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@mathaprincess
how jealous would Ilya be if (when?) he found out that Shane used to call Rose babe?
because itâs all âShane would hate the word babeâ this and âheâd never say thatâ that, but HE CALLED ROSE BABE??? so why wouldnât he call Ilya babe too?
or is this another âi saw it in the movies about straight relationships so i must do exactly that and i must be the best at being straightâ Shane Hollanderism?
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After Shane's first cup win, someone posts essentially this post-celebration morning-after photo of Shane
And of course the internet is all like 'lololol of course we've never heard about Shane Hollander on any dates or in any relationships, the physicsl representation of hockey excellence is the only thing he's willing to sleep with'
they're not wrong they just don't know who that physical representation actually is
Anyway Ilya of course sees all this, and finds himself in the position of being jealous of the Stanley Cup
Harris starts a new trend called âHot Takes with Hollanderâ and itâs just random candid clips of things Shane Hollander believes wholeheartedly (ft. centaurs)
â â
âman, i canât wait for thanksgiving! what pie is your favourite, hollzy?â
âfruit should not be hotâ (walks off screen)
â â
âhey, has anyone seen my toothbrush? itâs purpleâ (rookie panicking, looking through his bag)
âwhy the fuck would you have a purple toothbrush?! thatâs just fucked upâ
âwh-what..?â (absolute look of confused hurt)
âthe only acceptable colours for a toothbrush is blue or green. donât worry - when we land, iâll get you a new oneâ (deadpan as hell)
ââŚthanks hollzyâ
âno problem, rookâ
â â
ânow who in their right mind would drink fanta lemon when the regular fanta exists? what the fuck ilya?!â (husband hollzy organising the fridge)
âi like itâ
âwellâŚokay baby, but keep it away from my ginger ale. they go on separate shelves - here iâll show youâ (video cuts out)
tuna melt scene stripped to the bare essentials is just
Ilya: oh my god Iâm not in this alone .. đĽš
Shane: oh my god oh god fuck Iâm not in this alone đŤŞ
"heâs very traditional and conservative in some ways." oh god i agree, i'd love to hear more about this
the thing is that ilya does believe in duty and loyalty over all, he has a pretty traditional view of family where yes it is a parentâs obligation to care for a child but it is a childâs obligation to repay that. heâs from a culture, at least a personal one, where you have a very real lifelong duty of deference and gratitude to your parents, no matter their behavior.
idk i always come back to the sasha scene where ilya gets yelled at by his very traditional dad and then immediately in the following scene pivots to parroting that rhetoric and attitude. sasha ought to be grateful. itâs immature for sasha to live his life doing whatever he wants bringing shame to his father. sasha doesnât know loyalty. sasha is a child. sasha is pathetic. you can really see the self-hate being regurgitated.
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I don't know who needs to hear this but... start living. The days are flying by and all you do is work, pay bills, and stress. Enjoy what you can like walks, sunsets, music, laughter. Joy doesn't have to be expensive. You deserve it.
The âdo you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?â is genuinely such a fucking cunty comment and all Shane does is throw his underwear at Ilya and then grin like heâs so proud of himself.
What Iâm saying is this, sometimes Ilya will say something to Shane in front of the Centaurs that makes the whole locker room freeze up because if they said that shit to their own partners, they would be in the doghouse for months. But Shane will just shove Ilya or punch him in the shoulder and then they grin at each other like it was the funniest shit ever.
They learn the hard way that although there seems to be no boundry to what Ilya can chirp Shane with, the same does not apply to anyone else. If anyone makes a comment to Shane that is deemed not appropriately playful, you will be facing the wrath of his husband and you will wish you were dead.
My hot take #MyHotTake is that Shaneâs entire identity imploding (forcibly outed, no longer a Metro, no longer a Captain) would be really awesome & delicious if The Long Game wasnât a romance novel. The romance novel of it all means that we have to move on quickly from the sorrow, because happily ever after is waiting. So Shane gets 4 chapters to feel sad about the last 10+ years of his life going all the way down the drain with no actual exploration of what heâs thinking or feeling beyond âaw shucks my teammates sure are assholes :(.â The Romance Novel of it all also makes the decision to ruin Shaneâs life feel especially cruel. These are books based on the idea of happily ever after + the main characters getting everything they wanted in the end. & yeah there is usually a âthe character only THOUGHT they wanted thisâ fake out but thatâs. Not whatâs happening with Shane. He loved being a Metro & he loved hockey. Thereâs a little bit of âoh but the Metros had unrealistic expectationsâ sprinkled in but Shane once again thrived under the discipline of those expectations. It makes his entire arc in the final quarter of the book fall flat #ToMe
@aslongasitsblack
Alyosha again
Making this as part of an animation trend and I think the original is funny.
I could SO imagine an au where Ilya thinks Shane is playing like some 4D level mind fuck game with him when he comes over to shake his hand (twice) and compliment his playing, so instead of doing his cocky asshole schtick he earnestly takes the compliment and returns it in kind. And then Ilya goes in for the kill, expecting to call Shane's nice guy bluff by asking for his number. Ha. Bet you weren't expecting THAT, Hollander.
