about some hot button issues without pushing the hot button.

Mentally Ill People are often unfairly demonized and they can threaten harm to others are not contradictions.

You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this

Please, how do you know this?

quicksand does not have any hands

I was mugged by snow white and the seven dwarves the other day. six dwarves now, I suppose. kneed dipshit or dopey or whatever he was called in the eye socket so hard he died before his limp body hit the ground. they all scattered after that. I'll never forget how they wailed his name

#fuck off beelzebub my cat has dibs

My cats are legit part of my grounding strategy for when I have sleep hallucinations. As part of my sleep paralysis, I “see” corpses in the bed next to me on a frequent basis, or shadow men lurking in the doorway; if there is a cat blissfully, softly snoring at the foot of the bed, I know I am safe, despite what my brain is trying to conjure.

the sound of my door opening slowly, but theres no one there. my cat. somethings clawing at the walls, glass or window screens, cats. somethings fucking licking my toe in the middle of the night, my fucking cat again. nothing can hurt me its all cat

Do cats make the ghosts go away? Nah. They just make you stop being scared.

Wild caught clownfish will be like ‘hm you see, the anemone you got me is a slightly different color and tentacle width than the one I had back home, so I will not begin hosting it. I’ll be a sort of wandering ronin for the rest of my days.’ And then a captive bred clownfish will be like ‘ok so I have this curved rock I found and I just sit above it and it take care of me 👍’

#mybrick

alas the melancholy, it strikes at my heart! prithee, humble tumblr toiler, share with me your most superior cephalopod fact

Male octopus get eaten a lot while reproducing so they usually develop a survival strategy. My favorites are they're usually in a position where they can get out fast or they remove their reproductive arm and give it to the females which they can still use and honestly is more beneficial as they can use it when they find somewhere safe for eggs.

*detatches my penis mid-coitus for u to add to ur inventory*

The blanket octopus has some of the most extreme size differences between males and females, with females reaching 2 meters (6.6 ft) and males maxxing out around 2.4 cm (1 inch). Males and immature females have been found carrrying stinging man-o-war tentacles to use as defensive weapons.

don't talk to me (hulking goddess), my boyfriend (amoeba), OR our third (innocent bystander we kidnapped for use as a living weapon)

im gonna make it big someday just you watch

*goes back to jerkin it*