Talk Like an Open Book

Whenever I see this I think well what if you weren’t gay and you came home one day to this

Well then you’re gay now bitch

Feed a person vampire blood, you get a ghoul. Feed an animal vampire blood, you get a hellhound. Water a plant in vampire blood, you get a mandrake. Fill up your car with vampire blood? Probably good things, let’s try it.

Point of clarification: do you put the blood in the gas tank or the oil?

Ok but this is exactly what I wanted!! I was nervous that they’d have Shuri be flat-out rude to the Smart Guys. She is smarter, and she is proud of that, but she’s a nice person. I think she would understand that these guys don’t have technology or an understanding of science that is anywhere near what is available on Wakanda. So yeah, this is perfect. She’s being smug, but not straight-up disrespectful and wow this is everything I’ve ever wanted 

@prudencepaccard

Peter Parker: no let her finish 

OMG everyone I know the ACTUAL story behind the gif this time! Yes, it’s in Australia– that’s a big angry goanna that wandered into a popular restaurant. All the Australians in the vicinity went OH FUCK NO and cleared off, because goannas are mean. The waitress you see there is a French exchange student, who was quoted as saying something to the effect of “I thought it was a weird ugly dog” and had no idea it was a reptile that wanted to rip her arms off. She’s been hailed as a hero who saved diners.

It’s amazing what power “not knowing” has.

The thing I especially love about this is this is a pretty dangerous animal, except she managed to defeat it by just fucking grabbing it by the tail and walking too quickly for it to turn around. Once again the animal kingdom is thwarted because we evolved opposable thumbs, long limbs, and reckless bravery.

weird, ugly dog thwarted by foreign exchange student and polished floors 

my take-home lesson here is that nobody in france has ever first-hand seen a dog

i have truly posted some things online

to the window to the walls to the corner dick and balls

john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be

he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen

the bar is at the earth’s core 

This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while