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I make mistakes so you don't have to.

For a start, you can only buy these as a three-flavor set on the Bush's Baked Beans website, but to be fair to them it was pretty reasonably priced even for three normal-sized baked bean cans, which is what I thought I was getting. Then they showed up in like, a goddamn GIFT BOX and they're MASSIVE.

They also come with a baked bean can koozie (pictured left) and a branded can opener (pictured right).

So far I've only sampled the Apple Pie flavor.

I had thought -- well, hoped -- that it would be primarily cinnamon flavor, which doesn't actually go badly with the tomato-molasses sauce that canned baked beans normally have. This hope was a mistake.

Eating these beans is like mainlining some kind of legume-based distilled concept of Christmas. My face filled with a powerful dose of cinnamon, as though my sinuses were suddenly potpourri bowls. For a few minutes, as I chewed and swallowed, I lived in a world suffused by pure artificial cinnamon.

Normally when I make baked beans from a can (which is not often anymore, since I have a pressure cooker and like five pounds of dry pinto beans) I drain off some of the sauce and add mustard and barbecue sauce to remix it a little.

After sampling some of the Pure Christmas Bean (tm) I took the second half of the tin I'd reserved, drained it, and added plain yellow mustard; that did actually take the edge off and make them slightly more edible. And it's not that they even tasted bad -- they just tasted overwhelming.

>look inside

Shalom la femmes