But then Hollander seems,,, weirdly pleased?? And,,, actually complies?? Before practically skipping off, like he got what he wanted?? What??
And then they're texting back and forth and Ilya still partly thinks this is some kind of long con, but then it's been weeks and then it's been longer and suddenly they're at the draft and Shane is looking around the room and when he spots Ilya his entire face lights up and he's making a beeline for Ilya and he's still smiling as he says "Ilya!" like he's happy to see him,,, because he IS happy to see him. Because they've been messaging basically constantly for months now and oh fuck oh shit Ilya is so so deeply screwed.
And so, instead of their canon rivals-with-benefits arrangement, we get the ten year slow burn best friends to lovers narrative.
@martelldoran COMING IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR:
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I think at some point Ilyaâs therapist gets concerned by what seems to be a codependent and anxious attachment btw Ilya and Shane. When Shane the Doer hears about it, For the sake of his husbandâs mental healthâs improvement and the preservation of a healthy marriage, he convinces Ilya to try installing boundaries and do activities separately. It lasts a week before Ilya comes home sobbing from a video game session with Troy communicating that if they keep this boundary thing up heâll need to switch his medsâ dosage because heâs miserable. Shane jumps from the couch heâs been sitting on for 40minutes because he was supposed to eat diner with rose but he kept wanting to make jokes and look at ilya to see him laugh but he wasnât there and it SUCKED OMG and Shane starts sobbing too because if they keep this up he will have to get on his own meds and letâs never do this again I hate it when I canât smell you near me
Ilya is a yearner but Shane is NOT a yearner. Shane is a doer and a problem solver. At first he solves the problem of his feelings for Ilya by compartmentalizing and not feeling them. When this strategy stops working he hard pivots to going after his man. This man is not sitting around pining and suffering he is getting things done!
So endeared and amused by the way Ilya moves his hand from Shane's ass to his waist when he sees David in the house. Man really locks eyes with his future in-law and doesn't startle or jump back with his hands in the air or anything but instead is just like why yes I do have my hands on your son and I will continue to have my hands on your son at all times whenever possible I know he's about to need me in this moment and I am ready and holding onto him and not going anywhere
....however I will move my hand to a more respectable location on said son
We know Shane is submissive and the biggest bottom to ever bottom. We know he was desperate for someone to take him out of his head and loosen his white-knuckled grip on control. What we don't mention is that Shane would only be submissive to THE BEST. Yes he wants to follow orders SO BAD he NEEDS to get on his knees for somebody BUTâď¸ not just any man will do!! If he's submissive to someone that means he's letting them act out a stronger role and if he's gonna do that they better DAMN WELL be stronger!!! In the books he bottoms for one or two other guys but you can be damn well sure he wasn't subbing for them. Like he YEARNED for a dom (Ilya) but they were đ ââď¸NOT QUALIFIEDđ ââď¸ Ilya is the only motherfucker in the league that can match him and that he sees as an equal, thus he is the ONLY motherfucker Shane would submit to. Not because Shane isn't submissive (because he absolutely is) but because even with his overwhelming desire to be someone's Good Boy he Refuses To Settle. He will whimper for the best in the business or he will whimper for no one
Good morning, today Iâm thinking about Shane giving Ilya cuteness aggression.
Itâs their first full day at the cottage for the summer and Shane is still sleeping off their âlove makingâ (Ilyaâs words) from the night before, but Ilyaâs up and about in the kitchen cooking breakfast for them both. Heâs humming to himself and, ok, maybe woolgathering a bit about how perfect last night was, how he can still feel where Shaneâs teeth sunk into his shoulder as he trembled and shook and came. But he snaps back to himself when he hears Shane call out âIlya?â from the en suite bathroom.
âKitchen!â he calls back, turning as Shane pads out of the bedroom and, oh
Shaneâs hair is sticking up in the front, and heâs got the imprint of a pillow crease on his cheek, and the blurred edge of a hickey Ilya left the night before is peeking out from under the neck of one of Ilyaâs shirts, and the tops of his thighs are just showing under its hem, and there are hickeys there too, too many to count, and Shane is holding his toothbrush in one hand and saying something about toothpaste, but Ilya can hardly hear it over the rushing in his ears, and then heâs scooping Shane up in his arms and kissing biting kissing over the pillow print on his cheek and Shane is laughing so bright and happy as Ilya says âgonna eat you up, kotonok.â
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#ilya baby get behind me
HEY HELLO JUST GIVE ME THE GUN INSTEAD
(sorry @joyousmistake these tags killed me)
#myshane couldnât give less of a fuck about queer culture he just likes dick in his ass and he loves a Man. If you asked him about Stonewall heâd think it was the name of a tech startup.
#myilya is a fag and he loves it. him and harris watch queer movies once a month with Harrisâ mom and they drink margaritas with little umbrellas in them.
shane:
